Is there any defense against this if you do not have the money?

Is there any defense against this if you do not have the money?

Has your income INVOLUNTARILY decreased due to: injury, illness, lay-off, or an INVOLUNTARY cut in hours?
If so, and you can DOCUMENT the involuntary loss, you have a defense.

If your income has not decreased, or decreased through some VOLUNTARY reason: quit your job, was fired for cause, was arrested, etc. Then you do not have a legal defense to contempt.

Have you consulted with an attorney yet? You really need to because your situation is extremely complicated.

Today I attempted to get a consultation. But every lawyer that I spoke over the phone with, said I have to first be served the papers. So I called my ex-wife's lawyer and ask him to resend the papers because either I misplaced the mail, it was lost or he hasn't sent the papers yet.
-------
I really have grave forbodding over this .. I can just see in my mind a bunch of legal people in a court coldly saying: Ok, you go jail and give what ever currently remains in your pay check over to your ex-wife. And by the way, thanks for paying this years college expenses but that doesn't count. You still owe your ex lots of money and you didn't or couldn't or whatever pay ..
-------
I am starting to loose confidence in the US legal system.

Case Closed.

Today I attempted to get a consultation. But every lawyer that I spoke over the phone with, said I have to first be served the papers. So I called my ex-wife's lawyer and ask him to resend the papers because either I misplaced the mail, it was lost or he hasn't sent the papers yet.

Big mistake. Don't deal with the ex-wife's lawyer, just go to the court clerk office and get copies of the papers yourself. It is quite possible the papers haven't been sent yet - you will have most likely have to sign for them when they come. Misplaced the mail? Lost? Come on. You are not that incompetent.

-------
I really have grave forbodding over this .. I can just see in my mind a bunch of legal people in a court coldly saying: Ok, you go jail and give what ever currently remains in your pay check over to your ex-wife. And by the way, thanks for paying this years college expenses but that doesn't count. You still owe your ex lots of money and you didn't or couldn't or whatever pay ..
-------
I am starting to loose confidence in the US legal system.

Case Closed.

What do you want the folks on this forum to say? Sorry? Many of us have been where you are, and we can tell you that self-pity is a waste of time...it will get you nowhere and is time better spent working on your case.

Please stop the whining, take a deep breath, and get the papers. You can go on from there. I'm still having a problem with the issue of two years of bills being piled on at once...doesn't sound right.

Big mistake. Don't deal with the ex-wife's lawyer, just go to the court clerk office and get copies of the papers yourself. It is quite possible the papers haven't been sent yet - you will have most likely have to sign for them when they come. Misplaced the mail? Lost? Come on. You are not that incompetent.

-------


What do you want the folks on this forum to say? Sorry? Many of us have been where you are, and we can tell you that self-pity is a waste of time...it will get you nowhere and is time better spent working on your case.

Please stop the whining, take a deep breath, and get the papers. You can go on from there. I'm still having a problem with the issue of two years of bills being piled on at once...doesn't sound right.

The two years of bills being pilled on at once is totally my fault and really can be blamed on my naitivity in this matter.
----------------
The major bills, coming from College expenses which I could not pay at the time because I was on the verge of bank ruptsy. Also the fact that my ex-wife tricked me by sending the youngest girl to an expensive private school instead of Temple University, which had granted her a four year scholarship, i.e. she chould have attended for free.
-------
So during the first two years of college, my ex-wife paid the bill in some way , how I do not really know. Maybe her current husband helped. According to the girls, she put it on her credit cards.
-------
Then suddenly, she sends me a bill by way of her lawyer, saying that I must pay her a lump sum of about 20,000 to cover my part of her expenses.
-------
I tried to ask her if I could pay her small amounts per month until I could figure out a way to make more money. NO DEAL. I MUST PAY ALL OR GO TO JAIL .. this is her view of the matter.
------
Does this clear the issue up a little better?

Big mistake. Don't deal with the ex-wife's lawyer, just go to the court clerk office and get copies of the papers yourself. It is quite possible the papers haven't been sent yet - you will have most likely have to sign for them when they come. Misplaced the mail? Lost? Come on. You are not that incompetent.

-------


What do you want the folks on this forum to say? Sorry? Many of us have been where you are, and we can tell you that self-pity is a waste of time...it will get you nowhere and is time better spent working on your case.

Please stop the whining, take a deep breath, and get the papers. You can go on from there. I'm still having a problem with the issue of two years of bills being piled on at once...doesn't sound right.

Oh .. I did not see the first part of your message. Yes they may have been missplaced or lost. It is possible. However, I would have definitely remembered signing for them which I did not do. Every since I was dragged into court last year by my ex-wife, I have been avoiding the mail , ignoring it when ever possible, just letting it pile up. Most of bills are paid automatically on line so I have little need to check the mail. That is why I was worried that I might have missed the mail. I did go thru all my back mail and did not find anything.
--------
By the way, you mentioned that most of the people in this forum have been thru what I am going thru. If so, did most of them automatically go to jail for not being able to pay college expenses?
--------
And I guess you are right about not contacting her lawyer though one of the lawyers that I contacted by phone told me to do that.
--------
I am starting to wonder if a lawyer is not your sister or brother ... Is is like throwing away money to use their services in these types of matter unless you are the CS.

That's a lot of writing that doesn't change a thing.

I tried to ask her if I could pay her small amounts per month until I could figure out a way to make more money. NO DEAL. I MUST PAY ALL OR GO TO JAIL .. this is her view of the matter.

Fortunately, her view isn't what's important. It's very clear that this is a bully tactic to get you to pay money you don't have. Tell her "see you in court" and leave it at that.

Go to the court clerk's office...find out if you have been served. If not, wait for the papers to arrive. If you have, ask for a copy of the papers. See a lawyer for a consultation after you receive the papers. Ask the lawyer if you can be sent to jail for not having $20K to pay CS costs which have been allowed to accrue for two years without your knowledge. Wait for the laughter to stop.

