Let me start by stating that my ex-wife is very, very bitter right now, and she seems to be doing anything she can to cause trouble. I recently was granted a reduction in child support because my oldest child is now over 18. Although the reduction was only about 5% (Illinois standard moving from 3 children to two) my ex feels like I have attacked her personally somehow. She has since then been looking for any and every reason to upset me and my time with the kids.

Now onto the question. In a few weeks, my mother has asked to take my youngest child on a trip to Indiana. The trip is during my visitation, and because she will be taking the child out of state, I did as is required, and told my ex of the arraingments. My ex is now saying that the child can't go, because she wants to exercise her Right of First Refusal. I tried to explain to my ex that the right only applies in cases where I "CAN'T" spend that time with the child, not in a case where I have planned an overnight stay. She disagrees with me, and has told me she will not allow me to pick up the kids that weekend. I have suggested to her that we do as our agreement says, and seek mediation to solve this dispute. She claims she does not have the money to go to mediation, which is probably true.

So now what do I do? The weekend is planned for May 16th and 17th. Do I go to court and ask the court to force her into mediation? Is there enough time to legally do anything? Or do I have to wait until after she violates the agreement and then seek some sort of repercussions?

I am so tired of having to fight through all this crap. Is there any sort of action I can take against her that will force her to stop acting this way? Or do I just have to keep dragging her to court every time she pulls one of these stunts. The judge will soon get tired of seeing us.

Let me start by stating that my ex-wife is very, very bitter right now, and she seems to be doing anything she can to cause trouble. I recently was granted a reduction in child support because my oldest child is now over 18. Although the reduction was only about 5% (Illinois standard moving from 3 children to two) my ex feels like I have attacked her personally somehow. She has since then been looking for any and every reason to upset me and my time with the kids.

Now onto the question. In a few weeks, my mother has asked to take my youngest child on a trip to Indiana. The trip is during my visitation, and because she will be taking the child out of state, I did as is required, and told my ex of the arraingments. My ex is now saying that the child can't go, because she wants to exercise her Right of First Refusal. I tried to explain to my ex that the right only applies in cases where I "CAN'T" spend that time with the child, not in a case where I have planned an overnight stay. She disagrees with me, and has told me she will not allow me to pick up the kids that weekend. I have suggested to her that we do as our agreement says, and seek mediation to solve this dispute. She claims she does not have the money to go to mediation, which is probably true.

So now what do I do? The weekend is planned for May 16th and 17th. Do I go to court and ask the court to force her into mediation? Is there enough time to legally do anything? Or do I have to wait until after she violates the agreement and then seek some sort of repercussions?

I am so tired of having to fight through all this crap. Is there any sort of action I can take against her that will force her to stop acting this way? Or do I just have to keep dragging her to court every time she pulls one of these stunts. The judge will soon get tired of seeing us.

This situation is worth a quick consult with a local attorney. Most consults are free, or very low cost. Try calling your area's Bar Association to see if they make referrals.

Thank you for the advise. I do have a lawyer, and she has been great. There have been many times where we have talked over the phone for 15 or 20 minutes, and she won't charge me for it. She has drafted several letters for me, and that usually gets my ex to back down, but that usually ends up costing about $200 to $300. Although that may not seem like a lot, when I have to keep doing this, it does add up. In this case I fear I will probably have to do the same thing, but I wasn't sure if I should have her send off the letter before the weekend trip, or if I need to wait and see if she refuses to let me pick the kids up, then send off the letter.

I guess I am just getting tired of all the crap, and it shouldn't have to come down to this. I don't think she sees the strain it put on the kids.

I am no lawyer, but...

In cases like this with my ex, I have filed a notice with the court that during my time with the children...(explaining what was going to take place, detailing everything from when, who, what, why, how and so on). I then gave my ex a copy of the notice as usually required. Then if he wanted to fight something, he had to file his right of refusal. In cases with my ex, if he didn't have a good reason as to why the trip should not be allowed, the court usually granted my request.

Time is against you at this point. Get the notice file asap, and make sure your ex gets a copy. If she has a lawyer, her lawyer will instruct her on what to do and what a good reason for refusal would be.