I have worked in my current job for six years with positive reviews and several promotions.

Generally, I have gotten on fine with my boss. However, he has on occasion asked me to do things a reasonable person would consider unethical. When I explained why I felt was wrong, my boss sent the other employees out of the room. He then got out his file on me (reviews, etc) and said he was tired of my bad attitude, I had been complaining for years. I noted that I had just had my review six weeks previous and felt that would have been an appropriate time to discuss any performance issues. My boss then began screaming at me. I said I was uncomfortable with his tone and suggested we resume our discussion when it could be held in a professional tone. My boss then mocked me for saying I felt threatened. He said no other employees feel threatened when so addressed. He then said if I refused to do the project in question he would essentially double my workload.
Ultimately, I did the project.
My boss then, about a month later, again asked me to do something unethical (even more so than the first). I explained why I could not do it. I thought my boss understood and agreed with my reasoning. But when he discovered I did not do as he said, he (tho not yelling or cursing as before) accused me of willful insurbordination. I noted that he had previously yelled at me the week before because, following company and standard business practice, I went to the HR department to arrange to interview a candidate for an open position in my dept. Well, tho he told me to interview the candidate, he did not clear with HR which then got him in hot water. He accused me of trying to go around him. I told him that I was doing as I have always done when previoulsy filling vacancies. My boss shrugged this bizzare incident off.
My boss then implied that I repeatedly ignore his directives. He said something about three strikes. We do not have a company handbook. We do have a published disciplinary policy that requires writing a memo, contacting HR, specifically suggesting how the employee can improve, following up etc. To date his disciplinary policy has been to yell at and threaten me (In the first incident, he said "Do you want a raise?" and implied if I refused to do as he said, I would not get one. )
(This is a large national company, hundreds of employees.)
I fear that my boss will retaliate by demoting me or giving me more work or otherwise punishing me. I'm not sure he would fire me, but he might harass/humilating me into quitting. If I go to HR, tho, he will definetly get in trouble from his boss and, as I see it, my job will be so unpleasant I will have to leave.

But, I have kept copious notes from our various encounters as well as couple instances where he praised my performance. Our company has no formal grievane procedure. If I am written up, I am prepared to respond with a written rebuttal with my documentationl. Can my boss cloak my refusal to do something unethical as insubordiation on my part? I feel I have demostrated a clear pattern of excellent performance, as so noted in my reviews.

If I were you, I'd go to your HR Department. Ask them for assistance and explain your concern about retaliation. If you feel that HR is not assisting you, move up the chain of command in the company.

While your boss is not doing anything illegal (in terms of employment law), he is certainly being unreasonable. Also, if the things that he is asking you to do are illegal, then you may have protections under "whistleblowing" statutes.

Please keep me informed as to what happens. Let me know if you have any other questions or if you ever want a supportive note.

I met with boss today at his request. He said he wanted to discuss "leadership issues" prior to bringing on a new hire in my dept. He then brought up various issues dating back to four years ago. He said I repeatedly complained about a certain co-worker, my compensation and our dept's staffing vs. anothers.

I noted my past excellent reviews and expressed surprise that if these performance issues weren't brought up then. I noted that our company's written policy calls for informal warnings to be documented with HR and the employee and that I had no such memo. Nor as company policy prescribes, had I been given specific directions on improving my performance.

I conceded that in 2000 I did act unprofessionally by complaining about said employee but once this had been pointed out to me, I stove to build a better relationship with that person. While this person does occassionally exasperate me, I can truly say I have acted professionally toward her and even have developed a good personal rapport. Four years ago, I was in the wrong, I acted on and improved my behavior.(I can prove this through my emails with this person and outward actions.) (I noted there had been no furhter complaints on that topic since 2000.)

I did question the other deparmtent's headcount, but not formally in writing and not in a group meeting and I'm not sure how to quantify repeatedly. Every day? Twice a week?

Our department of three will soon consist of me. One employee is on sick leave the other two left for reasons having nothing to do with me. (Moving, etc.) My workload has more than doubled. I did enquire if we could reexamine my compensation, but didn't pursue a follow up meeting.

I think my boss was surprised (and threatened) by my careful documentation. In additon to recording the dates of our various discussions, I also cited a professional association's ethics guidelines which supported my action (and have been used by the company for other matters.) I said I fullfilled the spirit if not the letter of his request. I stressed my desire to continue to uphold my high caliber of work and adibde by the company's formal disiplinary guidelines.

My boss said he would write a memo. I said I would follow company policy by writing a rebuttal and possibly meeting with HR. My boss asked if I would meet with HR. I said I had not yet decided. He then said he was going to say something off the record, hesitated and then did not, saying, I can't talk to you anymore.

He asked if I had furhter comments. I said I didn't think this was the appropriate forum. He then said something to the effect about the "spirit" of the meeting. I felt (but did not say) "the spirit" of the meeting was to psyche me out by bringing up whatever bad thing (many of which are patently untrue) he could think of prior to discussing my percieved insubordination. He then asked if I would do as he originally requested. I said yes, not feeling "no" would be a good answer.


He said he had nothing further. Two hours later, he appeared in my door saying he forgot something. He asked me if I knew our working hours. I said (which is true) various people have various arrangements but stated hours are 9 to 5. (some people have traing or commuting spouse issues and thus different start times.) He asked me what time I had gotten to work. (He knew i was late, he saw me come in.) I said 9:15. He said had been keeping track (I doubt it but we have key cards, so that's not really an issue) and I had been late a lot. He said it was up to me to set a good example for my employees. (I have one employee who is leaving in a week. Then it will only be me setting a good example for myself.) I did not share this thought. I told him I would abide by the 9 start time and thanked him for letting me know.

Our HR person was out of the office. I left him a voice mail saying I would like to meet with him.

I don't know how I can respsond to complaints, some of which date back four and five years. I am confused as to why, if I am such a bad employee, my boss has waited years to inform me. I believe my boss believes company policies exist only so he can use them to suit his own purposes.

I think my boss will go ahead and write his memo. If so, I have no choice but to respond and ask HR to intervene. I feel if I do nothing, I will allowing him to continue to essentially bully me. And yet if I act, I probably will eithre be harassed into quitting (such as with the working hours issue).

As with any manager would be, your boss is probably feeling uncomfortable about you going to HR. While you want to make sure that you are treated fairly, it may be helpful to put yourself into his shoes.

My suggestion is that you talk to your manager tomorrow, saying that you feel that there may be tension between you (if there is). Let him know that you feel concerned that this situation is escalating and you want to ensure that you continue to have a good working relationship with him. Then, ask him to work with you in understanding his expectations of you.

While I understand that you believe that there is an unethical situation at work here, I have found that sometimes it is a matter of misunderstanding. (That may not be the case here but you may get some surprising information.)

Taking this stance may help the situation with him. In the worse case, where the situation doesn't improve, it will certainly demonstrate to HR that you have made a good effort to help the situation.

Even if the situation improves, you will still want to go to HR, making sure that they are apprised of the situation.

Don't give up. Let me know if you have any other questions.