It's easy to hide behind your computer , isn't it?

:( I need some help - this is a long confusing dramatic situation so to try and sum it up here it is. My husband has an 11 yr old daughter - after years of going back and forth with his parents (he's estranged from them) they have had her for a few years now (she was supposed to be put up for adoption at birth - and my mother inlaw talked the parents out of it) Anyhow a few years back my husband received papers to terminate his parental rights so that they could legally adopt her , so he did and for the past few years thought she had been adopted , so here we are now with court papers - they never finalized the adoption - are bringing him to court for custody which he's not fighting them on but they are also going for child support and arrearages. Can they do this ? Does the fact that he signed everything needed so they could adopt her help in anyway? or is there nothing that can be done? Is it worth getting an attorney to try and fight this or do we not have a leg to stand on?

P.S. I don't know whether or not the mother signed over her rights , she didn't have much to do with her child maybe would appear every couple of months or so.

Yes, they can ask for support from the child's father.

Did he honestly sign a piece of paper and think he had washed his hands clean? It was his responsibility to follow it through. If the mother did not agree to the adoption, it could not have happened. Does the chidl see the mother?

it's sad when sites used to help eachother are ruined by those who need to make themselves feel better by insulting others.

Well seeing as how they wanted to adopt his child and he signed all the necessary paperwork yes I believe that he thought it was done. I realize they can ask the father for child support but I wasn't sure seeing as how he has no parental rights and everything else that went on if that made a difference or not. I mean honestly I have no kids of my own and am completely clueless when it comes to family law and am looking for help - not for people to judge (when they don't know everything) and give me snotty answers that are not helpful at all. So please if anyone has actual legal advice for me and my original post please let me know . :mad:

Are you even old enough to be dating him? Your response indicates you are a bratty child. You clearly were looking for someone to post that it was totally unfair and you should fight it!!!! And when that wasn't the answer, you had yourself a little internet tantrum complete with a :mad: face. A pretty amazing statement from someone who admittedly doesn't know or understand family law.

My point was, you cannot just sign your rights away. It's HIS fault that he didnt' know that.

Parental rights and parental obligations are two different things. Just because he has no rights doesn't mean he has no obligations. He is obligated to support his child. He cannot sign a piece of paper and have that obligation lifted. Ignorance of his obligations is not an excuse not to meet them. He was aware he had sex and made the child. He was aware the child existed. He was aware of who was taking care of the child. But he never questioned if he should be doing more? Ok then.

Your question was, can they do this? The legally correct response, as I typed the first time, was, yes.

find a new hobby

I have to tell you that MoB was dead on correct. He didn't follow through with making sure that all of the legal t's were crossed and all of the legal i's were dotted.

Here's the flip side of this. As the child was never legally adopted and he is still her legal parent, he can sue for visitation with his child. That's up to him. What is NOT up to him is his legal responsibility to support his child. For years the GPs have been supporting HIS child.

Another side note: Not only should DAD pay child support, but so shoudl Mom.

Oh, and KarOBG? It's a little late to be deleting your posts. All but the last has been quoted and you can't delete those. ;)

KarOBG,

I have been following this. As a custodial father, I have a different viewpoint than the mothers that post.

They are dead on accurate on their assesment of the situation as I percieve it.

Your BF is a wimp. He was "talked out" of doing ect. He did not make sure that things were done properly. IMO any father that will not acknowledge or care for his child is not a man. You should find a real man, once you grow up.

The "mom squad" gave you correct advice. Think on it.

KarOBG,

I have been following this. As a custodial father, I have a different viewpoint than the mothers that post.

They are dead on accurate on their assesment of the situation as I percieve it.

Your BF is a wimp. He was "talked out" of doing ect. He did not make sure that things were done properly. IMO any father that will not acknowledge or care for his child is not a man. You should find a real man, once you grow up.

The "mom squad" gave you correct advice. Think on it.