Until then, stop complaining. Please. Find a nice chat room instead. When you have a legal question, we will see you then.

That's a lot of writing that doesn't change a thing.



Fortunately, her view isn't what's important. It's very clear that this is a bully tactic to get you to pay money you don't have. Tell her "see you in court" and leave it at that.

Go to the court clerk's office...find out if you have been served. If not, wait for the papers to arrive. If you have, ask for a copy of the papers. See a lawyer for a consultation after you receive the papers. Ask the lawyer if you can be sent to jail for not having $20K to pay CS costs which have been allowed to accrue for two years without your knowledge. Wait for the laughter to stop.

Until then, stop complaining. Please. Find a nice chat room instead. When you have a legal question, we will see you then.

I understand what you are saying. But she did win the court case last year ( Oct last year 2007 ).
I was forced to give her more child-support, which I an now doing, and also the judge said I have to pay her for all documented College expenses. This was in the final judgement. I basically told her I did not have 20K dollars to pay. BUT .. in her opinion and in the opinion of her lawyer, TOO BAD. I must pay even if I do not have the money .. or .. go to jail .. or .. something equally bad which I have not yet imagined.
-----
I wrote my sister tonight, telling her to come and get all of my art work ( I paint/draw sometimes ) and some other personal items and store them for me. Those are the only things that are really important to me. I plan on becoming a jobless jail-bird soon. Maybe its not that bad .. no problems .. no bills .. Just live off the state.

Today I attempted to get a consultation. But every lawyer that I spoke over the phone with, said I have to first be served the papers. So I called my ex-wife's lawyer and ask him to resend the papers because either I misplaced the mail, it was lost or he hasn't sent the papers yet.
-------
I really have grave forbodding over this .. I can just see in my mind a bunch of legal people in a court coldly saying: Ok, you go jail and give what ever currently remains in your pay check over to your ex-wife. And by the way, thanks for paying this years college expenses but that doesn't count. You still owe your ex lots of money and you didn't or couldn't or whatever pay ..
-------
I am starting to loose confidence in the US legal system.

Case Closed.

The bolded portion is exactly what I posted on your other thread- NO ORDER CAN BE ISSUED, NO WARRANT CAN BE ISSUED, UNTIL A PLEADING HAS BEEN FILED AND SERVED UPON YOU, AND A HEARING IS HELD. (I am not yelling, I posted in caps because you need to understand that basic fact).

Part of what you are stressing about is nothing more than your ex's words- they do not mean anything. As you've been advised, do not speak to your ex or her lawyer about it. Do not depend on them to tell you the truth. The ONLY way to find out is to go to the courthouse and look at your file yourself.

As for what you say you "see" happening, is not always true. Yes, if found to be in willful contempt, or if you do not appear for the hearing, you could go to jail. However, a court can NEVER order anyone to give thier entire paycheck to the ex- federal law prohibits that.

I understand what you are saying. But she did win the court case last year ( Oct last year 2007 ).
I was forced to give her more child-support, which I an now doing, and also the judge said I have to pay her for all documented College expenses. This was in the final judgement. I basically told her I did not have 20K dollars to pay. BUT .. in her opinion and in the opinion of her lawyer, TOO BAD. I must pay even if I do not have the money .. or .. go to jail .. or .. something equally bad which I have not yet imagined.
-----
I wrote my sister tonight, telling her to come and get all of my art work ( I paint/draw sometimes ) and some other personal items and store them for me. Those are the only things that are really important to me. I plan on becoming a jobless jail-bird soon. Maybe its not that bad .. no problems .. no bills .. Just live off the state.

For the hundreth time- it does NOT matter what your ex or her lawyer SAYS- the only thing that matters is what the Judge says and ordered. Did the Judge order that the college expenses MUST be paid IN A LUMP SUM? If the Judge didn't state that in the order- you can pay what you can, regardless of how your ex and her lawyer want. As long as you are making a good faith effort by paying something, you most likely will not be in trouble.

Your attitude about welcoming going to jail is ridiculous. Find out exactly what has been filed, get a copy from the court clerk, and take all of your papers to a local attorney for a consult. This is the best advice that we can give you, please do so, you have rights that need to be upheld and you can do that only by getting the assitance of an attorney.

For the hundreth time- it does NOT matter what your ex or her lawyer SAYS- the only thing that matters is what the Judge says and ordered. Did the Judge order that the college expenses MUST be paid IN A LUMP SUM? If the Judge didn't state that in the order- you can pay what you can, regardless of how your ex and her lawyer want. As long as you are making a good faith effort by paying something, you most likely will not be in trouble.

Your attitude about welcoming going to jail is ridiculous. Find out exactly what has been filed, get a copy from the court clerk, and take all of your papers to a local attorney for a consult. This is the best advice that we can give you, please do so, you have rights that need to be upheld and you can do that only by getting the assitance of an attorney.

How do you make a good faith effort of paying something when you are dealing with what can only be called a very devilishly demonic woman ( hate to say that ). What do I do, send her a small check in the mail ? She would completely ignore it. She will not touch any mail that I send her. Even during the divorce, the court had to send the local Shiriff's office out to deliver her the papers. She ignored all laywer queries .. etc.
-------
Call her on the phone? SHe would go into a rage and hang up immediately screeming ... PAY EVERYTHING OR YOU WILL GO TO JAIL!!!
-------
The best thing I can do, regarding the pay small ammount approach would be to hang a check over to my daughter for her mother. At least I would have proof via my daughter. Thanks .. you help me think of that!
-------
I am contacting a lawyer with or without the papers at this point. If the court cannot be "easily" queried with the docket number by me, I am sure a lawyer will have no problem doing so. I can probably afford to put 4 legal hours of work on my credit card .. for starters. My sister has promised to loan me 1,000 dollars also to go towards legal counsel if necessary and then there is my father who I might be able to get a little help from.
--------
Thanks again .. and you also caused a slight light bulb to go off in my head in that it did not specifically say "lump sum" in the judgment filed last year. That is very interesting and something I did not notice or understand. It is my ex-wife and her lawyer that continually ask for the "lump sum". Now this does not mean that a judge will not also agree to the lump sum issue. But why my ex-wife continually claims that I have to pay everything in full is a mystery to me.

