We do not have a permenant order yet.

Temporary order says NCP can visit child once weekly, preferably Wednesday, between the hours of 6-8pm.

He is all over the map. Calling the day of to change, wanting to rearrange the hours. Asking for an extra hour, showing up late, changing his mind at the last minute about when he can make it....

Am I being too picky? Can I ask that the permenant order state a specific date and a specific time. I don't mind an occasional switch-a-roo, but this is every freaking week now.

I wanted to be flexible, but I'm am irritated that I have to sit around all day wondering if he will or will not show up.

We do not have a permenant order yet.

Temporary order says NCP can visit child once weekly, preferably Wednesday, between the hours of 6-8pm.

He is all over the map. Calling the day of to change, wanting to rearrange the hours. Asking for an extra hour, showing up late, changing his mind at the last minute about when he can make it....

Am I being too picky? Can I ask that the permenant order state a specific date and a specific time. I don't mind an occasional switch-a-roo, but this is every freaking week now.

I wanted to be flexible, but I'm am irritated that I have to sit around all day wondering if he will or will not show up.

Because he is consistantly changing, you are not being picky. Yes, you should request specific days and times, it will make it easier on you and him both. For now, you will be safe by strictly adhereing to the existing order. If the order specifically states Wed, then you can stick to that.

As a matter of fact, the permanent order will probably read something along the lines of:

Doofus is ordered to exercise parenting time Wednesday (or whatever date...just going by your temp order) from 4 pm to 8 pm. The parties may agree to any other dates or times in addition to the ordered parenting time.

OBVIOUSLY, he may be awarded more time, but you get my drift. His MINIMUM parenting time will be ordered.

This sounds just like my ex. Wanting last minute changes all the time... then saying I was hurting the kids if I wouldn't go along with them. Calling the night before to get the kids, and if I didn't rearrange whatever we had scheduled, telling them that, "I wanted to see you but your mom wouldn't let me." Sound familiar?

Anyhow... I documented all his last minute requests. I kept a calendar of his cancellations and rearrangements.... and arguments that came if I wouldn't cater to his "I think I'll be a dad today" whims. Then, I went back to court to enforce the visitation schedule. The judge seemed a little shocked that I was there to encourage him to take his visits... to use his time... to not cancel. The judge saw the difficulty to any consistent pre-planning for my life by his erratic schedule changes. And, our kids were really struggling because of it. They clung and cried when it was time to leave him... because they weren't sure when they would see him again. They couldn't count on consistency either.

At any rate, the judge was very supportive. Ex has to request changes 6 weeks in advance. I am not required to change and if he cancels (which we missed getting more precise wording in the order on that one) I don't have to reschedule. As our wording is, he can (and does) cancel at the last minute. Which still has a host of problems but is better than the all the time stuff. And the kids are doing SO much better.

Mine was done after the divorce and visitation started. Since yours is being done prior to the final decree, I would think a thorough calendar of what you've experienced so far would paint a pretty clear picture for the judge and would help your children have consistency from the get go.


We also ran into the problem of him wanting to have his girlfriend or parents utilize his visitation if he wasn't able. If you foresee this as a potential problem for you... wording similar to... "The Respondent understands that the visitation time is his and he should be present for the scheduled visitations with the children."

Good luck!