I have a 4 month old daughter to a married man. :( Who I was in a relationship with for 8 years, and he has been married the entire time. Throughout this 8 years he has been severely violent and extremely mentally and physically abusive to me. I have never had him arrested, though I have documented some of the many incidents. He assaulted me while I was pregnant, and after I had the baby, while she was in my arms and another time while I was breastfeeding her. One of those two times was witnessed by my sister. He has signed an acknowledgement of paternity form, and I have allowed him to come to the home I share with my parents daily to see our daughter. I moved from a home with him to here because of his abusive behavior. Recently he has become aggressive toward my father and mother, threatening them, basically terrorizing them in their own home, and yes, all of this radical behavior in front of my child. He is also an alcoholic with a history of DUI charges and other alcohol related incidents. And he insists on coming to see her very intoxicated at 3 or 4 am to wake her because "he has a right to see his daughter".
Recently he has informed me he will be having his lawyer contact me and will take me to court for custody of our daughter. He believes I was a promiscuous woman before I met him(which I was), and therefore am a bad mother. Even though I have not been with anyone but him in 8 years. He says he has witnesses to testify that I am a bad person. I have never been arrested, do not drink alcohol, or do drugs, as all of these do apply to him. I am solely breastfeeding my daughter, she has refused a bottle and I have a lactation consultant to testify to this. He even admitted to me that he used to sit with the child he had to his wife while she was at work, and leave him in a high chair ALL DAY while he got drunk and passed out!!!:eek: , And that his wife has taken their infant child out at 3 or 4 am in snowstorms to wait in parking lots outside of bars for him, all because he ordered her to do so. She is also abused by him and will not refuse anything he orders her to do. He brags about this.
So. . . my question is, how likely is it, that if I request to a judge to grant him supervised visitation only, that he will if any at all? Or is it likely I will have to send my 4 month old baby off with this drunken monster? And does that fact that she refuses a bottle help me? What can I do to keep her safe and with me?

http://www.healingclub.com/resources.php

Please get yourself help for Domestic Violence. If you do NOT call the police on him each and every time he is abusive, threatening or a danger to your child, child services will be more likely to end up with full custody.

Do not believe any of his threats, call the police.

Domestic violence in the home is what prompted CPS to investigate and remove my exH's child from her mother's home. She now lives with me (and has since July 2005). She was born after I divorced my X. Unless you are willing to risk this happening to you, you will start making a report every single time, you will immediately file a domestic violence restraining order on behalf of you, your parents, and your daughter, and you will follow through with keeping that restraining order by not allowing any contact what so ever and reporting every single time he attempts contact with you by calling the police and having him arrested.

If you choose not to do this, don't be surprised if he does get visitation/custody because you will have allowed it by not protecting your daughter when you had the chance.


Not being mean, just being realistic and speaking from experience.

Unless he has killed someone or sexually assulated a child or anyone, he probly will get visitaion... He does have a right to his child... So you knew he was married and you were having a relationship with this man? What did his wife have to say? I would be furious...

Yes I knew he was. I was 20 years old when I met him, he was 30. I'm not a bad person I was just young and dumb. If you've ever been abused by someone you know how hard it is to leave. I was the one who let her know about the whole relationship, because lies are not my thing.
I know he has a right to see his child, but does he have a right to possibly ruin her life by exposing her to all of his violence, alcoholism, and abuse? I don't think the makings of a strong independant woman lay in this type of environment. That's why I am trying to protect her from it. If his wife puts him before her own child, what would she do when it was my child on the line?

I understand that my child's safety is more important than my relationship or lack thereof with this man. I am not the type of mother to say, "oh, but I love him" and continue to expose my child to this kind of life. That is the reason why I moved in with my parents, so that she can have a better life. I have a degree, I am an educated woman, and plan to support myself and my child. At this point, I think it is best for me to be at home with her and raise her without the help of a daycare. Just a personal choice.
He is not afraid of authority, and is a bully. The police told me what he is doing is only a misdemeanor punishable by a fine. I feel that by agreeing to visitation, that I would not being doing my job as a mother to protect my child. I just want to make sure I go to a court (I already know he is not going to agree to anything I suggest to a mediator) with all of the evidence I need to show them he is violent.