How do you make a good faith effort of paying something when you are dealing with what can only be called a very devilishly demonic woman ( hate to say that ). What do I do, send her a small check in the mail ? She would completely ignore it. She will not touch any mail that I send her. Even during the divorce, the court had to send the local Shiriff's office out to deliver her the papers. She ignored all laywer queries .. etc.
-------
Call her on the phone? SHe would go into a rage and hang up immediately screeming ... PAY EVERYTHING OR YOU WILL GO TO JAIL!!!
-------
The best thing I can do, regarding the pay small ammount approach would be to hang a check over to my daughter for her mother. At least I would have proof via my daughter. Thanks .. you help me think of that!
-------
I am contacting a lawyer with or without the papers at this point. If the court cannot be "easily" queried with the docket number by me, I am sure a lawyer will have no problem doing so. I can probably afford to put 4 legal hours of work on my credit card .. for starters. My sister has promised to loan me 1,000 dollars also to go towards legal counsel if necessary and then there is my father who I might be able to get a little help from.
--------
Thanks again .. and you also caused a slight light bulb to go off in my head in that it did not specifically say "lump sum" in the judgment filed last year. That is very interesting and something I did not notice or understand. It is my ex-wife and her lawyer that continually ask for the "lump sum". Now this does not mean that a judge will not also agree to the lump sum issue. But why my ex-wife continually claims that I have to pay everything in full is a mystery to me.

This is how you attempt to make a good faith effort to pay:

Write a check, send it by certified RETURN RECIEPT mail. Either your ex will have to sign for it, or she can refuse it. If she does refuse, the letter carrier must write 'refused" on the card. You will get the card back with her signature on it if she accepts, if she doesn't you'll still get the card back with "refused" written on it. Either way, you have the card and your postal reciept to prove that it was sent. Then keep track of your bank account to see if the check clears, either way you'll have double proof of payment being sent.

I don't understand part of your post- have you attempted to view your file with the court, and the court clerk has refused to allow you to? If so, you'll need to remind the clerk that the file is a public record, that anyone who wishes MUST be allowed to view it.

If you are in another state, or too far away to go in person, you can call the clerk's office and ask for copies to be sent by mail. They will look at the file, and tell you how many pages and how much per page. You'll then send a MO or check to them, with a SASE and they will mail the copies to you.

This is how you attempt to make a good faith effort to pay:

Write a check, send it by certified RETURN RECIEPT mail. Either your ex will have to sign for it, or she can refuse it. If she does refuse, the letter carrier must write 'refused" on the card. You will get the card back with her signature on it if she accepts, if she doesn't you'll still get the card back with "refused" written on it. Either way, you have the card and your postal reciept to prove that it was sent. Then keep track of your bank account to see if the check clears, either way you'll have double proof of payment being sent.

I don't understand part of your post- have you attempted to view your file with the court, and the court clerk has refused to allow you to? If so, you'll need to remind the clerk that the file is a public record, that anyone who wishes MUST be allowed to view it.

If you are in another state, or too far away to go in person, you can call the clerk's office and ask for copies to be sent by mail. They will look at the file, and tell you how many pages and how much per page. You'll then send a MO or check to them, with a SASE and they will mail the copies to you.

That is another good idea. If only I had of realized that earlier regarding the certified letter. I will do that first thing tomorroo. Hopefully, I will not be arrested on the way to the post office!!!
-------
It is difficult, it seems, to get case information using the docket number. You do not get to speak to a real person but a comuterized voice instead. It simply says: leave a call back number and the docket number. We will contact you later.
Maybe later means a number of days. Unfortunately, I am not that close to the court house. On the other hand, yet another idea comes to mind , because of your comments. I can probably go to any court house to get such information? Not just the court house in the city where the judge resides. If that is the case, I might be able to find a close New Jersey Court House to the place I work.
-------
Of course, I feel that time is running out, hopefully I can do this tomorro during lunch time.

This is how you attempt to make a good faith effort to pay:

Write a check, send it by certified RETURN RECIEPT mail. Either your ex will have to sign for it, or she can refuse it. If she does refuse, the letter carrier must write 'refused" on the card. You will get the card back with her signature on it if she accepts, if she doesn't you'll still get the card back with "refused" written on it. Either way, you have the card and your postal reciept to prove that it was sent. Then keep track of your bank account to see if the check clears, either way you'll have double proof of payment being sent.

I don't understand part of your post- have you attempted to view your file with the court, and the court clerk has refused to allow you to? If so, you'll need to remind the clerk that the file is a public record, that anyone who wishes MUST be allowed to view it.

If you are in another state, or too far away to go in person, you can call the clerk's office and ask for copies to be sent by mail. They will look at the file, and tell you how many pages and how much per page. You'll then send a MO or check to them, with a SASE and they will mail the copies to you.

I got the Judges verdict. I called my ex-wifes lawyer and had him fax it to me at work.
-----
Needless to say, I have to get a lawyer quickly. I am borrowing some money to attain a lawyer. Hopefully, this will at least .. keep me out of jail.
-----

I got the Judges verdict. I called my ex-wifes lawyer and had him fax it to me at work.
-----
Needless to say, I have to get a lawyer quickly. I am borrowing some money to attain a lawyer. Hopefully, this will at least .. keep me out of jail.
-----

The judge's verdict? From the last time you were in court? I thought you were going to get copies of whatever has been filed against you since then. You do realize that your ex has to file against you for contempt before you could even possibly be sent to jail, don't you? Do you have reason to believe your ex has filed a motion for contempt against you?