I'm part of a squad? Cool beans.:D

In case anyone missed the deleted post, here it is:

wow you're a bitter ****. people like you should stay off of sites like this where people are truly looking for help. I want a legal answer I am not looking for a scorned woman's opinion. Why is it that you couldn't just answer a simple yes or no with added you're unwanted snotty remarks. Why don't you take a good look at yourself and you will see who's really the bratty child. Why don't you just leave me alone if you have nothing to say about the topic and just enjoy insulting people you don't even know. Come on lady get a life of your own instead of looking on the internet so you can call people children and say they're throwing tantrums just to make yourself feel better.

"Why don't you just leave me alone" wa my favorite part.

I will solicit for free advice and tell people to then leave me alone. Classic. What indication did I give that I was scorned? I looked in the mirror. Man, I have lost 35 pounds and I am LOOKING GOOD!!!!

"Mom Sqaud" is WAY better than Soccer Mom.

And her "reasons" for deleting are hilarious. Seriously. Very funny.

And her "reasons" for deleting are hilarious. Seriously. Very funny.
This is my favorite! You, you, you....big MEANIE!!!!

Reason: momofboys is just plain inconsiderate, mean, rude etc...

Lord that sounds like my 3 year old. When I tell him 'no' he says, "you're mean, Mommy." My response? (and my husband laughs his butt off when I say this) "Yep, I'm mean. Guess what? I'm going to get a lot meaner as you get older." Then we commence with the pouty lip, wrinkled up eybrows, crossed arms. A couple of minutes later, he's off to get into more trouble. :D

Alright you guys. I realize most of you are not here to help so I give up. Take care and enjoy.

Alright you guys. I realize most of you are not here to help so I give up. Take care and enjoy.

You actually got the LEGAL answer to your question. Twice.

It's not our fault you threw a temper tantrum rant as part of it. If you don't want people to mock your behavior, choose different behavior.

So why couldn't you just give the answer and end it there? You're acting like the child , read your posts.

KarOBG,

I have been following this. As a custodial father, I have a different viewpoint than the mothers that post.

They are dead on accurate on their assesment of the situation as I percieve it.

Your BF is a wimp. He was "talked out" of doing ect. He did not make sure that things were done properly. IMO any father that will not acknowledge or care for his child is not a man. You should find a real man, once you grow up.

The "mom squad" gave you correct advice. Think on it.

Thanks for your answer , He has been paying them $125 since this started but they are claiming the checks were for a loan they gave him, because they are personal checks we have no proof otherwise , so they are going after arrearages for all that time even though they received $125 weekly. So as for my husband not acknowleging his child that is incorrect. Also I know you guys like to through the "you're a child" thing around but the fact is I'm a very successful woman but yes when it comes to family law I have no clue - so if that makes me sounds childish I'm sorry but it's not my field and I'm just looking for advice.

Alright you guys. I realize most of you are not here to help so I give up. Take care and enjoy.

Most?:rolleyes:

I think that they are mirroring what is in your posts.

Come on Mom Squad, stop acting like children. :D ;) :confused: :eek:

You are now dealing with one old enough to type in the proper password on the computer.

(perhaps not as mature:confused: :confused: )

Thanks for your answer , He has been paying them $125 since this started but they are claiming the checks were for a loan they gave him, because they are personal checks we have no proof otherwise , so they are going after arrearages for all that time even though they received $125 weekly. So as for my husband not acknowleging his child that is incorrect. Also I know you guys like to through the "you're a child" thing around but the fact is I'm a very successful woman but yes when it comes to family law I have no clue - so if that makes me sounds childish I'm sorry but it's not my field and I'm just looking for advice.


BINGO!!

Look at the checks. Perhaps one of them has a notation on it. In any case, they can't prove they are not for support.

It also sounds like your BF has plenty of issues. If he has his mommy and daddy taking care of his "problems" I would think several times about making a future with him. Forever is a long time.


Forgive us. On this board we are constantly bombarded with 14 year olds that think they are smarter than any adult.

Re read your responses. IMO you threw the first blow.

And Karo, if you send me any more temper tantrums in a PM, I will post them publicly, understand? You have elected not to recieve PMs. Don't send them.

YOU are not in need. This isn't your child and this 'man' isn't even your husband. Let him man up and figure it out.

Post then or forward them to cgb.

She is taking the high road, and pulling that?

