Hello, everyone. The people on this forum have been extremely helpful to me in past situations, and I'm hoping I can receive some of that wonderful advice this time around, as well.

Here is the situation: I have a child who is now eight years old. When she was 9 months old, the state removed her from myself and her father (we co-habitate, but are unmarried) because we both suffer from severe mental health conditions, and were (and still are) in a very unstable living environment.

My child was placed with her great-aunt and uncle (on father's side of family). They still have guardianship of her. Her father and I see her twice a week.

Unfortunately, my child inherited many of the mental health problems that her father and I have, plus some. She has been on medication and been in therapy for several years, now. Recently, her therapist recommended to the guardians that they adopt my child. The therapist thinks this will provide more stability for my daughter, and feels that adoption is in my child's best interests.

As much as it pains me to admit, I trust and agree with my child's therapist. However, the guardians have made no move to terminate our parental rights, or to adopt my daughter. What I am wondering is if my child's father and I can terminate our rights and place the child for adoption. We are hoping that if we can do this, the current guardians (the aunt and uncle) will proceed to adopt my child. They have given her a very stable and loving home. Also, if they do not want to/agree to adopt my daughter, what will happen? Will some other family be able to adopt her? I'm not really wanting that outcome.

Before anyone jumps on me, there is no child support order placed on me or my child's father. I don't want anyone assuming that is why I want to give my daughter up for adoption. I just feel that my situation is not going to change, and that this is what is best for my little girl.

Any legal advice you may have is appreciated. Moral judgments are not. Thank you.

Hello, everyone. The people on this forum have been extremely helpful to me in past situations, and I'm hoping I can receive some of that wonderful advice this time around, as well.

Here is the situation: I have a child who is now eight years old. When she was 9 months old, the state removed her from myself and her father (we co-habitate, but are unmarried) because we both suffer from severe mental health conditions, and were (and still are) in a very unstable living environment.

My child was placed with her great-aunt and uncle (on father's side of family). They still have guardianship of her. Her father and I see her twice a week.

Unfortunately, my child inherited many of the mental health problems that her father and I have, plus some. She has been on medication and been in therapy for several years, now. Recently, her therapist recommended to the guardians that they adopt my child. The therapist thinks this will provide more stability for my daughter, and feels that adoption is in my child's best interests.

As much as it pains me to admit, I trust and agree with my child's therapist. However, the guardians have made no move to terminate our parental rights, or to adopt my daughter. What I am wondering is if my child's father and I can terminate our rights and place the child for adoption. We are hoping that if we can do this, the current guardians (the aunt and uncle) will proceed to adopt my child. They have given her a very stable and loving home. Also, if they do not want to/agree to adopt my daughter, what will happen? Will some other family be able to adopt her? I'm not really wanting that outcome.

Before anyone jumps on me, there is no child support order placed on me or my child's father. I don't want anyone assuming that is why I want to give my daughter up for adoption. I just feel that my situation is not going to change, and that this is what is best for my little girl.

Any legal advice you may have is appreciated. Moral judgments are not. Thank you.

My family has recently been going through a very similar situation so I know how hard and painful the decision is. Your family will be in my prayers.

First, try talking to the guardians and ask them why they are not willing to adopt. Maybe there is a reason that can be worked out for everyone's benefit.

If at all possible, try to keep your child with the guardians, and in the family, they have become your child's stability and above all you need to keep in mind that you must do what is best for your child.

If nothing can be worked out for the adoption you may need to rethink your reasons for wanting the adoption to take place. Even if the therapist says it would be best, you should remember that therapists are human and they can be wrong at times. If you truly believe that adoption is best and the guardians don't want to adopt, you should get a consult with an attorney. There is a very fine line between allowing an adoption and abandonment. In other words, if your child is in a stable home, and recieving good care and therapy an adoption might not be needed after all. Either way, you should get a consult to find out what your state's laws are on abandonment and relinquishment of parental rights when there are no possible adoptive parents.

Thank you so much for your reply and your prayers... I need them!

Talking to the guardians would be ideal, but I am scared to death to do so... it is a very complicated situation, but I will try to explain it.

My daughters father and I live with my daughter's grandparents (daughter's father's parents). We rent a room from them because of financial difficulties. I am currently saving like mad to get us out of here ASAP, but it's going to be a while. Anyhow, they are totally against the father and I placing my child for adoption. If they found out we were considering it, I am quite sure they'd kick us out before we've had a chance to move (in fact, I would not be able to go through with the adoption until we are out of here.) We've been kicked out before, for reasons regarding my daughter, so I'm sure they'd do it again.

