mommaholdme
05-16-2008, 08:15 AM
I'm so glad I found this site. A lot of forums seem to be just rants with no real support other than "there, there" or jumping on the B&M wagon. I'm looking for answers from people who KNOW or information from others with similar experiences. So, in advance... Thanks! :cool:
My EH hides income. He has a "regular" job but then does additional work above and beyond that. He doesn't claim much of it, or barters for some of the work. I'm not talking about $100 here or there... it's more like $30-40G a year. He pays child support on $30,000... and his income taxes show that as his income. However, he's replaced the antiques I got in the divorce settlement, bought a large, luxury SUV and a quad cab, 4X4 "farm" truck in the last year. Obviously he's hiding money. He complains about medical bills, buying ANYTHING for the kids, and asking him to pay for summer camp or a bottle of water at a ballgame... unthinkable! Is there a way to track his actual income? Is there a way to push the issue so he has to own up to making more than he shows or contributes to the kids?
He is remarried. His wife yells at the kids when they talk about her being their "step mom". She claims they have two moms. She has called the doctor, changed kids' prescriptions, given my son over the counter cough medicine during a 2 hour evening visitation when he had had RX cough syrup at home and wasn't due for another dose until bedtime. Anytime we're in the same area, she glares at me. Or if I drop the kids off at their house, she slams the door in my face. The kids obviously see this behavior. Our daughter, 5, is so convinced this woman "hates me" that she was panicked I was put in jail by SM when grandma tucked her in because son's ballgame ran late.
I have worked to address all emails and conversations to him only, but she always intervenes. He allows it. How do I encourage him to be an involved parent and not have her feel she has equal stake in the kids? I have encouraged the kids to care about her, to respect her. I asked our son to help pick out a Mother's Day card for her (last year we made crafts and never got a response). Our son was adamant... "I don't want to get her a card, she's my step mom, not my mom."
He has been emotionally hurt by she and his dad more than our daughter. His dad makes fun of him ... makes him the brunt of jokes in front of his (dad's) friends. ...
Anyhow, like many others I could go on for days and days. The kids' well being is my primary focus. They always seem to pump the kids for information... this is the reason I haven't pushed the issues. I don't want the kids to have to be subjected to more of that than necessary. I anticipate the doodoo will hit the fan soon and I want to be prepared with all the information I've gathered over the last 18 mos or so... I'd rather take care of it in a large swoop than here and there nit picking... Any help?
My EH hides income. He has a "regular" job but then does additional work above and beyond that. He doesn't claim much of it, or barters for some of the work. I'm not talking about $100 here or there... it's more like $30-40G a year. He pays child support on $30,000... and his income taxes show that as his income. However, he's replaced the antiques I got in the divorce settlement, bought a large, luxury SUV and a quad cab, 4X4 "farm" truck in the last year. Obviously he's hiding money. He complains about medical bills, buying ANYTHING for the kids, and asking him to pay for summer camp or a bottle of water at a ballgame... unthinkable! Is there a way to track his actual income? Is there a way to push the issue so he has to own up to making more than he shows or contributes to the kids?
He is remarried. His wife yells at the kids when they talk about her being their "step mom". She claims they have two moms. She has called the doctor, changed kids' prescriptions, given my son over the counter cough medicine during a 2 hour evening visitation when he had had RX cough syrup at home and wasn't due for another dose until bedtime. Anytime we're in the same area, she glares at me. Or if I drop the kids off at their house, she slams the door in my face. The kids obviously see this behavior. Our daughter, 5, is so convinced this woman "hates me" that she was panicked I was put in jail by SM when grandma tucked her in because son's ballgame ran late.
I have worked to address all emails and conversations to him only, but she always intervenes. He allows it. How do I encourage him to be an involved parent and not have her feel she has equal stake in the kids? I have encouraged the kids to care about her, to respect her. I asked our son to help pick out a Mother's Day card for her (last year we made crafts and never got a response). Our son was adamant... "I don't want to get her a card, she's my step mom, not my mom."
He has been emotionally hurt by she and his dad more than our daughter. His dad makes fun of him ... makes him the brunt of jokes in front of his (dad's) friends. ...
Anyhow, like many others I could go on for days and days. The kids' well being is my primary focus. They always seem to pump the kids for information... this is the reason I haven't pushed the issues. I don't want the kids to have to be subjected to more of that than necessary. I anticipate the doodoo will hit the fan soon and I want to be prepared with all the information I've gathered over the last 18 mos or so... I'd rather take care of it in a large swoop than here and there nit picking... Any help?