Usually the first conviction for Domestic Violence is a misdemeanor, however, subsequent convictions become felonies. The same goes for violations of restraining orders. Each conviction will bring longer sentences and increasing fines. How long do you think he would continue his violent and intrusive behavior if he started having consequences to his actions?

Going to court with NO arrest records for violence against you and NO restraining order will be a problem. There are a lot of people who claim abuse when divorce/custody issues come up in court. If you are not having him arrested each and every time he is abusive or threatening to you and your family, then he may very well fall through the cracks and be allowed visitation or even joint custody.

I have a 4 month old daughter to a married man. :( Who I was in a relationship with for 8 years, and he has been married the entire time. Throughout this 8 years he has been severely violent and extremely mentally and physically abusive to me. I have never had him arrested, though I have documented some of the many incidents. He assaulted me while I was pregnant, and after I had the baby, while she was in my arms and another time while I was breastfeeding her. One of those two times was witnessed by my sister. He has signed an acknowledgement of paternity form, and I have allowed him to come to the home I share with my parents daily to see our daughter. I moved from a home with him to here because of his abusive behavior. Recently he has become aggressive toward my father and mother, threatening them, basically terrorizing them in their own home, and yes, all of this radical behavior in front of my child. He is also an alcoholic with a history of DUI charges and other alcohol related incidents. And he insists on coming to see her very intoxicated at 3 or 4 am to wake her because "he has a right to see his daughter".
Recently he has informed me he will be having his lawyer contact me and will take me to court for custody of our daughter. He believes I was a promiscuous woman before I met him(which I was), and therefore am a bad mother. Even though I have not been with anyone but him in 8 years. He says he has witnesses to testify that I am a bad person. I have never been arrested, do not drink alcohol, or do drugs, as all of these do apply to him. I am solely breastfeeding my daughter, she has refused a bottle and I have a lactation consultant to testify to this. He even admitted to me that he used to sit with the child he had to his wife while she was at work, and leave him in a high chair ALL DAY while he got drunk and passed out!!!:eek: , And that his wife has taken their infant child out at 3 or 4 am in snowstorms to wait in parking lots outside of bars for him, all because he ordered her to do so. She is also abused by him and will not refuse anything he orders her to do. He brags about this.
So. . . my question is, how likely is it, that if I request to a judge to grant him supervised visitation only, that he will if any at all? Or is it likely I will have to send my 4 month old baby off with this drunken monster? And does that fact that she refuses a bottle help me? What can I do to keep her safe and with me?

Here are the issues you will have difficulty in court with.

1. Despite knowing he was abusive and dangerous, you deemed him good father material by getting pregnant and going to term.

2. YOU continued to live with this "monster" despite his assaulting you when pregnant...You also continued to live with this "monster" AFTER he attacked you with your child in your arms. YOU are actually just as guilty of child endangerment as he is.

3. If paternity has never been legally established and there are no visitation order in place, you do not legally have to let him near your child. That you do allow visitation will reflect to the court that you think he is safe to be around her. IF you do not think he is safe to be around your child and are allowing it anyway then YOU ARE GUILTY of child endangerment.

Actually, I moved out of the home I had with this man when I found out I was pregnant. The reason was because I did not want my child around the violence. When he assaulted me while I was pregnant, he had actually come into my home without my permission, and cornered me. The police said because he did not physically kick in the door, they could not charge him with anything. For all they knew, I assaulted him first. This is the way the police react to domestic violence cases where I am from. Most women in similar situations are treated as if they are at fault, much like the opinion you seem to have. I am keeping him from my daughter, that is how I am protecting her. This "monster" bullys and barrels through whatever door he feels like. Maybe you have never met a very violent person, and I hope you never have to, but people like him are not afraid of the police. And where I come from, the police don't always show up. And if they do, you just might have to pay another way. I would move away if I had the money, but I can barely buy diapers. Maybe I am expressing myself using the wrong words, but I feel like I am trying to do the best I can to protect her. That is why I am trying to have the strongest case I can when I do go to court. I guess not everyone is fortunate enough to have their lives and decisions turn out perfectly.