I know I could ask the guardians to keep this all to themselves, but I am very afraid they would tell my daughter's grandparents. They have told them other things that I requested that they keep confidential. So I don't know what they would do in this situation.

Perhaps you are correct and adoption is not the right way to go. I'm completely confused at this point. I guess I just don't understand why my daughters therapist would recommend it, if she weren't sure it was for the best? When I found out that the therapist had recommended adoption, I felt compelled to go through with it, because i want what is best for my little girl.

Thank you again for the reply!

If anyone else had advice, please help. All advice/opinions are welcome. The adoption situation, in and of itself, has me confused and scared, but with the mental health issues I have mixed in, it makes it all the more difficult. I've recently cycled into the manic phase of my bipolar disorder, and frankly, I just do not trust myself at this point. I know it sounds nuts, but that is the way I feel...

One more question: Does anyone know where I can find (online) the actual laws/statutes that govern adoption in Delaware? I have looked, but apparently my google skills are not up to par. :(

Bless your heart and I commend you for truly putting your child and her needs first. That must be so difficult and I just want to let you know that you are demonstrating a mother's love for your child. Bless you.

Now, really, at this point, I think it would behoove you to sit down and really talk to the therapist about why s/he has made this recommendation and ask him/her if that recommendation is still the same once s/he knows that the guardians don't seem to be motivated to legally adopt your child.

http://delcode.delaware.gov/title13/c009/index.shtml

Thank you so much for your reply and your prayers... I need them!

Talking to the guardians would be ideal, but I am scared to death to do so... it is a very complicated situation, but I will try to explain it.

My daughters father and I live with my daughter's grandparents (daughter's father's parents). We rent a room from them because of financial difficulties. I am currently saving like mad to get us out of here ASAP, but it's going to be a while. Anyhow, they are totally against the father and I placing my child for adoption. If they found out we were considering it, I am quite sure they'd kick us out before we've had a chance to move (in fact, I would not be able to go through with the adoption until we are out of here.) We've been kicked out before, for reasons regarding my daughter, so I'm sure they'd do it again.

I know I could ask the guardians to keep this all to themselves, but I am very afraid they would tell my daughter's grandparents. They have told them other things that I requested that they keep confidential. So I don't know what they would do in this situation.

Perhaps you are correct and adoption is not the right way to go. I'm completely confused at this point. I guess I just don't understand why my daughters therapist would recommend it, if she weren't sure it was for the best? When I found out that the therapist had recommended adoption, I felt compelled to go through with it, because i want what is best for my little girl.

Thank you again for the reply!

If anyone else had advice, please help. All advice/opinions are welcome. The adoption situation, in and of itself, has me confused and scared, but with the mental health issues I have mixed in, it makes it all the more difficult. I've recently cycled into the manic phase of my bipolar disorder, and frankly, I just do not trust myself at this point. I know it sounds nuts, but that is the way I feel...

I agree that you should speak to the therapist, you'll most likely get alot of insight into why the therapist believes adoption is best.

I am also bi-polar. I learned a long time ago not to make any major decisions while I'm in a manic episode, or a depressive episode. It's best to wait until you are in the "lull", or leveled off period.

As I said in my other post, therapists can be mistaken. A great example is my Grandson's therapist. He kept telling my daughter that my Grandson was "probably" bi-polar, and was "probably" having schizophrenic episodes with dangerous auditory hallucinations, but he didn't want to diagnose him at 7 1/2. My daughter and whole family knew that he needed more help, but the therapist and the Dr refused to do anything. Thier refusal resulted in my Grandson having an episode where he tried to kill his 5 month old sister. All of a sudden, the therapist and Dr were willing to take action. They have apoligized to my daughter, but they are still bound by the medicaid rules. The total end result was that a well to do family, the wife is a child physcologist, came forward and offered to adopt my Grandson. They are well off enough that they can pay for all neede4d help without going through the medicaid system. As hard as it was for all of us, my daughter had to make the decision to allow the adoption because it's the only way my Grandson will recieve real help.

Please speak to the therapist and an attorney, then wait until you are in the leveled off period and then try to decide what to do. It sounds like you want to do what is best for your child, and although it is a hard decision, you'll likely make the best choice for your child.

thats the saddest thing i've heard all week bless the child and if you and the father feel that its the best thing to do then go ahead but shes 8 she'll remember that yall made the choice to give her a better life i hope it all works out 4 you...:(:( Im also a parent my daughter is 3 god bless & may peace be with you