My name is Tedi 36 yrs. old. Ended a 9 mo. relationship with a 42 yr. old man. He has alot of life issues. Most relevant. He is the father of 3 yr. old twins boy and a girl. The mother, does not like him at all. Keeps kids from him, etc. From where I am sitting now. I can see her reasons a little more clearly. I am pregnant. I do not want to be tied to this man for the rest of my life. He is not PARENT MATERIAL AT ALL. I have more than enough valid reasons as to why I want to give this baby up for adoption. I may start to work on Guardianship for this baby. So that I can prove him unfit. Not sure what the parameters are for "UNFIT" Just looking for people in similar situation. I live in California. Any advice would be great. Thanks, Tedi My due date is 1/24/06. I also ended our relationship just a couple of weeks before I found out I was pregnant. :confused:

Unfit usually means a danger to himself or others, incarcerated, negelect and abandonment of the child, drug or substance abuser, etc.... So on a practical note, if his issues cannot be proved to be something like this, it may be difficult to get his parental rights terminated if he does not agree to it, so then you need to think about if you want him to get the kid, or for the kid to end up in foster care or something like that, or if you have blood relatives who would want to child to raise and be a guardian to or adopt the child. You may need to consider becoming a parent if those options are not such that you can live with.

I have to say that I am completely appauled by your post. I just started looking at this group, as an adoptee searching for birth parents. You are 36 years old! Did you not have the birds and the bees talk yet. You got pregnant from a man that you knew was not "father" material, so instead of stepping up to the plate, you are going to give your child up for adoption?!! what is wrong with people....i just do NOT get it at all. I can understand 13, 14, 15 years olds giving kids up for adoption and chalking it up to ignorance, but good lord,,,,36 years old! :(

Hey Tedi, I guess some people have never been " human". :confused: Giving your baby up for adoption is a wonderfull act of love. If you don't think you could care for your child as much as you wish, or as much as a loving couple that was not able to have a child of their own, you should be able to do that with out people making rude coments! I wish the best for you and your little angel baby! what ever your decision will be!


:rolleyes: I hope any one that looks for their birth parents will have an open mind. you never know what you will find!

i am very human. in fact so human that i have two kids, with the first being an "accident." although, i can tell you thatfrom the minute i learned that i was pregnant with my first, i realized that it happened, while unplanned, due to an action that i made a choice to act out upon! and i stepped up and low and behold took responsibility. i understand that not all people are fit to be a mother...but if that's the case, for god's sake...keep the pants on or due the deed that needs to be done to stop pregnancy 100%. i also understand that you are not on the other side of the stick, wondering every single day why your mother did not want you or could not find it in her heart to step up to the plate, get a job, and raise the child that she conceived! i have my eyes wide open-believe me,,,wide open to the fact that there are people out there who can't have children and are lucky enough to be able to adopt...but i also understand that at 29 years old, you know what causes pregnancy and how to prevent it...and you should know that if you choose not to prevent pregnancy, then you should be prepared to be a parent!

I am on the other side of the stick. I live day by day with the thought of a mother leaving her kids at the young ages of 1 and 2. Knowing that she had the chance to bond and still decided to take off. Being raised by 6 different "MOM'S" in 17 years.

I'm confused at the thought that a woman was trying to get advise and in return was givin a "slap" in the face? I don't understand why people have to be rude? We were not there when she got pregnant.We don't know all the facts.

It's great that you were able to care for the child that you had by "accident" But unfortunatly not everyone is blessed enough to be able to do that. And yes I am not capable of giving birth. This puts me on both sides of the stick.

A baby is a gift from above, why does there have to be so much hate and confusion when speaking about one?

In some states, an informed father is responsible for providing care during the pregnancy as well as after birth. Check your states abandonment laws - you may be able to terminate his parental rights shortly after the birth and proceed with the adoption.

Ask him if he would sign over consent. Chances are if he is already in the middle of a custody battle he won't want to start another one.