I got away from my abusive ex 5 years ago. My son is now 9 years old. Yes, we do know what we are talking about. You don't list what part of the country you are from. Read the links I provided in my first post. There are FEDERAL hotlines that can help you if you feel your local law enforcement won't help. You AND your parents need to have him arrested when he is threatening or abusive to ANY of you. DO NOT let him into their home. DO NOT give him permission to see the child. Let him know that he is not allowed on their property, that he would be tresspassing if he steps foot on the property. Send him a certified letter of that and then press criminal tresspass charges if he goes against that request. He has not filed for visitation and you are not required to let him even see the child for a minute until he is granted visitation from a court.

Actually, I moved out of the home I had with this man when I found out I was pregnant. The reason was because I did not want my child around the violence. When he assaulted me while I was pregnant, he had actually come into my home without my permission, and cornered me. The police said because he did not physically kick in the door, they could not charge him with anything. For all they knew, I assaulted him first. This is the way the police react to domestic violence cases where I am from. Most women in similar situations are treated as if they are at fault, much like the opinion you seem to have. I am keeping him from my daughter, that is how I am protecting her. This "monster" bullys and barrels through whatever door he feels like. Maybe you have never met a very violent person, and I hope you never have to, but people like him are not afraid of the police. And where I come from, the police don't always show up. And if they do, you just might have to pay another way. I would move away if I had the money, but I can barely buy diapers. Maybe I am expressing myself using the wrong words, but I feel like I am trying to do the best I can to protect her. That is why I am trying to have the strongest case I can when I do go to court. I guess not everyone is fortunate enough to have their lives and decisions turn out perfectly.

...sigh....Did you read the FIRST LINE IN MY POST???????????: Here are the issues you will have difficulty in court with.


Are you suggesting that you were repeatedly attacked by your ex and when you called the police they either DIDN'T show up or disregarded the attack all together?? Did you contact the State police? The mayor? The Governor? An attorney? Please remember if you want to play the "DV Card" in court you are required to PROVE your allegations. If you attempt to testify that you were denied protection from your police department be prepared to deal with the legal repercussion of such a statement. Remember 911 logs are kept forever.

Why are you so hostile, and are you condoning domestic violence? I guess you are just too strong of a person to ever have someone treat you badly, or are you the one who usually plays that role in a relationship? You sound like you live in a perfect world. My aunt was literally beat to death by her abuser. Was this her fault? Did she deserve it? That's when our police force did something about it. Yes, there are laws to protect us against domestic violence, but the police do not have to apply these to each and every situation. And most of the time the charge will be punishable by only a fine. Anyway, I guess I was mistaken when I thought the purpose of this forum was to get opinions from educated or experienced individuals, not to be demeaned and judged. Thank you others for your help.

Why are you so hostile, and are you condoning domestic violence? I guess you are just too strong of a person to ever have someone treat you badly, or are you the one who usually plays that role in a relationship? You sound like you live in a perfect world. My aunt was literally beat to death by her abuser. Was this her fault? Did she deserve it? That's when our police force did something about it. Yes, there are laws to protect us against domestic violence, but the police do not have to apply these to each and every situation. And most of the time the charge will be punishable by only a fine. Anyway, I guess I was mistaken when I thought the purpose of this forum was to get opinions from educated or experienced individuals, not to be demeaned and judged. Thank you others for your help.

I am not hostile. I am trying to tell you how your own actions or lack of action will appear to a court. I in no way condone DV. For you to infer from my posting such a thing is bizarre. I myself was involved in a DV relationship and have had to deal with these same issues. Courts are not nice and understanding...When you approach a Judge and tell him that the father to your child is a "monster" you had better have proof. That is a legal reality. If you prefer I could "flower" up my wording and tell you when you want to hear rather than a legal reality that will actually HELP you prepare for court...Is that what you would like?

The purpose of this forum is to help you prepare for your court case. If you think that apposing council or the Judge won't question YOUR actions you are not dealing with reality.

I haven't read anything hostile in this thread. What you are being told is the reality of the legal system. You came here seeking advice and I would think that you would want honesty. Baystate is only being honest and trying to help you. Unless you report the things that have/are happening you will not have the documentation to back up your claims in court and the court will not have anything to support a determination that he cannot have visitation.

Courts do not want to have their decisions appealed and overturned. You have to give them what they need to support any decision they make. No one can do this but YOU.

