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By all means I don't have any knowledge in this area but I will share my thoughts. I think if your sister was willing to adopt you, she would have to petition the court. However, it would be a process. Maybe she can contact Social Services and get an appointment to go in and speak with someone.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been on my own since 16 and I too was adopted. I never knew my biological parents and when my adopted mom died, my adopted sister took me in briefly. She was not prepared for me and therefore put me out when I was 16. I have had struggle after struggle but I believe in a higher power and refuse to give up and give into society's pressures.

You need someone to talk to and fast! Sweetheart, life is more than just sitting around thinking of ways to hurt yourself, you are important to someone and maybe should try reaching out to a counselor in school, a friends parent or someone you trust.

You sound as though you are depressed, you somewhat sound like me when I was younger so I can feel your pain. However, I don't condone you thinking of hurting yourself and want you to find someone to reach out to. There are even hotlines you can call (I will research if you want and try to find some for you).

If you want to send a private message to me, I will try to work through this with you to let you know someone does care. Again, I have no experience in this area except for my own personal experience.

If it helps at all, just know that someone cares and there is always a way out even if you don't see it!

Cheer up, be strong and remember...It is not about the obstacle in life, it is how you overcome it!

Hugs~~~:)

And one more thing, have you tried talking with your adoptive parents? Sometimes as teenagers we feel we are isolated and no one will listen. With all that is going on in today's society, it is worth a try. Let them know how hurt you are in addition to informing them about the smoking then maybe they will try to get you some help.

No more smoking young person...quit now while you are ahead!

It seems as though you don't feel connected to anyone and are heading down a path of self destruction. People can help you so please don't give up and keep pushing forward please please!!!

I was in this same boat and now looking back at all the things I did, I won't say I regret them because it was all I knew at the time but I have learned from them. If I can save you or try to inspire you on a different path, I have accomplished what I have always wanted - to save someone from themselves before it is too late!

I'm in a weird situation. I feel unconnected to the world. I feel unloved. I don't really feel like I have any real important relationship with anyone.

I was adopted at a very young age because my birth mother was schitzofrenic and my grandmother was too old to take care of me but did take in my 3 siblings which were all 5+ years older than me.

I feel like if I no longer lived in this home I would be a much happier person. I havn't been physically abused but I have been treated like I am stupid and cannot think for myself. I have developed an extremely low self-esteem. My adoptive mother mocks me by saying "I act like I'm superior" whenever I say I can make my own decision or when I show that I have my own beliefs different from hers or tell her how ridiculous her beliefs are.

The tension resulted in me not being happy with them and isolating myself from them as much as possible, and now they have me in this cage. They're way too strict and I don't feel like I can handle it anymore. I don't know if I'm "diagnosed with depression" or not but I really can't remember the last time I felt like I belonged or was truly happy or content. I even got into smoking and really my only reason for smoking is to kill myself in an undramatic way. But I'll try not to go into too many details.

Anyways, my birth sister who is 26 and has a great job as a bank manager found me after a long search and called the house while I was gone, talked to my adoptive mother about a few things, left her number, etc.

My question is that if my birth sister wanted to adopt me and I wanted to live with her but my adoptive parent's didn't approve would the court respect my opinion? Would I get to move in with my sister?

A child is not property.

For a child to be adopted, the current parents of the child have to give the child up for adoption. You cannot force parents to let their child go out for adoption.

As for the rest... congrats... you are an official teenager. You fight with your parents, you lock yourself in your room, you are overly dramatic and you want to leave home. Classic.

You alternate between saying you feel belittled while, simultaneously, telling your parents "how ridiculous their beliefs are". You give what you get, kid.

Stick it out. You will be fine. The only person that can make you truly happy is you. If you decide to be happy, you will be happy. If you decide to be sad, you will be sad.

I will tell you, though, that the teenage years are temporary... and you don't want to throw away your relationship with the people that love you most in all the world just because they took away your xbox cause your room wasn't clean.

gfahaghaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So, basically, because your parents won't let you play with your band you want to run away from home to live with your bio sister?

Yeah... not gonna happen.

Of course, I think it is hilarious that you are saying you can't answer emails when this entire thread is being posted on a Sunday.

Oops.

That's cause my mom's upstairs. And now I have to run I'll reply later.

First off, I absolutley understand that you feel like you somehow "don't belong" in your family. It happens to a lot of adopted children. There are developmental stages of adoption, and you are right smack in the middle of one. You are a teenager.

There are post-adoption services that deal with these things, on both a personal level for you and a family level. The services range from support groups to family counseling and workshops.

This is the site for one such servce in Pittsburgh. If you are not near there, I am sure you can call and they can give you the number for a center closer to where you live.

http://fhc.bluearcher.com/post_adoption_services.asp


That said.....

Your problems with your parents are identical to the problems that hundreds of thousands of teens have with their parents, adopted or not.

Frankly, it actually sounds as if you are trying to use the fact that you are adopted to make it look like you are treated unfairly for that specific purpose. Shame on you, kid. Based on how you describe your parents, they absolutley love you like their own. You are being treated the way you are because your parents have set rules, boundaries and limits, and you are testing each and every one of them, INCLUDING defying them by sneaking around to use the computer on a day which they forbid it.