Again...I cannot emphasize this enough. DO NOT CALL YOUR EX-WIFE'S LAWYER FOR ANYTHING! They are under no obligation to help you, and they have every reason to try and mislead you. Contact the court (the same one you went to before...you can't go to a "closer" one) and find out if there are any current motions against you.

I'm really having a tough time following you...is it just me?

The judge's verdict? From the last time you were in court? I thought you were going to get copies of whatever has been filed against you since then. You do realize that your ex has to file against you for contempt before you could even possibly be sent to jail, don't you? Do you have reason to believe your ex has filed a motion for contempt against you?

Again...I cannot emphasize this enough. DO NOT CALL YOUR EX-WIFE'S LAWYER FOR ANYTHING! They are under no obligation to help you, and they have every reason to try and mislead you. Contact the court (the same one you went to before...you can't go to a "closer" one) and find out if there are any current motions against you.

I'm really having a tough time following you...is it just me?

No, it's not you.
We have explained the way things work to the OP, and he still doesn't get it. Unfortunately for him, that is the best reason yet for him to hire an attorney. I truly hope he does because that's the only way that the mess will get straightened out.

No, it's not you.
We have explained the way things work to the OP, and he still doesn't get it. Unfortunately for him, that is the best reason yet for him to hire an attorney. I truly hope he does because that's the only way that the mess will get straightened out.

I simply wish to know about about possible defense against "contempt of court" (?) in not paying for various SUpport charges brought against me by my ex-wife.
----------
1. Last year my ex wife took me to court and asked for both and increase in child support and for payment of all college/dental charges she had accumilated over the prior year and 1/2. The judge ruled in her favor and gave me a specified amount of time to pay her. I could not pay because I did not have such a lump sum ... I asked her if I could make some other arrangement, such as getting loan for college, making small payments to her on a regular basis. All She said was NO.
2. THe specified amount of time expired. Now the Child SUpport Payments are being made but I could not pay her the huge sum. Next, my ex-wife's lawyer indicated to the Judge that I had not paid in the specified amount of time. So Then , on April 18th, The Judge sent me an order to pay within 30 days.
-------
I have now contacted a lawyer in an attempt to stop from going to jail. I will speak with the lawyer starting monday at 1PM. The lawyer asked me to bring all court/divorce related papers.
-------

If anyone has any ideas regarding approaches to a defense, please let me know. I am attaching the latest order in the form of a JPEG file for you to view. Since the file is large .. I am breaking it up into several files.

Also, I noticed on the ORDER that certain lines have a LINE drawn thru them. I am not sure what that actually means. Perhaps the lawyer will be able to tell me.
Thanks
I -- WILL POST THE ORDER IN A FEW MINUTES

In four parts .. because it was large file

Second part of page one

first part of page 2

This is the last part of the ORDER

LAST PART OF PAGE 2 .. second try

Well .. those for images represent the two pages of the order that the judge sent ..
( though I had to get it directly from the lawyer by calling him and having it faxed over to my job )
Hopefully someone that knows New Jersey Law can analyze it for me.
Thanks

Get an atty. You have 30 days from 4-18-2008 to pay the full amount of arrearage owed. You were already found in contempt.

If you do NOT pay it, you will be answering to the court as to why you did not. It will be determined at this hearing what penalties you will face.

Can you go to jail? Yes. WILL you go to jail? Only the judge can make that determination.

That's quite a bit of money you owe. GET A COMPETENT ATTY. You really, really need one.

Get an atty. You have 30 days from 4-18-2008 to pay the full amount of arrearage owed. You were already found in contempt.

If you do NOT pay it, you will be answering to the court as to why you did not. It will be determined at this hearing what penalties you will face.

Can you go to jail? Yes. WILL you go to jail? Only the judge can make that determination.

That's quite a bit of money you owe. GET A COMPETENT ATTY. You really, really need one.

I know this .. I am preparing for jail in fact. I do not think that there is any hope for me since I do not have the money.

I know this .. I am preparing for jail in fact. I do not think that there is any hope for me since I do not have the money.

You mean .. even if you cannot pay, you still have to pay ?

You mean .. even if you cannot pay, you still have to pay ?
Yep. You never filed for a modification of the CS order when you needed to. If you did file, for whatever reason, the downward modification was denied. Therefore, you are 100% responsible for meeting the terms of the CS order.

If you know this and are just going to continually whine about going to jail, why are you still asking questions here?

What have YOU done to try to help yourself? Have you contacted an atty? Have you tried to borrow money from anybody or anywhere to start paying off this arrearage?

It's not like you're behind a couple of months.

Yep. You never filed for a modification of the CS order when you needed to. If you did file, for whatever reason, the downward modification was denied. Therefore, you are 100% responsible for meeting the terms of the CS order.

If you know this and are just going to continually whine about going to jail, why are you still asking questions here?

What have YOU done to try to help yourself? Have you contacted an atty? Have you tried to borrow money from anybody or anywhere to start paying off this arrearage?