You want to protect your daughter, we get that. If the police do not respond to the first call, you keep calling, even if he is gone by that time. You have to make a report. Even if you have to go down to the station in person to make a report, do it. If you have to do an in person report at the station, and he has caused damage to your home, take pictures (digital or camera phone) and show them and ask them to come to the home for themselves to collect evidence. If you have injuries, take pictures or ask that they do. If they need evidence that he came in the home without permission, help them with that by locking the doors at all times. Have a tape recorder or video camera going if he shows up and play the tape for the police.

If you sit back and continue to whine and complain about it instead of being proactive about helping the police to have the evidence they need to get charges to stick, nothing will change and he WILL get visitation.

No one here wants him to have visitation if he is violent. However, unless you have the documentation and the evidence that shows his violent behavior, unless you stop him from being allowed to see the child (btw by allowing the violence to continue, you are endangering your child), he will get visitation. We are trying to help you here. Stop being defensive. Stop being a victim. Start helping yourself and your daughter.

And before you decide that I just don't understand.... I do. And the only way it stopped for me, the only way I was able to prove to the court the claims I was making was to do exactly as I have told you here. I now have sole physical and legal custody of our son and he sees his son when and if I say so. It can be done but first, you have to get yourself out of "poor pitiful me" mode and start preparing your case.

Why is it you are only reading lines that you wish to argue with when we as DV veterans are giving you the tools you need to have him arrested?

Have your parents, the owner of the home you are living in, send him a certified letter stating he is not allowed to step foot on their property or be charged with criminal tresspassing. Keep the proof that he received the letter. When he comes by, have him arrested for criminal tresspass.

Do not allow him near you. Call the police every time he is abusive. The police are PROBABLY giving you a hard time because you ALLOWED him into your home. They will do that because they are brought into man/woman arguments every day in which the woman does start it... DO NOT allow him in and then you will have no problem having him hauled away for threatening behavior.

If you can't bring yourself to do it, have your father read this post and let him take care of it. Have your parents read the resource links I posted above then.

It just sounds to me like I'm being attacked and told I am the reason why I'm being abused. And why does everyone keep telling me I'm endangering my child when I am protecting her. If I'm no longer allowing him in my home or around my daughter, there is nothing to call the police about NOW. So all I have is my testimony that this has happened in the past. I can't call the police and tell them I was assaulted 3 months age, isn't it a little to late for that? I think it is bizarre to imply that I'm "playing" the DV card as if I don't have the right to voice that he is what he is. Yeah, I got pregnant to him, and you all laid down with your abusers too. So, did that make them any less evil? Because that's what I think an abuser is. And I also think it is bizarre to imply that the police are always there to protect you. If you think there is no such thing as corrupt authority, I feel sorry for you. And the state police is who told me they will not arrest him. A friend of mine called after her abuser attacked her and shredded her pants she had on with a knife and when the state police arrived 2 HOURS LATER, they said they had to talk with him first to be sure she didn't start it. As if he was going to admit he was wrong! This is why we don't call here, they will say exactly what you all are, and there is nothing we can do without the law on our sides. I am an excellent mother, and would die for my child before I would ever let anything happen to her, so you don't have to stress that i am endangering my child, when it is her father who is. If the court is going to attack me like this, and I have no proof to present them with, then it sounds like I am screwed. The Opposing side will definately have a lot to go on without me having any record of the abuse, so I guess what you are saying is that there is nothing I can do.
Maybe you are not hostile, I guess it was you who endangered your child by staying with your abuser too. So maybe you just don't want me to make the same mistake you did.

From this comment: "Recently he has become aggressive toward my father and mother, threatening them, basically terrorizing them in their own home, and yes, all of this radical behavior in front of my child" you would have to believe that you are still allowing him in your parents' home.

Going forward, go through with the steps I noted, have him arrested anytime he comes to the property. Do not answer any of his phone calls, let them go to voice mail. Cut off ALL contact between you and he. Let him file for visitation. He will first need to prove paternity and then you will be able to show your proof that he shouldn't have unsupervised visitation.

And if you feel that my posts are attacking - btw I did catch that yours attacked me - then you are really out for an argument and I won't be a party to it.