Your parents are allowed to forbid you to do something. Your parents are allowed to tell you that you MUST go to church and pray on Sunday.

When you are old enough to leave home, you can, and then and only then can you do whatever you want. But until that time comes, you have no choice but to listen to your parents. You are suffering from a clear case of "the grass is greener" syndrome.

Your life's dreams will not go *poof* simply because your parents won't let you play in a band.

Your biological sister cannot just petition to adopt you. You have parents. You cannot live with her. But maybe, just maybe, if you TALK to your parents, they can help you establish a relationship with your sister, and perhaps even THEY could delevop a relationship with her.

But if you continue to disobey their rules and tell them that their beliefs are ridiculous, then you can expect to feel picked on for the next two years or so.

And also, keep in mind that when your parents received that phone call from your sister, it is possible that what they felt was near-terror.

Many adoptive parents worry about the biological families coming into their children's lives. Because they love their children fiercely, and are terrified at the possibility of losing them.

Your parents may be worried that you will want to leave them... because they LOVE you. So, as a result, they tighten their grip on you. Not because they are mean or too strict, but because you are their baby. They didn't create you, but they PICKED you. They WANTED you.

They are afraid to see you get hurt. They don't want you to run to your sister thinking life will be wonderful, only to be disappointed by her as well. After all, what makes you think your sister won't also have rules at her home?

You need to have a serious discussion with your parents. You may just be surprised. They are real people with hearts and feelings, not machines who set rules and don't care. Open a dialogue.

And quit smoking. Smoking is ugly.

This sums up your issues right here: "My adoptive mother mocks me by saying "I act like I'm superior" whenever I say I can make my own decision or when I show that I have my own beliefs different from hers or tell her how ridiculous her beliefs are."

Your mother isn't mocking you when she says you act like you are superior for telling her how rediculous her beliefs are because you ARE! As a matter of fact, telling a religious person such an outright disrescpectful thing would get you much worse here in the bible belt...

Until you are 18, your beliefs will be what your parents' beliefs are and no court will go against that basic right of a parent.

I'm in a weird situation. I feel unconnected to the world. I feel unloved. I don't really feel like I have any real important relationship with anyone.

I'm pretty sure that I hear that reafrain from all 4 of my kids when I send them to their rooms. You see, the little attitude pushes me to my limit and it seems best to give them some time away from me at that point. Here's a hint....there are times that I don't LIKE my 12 year old very much. It's hard to remain upbeat and loving when all you get back is a smart alek comment. I just remember that this time won't last that long and she will return to me as a normal, loving human being. Until then, I'm convinced that she has been 'body snatched'.


I was adopted at a very young age because my birth mother was schitzofrenic and my grandmother was too old to take care of me but did take in my 3 siblings which were all 5+ years older than me.


You are very lucky and blessed that you were adopted. Want to take a guess at how many kids would absolutely LOVE to be living with parents and family?

I feel like if I no longer lived in this home I would be a much happier person. I havn't been physically abused but I have been treated like I am stupid and cannot think for myself. I have developed an extremely low self-esteem. My adoptive mother mocks me by saying "I act like I'm superior" whenever I say I can make my own decision or when I show that I have my own beliefs different from hers or tell her how ridiculous her beliefs are.

So, it's a truthful statement and she feels that if you are big enough to run your mouth, then you're big enough to take the truth. Good for her.

The tension resulted in me not being happy with them and isolating myself from them as much as possible, and now they have me in this cage. They're way too strict and I don't feel like I can handle it anymore. I don't know if I'm "diagnosed with depression" or not but I really can't remember the last time I felt like I belonged or was truly happy or content. I even got into smoking and really my only reason for smoking is to kill myself in an undramatic way. But I'll try not to go into too many details.

Yeah well, I'm 34 and I still have those days, usually when the kids are being pia and my husband comes home from work pissy and doesn't bother to stop and realize that I haven't talked to an adult all day and the KIDS ARE BEING PIA!!! (well, now I need to go have a good cry and wonder why nobody cares about me.:D )

Oh, and smoking so as to kill yourself in a non-dramatic fashion??? Huh...melodramatic much and I guess you have never seen someone die from lung cancer. It's a tad dramatic, to say the least.


Anyways, my birth sister who is 26 and has a great job as a bank manager found me after a long search and called the house while I was gone, talked to my adoptive mother about a few things, left her number, etc.

My question is that if my birth sister wanted to adopt me and I wanted to live with her but my adoptive parent's didn't approve would the court respect my opinion? Would I get to move in with my sister?


This is not going to happen and it is way out of line for your sister to be contacting anybody about 'adopting' you. WAY out of line.

Trust me, your sister isn't doing you any favors by reinforcing your melodramatic 'woe is me' fantasy. Emo, much?


Oh, and as for the band issue? How many artists (of whatever medium) do you suppose had parents who just didn't get it? That's all part and parcel of becoming an artist.