:o

Yeah he is my husband lol Now you're telling me that I'm not married, look at my original post you quoted. Anyhow I realized the no pm option and changed it so yes I do accept them now, but feel free to post what I sent you, all I said if I wouldn't treat you like this and I hope no one treats you or your loved ones the way you have been treating me and I really mean that. If anyone on here has a problem or their loved ones I hope they get help and that's it.

So I'm sorry for setting you off but bottom line I'm just looking for the legal advice not for anyone to approve or dissaprove of the situation, that's for my husband, his family, and I to deal with. Just legal advice is what I'm seeking.

Post then or forward them to cgb.

She is taking the high road, and pulling that?

:o

I too hope she posts it! I truly truly said nothing bad just that I wouldn't do this to her and I hope no one does this to her or her loved ones and if she ever needed help that I would help her despite all this! I won't offer legal advice though (clearly I suck at it lol )

So I copied and pasted the one and only private message I sent momofboys - I didn't think it was bad. So by all means foward it to cgb. And I'm still waiting to hear about deleting my account so don't worry guys me and my posts will be gone soon.




Listen I am truly falling apart here . People on these sites need to remember that we are all real people , with feelings and problems. I was truly just looking for help. I hope that nobody ever does this to you when you need help . I won't . I don't go to these sites to make people feel worse, Have fun posting this email for everyone - you seem to get off on these things. I hope no one ever treats you or any of your loved ones the way you have treated me.

I'll be deleting my account so you can find someone else in need to make fun of.

For starters, I thought you "gave up." I'm just sayin.

So I copied and pasted the one and only private message I sent momofboys - I didn't think it was bad. So by all means foward it to cgb. And I'm still waiting to hear about deleting my account so don't worry guys me and my posts will be gone soon.

Next, you didn't send it to me, you sent it to mommyof4. Of course you didn't think it was bad. You sent it, didn't you?

Listen I am truly falling apart here . People on these sites need to remember that we are all real people , with feelings and problems. I was truly just looking for help. I hope that nobody ever does this to you when you need help . I won't . I don't go to these sites to make people feel worse, Have fun posting this email for everyone - you seem to get off on these things. I hope no one ever treats you or any of your loved ones the way you have treated me.

I'll be deleting my account so you can find someone else in need to make fun of.

How is that highlighted part not incenderary on your part? Since you thought you were addressing me, I will respond.

I will sit here and wait while you go find the posts where I am "getting off" on "these things" (although I am not sure what these things may be).

Oh, that's right, I don't have forever to wait for you to search for things that are not there.

I gave you the answer, and I peppered it with some absolute common sense. You, in return, threw a hissy fit.

Like I said, if you don't want to be mocked for your behavior, choose different behavior, the key word there is CHOOSE.

No one is treating you poorly, and certianly you are being treated as you are treating others. You didn't like the answer. Well, we're not going to change our answers to soothe you.

You are having a hard time. I sympathasize. But your husband's actions go beyond stupid. You cannot sign a piece of paper and *poof* no more kid. His own ignorance caused this problem, and it's time to pay the piper.

I have no problem with the legal answer, that's what I came here for. I find that all the other insults are uncalled for. That email really wasn't for you, it was indeed for mommyof4 so I'm sorry I put the wrong user name and by no means was that email for you. Honestly, yes I threw a dig in there and I apologize for that , mommyof4, since the email was to you. But it is true that it's easy to forget we are all real people, with friends, family and problems and this site is here to help people. Just answer the question if you have an answer there is no need to pass judgement when you don't know the people involved or the whole story. We'd be hear for a month if I tried to go through every detail so I just tried to cut to the chase.

So I would like to apologize to anyone on here who I offended, I am trying to deal with the things going on here and I'm not doing a very good job at it, clearly if I am lashing out at strangers. I just wanted help and got defensive when the insults started .



I am fine with the legal answer, I have to be , it's the law. I just wanted to know if they could collect arrearages for years even though they received $125 a week from us. A simple yes or no. I will admit he should've made sure the adoption went through - when they came to us and said they needed money and couldn't legally get child support because they had adopted her we had no reason not to believe them - stupid ? most certainly because here we are years later, having paid every week with copies of cleared checks but no legal documentation finding out that they never adopted her and are claiming to never have received a dime for child support , and the $125 a week was a loan repayment.,and we have to pay that all over again.