It just sounds to me like I'm being attacked and told I am the reason why I'm being abused. And why does everyone keep telling me I'm endangering my child when I am protecting her. If I'm no longer allowing him in my home or around my daughter, there is nothing to call the police about NOW. So all I have is my testimony that this has happened in the past. I can't call the police and tell them I was assaulted 3 months age, isn't it a little to late for that? I think it is bizarre to imply that I'm "playing" the DV card as if I don't have the right to voice that he is what he is. Yeah, I got pregnant to him, and you all laid down with your abusers too. So, did that make them any less evil? Because that's what I think an abuser is. And I also think it is bizarre to imply that the police are always there to protect you. If you think there is no such thing as corrupt authority, I feel sorry for you. And the state police is who told me they will not arrest him. A friend of mine called after her abuser attacked her and shredded her pants she had on with a knife and when the state police arrived 2 HOURS LATER, they said they had to talk with him first to be sure she didn't start it. As if he was going to admit he was wrong! This is why we don't call here, they will say exactly what you all are, and there is nothing we can do without the law on our sides. I am an excellent mother, and would die for my child before I would ever let anything happen to her, so you don't have to stress that i am endangering my child, when it is her father who is. If the court is going to attack me like this, and I have no proof to present them with, then it sounds like I am screwed. The Opposing side will definately have a lot to go on without me having any record of the abuse, so I guess what you are saying is that there is nothing I can do.
Maybe you are not hostile, I guess it was you who endangered your child by staying with your abuser too. So maybe you just don't want me to make the same mistake you did.

Many of us here have BTDT. We have had to learn how to LEGALLY protect both ourselves and our children. By your own posting (cause that is what I'm responding to) you were attacked several times with your child in your arms...By having ANY contact with him you are endangering your child. That is how the courts will view your allegations. This is what YOU wrote:

He assaulted me while I was pregnant, and after I had the baby, while she was in my arms and another time while I was breastfeeding her


You have to understand that parents have a Constitutional Right to their children. If takes quite a lot for the courts to interfere with a parents rights. That is what we are trying to help you understand so that you can take proactive steps in protecting your child.

And if you plan on going to court you will have to be a little more resilient than you have been here...For the benefit of your case. If you were to behave in court the way you have on this forum you will loose.

Once again, instead of reading to what I had to say, you picked out the parts where you thought you are being accused instead of learning anything.

Did you even read the part of my post that told you how to get PROOF of what he has been doing. Do you really think that a police officer or court could ignore the voice and/or image of your abuser and wonder what really happened should you need to call them?


Throughout these statements, the only inference that can be concluded, as you phrased them in the present tense (particularly the bolded words), is that this situation is currently going on.

Throughout this 8 years he has been severely violent and extremely mentally and physically abusive to me.

Recently he has become aggressive toward my father and mother, threatening them, basically terrorizing them in their own home, and yes, all of this radical behavior in front of my child.

I have never had him arrested



And due to these sentences, one could only conclude that this is your current situation as well. The difference being is that these, combined with your statement that never had him arrested, show that you have indeed placed your child in danger by allowing him to continue contact with your child.:

I have allowed him to come to the home I share with my parents daily to see our daughter.

And he insists on coming to see her very intoxicated at 3 or 4 am to wake her because "he has a right to see his daughter".

He even admitted to me that he used to sit with the child he had to his wife while she was at work, and leave him in a high chair ALL DAY while he got drunk and passed out!!!

He assaulted me while I was pregnant, and after I had the baby, while she was in my arms and another time while I was breastfeeding her.



Its too bad (for your child especially) that you would rather whine than really do anything to plan for your case. I think Demartian is right. You're just looking for conflict. Probably what you thrive on. Good luck.

Well...I know that some on this site consider me the forum b*tch..or as one sweet guy call me the "big mouth"...:p ...But in defense of the OP, she strikes me as afraid. I think she is being argumentative with us because it's safe to do so. She would like a "magical" solution that does not involve a confrontation with her ex...unfortunately she has to stand up for herself in order to resolve this problem. She is still very frightened of him, but does know that what the right thing to do is...she is just to scared to do it...hence the defensive attitude. It's hard to admit you are too scared to protect your child properly.