It's not like you're behind a couple of months.
Thanks for your information.
Well ..
I really haven't done anything. The girls, 18 and 20, have told me that they would go to court with me against their mother. Also many of my ex-wifes friends have stepped forth saying that they would also appear in court as character witnesses if need be.
------
My question to you .. is .. do such things actually matter in such a case. For example, even if my ex-wife is the most demonic woman that ever walked the face of earth, does it really matter in such situations? Is the only thing I can do is somehow manage to get about 30K and pay her.
------
I only ask this because my girls, close family friends .. etc .. that are all aware of my ex-wife's past and behavior seem to think that such things matter. For example, DYFUS has been into my ex-wife's life many times because she was emotionally abusing the oldest girl. Both girls tell me that they never see a cent of the support payments and they wish to come with me to court to tell the judge this.
-----
BUT ..
-----
Do such things really matter in this silly debters's court and prison that the state of New Jersey has concocted.
It is kindof funny .. in a way ..
-----
From my point of view .. It is just a money thing. But then that raises another question. Has this debter's court and prison even protected itself from this description. Lets say, I run around, talk to all my friends, relatives .... and manage to come up with some lump sum that this debter's prison is seeking. And I pay. WILL I STILL GOT TO JAIL just for pissing the debter's prison authorities OFF?
-----
I find this interesting and at the same time , of course, very depressing. I am , in fact , in a great state of emotional destress at this point.
-----
My oldest girl ask her mother: Mom, are you trying to have daddy put in jail. Her mother told her, of course not. He cannot go to jail for this. I would be stupid to do such a thing. All support payments would stop. Then my oldest girl told her .. well .. If you are indeed trying to throw daddy in jail I will never speak to you again as long as I live.
-----
My youngest, 19, is actively trying to become emacipated. I am helping her find a place near her college to live.
-----
You see, this legally correct woman, is loosing her children in this bid to destroy her ex husband. It is interesting.

I am , in fact , in a great state of emotional destress at this point.

This is, perhaps, the first thing you have posted that I have truly understood and agree with totally. You need serious psychological help.

The most telling piece of evidence I've seen is on your own post of the court order..."Unopposed...no opposition filed." The enforcement order was 10/3/07. You knew then you were obligated to pay these amounts, and you ignored it and ran away...buried your head in the sand. You said she won the case and the judge ruled for her...truth is, you didn't even bother to contest it. If you couldn't pay at that time, you should have taken care of the situation then. I does no good to complain now about an obligation you've known about for 7 months.

Good for your ex for not rolling over and taking it from you and your excuses.

Oh, and one final thing...leave your daughters out of this. SHAME ON YOU for using your children in such a way. Their "testimony" at this point is completely irrelevant. Your ex-wife proved (through documentation, not her "evilness") to the court that you owe the money. It doesn't matter if you're father of the year, Ward Cleaver, and Mother Teresa all rolled into one. YOU OWE THE MONEY. This time, face the court and make arrangements to pay it.

Don't even bother replying to me about this issue...I'm done with you. Pour yourself into a deep glass of self-pity.

And it is NOT just a money thing. It is your legal responsibility to support your children per the court order. You didn't do that and did nothing to contest the order.

Your children and your ex's friends are not going to do you any good. You want to know how the judge is going to react when you drag your kids (that you refused to support) into court to testify against the person that DID support them for you? You are going to get your butt handed to you on a plate served up with a nice baked potato and A1 steak sauce. That's IF the judge even lets anyone in the courtroom other than legal counsel, yourself, and your ex.

Quit wallowing in self pity over a situation solely of your making.

Beg or borrow the money from somewhere. You can try to work out a payment schedule (but it won't be a schedule for $25/month), but at this point, it very well may be too late.

Reattach your 'set' and deal with this like an adult instead of like a whimpering little kid.

If her children are so disrespectful and unappreciative of everything their mother has done to support them when their father wouldn't step up, that's says something about the girls (and that something isn't good). How would you feel if your daugther had a child and the father of that child refused to pay support? Would you think that was just fine and dandy that your daughter was left to solely support the child? If so, then you are not as much of a wonderful father as you think you are.

How about YOU be honest with everyone and admit that you were wrong to not support them as ordered and that YOU are the only one responsible for the possibility that you will have a new home courtesy of the taxpayers?

And it is NOT just a money thing. It is your legal responsibility to support your children per the court order. You didn't do that and did nothing to contest the order.

Your children and your ex's friends are not going to do you any good. You want to know how the judge is going to react when you drag your kids (that you refused to support) into court to testify against the person that DID support them for you? You are going to get your butt handed to you on a plate served up with a nice baked potato and A1 steak sauce. That's IF the judge even lets anyone in the courtroom other than legal counsel, yourself, and your ex.

Quit wallowing in self pity over a situation solely of your making.

Beg or borrow the money from somewhere. You can try to work out a payment schedule (but it won't be a schedule for $25/month), but at this point, it very well may be too late.

Reattach your 'set' and deal with this like an adult instead of like a whimpering little kid.

If her children are so disrespectful and unappreciative of everything their mother has done to support them when their father wouldn't step up, that's says something about the girls (and that something isn't good). How would you feel if your daugther had a child and the father of that child refused to pay support? Would you think that was just fine and dandy that your daughter was left to solely support the child? If so, then you are not as much of a wonderful father as you think you are.

How about YOU be honest with everyone and admit that you were wrong to not support them as ordered and that YOU are the only one responsible for the possibility that you will have a new home courtesy of the taxpayers?
Thanks for your eye-opening information. I guess a lawyer, once I see him on monday, would have told me exactly what you have said. I'll tell my girls that there really is nothing that they can do at this point to help the current case. But for future help, it would be best that they get away from the mom as soon as possible. They are, in fact, in the process of doing that.
-------
In the meanwhile, you gave me an idea. One possibility is to approach every close friend or semi-close friend that I know and ask for a personal loan to help me stop from going to jail. I will start to do that immediately. I do have a few wealthy friends that , who knows, might be willing to help me stop from, as you put it, staying in some place owned by the taxpayers.
-------
And you are 100% right. I am guilty for not paying my ex-wife my portion of the college expenses. The subjective analysis/reasoning that this came to be is basically a mute point within the realm of "debtor's court" and "debtor's prison". This is both a legal matter and business matter at this point.
--------
Any additional insight and advice is welcome.
Thanks

And it is NOT just a money thing. It is your legal responsibility to support your children per the court order. You didn't do that and did nothing to contest the order.

