My husband and his ex got divorce when my step son was 2. My husband got custody and the ex got every other weekend visitation, every Wednesday (which she never did) and two weeks in the summer. She quit all contact with D when he was in Kindergarden - he is 11 now so since 2003 we have no heard a word from her until today. She called my husband at work and left a message that says "S this is J and I don't want to fight call me at xxx-xxxx"

I am freaking out. D has moved on - he calls me mom and none of his friends or school mates know that I'm not his "real" mom. He was very angry at her for a long time for just leaving.

She is remarried but does not have custody of her two other kids at this point. I honestly don't know what she wants but I don't think it is anything good. She was suppose to pay half D's medical bills - which she hasn't done at all.

Anyone have any advice? The worst part is that our attorney we used was elected as county procecutor last year so I'm assuming we will need to find a completely new attorney... I don't want to go to court... does it count for anything that she has been gone so long?

Depending on what county you are in, your lawyer may still be practicing civil law.

You are saying you have a problem with a mother seeing her child?

I don't see how after being gone for so long and now coming back would be a good thing for an 11 year old who is well adjusted in his life. I have no guarantee if she comes back she will stay and why should a child be drug through this? For what? Because she is a biological parent? Why couldn't she call, write or anything for the last 5 years? That's a long time to be gone (almost half his life). Oh and did I mention she lives about 20 minutes away... she could have called or wrote or something.

I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out why people do stuff.

My husband and his ex got divorce when my step son was 2. My husband got custody and the ex got every other weekend visitation, every Wednesday (which she never did) and two weeks in the summer. She quit all contact with D when he was in Kindergarden - he is 11 now so since 2003 we have no heard a word from her until today. She called my husband at work and left a message that says "S this is J and I don't want to fight call me at xxx-xxxx"

I am freaking out. D has moved on - he calls me mom and none of his friends or school mates know that I'm not his "real" mom. He was very angry at her for a long time for just leaving.

She is remarried but does not have custody of her two other kids at this point. I honestly don't know what she wants but I don't think it is anything good. She was suppose to pay half D's medical bills - which she hasn't done at all.

Anyone have any advice? The worst part is that our attorney we used was elected as county procecutor last year so I'm assuming we will need to find a completely new attorney... I don't want to go to court... does it count for anything that she has been gone so long?

If Mom is going to want to start visits again, your husband might need to file for a modification of the visitation order. He can request that the visits start out supervised a few hours a week and then work up to full visitations if Mom does stick around. A court will order something similar when the NCP has been out of the child's life for many years.

Another thing your husband can do is to file to enforce the court order for the medical. That is usually a good way to find out if the NCP is planning to stick around.

If your step-son begins showing signs of a problem, his father can set up counseling for him.

He should definately get a consult with a local attorney, so that he will know for sure what his options are.

My husband and his ex got divorce when my step son was 2. My husband got custody and the ex got every other weekend visitation, every Wednesday (which she never did) and two weeks in the summer. She quit all contact with D when he was in Kindergarden - he is 11 now so since 2003 we have no heard a word from her until today. She called my husband at work and left a message that says "S this is J and I don't want to fight call me at xxx-xxxx"

Did he call? How do you know the issue she wants to discuss has anything to do with D?

I am freaking out. D has moved on - he calls me mom and none of his friends or school mates know that I'm not his "real" mom. He was very angry at her for a long time for just leaving.

No need to freak out...find out what she wants and go from there...don't let your imagination take you where there's no need to go.

She is remarried but does not have custody of her two other kids at this point. I honestly don't know what she wants but I don't think it is anything good. She was suppose to pay half D's medical bills - which she hasn't done at all.

Anyone have any advice? The worst part is that our attorney we used was elected as county procecutor last year so I'm assuming we will need to find a completely new attorney... I don't want to go to court... does it count for anything that she has been gone so long?