OP...I do understand your feelings...I really do. But you must find the inner strength to end this circle of violence now...Before it's to late. Contact the resources that were link on this thread and get help...You don't have to live this way. There is happiness for you in life if you can find the courage to fight for it!!

OSM, I believe because of your personal issue with having your ex's child, you have generalized me as if I am the same person you have dealt with. I think it is awful for you to suggest that I am a bad mother. Or that I am whining. If the goal here was to help me, than why would you just not state, "This is what the court will say. . ." instead of giving me your personal opinion brought about by your emotions. I'm trying to understand that is the situation here, but implying that my child needs to be felt sorry for because I am her mother does not sound like help to me.
I was looking for help not a conflict, but do you really not expect a conflict when you imply to someone they are not wanting to keeping their child safe? I wouldn't even have posted if I was not trying to make a plan. So I think it's clear that my baby girl is my main concern. That is why I want so badly for him to not get visitations.
I agree that if I continue to let him come around it is not safe for my child. You are saying call the police. I've spoke to DV in my area and they agreed too much time has gone past for anything to be done about even these most "recent" actions. If me threatening to call the police at this point does keep him away, what can I do to help my baby? I know now what I SHOULD HAVE DONE. But I felt that no matter what HE did, I would be sure she didn't get hurt, even if he had to kill me in order for me to make sure of it. Now I know it is hurting her, that's why I'm trying to do this. There is no need to feel sorry for my child, I in no way put this man or myself before her.
His threats of what he will say when he goes to court; how I was promiscuous as a young teen, the fact that I live with my parents and don't work;how he owns businesses, his own home, and rental properties, how he knows all the right people in all the right places. And his promise to make up lies about whatever he can think of as the most heinous things and have friends and family testify to it These are the things that frighten me so much. I know they are his manipulations, but what if he just happens to have a judge that believes him, or knows him? And I loose her to him. Frightened is not a strong enough word to describe the thought of loosing your child. I have thought about calling CPS the times that he was this way around her, but just as you have said, it wouldn't be him, the father, who is at fault, it would be me.
By the way, he signed an acknowledgement of paternity form which gives him parental rights,(yeah once again, stupid me)because I believed AGAIN, he had changed. So it's not whining, we live in a very small town and he has what it takes to get what he wants, it's fear.

OSM, I believe because of your personal issue with having your ex's child, you have generalized me as if I am the same person you have dealt with. I think it is awful for you to suggest that I am a bad mother. Or that I am whining. If the goal here was to help me, than why would you just not state, "This is what the court will say. . ." instead of giving me your personal opinion brought about by your emotions. I'm trying to understand that is the situation here, but implying that my child needs to be felt sorry for because I am her mother does not sound like help to me.
I was looking for help not a conflict, but do you really not expect a conflict when you imply to someone they are not wanting to keeping their child safe? I wouldn't even have posted if I was not trying to make a plan. So I think it's clear that my baby girl is my main concern. That is why I want so badly for him to not get visitations.
I agree that if I continue to let him come around it is not safe for my child. You are saying call the police. I've spoke to DV in my area and they agreed too much time has gone past for anything to be done about even these most "recent" actions. If me threatening to call the police at this point does keep him away, what can I do to help my baby? I know now what I SHOULD HAVE DONE. But I felt that no matter what HE did, I would be sure she didn't get hurt, even if he had to kill me in order for me to make sure of it. Now I know it is hurting her, that's why I'm trying to do this. There is no need to feel sorry for my child, I in no way put this man or myself before her.
His threats of what he will say when he goes to court; how I was promiscuous as a young teen, the fact that I live with my parents and don't work;how he owns businesses, his own home, and rental properties, how he knows all the right people in all the right places. And his promise to make up lies about whatever he can think of as the most heinous things and have friends and family testify to it These are the things that frighten me so much. I know they are his manipulations, but what if he just happens to have a judge that believes him, or knows him? And I loose her to him. Frightened is not a strong enough word to describe the thought of loosing your child. I have thought about calling CPS the times that he was this way around her, but just as you have said, it wouldn't be him, the father, who is at fault, it would be me.
By the way, he signed an acknowledgement of paternity form which gives him parental rights,(yeah once again, stupid me)because I believed AGAIN, he had changed. So it's not whining, we live in a very small town and he has what it takes to get what he wants, it's fear.