Your children and your ex's friends are not going to do you any good. You want to know how the judge is going to react when you drag your kids (that you refused to support) into court to testify against the person that DID support them for you? You are going to get your butt handed to you on a plate served up with a nice baked potato and A1 steak sauce. That's IF the judge even lets anyone in the courtroom other than legal counsel, yourself, and your ex.

Quit wallowing in self pity over a situation solely of your making.

Beg or borrow the money from somewhere. You can try to work out a payment schedule (but it won't be a schedule for $25/month), but at this point, it very well may be too late.

Reattach your 'set' and deal with this like an adult instead of like a whimpering little kid.

If her children are so disrespectful and unappreciative of everything their mother has done to support them when their father wouldn't step up, that's says something about the girls (and that something isn't good). How would you feel if your daugther had a child and the father of that child refused to pay support? Would you think that was just fine and dandy that your daughter was left to solely support the child? If so, then you are not as much of a wonderful father as you think you are.

How about YOU be honest with everyone and admit that you were wrong to not support them as ordered and that YOU are the only one responsible for the possibility that you will have a new home courtesy of the taxpayers?
Also .. I should say this to you in defense of myself.
I honestly admit that I am guilty of not helping pay college expenses. But there is more to this story. And I think that a lot of men are thrown into jail in New Jersey because of the fact that the "other" part of the story is never told and if it were told would not mean anything to those that maintain this big-time business infrastructure called "debtor's court and debtor's prison". Lots of men are used by their ex-wives as a second source of income. It is not money that goes to the children of those families but is money that the ex uses for herself. Both of my girls tell me that. They ask me why can't the support payments go directly to them because their mother pockets the money for her own personal vacations and use. Sure, some of the money has to trinkle down to them here and there. But most of the support payments are just plain alimony.
-----
I am not saying that all women are like my ex-wife but I am saying that .. of those who are .. they get away with it because of this business set up in the legal system that I call "debtor's court and debtor's prison".
-----
My ex did not tell me about enrolling the youngest girl in a over-priced Universty. Yet , in New Jersey , the "debtor's court" has so far allowed her to get away with it. The divorce decree says I must pay 50+ % of the college fees. This means that she can put the child in any college she pleases ? Sounds strange to me. And then , after the bills accumulate that neither of us can afford to pay, she just puts them all on her credit card and sends her "debtor's court lawyer" to sue me and drag me into "debtor's court" , claiming to be the innocent ex-wife, doing all she can for her children.
-----
Lets take a brief look into history. Why do the children wish to support their dead-beat father? He is obviously guilty in any legal sense.
-----
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that their dead-beat father, over the past 16 years, saw them every weekend and told them to always love their mother, whose bedroom door was a revolving door with over 100 or so men.
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that the mother told the girls that the man she is with is much more important than they are and if they disturb the man she is with there will be big trouble for them.
Perhaps it is because DYFUS has been to my ex's house because of emotional abuse towards one of the girls.
Perhaps it is because, this ex that you defend, had her own mother commited, and stole the money that her own mother had put aside for the two girls education and used it for her own vacations, buying a house in Canada.
Perhaps it is because, this ex that you defend, has spend 30K trying to become pregnant with her new husband that is 20 years younger than she is, a former student of hers.
Perhaps it is because, this ex that you defend for doing her so-called duty for her children, spent a large part of her life going into rages, screeming constantly, so much that she developed nodules on her vocal cords. She was screeming at her two girls.
Perhaps it is because these two girls grew up hearing their neighbors and friends label their mother as the "hoochi" mama . WOnder what that means?
-------
Yes ..
I am as guilty as hell. But the real thing .. that I am guilty of is ignorance and stupidity for not fighting for custidy of my two girls when I got divorced and allowing them to stay with this ex that you so whole - heartedly defend in the name of the "debtor's court and prison". I am guilty of allowing such a woman to manipulate me into this situation. I am guilty of being extremely silly and naive for not knowing that my ex was weaving a plan that would eventually send me to jail.
-------
You are right .. I will go to jail , probably. But I hope that my going to jail will in some way cause the legal system in New Jersey to eventually take a closer look at the out-of-control system they have set up here. I will try to create a few news articles in my local area about this. There is something dreadfully wrong with the way the New Jersey Legal System involving Family/Support issues is set up. It is almost like an out of control unit of the government that does as it pleases.
-------
I am taking your advice on begging all the people I know to loan me money so that I do not end up in "debtor's prison". Who knows .. might work ..
-------
This is probably my last posting. After this weekend will be too busy trying to defend myself from going to jail and trying to borrow money from everyone I know. In the meanwhile, the ex will be concentrating on having her firtility-induced pregnancy with her young husband. As a side note, I asked my girls how did she convince him to remain with her and have a baby. They simply said: She threatened him with (1)suicide and (2)reporting his relatives(mexican) who are here illegally to the authorities.
-----
So .. I guess this great woman you defend and glorify will , indeed , win this case unless I can find some money somewhere.
------
By the way, could you loan me 10K ? That will help towards my problem.
My name is (took it out) ..
I have a website also ..
it is at .. http://www.cannottellyouanymore.com .. Has the fruits of my hobby at one time.
-------
If I do not go to jail .. I will make another posting to this site telling you all how it eventually turned out.
THANKS FOR ALL THE INFO AND HELP THAT EVERYONE IN HERE GAVE ME ..

