reposted below

Can you shorten that by maybe a few hundred words and add some paragraphs please. That huge block of text makes it very difficult to read and many (including me) do not wish to wade through it. This is said in all kindness.

I didn't say that I wanted my baby all to myself. I said I wanted to fight for a 50/50 split, and he says he will not allow that. He is about image and wants the town to see the poor single dad.

Yuor reading my signature line as your reply. Note the line that seperates my reply from my signature line

I have been married to a functioning alcoholic with a job for ten years. He is a very mentally abusive man, and when sober he speak not at all, and very selfish, self-important, and all about self image. Briefing.. Had two boys when I married him. He slowly got my youngest to go to his fathers at the age of six. He adopted my oldest, at the age of 8, and has reminded him for ten years how he regrets that day, "you ruined my name". I got married in 1998, and got pregnant in 2000. He did not want kids. (of his own). Not at all. when I got pregnant he said, get an abortion its cheaper. While pregnant he ignored every aspect of me. Said pregnant women are disgusting to look at and all men feel that way he is just man enough to admit it. Wouldn't go anywhere with me out of embarrassment. Night I went into labor, had to go into guest room, I was keeping him up. Then was told to wake him when it was time to leave.

Since my son was born everything has revolved around the little one. My two other boys were basically pushed aside, and he alienated them. Everything was Him, and Noah, and no one else matter. I tried to leave many many times, and kept hearing YOUR not taking noah out of here. You will get hurt. He never raised a hand to me, its has all been verbal. My oldest boy who ended up in college, and in trouble then jail because he had no place to go for vacations, and weekends because my husband wouldn't allow him to come home, and then when he had a chance to get out of jail, my husband said he wasn't coming here.

Then my 15 year old who lives with his dad in New York state wasn't allowd here because he hated my middle boy. I decided last summer that I was going to use the resources of my job to get out. I requested working all nights for one. So when he came home from work and started drinking I didn't have to deal with it. I worked every night but two, and didn't get home til about 2 am. and woke every morning to send my 6 year old Noah to school. On June 27, 2007 my husband woke me from the sofa that I resided on for 18 months before that, (because my husband smelled like alcohol and also had my son in his bed sleeping).

He accused me of working nights to mess around, and put boxes in the kitchen and game me an hour to get out, or he would phsyically throw me out. I had no where to go, and no where to take my 6 year old. No family, no friends. I could have went to the safe house in my county, but then I would be 50 miles from work. The safe house next to work wouldn't take me because it wasn't my legal county. So I ended up packing up my hatch back, and went off in my car. I slept in parking lots for two months. He badgered me daily to come home, I wouldn't. He couldn't drive his alcoholic but 17 miles to bring his wife home, and I wasn't coming home. He got my son out of jail, and brought my middle boy over for the summer. within a couple weeks they entire town had heard that I left my kids and husband for another man. My two oldest boys didn't want to see me.

MY oldest is close to me today. He realized that he was a weapon to get me home, now that he is back in jail for two years because he threw him out when I didn't come back, and his p.o violated him.
I came to see my son, he wouldn't let me take him for I started seeing a man while I was out living in my car. He fed me, etc. I got a house, my son was starting to come see me. to make a long story short. The minimal time I had with my son I was going mental.

My son was getting used to not having me. He was getting his head filled, and found myself defending myself to a six, now seven year old instead of having fun with him. SO... I came back. I came back only to get my ducks in a row, and take my son with me this time.
However..... BACK ON THE SOFA, BACK ON MY NIGHTS. I am getting thrown out of the house every day. Because I do not acknowledge my husband. I do not touch him, sleep with him, nor act like a wife at all. Everything is about Noah. My middle boy is living here now and the two of them tag team me every day.


They search my room for my diaries, and each night I come home I face new stuff. my 7 year old hears his mother getting called a two bit slut every night... get the hell out of here I am told, as I say I am not leaving without what is rightfully mine. I get told in front of noah that everything was fine when I wasn't here. I am told what a kick butt dad he is. My kids needed to get to the dr. while I was gone. My husband took them to the school nurse, I come home and they are at a dr. a real dr. My kids had not a lot of food, but he has beer.

My little guy not only sleeps with his father still, but he takes him in the shower too, to save on water. A child that never got spanked in his entire life had a hand print on his face. I got blamed for his mouth. A little boy that as soon as something starts in the house, I go out of the room, and the boy follows me to my room, and locks the door saying he is staying with me. a boy who when we are out for the day, doesn't want to go back home asked if we can do something else. but yet at home duriing the name calling I get, and I say I am fighting for noah, he says and noah will say where he wants to be.. and he says "where? Noah", and noah says, here daddy, and I will visit mommy. Noah doesn't say any of that or give that body language when we are away. He always wants to be with me. I think he is seeing things for what they are now. I get told by my husband that he is the one who taught him so much thats why he has straight A's. Well, noah is a perfectionist, and has to be number one with everything. He is afraid to miss a question on school work. and has to go to school ONE hour early to stand in line and be FIRST. IF he is five minutes late to leave he throws a fit and won't want to go to school only because he is not first in line. THis is all the stuff he is being taught..... to win! I sit and teach him losing is ok... and noah is told not to listen to mommy, that there is no room ina losers corner.