Does he have proof of the money he has paid? (Did he think to put 'child support' or the child's name in the memo line?) Understand that it may not make a difference, but it can't hurt.

Remind me what state you are in.

We're in CT. In the most recent ones, since we changed banks about 2 years ago, there are no notes in the memo. We're trying to find out if I can get the cleared check images from our old bank I think (atleast hope) that he was better about writing notes the first couple of years or atleast on some of the checks. He doesn't remember - we just never thought it would be an issue so weren't as careful as we should have been. We're learning our lesson.

Okay, give me until tomorrow. I'm trying to look up some very specific information as it pertains to retroactive child support.

If your husband thought the child was adopted, why was he paying child support?

Are you sure there was not a "loan" for some reason he is not telling you about?

This might be a time to be a peace maker, and have a calm conversation with the grandparents. (You might learn something that you have not been told.)

They obviously love your husband and his child. IMO it is time to become a real family.

Just my opinion.

Every one of the responders has had "issues" with dead beat parents. Forgive us for not having patience with you,

Thanks for looking mommyof4.

As for gotsmart's question.

I have talked to my in-laws not in quite sometime but I was there for the money discussion (among many others) He was giving them the money despite the adoption because he knew that they probably really couldn't afford the extra expense. The reason they have her is far to personal to get into but he is truly appreciative of what they do for her and are giving her a far better life. But the truth is they have always always had money issues, they'll be the first to tell they've filed for bankruptcy 3 times and in CT I believe that's the limit. So , yes we can all agree my husband has made some pretty big mistakes but he's not completely heartless - he had no problem giving them the weekly payment , although we thought legally it wasn't his responsibility anymore he knows that this will always be his responsiblity. Now that we know she wasn't adopted we are completely on board with them getting custody and would actually rather have the chilld support go through the court (that covers our asses) but I am worried about the arrearage , basically we were scammed and I just need to know if there is anything we can do about it.

First, and I say this as a step dad, there is nothing "we" can do about anything.

This is not your child. This is not your problem. This is not your fight.

Your interference in this issue is not allowed by law, by precedence or by custom.

Since you have nothing to do with this child other than marrying the father, you have nothing to do with any portion of the proceedings.

Yes, I understand. It sounds like your husband needs your help. Unfortunately, it is time for him to cowboy up and take care of this himself.

As for the rest, if you think the opinions expressed here are harsh, you have never been in front of a judge playing the "poor poor pitiful me" card. The judge will slap you down so fast it will make your head spin.

I am speaking as a step parent and a CP.

The judge may very well look at those 125.00 weekly payments as a gift. My EX is court ordered to pay a certain amount. He agreed to send me a money order for an additional amount due to the need of his kids' sporting events. He is very well aware that IF I were to decide to be a winch, I could take it back to court for a modification and that extra money would not be accounted for. He and I were both told this by our attorneys.

Did you husband happen to keep a copy of the adoption papers? If not, he can only hope that he gets a judge that will show a little leniency.

If I were your husband, I would also seek visitation. If he is legally still this child's father, he should exercise that right. Visitation is seperate from CS and will have to be sought seperately.

Well, I was hoping there was a set limitation for retroactive child support in CT. There isn't. So, support may be ordered back to the birth of the child.

Your husband needs an atty. It is worth the expense.

And if I am hiding behind my computer, I must have a really wide screen.

God... I have to start working out again.

And if I am hiding behind my computer, I must have a really wide screen.

God... I have to start working out again.

Oh, just let it all hang out.:D

Oh, just let it all hang out.:D

You say that like I have a choice in the matter.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bl_matthews/2051263833/

So who is this?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bl_matthews/2051263833/

So who is this?

It must be MoB. I'm not that catty.

(ba-du-bum....)

Perhaps cyJeff?

Not me.

It's raining, so the dogs are inside which means that the cats are currently urinating in my sock drawer.

My kids love animals... but, darn it, if we get a goldfish we have to be rezoned agricultural.