MeAndOnlyMe

Well .. finally got a lawyer. Situation is not as bad as I thought. It appears that my ex may very well have to pay me some money. Also, the fees that she claimed I owed her are not less than half that amount and may shrink more. At least according to my lawyer. It is good that I kept every thing extra that I bought for the girls, school books, and other items on my credit cards. Also the fact that I paid 10K is being deleted from my ex-wife's outlandish claims. The lawyer is also investigating how she managed to pay 30K in firtility clinic ..
AND .......
DrumRole .... ddddddddddddddddd
The Lawyer is involving our two girls as character witness for the father ....
DrumRole .... ddddddddddddddddd
-----
This lawyer I am using has both a law degree, MBA in finance and is a FEMALE that is probably one of the most
competive persons I have ever met in my life. In addition,
was in varsity sports.
------
I had NO money to pay her HIGH fee and retention cost. My friends paid it for me!!!!!!

Congratulations! I am now convinced you are a troll.

The "extras" you bought on your credit cards don't offset your part of the agreement. Only those items which were part of the JOD that you can prove you paid will be taken off the amount you owe. If you had contested the previous motion, they wouldn't have been on there in the first place.

The 30K your ex paid in "firtility clinic" has nothing to do with anything. You still have a percentage of the documented expenses to pay.

You have a very bad lawyer indeed who would involve your children in a matter which really has nothing to do with any testimony they could give. Facts are facts, numbers don't lie, and emotional pleas don't change that. What a rotten thing to do to your daughters...making them take sides in what should just be a parenting obligation. You make me sick. You are a pathetic excuse for a father.
I honestly admit that I am guilty of not helping pay college expenses.
Then why are you now trying to explain those expenses away and trying to get out of paying them? Scumbag...
This is probably my last posting.
Pathetic liar. I don't believe anything you say...troll...crawl back into the hole you came from.

Oh, and your "art" is junk, too...no wonder you're such a failure.

Congratulations! I am now convinced you are a troll.

The "extras" you bought on your credit cards don't offset your part of the agreement. Only those items which were part of the JOD that you can prove you paid will be taken off the amount you owe. If you had contested the previous motion, they wouldn't have been on there in the first place.

The 30K your ex paid in "firtility clinic" has nothing to do with anything. You still have a percentage of the documented expenses to pay.

You have a very bad lawyer indeed who would involve your children in a matter which really has nothing to do with any testimony they could give. Facts are facts, numbers don't lie, and emotional pleas don't change that. What a rotten thing to do to your daughters...making them take sides in what should just be a parenting obligation. You make me sick. You are a pathetic excuse for a father.

Then why are you now trying to explain those expenses away and trying to get out of paying them? Scumbag...

Pathetic liar. I don't believe anything you say...troll...crawl back into the hole you came from.

Oh, and your "art" is junk, too...no wonder you're such a failure.
Why do you say such things? You have reason to be angry about something ?
I thought this was a serious forum about various aspects of family law. Your angry words are not warrented in here.
Perhaps you should visit a different type of forum.
However, I apologize completely if I said something in an earlier posting that upset you.
------
I am going thru a lot of stuff these days with this judgement and more than likely upcoming court case, so sometimes I did say some very depressing things. But you
honestly believe, I wasn't trying to upset you in anyway.
-------
Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for your eye-opening information. I guess a lawyer, once I see him on monday, would have told me exactly what you have said. I'll tell my girls that there really is nothing that they can do at this point to help the current case. But for future help, it would be best that they get away from the mom as soon as possible. They are, in fact, in the process of doing that.
-------
In the meanwhile, you gave me an idea. One possibility is to approach every close friend or semi-close friend that I know and ask for a personal loan to help me stop from going to jail. I will start to do that immediately. I do have a few wealthy friends that , who knows, might be willing to help me stop from, as you put it, staying in some place owned by the taxpayers.
-------
And you are 100% right. I am guilty for not paying my ex-wife my portion of the college expenses. The subjective analysis/reasoning that this came to be is basically a mute point within the realm of "debtor's court" and "debtor's prison". This is both a legal matter and business matter at this point.
--------
Any additional insight and advice is welcome.
Thanks
I spoke to my lawyer today. It was very amazing. I do not
think that I have ever witnessed such an intelligent woman
in action before.
I know it is very early, just the first meeting with the lawyer, but I have a tiny little feeling that this case is
going to blow up in my ex-wife's face. The lawyer immediately discovered "misrepresentation" on the order,
called my ex's lawyer and demanded he send her additional
documentation. My lawyer has an MBA in finance. She went
thru the court order, reading it with one hand, using a calculater with the other, completing detailing every aspect
of the finance and discovering something "fishy". There is a possibility that I might not have to
pay my ex 1 single cent. In fact , the whole order might be thrown out all together. I wonder why she,
my ex, included the amount that I paid in the amount that she was demanding .. DUMB DUMB ... SUPER DUMB
I guess my ex thought that I would be my usual, lazy .. laid back .. silly and asleep self and not get a good
lawyer ... and just let her do as she pleases , even throwing me in jail. MISTAKE on her part.
-------
Should be interesting ... If only I could be a little fly on the wall when my ex-wife's lawyer calls her. But I am sure
you oldest girl that still lives at home will give me full
details of the reaction.
-------
Thought you would like to know ..
-------
ONE BIG PIECE OF ADVICE TO ANYONE GOING THRU THESE THINGS:
Always consult with a professional acquaintance for the location of a good lawyer. Never just use
the yellow pages or internet.

Well ... I am not in jail as of yet. I am curious , in particular about mommyof4, as to what she thinks about the letter my youngest daughter sent to my laywer. I know that mommyof4 thinks that the man is always wrong. But I would like to hear your comments regarding the email my youngest ask me to send my lawyer ... which I did just send.