I will be doing something with Noah, and my husband will say hey noah, lets go get ice cream.. and off they go. No matter what, he keeps him away from me. I want OUT of here so bad. I lost 18 lbs in two months, and I am getting very very sick. I can't leave without Noah. I am afraid for ONE, that if I did, noah would get used to me being gone again, and two, that I couldn't win a custody battle not haveing him. The town cop said if I leave with noah, with no custody established I can get it for kidnapping. I don't know what to do , and have no where to take him, where the courts would allow me to keep him. Can I take him to a friends until I found a place.. Or do I have to stay here and get a place first. I AM GOING NUTS.

He tells my 16 year old everything that goes on. word for word in any conversation I have with him. only thing is he leaves out his arrogance in the conversation. My 16 year old says that the drinking doesn't bother him. My 16 year old totally disrespects me. My husband lets him run all night long, and I come home from work, and there are girls staying here. My husband says he is not dead, he is a teenager. I tell my son he can't do something, and he says he already has permission and walks out. But I am ok to take driving, or shopping, or bowling... etc.


I am sick of my husband leaving notes calling me a two bit slut for my kids to see. I am not being unfaithful, and I don't understand his words. he says in front of the kids that I am a poor excuse of a mother, and I will be leaving the house very soon, that he has a nice little cozy jail cell for me. I am here because of my kids. My decisions in life are based around my kids. I put my health on the back burner for my kids. I go to the store, and put things for me back to get what my kids need. My husband has his beer, he goes no place to get anything those kids need. he thinks being the best dad in the world is because he goes to the park with noah, drinks, drives, and has him in the front without a car seat. He thinks being the best to my teenager is by acting like one of the kids and allowing him to do anything he wants. He thinks it is ok to go through my room with my teenage boy and read all my journals just so when I come home I can get tag teamed, and them tell me when they are done with me in court, I will HAVE no rights to noah at all. That I may be asking for a 50/50 split, but I will get nothing! Not even a 500 foot view of noah.


I have done nothing wrong, but deal with a drunk with a job. He is a closet drinker and has everyone thinking he is perfect.
Please help me someone before I go over the deep end.

Take your son with you when you go to a women's shelter.

There's an awful lot of excuses in there. If you want out, go.

By the way, I only managed to read about 3 paragraphs of that.

As soon as your husband is away from home, take your son and LEAVE. Go to a DV shelter, a hotel, ANYWHERE but home. Then set up an appointment with a DV counselor ASAP.

No one can help you at this point because YOU have to be willing to make the first move. As soon as you are out, there are agencies and counselors that can help.

So here I don't have to have my own apartment with my son's own room to leave? Everyone is telling me that I don't stand a chance if I stay somewhere else, because I would be altering my son's life of his comfort zone, or home he has been in since birth. When I get to a shelter what will I do about my job, will I get help with care since I work nights? I can plan that on a three days off in a row for adjustment. I Was told DV won't help if he doesn't hit. My friend down the street was put through a window, and has choke marks on her neck, and they wouldn't arrest her husband. Said they can get him only for harassment cause he didn't punch her.
Thank you

sorry it was so long. I have trouble NOT saying it all

You're going to have to grab yourself by your boot straps and do what's best for you and for your son. Quit with the excuses, quit with the what ifs... you know you need out... do it.

You are the mother, your son is counting on you. Children learn what they live. If he sees you being treated poorly and staying... he'll learn that behavior and will eventually treat other women in his life that way. It sounds like he's already trying the "game" with you. Get out.

Be strong, be tough... when your son asks why? or where? or how come? or do I have to?... hold firmly to his hand and say, "Because I want what's best for us. Somewhere safe. Because I'm your mother and I want your life to be better. Yes, because I said so."

You don't have a chance to be weak in this. You can't sway. Make your decision. Make your move... and don't look back and don't second guess. There are agencies out there to help in just this type of situation. Lean on those services... DO NOT lean on your son... be strong for him. And DO NOT go back and forth. If you allow this man to break you down mentally or otherwise... then he always wins and he teaches your son that as a pattern to follow. Quit letting him win.

Leaving your child in that enviroment will likely result in him being an abuser or the abused! Break teh chain before it starts. by the way if someone else sees abuse and reports it CPS coud remove the child!

You need to get out. Like others said, stop the excuses and leave. I know from experience that is lot easier said than done. I was 23 with 2 small children.

I noticed that you kept referring to your middle son and how he has him acting. Sounds like to me that you need to call your middle son's father and have him come remove him from that house also.

And as far as your friend down the street, she is feeding you a line of BS. If she had been thrown through a window and had visible injuries, he would be behind bars.

