Got a bit of a sticky situation I am really trying to resolve quickly if at all possible, although I doubt I can right now.

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years. My step daughter is 13 and I have been raising her since she was 2. I am the only father she has ever known at all. My wife does not even know who the bio-father is. This is something I have meant to do and wanted to do for years, but did not for reasons I really don't want to get into. Given these circumstances I'd guess it would all go smoothly, but here comes the wrench in the whole thing.


My wife and I are currently seperated and she is living out of state and I have both my step-daughter and my son living with me here in NC. My wife is willing to consent to allow me to adopt my step-daughter and to go along with whatever the courts would need etc, but she cannot afford to come back to NC to actually take care of any of this in person. Well at least not after tommorrow. She is in town visiting right now but leaving very soon. Is there any way to just have her sign a statement and have it notorized and use that in court or am I just out of luck in getting this done right now? Oh and to add to it I am getting out of the military in Jan. and will be leaving the state then myself but we really wanted this done before I leave NC. And since she has always thought of me as just dad and not her step dad my wife and I both agree we would like to try and keep my stepdaughter out of the courts and not really say much about it. When she asked before about her last name we have lied and said it was just a paperwork mix up since she was born overseas (on a US military installation) and that we have been trying to fix it for years...

First of all, you really need to come clean with your daughter. I was lied to until I was 9 and found out by "mistake" and it took years to forgive.

I know in my case with my daughters, my ex is the father. My current husband has raised them since they were 2 and 3. Their biological father did not see them for years due to both (hubby and Ex) being military. He did not pursue phone calls, gifts or visits until 2 years ago. But his child support was on allotment from his LES and sent to the state. This was considered contact in the courts eyes. The petition for a TPR and adoption were denied.

On the other hand, if your wife has never established paternity she has sole custody. If she chooses to give you a POA, she can allow the child to stay with you and for you to make decisions in regards to the child. If at anytime, she chooses to have the child come back to live with her you have no say so.

Just a little hint, once you are out of the military, hiding it will be alot harder. Right now, she is a dependant of yours, using your SS#. My husband had no issues making dr. appts, talking with the schools or any other decisions. He recently retired and went to go get them school shots. I had to leave work and go up there because of the different last names. He was very, very upset and hurt but knows he has no LEGAL rights to the kids he has raised since toddlers.

Best of Luck,
Amanda

Your situation is complicated enough that you really need to get a consult with a local adoption attorney.

Typically any possible fathers would have to be notified. However, all states do have laws where a notice by publication could possibly be done. A local attorney will know exactly what steps you and wife need to yake.

Ahh something I forgot to mention in regards to this statement

"If she chooses to give you a POA, she can allow the child to stay with you and for you to make decisions in regards to the child. If at anytime, she chooses to have the child come back to live with her you have no say so."

Actually right now I do have quite a bit of say so on that matter since I have a temp custody order for both the children right now. Since I have not been able to get in and talk with a lawyer yet and she is leaving again today I doubt I will be able to do anything for a while now but was just hoping to have this at least underway before she left again. But since she is leaving still wondering if there is anyway to have her sign something or whatever I can take to court and use to get this done while she is gone? As soon as I can I will try and speak with an attorney just haveing a hard time with that atm.