My name is xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and I am an upcoming
second semester junior at xxxxxxxxxxxx University
located in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I'm sure you are familiar
with my father xxxxxxxxxxxxxx, as he is a client of
yours. I am writing you this letter to describe the
financial conundrum that plagues me during the midst of
this on-going legal battle between my parents. While the
two of them partake in this heated debate, both my sister
and I tread onward with hardly any financial support from
both parties. Yes, I am well aware that my father has been
ordered to pay more child support, but this notion fails
to instigate any sense of relief whatsoever. Although a
larger sum of child support is granted to me and my
sister, I seldom feel a difference at all. I agreed to my
mother's case against my father mainly because she claimed
that the money we would receive would go towards my
college and/or other related expenses. Yet, my mother
still refuses to give me any money whatsoever and also has
blatantly refused to continue financing my education. Her
response is always the same; when I ask for 20 dollars to
use on a necessary item for school, for example, her
response never fails to be, " The money your father gives
me I use to pay for the house you live in." Now that my
father pays my mother more money, he refuses to give me
any spending money whatsoever as well. It would be hard to
believe that my mother is an economically stable bilingual
teacher, landlord of 3 homes, a receiver of child support
funds as well as pension/social security funds (from her
mother and deceased father, as my mother holds power of
attorney over my Alzheimer-afflicted grandmother) if you
were to observe they way my sister and I live. My mother
has not bought a single clothing item for me since I was
fifteen years old, she leaves the refrigerator empty and
without food, Cannot afford to pay for my 4 current
cavities, and has ceased to pay for even the telephone
bill. My aunt, George's sister, pays for my cell phone
bill ironically.On the other hand, my mother frequently
goes on vacation to Montreal, spends money on unnecessary
futile things, and continues to refuse to give me and my
sister any type of financial support. I wrongly believed
that these bizarre events would cease to occur after the
increase in child support; I was blatantly wrong. Matters
will only get worse now that my mother is, oddly enough,
expecting a child at the age of 52. I just simply do not
think it is fair that my sister and I continue living
penniless, without enough money to finance our education,
and are forced to buy our own food,books,and clothing with
the little money we do have; all this is secretly
occurring in the background while my mother makes my
father be seen, in the eyes of the law, as a deadbeat. It
is quite the contrary, as my mother has been probably the
most emotionally abusive part of my life. Nevertheless,
this one disquieting thought has been seizing my mind
lately- is the monthly check that arrives child support,
or is it parent support?

For any further information please feel free to contact my
cell at xxxxxxxxxxxx or email me at
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you for your time,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I just simply do not
think it is fair that my sister and I continue living
penniless, without enough money to finance our education,
and are forced to buy our own food,books,and clothing with
the little money we do have

For any further information please feel free to contact my
cell at xxxxxxxxxxxx or email me at
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wow...penniless, but still with a cell phone and computer with internet access. :rolleyes:

This letter is ridiculous. Leave your daughters out of this.

Wow...penniless, but still with a cell phone and computer with internet access. :rolleyes:

This letter is ridiculous. Leave your daughters out of this.

And, of course, none of it states why DAD didn't step up and pay for them.

I am not sure that a letter stating how the children live in poverty will help the case of the dead beat dad......

Isn't this the same youngest child who spent her first two college years at an expensive private school, which your ex financed on credit cards, and caused you to be deeply in arrears? "Poverty" sounds a little overly dramatic. The letter doesn't help your case at all.

I think that the letter is going to hurt more than help.

Personally, children, of any age, should NOT be involved in thier parents' legal situations. My hubby's ex had her 3 MINOR children write letters to a Judge, full of lies. So, I do have some experience in this arena, no matter what the child's age, it is a really stupid thing to have, or allow a child to write to an attorney, or a Judge.

And I just have to add (as I was personally addressed by a person who just refuses to pay child support AND who made blatantly inaccurate statements about me) that I don't always think men are wrong. I ALWAYS think dead beats who try to use their children to garner sympathy or a 'victory' in court are pathetic.

Yep OP, I would be talking SPECIFICALLY about you. :rolleyes:

Your daughter's letter to the judge is a HUGE mistake on your part and you will be lucky if the judge doesn't suffer an apocalyptic fit when he reads it...that is IF he even sees it.

And I just have to add (as I was personally addressed by a person who just refuses to pay child support AND who made blatantly inaccurate statements about me) that I don't always think men are wrong. I ALWAYS think dead beats who try to use their children to garner sympathy or a 'victory' in court are pathetic.

Yep OP, I would be talking SPECIFICALLY about you. :rolleyes:

Your daughter's letter to the judge is a HUGE mistake on your part and you will be lucky if the judge doesn't suffer an apocalyptic fit when he reads it...that is IF he even sees it.

I think Boobatuba is right. I smell a troll with an active imagination. I have never recieved support, and have no simpathy with those that flaunt stiffing the CP. Also, your "daughter" seems to have the same writing style as you do.:rolleyes:

Any parent that willing lets their child live with an unfit parent,

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that their dead-beat father, over the past 16 years, saw them every weekend and told them to always love their mother, whose bedroom door was a revolving door with over 100 or so men.
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that the mother told the girls that the man she is with is much more important than they are and if they disturb the man she is with there will be big trouble for them.
Perhaps it is because DYFUS has been to my ex's house because of emotional abuse towards one of the girls.
Perhaps it is because, this ex that you defend, had her own mother commited, and stole the money that her own mother had put aside for the two girls education and used it for her own vacations, buying a house in Canada.

Also, you seem to be unaware of the law.

http://www.njlawblog.com/2007/01/articles/divorce/when-is-a-child-emancipated/

My youngest, 19, is actively trying to become emacipated. I am helping her find a place near her college to live.

Let me get this straight...

The person who allegedly wrote this letter is a college junior. So, assuming she is not a young savant, she is also a legal adult.

So.... an adult is writing a letter saying "I'm poor and it's unfair my parents don't give me money."

I'm thinking, the judge will be more irritated with this grown woman complaining that she isn't getting a free ride from mommy and daddy more than anything else she might say.

My Dad actually made his money when I was approximately 19 years old. Not one red cent of it was ever owed to me.

She's an adult. If she cannot afford things, she needs to get a job. It's not her mother's job to support her, and the CS does belong to her mother.