Take your son and leave! Go to a shelter! Talk with your employer and see if there is anyway that you can take leave in order to get your life straight. PLEASE, PLEASE leave. If it takes you selling everything you own. Do it!!!

At least talk to a shelter. They can answer your questions which will give you enough information to help you make the decision.

I understand that there are a million reasons not to go. But there are 2 big reasons to leave..you and your son.

Yes, it will be difficult for a while, yes, your standard of living will drop for a while. But you and your son will not be in danger.

Please look at your options. Does your company have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program)? If they do, call them for help.
There are resources out there but you have to make the first step.

Good luck to you.

You need to get out. Like others said, stop the excuses and leave. I know from experience that is lot easier said than done. I was 23 with 2 small children.

I noticed that you kept referring to your middle son and how he has him acting. Sounds like to me that you need to call your middle son's father and have him come remove him from that house also.

And as far as your friend down the street, she is feeding you a line of BS. If she had been thrown through a window and had visible injuries, he would be behind bars.

Take your son and leave! Go to a shelter! Talk with your employer and see if there is anyway that you can take leave in order to get your life straight. PLEASE, PLEASE leave. If it takes you selling everything you own. Do it!!!

Yes, I see everyones point and it is clearly taken. How many of you out there had a 7 year old that loved his father to death, because, well, he just does. How do I explain to him he can't see him til' this is done. When court comes about, how do I deal with the pre threats of destroying me where I will NOT have Noah (7 year old) at all. all of you please tell me how you handled all this, and what do I do when My son cries for his dad because all his toys, playstation, and clothes, and friends are right here. Tonight my husband will come home and after two hours of silence he will throw me out, because I won't sleep upstairs. How do I get NOAH out the door with me?

As far as my middle son, His father DROVE HIM ACROSS THE STATE LINE WITHOUT CONTACTING ME IN FEBRUARY WHILE I WAS STILL GONE, AND DUMPED HIM OFF IN MY HUSBAND'S DRIVEWAY WITH A PIECE OF PAPER GIVING MY HUSBAND CUSTODY THAT HE CAN WIPE HIS BUTT WITH. His father does NOT want him! HE wants to be here with his drunken step father because he has all his pothead friends and no rules. I have joint custody of that boy, and his father did not notify me that he was taking him to PA from NY, he just did it, and Child Services are the ones that notified me, which brought me back here. To figure out how to get them both out of here.

However, I never thought I would be tag teamed every night by the two of them, and my little boy yelling at them for making me cry.

I will call these agencies tomorrow morning to let them know I am leaving. Unfortunately they don't listen because the direction I go is closest to work and out of my home county. Once I called their HOTLINE since it was closer to me, and I was mentally breaking down. They would not talk to me since I was not in their county. I said so if someone was going to kill themselves they would have to live in your county for you to talk to them. They said YES. Counties are a very bad thing when the line crosses two miles away.

How do you tell him? You get yourself and the child into counseling for that

I do have an 8-year-old son who idolizes his father. He was six when I left his dad. To this day he cries and says... "it's just so hard, this divorce stuff"... and it is. And it's hard watching him be upset by it. (I do have him in counseling.) But, when I "signed on" to be a mom, I didn't sign up to be a best buddy or an idol for worship.... I signed on to raise kids to be the best people they can be... to raise them to treat others how they want to be treated and to raise kids who would grow to make a difference in the world.

When my son gets upset... I tell him that someday I hope he'll understand, but for now he has to trust that I'm his mother and I love him and I wouldn't seek out ways to make his life harder. I sound like a broken record sometimes... repeating that over and over. But it is true.

If you're concerned by the material baits your husband can offer... then you're overlooking what your kids really need. They need someone they can count on. Someone they can trust to always look out for their best interest. Someone who loves them unconditionally and completely.

At some point, you're going to have to trust the systems that are in place to help you. You're going to have to trust that if CPS comes in... they'll see the truth... is there something you're afraid they'll see? If you're mothering and living in the best interest of your kids... what can they do? If they have to take your kids out of the home for a while to give them time to sort through the situation... well, isn't that a step in the right direction?

You seem terribly concerned that you will lose the love of your kids if you buckle down and do what's best for them. I think at times we all have those concerns. I have a story that I keep in mind... I'll share it in hopes that it will help you...

Several years ago, I had a student whose dad had sold her to his buddies as a sex toy... then when he was put in prison... her mom picked up and started trading this little girl to grown men for drugs and money. Her mom left her with greasy old men while she got stoned... Her mom allowed her to be abused and not only didn't stop it...she encouraged it. Fortunately, that little girl was taken from that home. She was in foster care when I knew her. The amazing thing?? Not a day went by that that little girl didn't tell me how much she missed her mom and how much she loved her.

Pretty sick huh?... I'm not encouraging mistreating your kids... my point is that your kids will love you no matter what. They may not like what you do... but they will love you through it. DO what's best for them. Allow them to get mad at you... they'll get glad again. In time they'll see, they'll understand. It might not be the immediate kudos you want... but someday they'll get it. IF you do it.