Signing the AOP does NOT give him rights..He has to go to court to obtain any custody or visitation rights. Without a court order you have ZERO obligation to allow him near the child.

Once again you are attacking the people here that are trying to help you...Perhaps you should seek assistance from legal council in your area. Please make sure you have an attorney to represent you in court...you are not able to do this pro se....

I guess once you get out of an abusive relationship you get to be better than those who haven't yet. GOOD-BYE.
And don't waste your time replying, I won't be coming back to this lion's den.

In the past 3 business days have you:

researched whether or not this person has a police record where he lives/has lived?

researched whether or not this person has an arrest/conviction record?

spoken or interviewed with any attorneys to handle your case?

researched your state laws regarding custody?

gathered any witness statements regarding his behavior?

arranged to have access to and a plan of how you would use an audio and/or visual recording device to gather evidence against him should he show up?



In this statement you finally seem to be getting it (though the rest of your post is still??????) I have thought about calling CPS the times that he was this way around her, but just as you have said, it wouldn't be him, the father, who is at fault, it would be me.


What I am saying to you is that unless you begin to be proactive about planning your case, you will lose. If you, prior to any court ordered visitation agreement is signed by a judge (after you present all the evidence I HOPE you are able to collect), let him see your daughter, you are putting both you and her in danger.

Though it seems some of this may be sinking in per this statement: If the goal here was to help me, than why would you just not state, "This is what the court will say. . ." but do I really need to hold your hand and walk you through it?

You are still mistaking experience for emotion. I don't know you. You don't know me. Your case has no personal impact on my life and the only emotion I may feel right now would be one of compassion for your child and a hope that her mother will stop being so completely dense as to not understand what we are saying here. Oops, I guess there is another emotion there, frustration.

BTW, a signed AOP gives him the right to pay child support. Nothing else. You are the one who has given a violent man the "right" to have access to your child. That is what the court will say.

The reason I said you were whining is that not one single response you have given to any of the replys you have recieved was a discussion on or about the suggestions made. Your responses were singularly limited to defensive arguments based on what you felt was implied vs what was actually said.

His threats of what he will say when he goes to court; how I was promiscuous as a young teen, the fact that I live with my parents and don't work;how he owns businesses, his own home, and rental properties, how he knows all the right people in all the right places. And his promise to make up lies about whatever he can think of as the most heinous things and have friends and family testify to it These are the things that frighten me so much. I know they are his manipulations, but what if he just happens to have a judge that believes him, or knows him? And I loose her to him. Frightened is not a strong enough word to describe the thought of loosing your child. I have thought about calling CPS the times that he was this way around her, but just as you have said, it wouldn't be him, the father, who is at fault, it would be me.
By the way, he signed an acknowledgement of paternity form which gives him parental rights,(yeah once again, stupid me)because I believed AGAIN, he had changed. So it's not whining, we live in a very small town and he has what it takes to get what he wants, it's fear.

Let him threaten all he wants, with every single thing you listed, none of it has any relevence to who gets custody of a child. Why do so many people think that you need some fancy job to get custody of a child? It's who can care best for the child by way of their caring, not money. He can however be charged more child support for having all those rental properties.

Signing the AOP gives him no rights until he files for them. It really doesn't matter that he signed it. He still has the same rights as if he didn't sign it. He still needs to file for visitation himself.

I along with plenty of others have been in abusive relationships. It's not a badge of honor. We speak out so others know that you can stop listening to their threats and turn things around.

I guess once you get out of an abusive relationship you get to be better than those who haven't yet. GOOD-BYE.
And don't waste your time replying, I won't be coming back to this lion's den.

Again, I would advise you to have a lawyer with you in court...If you think an anonymous internet forum is "the lions den" then I can't imagine how you will cope with Opposing council and an impatient Judge. Childish, immature theatrics will not be tolerated in court. I actually DO consider myself "better" than you...but not because I am rid of my abuser...But because I had the sence and intellect to LISTEN to those who had walked in my shoes and came out the other end with their dignity restored. You really are not ready to leave your abuser...and hopefully your child will not have to pay for YOUR mistake with her life.