ParentInNeed
04-22-2009, 09:59 PM
Hello all,
I am posting here first to see if i can get a better idea of what to do. My next step is to get a lawyer....but i am wondering if i should even bother.
Here is my story....
I was born in California but moved at an early age to Mexico due to my mom not wanting me to get into drugs/gangs because they were very active at the time ( 1980s )
When i was 16 i was dating a girl 2.5 years my senior. We lived in northern Mexico. Everything was great. I lost my virginity to her and i was in love with her. We got pregnant and that is when things started going wrong. ( 1992 )
Her family wanted me to marry her at 17 otherwise they would kill me. My family wanted me to at least finish High School and then marry. The older brothers of my girlfriend started making more threats so my family moved me to California. ( 1993 )
I enrolled in school and i went back to Mexico to talk to my girlfriend so we could get married. I met with parents and asked them to please allow me to finish high school and come back to marry her. At this time the brothers were off their bloodlust. It was agreed that i would come back and marry her after high school. ( 1994 )
We stayed in phone contact and then 4 months before i graduated ( Class of 95 ) i was speaking with her on the phone and she told me to forget our arrangement, that she had found someone to marry, to not look for her or the baby, that i was dead to her and that if i did find them she would deny me or any recollection of our life. I was broken hearted and not sure what to do but i knew she would come back sooner or later. ( 1995 )
Fast forward to 2005, one of my child hood mexican friend informed me that he ran into her in Arizona. He asked me if i wanted to exchange contact information with her and of course i said yes. After talking with her and her maneuvering with her husband so i could meet my daughter i finally got to meet her when i she was 10 in Arizona. At this point the child was afraid of me and wouldnt be with me alone. Which is completely understandable. At this point the mom had had another 2 children with the step dad and they seemed happy.
I tried giving the family money but the proud step-father would not accept any cash at all. i had to give them gifts, clothing, school supplies anything but cash for them to accept anything from me. I also bought and activated a phone for my daughter so she and i could talk because their home phone kept changing every 6 months. Interaction was minimal as i could not afford to go out there every weekend. I could see her about once every quarter but i would call her every 3 days.
About 4 months later on, to my surprise the mother told me that she still loved me and that i was still #1 in her heart and that she wanted to get back with me. I told her that it could not be possible. What would her kids think if she got with me? I assumed that they would think i was the cause their mommy and daddy divorced. After I declined her advance she proceeded to tell me that she was having problems with her husband and she was going to move out on her own. At that moment i said, fine, ill send you money that i can for whatever you need ( at the moment $200/mo ). I still paid for daughter's cell phone. I could see her about once every quarter but i would call her every 3 days. most of the times i got voicemail.
2006 She moved out and then i guess they reconciled and got back together. I wasnt sure what was going on so i stopped sending her money but started sending her gifts again. A few months later they broke up for good this time but then the mom moved in with her new boyfriend.
2007 At that point i started sending her gifts and $300/mo. I still paid for cell phone but it seemed the cell phone was a community cell phone because when i called to talk to my daughter the mom's boyfriend would answer?
2008 My daughter finally came to visit me in California for 5 days in summer and I actually felt like a dad. Now she is close to turning 15 and she wanted a big party so i sent her $400/mo and gave her all my tax return and my bonus from work. All of a sudden i get paperwork from Arizona court stating that I need to pay child support etc.
The court date came and went, the Judge assigned $620/mo and back pay from 2006, 2007 and 2008.
At this point i feel that i am getting taken advantage of. Am i wrong?
Also, at this point i want my daughter with me. I dont think she is in a positive environment and i know she could reach higher potential academically and socially if she wasnt in a negative environment where the mom is not working or if she is, she is working "under the table".
Another thing, the mom never finalized divorce with step-dad because her naturalization papers are still being processed. however, she is living with new boyfriend. I just dont think it is a good example for her nor an environment where she can reach her full potential.
I am single and don't have any more children nor serious relationships because i felt that i was not worthy because of what happened back in 1993. I knew that my daughter would appear someday and until I finished my responsibility to her i could go forward and build another family.
I am lost and dont know what to do. Any good advise and constructive criticism will be appreciated. If you are thinking of flaming my thread please dont.