I'm wondering why you didn't take the step to TPR after such a prolonged lack of contact and a stable home. This sort of issue doesn't just go away. Did you ever send her the medical bills she was supposed to pay, or did the fact that she wasn't paying give you the sense that she was abandoning D? It would only "count for something" that she has been gone if you would have gone to court to pursue abandonment/adoption.

I'm confused...the attorney "we" used? Was there any court action taken after the divorce/custody? Why would you have had any part in the divorce/custody proceedings?

We need to know what it is she wants before we can give you any kind of reasonable advice.

I don't see how after being gone for so long and now coming back would be a good thing for an 11 year old who is well adjusted in his life. I have no guarantee if she comes back she will stay and why should a child be drug through this? For what? Because she is a biological parent? Why couldn't she call, write or anything for the last 5 years? That's a long time to be gone (almost half his life). Oh and did I mention she lives about 20 minutes away... she could have called or wrote or something.

Drug through this? Having a relationship with his biological mother? I hope you are not serious, and I suggest you take your bitterness towards J and bottle it. You have no idea what her issues might have been, nor does it matter. If you had gone through the proper procedure of attempting a TPR and adoption, none of this would matter now.

I'm sorry to sound so negative in tone, but I think it's better to be up front with you from the beginning. From your posts, it sounds like you were hoping for a de facto abandonment and for you to move in as "mom." While that may be the reality, legally J is still his mother, no matter how much evidence you post against her.

You "senior" members kill me. You sit here and judge people from your high and mighty perch and question their integrity and honesty by calling them bitter and selfish. Just because a woman is a biological mother it doesn't mean she has the right to have or see a child. Paula Jones was a biological mother and she cold bloodedly killed her children. Just because the woman has a fertilized egg doesn't make her a mother. You can fertilize an egg and put it in a stranger...that that qualify that woman as a mother or a vessel in which a child was hatched?

It sounds as though most of you are bitter and should just "bottle" it. Why are you all senior members anyway? Is it because of your age or because you spend all your time putting people down on chat boards? Does the number of posts make you special? Is there a hierarchy here in which you are all the "wise ones" and everybody else is an ***?

For your information, there are all kinds of people out there and many of them are not worried about their children, but how to get back at their ex....and unfortunately most of them are WOMEN. I have seen first hand how pathetic some women are in that they feel they are OWED child support for themselves, and not the child. Well you know what? Why don't you try to make your life better and maybe get a better education so that you can get a better job? Why do you have to rely on a man to support you?

Our society makes it way too easy for a woman to sit on her *** all day and watch Jerry Springer by milking a child's father for every single penny she can get out of him. This isn't about the father paying his share of child support, but of women calling and nickle and diming the father to death claiming she doesn't have enough money...she's not getting enough money...the kids need more money. Well if the mother wasn't such a loser, maybe she could support the OTHER HALF of what it takes to raise a child.

I think a lot of women expect a man to pay all costs for a child. THAT IS WRONG. What CS is for is to pay HALF of the support of the child. And hmmm.....who gets to claim the child on their taxes? Not the father!

For all you bitter old fat divorced women out there who judge people based on a 1500 word POST, F you. Get a life, get a man, or GET A EFFING JOB! Quit sucking the life out of people and the government! You are all bottom feeders.

Man...very nice rant.

Paula Jones killed her children? And I thought she was one of Bill Clinton's conquests...one who actually fought back.

I don't know why you dug up a thread nearly a month old...but I stand by what I wrote. Biological mothers have rights. I can think of a dozen legitimate reasons why the bio mom might have left. If the OP was concerned about her step son being abandoned, she should have suggested to her husband that he pursue it with the court. I'm still waiting to hear why she said "they attorney we used"...what did she have to do with the divorce? Were there other issues that "they" had to hire an attorney for? Hard to give advice without the entire story.

By the way, I'm a dad and an NCP. I have a job and support my kids. You should be more careful with your sweeping generalities.

Oh yeah, and F you, too.

You "senior" members kill me. .

Sorry, not an option. :rolleyes:

In my case, Yes, I am Smart. GotSmart.:cool: