I need advice in the worst kind of way...I live in NC which I am finding out may not be the best state to be in in my situation. I have a 16 yo daughter, and before you stop reading because she's 16 I know that she is now able to choose where she wants till leave if the situation is bought before a judge, but..I have full physical custody and my ex and I have joint legal custody with normal visitation. Every other weekend, one half holidays, ect.. Recently she packed her bags and moved out because she didn't like my rules or her responsibility list and her Dad who lives with his parents lets her run wild, smoking, signing to get her belly button pierced, dating a boy that is 16 and has already been arrested for drugs twice, amoung other things. His excuse is "what can you do about it she's 16?" She has also stopped answering her phone or calling me because she knows that I want her to come home. Which she refuses to do because she likes her freedom! At this point I feel very mad. Over the past 16 years I'm the one who lost work, lost sleep, took care of her basically, even to the point of reminding him that he had a daughter (he would tend to forget when he had a girlfriend or wife, which by the way is when this started...with his ex-wife...he's single now) Any way other than the total lack of respect for me and her 3 younger brothers, I'm afraid that she is going to end up in losts of trouble. I don't like being told after all the sacrafices that I have made for this MINOR child that my oppinion means nothing anymore just because she don't want rules and responsibilities. I cant afford a lawyer so I talked to the local magistrate and sherrifs office. First I was told that I could have her picked up and bought home because of the specified visitation, then I was told by a different law officer that I couldn't because it wasn't specified in the papers that law enforcement could get involved. This makes no sense to me. I paid over 3000.00 four years ago to have this court order specified visitation. Actually he took me to court for custody and lost receiving only visitation. Is there anything that anyone can tell me that I can do aside from hiring a lawyer? Does anyone know if I can have her picked up or if I can pick her up and some how keep her. I'm so stressed and upset about this situation that I can't think straight anymore. My latest idea was to physically (and I don't mean abusively) bring her home myself but if I do that I don't know what I would do if she were to get back over at her Dads which puts me right back where I am now. PLEASE HELP, ANY ADVICE IS WELCOME. I also tried legal aid and they will only help if it is a first time custody issue.
Thanks so much,
aggravated!:(

sounds like she likes her father more than she likes you. Perhaps you should just leave her and her father alone. Live your life. Be happy.

Your recourse is to take this back to court to enforce the order.

Your 16 year old daughter does NOT have the right to choose where she wants to live. There is only one state that gives the child that much authority and it's not NC.

Your other option is to get a court order to FORCE the sherrif to bring your child home.

With the parenting style you have described, you have a better than average shot of a court determining that it is NOT in the best interest of the child to live with her father.

You don't have to have an atty for this, but you do have to educate yourself on proper court procedure and rules.

If you do get an atty, sue Dad for your atty fees. He IS in contempt of the order.

sounds like she likes her father more than she likes you. Perhaps you should just leave her and her father alone. Live your life. Be happy.

Bad answer and legally flat out wrong.

sounds like she likes her father more than she likes you. Perhaps you should just leave her and her father alone. Live your life. Be happy.

With all due respect it sounds like you either don't have kids or you don't know what it's like to have kids and actually love them. I care about her deeply but because of the reasons she "don't like me as much" as you say...that's just tough. I gave birth to her and have never done anything to her except love and take GOOD care of her. She just wants to run wild and I want let her, at 16 she does not need all the freedom that she wants, she still needs guidance and disipline or my next "need advice" column may be on how to get through a teenage pregnancy, a teenager on drugs, in jail, or worse. Teenagers being allowed to run wild is exactly whats wrong with half the trouble teens in America today..........
aggravated!(even more)

From another resident of NC...........

What Mommyof4 told you is exactly what I have witnessed in this state thus far...

You have a court order stating that your daughter legally resides with you. You can file with the magistrate, based on your custody papers (court order) to have your daughter brought home - with that order in hand, a deputy can and will bring her home. It is my understanding he will advise Daddy to abide by the order also (in the future). You can warn Daddy that if he doesn't back you up on the court order, you'll file for contempt...

Explain to daughter that if she leaves again & Dad accepts her back you will file against him for contempt. She's old enough to understand the position she is putting her Dad in - time for her to accept responsibility for herself a bit and learn to follow the rules & the law!

God Bless!
Amy

With all due respect it sounds like you either don't have kids or you don't know what it's like to have kids and actually love them. I care about her deeply but because of the reasons she "don't like me as much" as you say...that's just tough. I gave birth to her and have never done anything to her except love and take GOOD care of her. She just wants to run wild and I want let her, at 16 she does not need all the freedom that she wants, she still needs guidance and disipline or my next "need advice" column may be on how to get through a teenage pregnancy, a teenager on drugs, in jail, or worse. Teenagers being allowed to run wild is exactly whats wrong with half the trouble teens in America today..........
aggravated!(even more)

Obviously, you are a good mother, in this case, and the father is incorrect. Last Night , being frustrated myself, I left a frustrated message for you. Apologize ..

I can so totally relate, being in the same shoes than you are.
My daughter is also 16 and I have the same issues with her. I am the one that has rules to abide by and regulations to follow - just as it is in the real world. Her Dad lets her do whatever she pleases, and we all know that children will always follow the path of least resistance. Which in this case is obviously Dad.

When my daughter just ran out of the house all mad the last time, I had to make a tough decision and ask myself if I wanted her back immediately just because I wanted to demonstrate authority, or because my ego was hurt, or because the court order states that I have residential custody, or if it was OK to let things cool off for a couple of days and then try to have a mature conversation with her about my reasoning.
I think she was very confused that I didn't call her all upset (she wouldn't have picked up anyway), drove over there to pick her up, making threats to call the Sheriff or report her as a runaway. I did actually nothing but tried to calm myself down, which really took some effort.

After a week we had a one-on-one conversation in which I told her why I thought the way I did, why I made and make the decisions I make, and why I know it is better for her to stay with me. I also tried to tell her that, if she felt like after our conversation that she would be so much better off in the long run at Dads place, that she will have to have a court order to live with him.
The matter was since dropped and she came back home. Since we do not live but a mile apart from each other, I give her the choice to stay over every weekend if she thinks that's what she needs to do. It gives her the feeling that she is somewhat in control and keeps me from long-drawn loud arguments and a 16-year old that continues to storm out of the house. I want her to know that I am aware that I am the parent and COULD force the issue if I wanted to, but that I trust her (not him) that much that I believe she will make the right choice when it counts.

Hope this might help at least a little.
Best of luck to you, my prayers are with you!