I had two daughters with my ex-boyfriend in Tennessee. I left him, while I was pregnant with my second daughter, and went to Texas. It was a bad situation and felt I didn't want to raise my daughters this way. My mom and dad were wonderful and let me stay with them, while raising my daughters. My dad became their father figure, since their biological dad was in Tn. I requested that their dad paid child support and he did. But he really didn't have anything to do with the girls. I ended up finding a wonderful man and we were going to get married. My ex had married and called up out of the blue, wanting to give up his rights to the girls. He told me to run to an attorney after I was married. We talked to an attorney and he told us that a judge would not let him give up his rights unless my husband adopted them. We were newly married and he felt pressured, so he didn't adopt them. We sat the girls down when they were old enough to understand their real dad lives in Tn. They wanted to talk to him and that lasted maybe 7 months. Their dad would get frustrated about their lack on excitement when talking to him and he became a jerk. After that he really didn't communicate with them again or send them even a card. This past Christmas, I went to the child support office to close my case, so my ex wouldn't have to pay child support. He was complaining that his daughter from another marriage needed it more. I was nice and said fine. Since then there has been no contact. My husband and I are now looking into him adopting the girls. They are now 12 and almost 11 years. If my husband adopts them, are they old enough to have a say in this? Also, I have found notes written that they are interested in seeing their real dad, but he's not calling them at all. What should I do? I also wanted to know how much does it cost adopting them? Does their real dad have to appear in court? Thank you for any response:confused::confused:

The best person to answer your questions will be a local adoption attorney. Adoption should never be done without an attorney because so many things can go wrong, which could cause huge problems later.

First, I want to say that, as a proud father and step father, I have lived under the motto that a child does not suffer by having more people love and care for them.

Therefore, it is up to the adults to remember that the children are the focus.

Once everyone is on board, I would look into, as Xena appropriately said, a lawyer for the adoption. The state likes children to have a father and mother... one parent cannot just sign away rights without someone else willing to assume them.

I would also tell the ex that he is still more than willing to participate in the children's lives as long as the behaviors exhibited by all parties is, again, always viewed through the lens of the children's best interest.

The children should not have a say in this. I know that sounds harsh, but adults should not force children to make these decisions. Honestly, I have always seen that as a cop out on the part of the adults involved.

It is not fair to ask children without the ability to reason what roles the adults in their life should play.

Make the ex into an "uncle" that is allowed to contact them, within reason, and can be contacted if appropriate.

I would start by sitting down with your husband and the ex and everyone, in a mature and calm manner, discussing what roles each feel comfortable in playing.

one parent cannot just sign away rights without someone else willing to assume them.

Just a note. That's not completely accurate in TX. It has nothing to do with the OP, just wanted to clarify for the general readership.