Of course, I think it is hilarious that you are saying you can't answer emails when this entire thread is being posted on a Sunday.

Oops.



Owned!!!!! lol

Firstly, thanks for the answers. Why do you think I'm posting here before actually doing anything.

Secondly, you could've excluded tearing me apart. Pretty much I feel worse, good job.

Thanks for your help, yet **** you at the same time for being total dickholes. I simply saw a way out, asked if it was legitimite, and you could've simply answered me without being destructive.

Now I have to find another way out. And oh yes I will rebel to the point of just leaving the house against their will if I have to, if talking to them doesn't work out that is. I will try to work things out in a fashionly manner and if they still refuse to loosen their grasp to a reasonable amount then I won't put up with it anymore.

You can't tell me that I'm unreasonable either. It is natural for a human being to want freedom and to fight for that freedom. I find it disgusting that you think by my age I'm so young that I can't possibly handle freedom.

Goodbye.

If you want to be considered a constructive rebel, then lobby congress to give rights to teenagers.

Your tone shows that you are not being responsible right now.

Darn it! Nobody has freedom. I can't go to the movies, why? Because I have a 2 year old who will throw up on any babysitter because he has to have my husband and me with him at all times. Hmm, then we all have bosses that make the rules... etc... this is life. You will be fighting your way out of something that isn't even restricting into a much more restriction adult life and those are the cold hard facts.

I was very helpful. I posted a link to a place that can truly help you get through the problems you are facing, both on your own AND with your parents. If you want to blow it off, fine, but it's your fault, not anyone else's.

You could not be a bigger brat if you tried.

Your statement "oh yes I will rebel to the point of just leaving the house against their will if I have to" is about as immature as you can possibly get. Your actual AGE has nothing to do with it. When you show such blatant immaturity, you will not be treated as an adult, whether you are 16 or 65.

So to get it straight: You don't get your way, your parents set rules and boundaries, you think that life is totally unfair..... so you will stomp your feet and cry "woe is me?" AND.... try and blame it all on the fact that you are adopted.

Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. How dare you show such disrespect to the people who love you most in this world, the people who would lay down their lives to protect you, the people who CHOSE to love you, all because you are a brat and want to play in a band.

You ARE being unreasonable. Each and every one of us was 16 once, and each and every one of us wanted to follow our own way. Yet those of us who have been there are telling you you are wrong, and you won't listen. Refusing to listen to experience and reason is pretty much the definition of "unreasonable."

Good luck with that running away thing too. Hopefully, if your parents are as strict as you say they are, they'll have you declared a delinquent runaway and have you thrown into juve before you can say "we're gettin' the band back together!"

...and you just supported every 'mean' thing we said to you. Thanx for proving our point. Sadly, you probably can't even claim the maturity to realize that is exactly what you have just done. Oh well...you're still a kid. Plenty of time left for you to grow up.

Firstly, thanks for the answers. Why do you think I'm posting here before actually doing anything.

Secondly, you could've excluded tearing me apart. Pretty much I feel worse, good job.

Thanks for your help, yet **** you at the same time for being total dickholes. I simply saw a way out, asked if it was legitimite, and you could've simply answered me without being destructive.

Now I have to find another way out. And oh yes I will rebel to the point of just leaving the house against their will if I have to, if talking to them doesn't work out that is. I will try to work things out in a fashionly manner and if they still refuse to loosen their grasp to a reasonable amount then I won't put up with it anymore.

You can't tell me that I'm unreasonable either. It is natural for a human being to want freedom and to fight for that freedom. I find it disgusting that you think by my age I'm so young that I can't possibly handle freedom.

Goodbye.

That's okay - I find it disgusting that a 16 year old kid would spit in the eye of the parents that adopted, loved and cared for him so that he could play in a garage band.

C'est la vie.

Here is what you don't seem to understand. By law, you do not have the ability or authority to judge what is reasonable. Your parents do.

If you run away to your bio sister's home, all you will succeed in doing is getting her charged with interference of custody.

I will finish by simply saying... lighten up. Your parents are not the evil overlords because they don't like your music and want you to actually go to sleep on school nights at the right time.

Hell, most of us were in bands too. Thank God we have educations to fall back on.

My parents didn't like my music either... of course, in retrospect, 80's hair bands were pretty bad. Oh crap... now Air Supply is running through my head.

I forgot to add one more thing.

If you force your parents to do so, your life could change DRAMATICALLY for the worse.

You would not be the first kid that, when returned to his parents' home after running away, found that all their room contained was a bed and two changes of clothing.

By law, that and food is all they owe you. Think about that before you get stupid.

I forgot to add one more thing.

If you force your parents to do so, your life could change DRAMATICALLY for the worse.

You would not be the first kid that, when returned to his parents' home after running away, found that all their room contained was a bed and two changes of clothing.

By law, that and food is all they owe you. Think about that before you get stupid.

They also need to let you bathe regularly as well. But that doesn't need to be every day by law either...

And as far as listening to your parents' music, to this day, I still love old fashion country music thanks 100% to them (my friends certainly weren't into country in the 80's).