Thank you
I am posting here first to see if i can get a better idea of what to do. My next step is to get a lawyer....but i am wondering if i should even bother.
Here is my story....
I was born in California but moved at an early age to Mexico due to my mom not wanting me to get into drugs/gangs because they were very active at the time ( 1980s )
When i was 16 i was dating a girl 2.5 years my senior. We lived in northern Mexico. Everything was great. I lost my virginity to her and i was in love with her. We got pregnant and that is when things started going wrong. ( 1992 )
Her family wanted me to marry her at 17 otherwise they would kill me. My family wanted me to at least finish High School and then marry. The older brothers of my girlfriend started making more threats so my family moved me to California. ( 1993 )
I enrolled in school and i went back to Mexico to talk to my girlfriend so we could get married. I met with parents and asked them to please allow me to finish high school and come back to marry her. At this time the brothers were off their bloodlust. It was agreed that i would come back and marry her after high school. ( 1994 )
We stayed in phone contact and then 4 months before i graduated ( Class of 95 ) i was speaking with her on the phone and she told me to forget our arrangement, that she had found someone to marry, to not look for her or the baby, that i was dead to her and that if i did find them she would deny me or any recollection of our life. I was broken hearted and not sure what to do but i knew she would come back sooner or later. ( 1995 )
Fast forward to 2005, one of my child hood mexican friend informed me that he ran into her in Arizona. He asked me if i wanted to exchange contact information with her and of course i said yes. After talking with her and her maneuvering with her husband so i could meet my daughter i finally got to meet her when i she was 10 in Arizona. At this point the child was afraid of me and wouldnt be with me alone. Which is completely understandable. At this point the mom had had another 2 children with the step dad and they seemed happy.
I tried giving the family money but the proud step-father would not accept any cash at all. i had to give them gifts, clothing, school supplies anything but cash for them to accept anything from me. I also bought and activated a phone for my daughter so she and i could talk because their home phone kept changing every 6 months. Interaction was minimal as i could not afford to go out there every weekend. I could see her about once every quarter but i would call her every 3 days.
About 4 months later on, to my surprise the mother told me that she still loved me and that i was still #1 in her heart and that she wanted to get back with me. I told her that it could not be possible. What would her kids think if she got with me? I assumed that they would think i was the cause their mommy and daddy divorced. After I declined her advance she proceeded to tell me that she was having problems with her husband and she was going to move out on her own. At that moment i said, fine, ill send you money that i can for whatever you need ( at the moment $200/mo ). I still paid for daughter's cell phone. I could see her about once every quarter but i would call her every 3 days. most of the times i got voicemail.
2006 She moved out and then i guess they reconciled and got back together. I wasnt sure what was going on so i stopped sending her money but started sending her gifts again. A few months later they broke up for good this time but then the mom moved in with her new boyfriend.
2007 At that point i started sending her gifts and $300/mo. I still paid for cell phone but it seemed the cell phone was a community cell phone because when i called to talk to my daughter the mom's boyfriend would answer?
2008 My daughter finally came to visit me in California for 5 days in summer and I actually felt like a dad. Now she is close to turning 15 and she wanted a big party so i sent her $400/mo and gave her all my tax return and my bonus from work. All of a sudden i get paperwork from Arizona court stating that I need to pay child support etc.
The court date came and went, the Judge assigned $620/mo and back pay from 2006, 2007 and 2008.
At this point i feel that i am getting taken advantage of. Am i wrong?
Also, at this point i want my daughter with me. I dont think she is in a positive environment and i know she could reach higher potential academically and socially if she wasnt in a negative environment where the mom is not working or if she is, she is working "under the table".
Another thing, the mom never finalized divorce with step-dad because her naturalization papers are still being processed. however, she is living with new boyfriend. I just dont think it is a good example for her nor an environment where she can reach her full potential.
I am single and don't have any more children nor serious relationships because i felt that i was not worthy because of what happened back in 1993. I knew that my daughter would appear someday and until I finished my responsibility to her i could go forward and build another family.
I am lost and dont know what to do. Any good advise and constructive criticism will be appreciated. If you are thinking of flaming my thread please dont.
Thank you
