Hello,
I live in California and the child and primary caregiver live in Texas.
I was determined biological parent. I have in the past and continue to pay child support, 33% of net, ouch.
I have 0% visitation rights and it has been years without communication between parties, bigger ouch.

I do not know the child's status. I care nothing for information concerning the primary parent, however I I would like to know if the child has been adopted, emanicpated, married or even still alive.

Lets say the primary parent remarried and the dependent is adopted. Would either state need my consent for adoption? Would either state seek my relinquishing of rights? Is this something which could be going on behind my back and not be informed?

For all I know I could be paying child support for a child which is no longer mine or even alive. However, I do not desire contacting, directly or indirectly, the other party.

Does anyone have any suggestions or option for my situation?

The child has not been adopted. If the child HAD been adopted, you would either have to consent to termination of your parental rights or a court would do it for you. Either way, you would know.

You can either go on paying the support for your child with no contact or relationship or you can file in court to establish visitation and develop a relationship with your child.

It's really not about what YOU want. It's about what's best for the child.

It seems that you didn't mind close, personal contact when the child was created. If you want a relationship with your child (or at least the ability to check up on the child) I suggest you resign yourself to the fact that that will only happen if it involves at least minimal contact with the other parent. You don't have to be best friends, you know.

Hmmm, thanks for your reply, I suppose I should have not included the ouches in my posting. I guess this little touch of including my personality to the posting opened the gate for you to express your personality.

Believe me I know what the sytem wants, and I know the power it wields. You can rationalize it however you like, but I do not agree with you and I will leave it at that.

Now please, I am only interested in knowing how you can be sure of your statement that I would know. Would adoption preceedings go through the child support system? Is there some proof, some reference, somehthin in writing other than yours.

What state was the child support payment established in? Did you move away from the child, or was the child moved away from you? At the time when paternity was established, why did you not seek visitation or some sort of joint custody? How old is the child? Have you ever had any contact with the child? Do you want a relationship with your child?

I do not mean to seem harsh, but in my opinion, your questions were kind of cold. You seem more concerned with the money you pay out than with the welfare of your child. If you want a relationship with your child, you need to swallow your pride and establish some sort of adult working relationship with your child’s mother. If this is just about the money, you can ask the court to amend the child support based on some sort of change in status, but you will need to show a compelling reason why the support should be changed. Certainly if the child has passed away, that would constitute a compelling reason. I would hope that if that were the case, someone would have contacted you about it.

I realize the Mothers (and some Fathers) on this site tend to not realize that their truly are those absent parents that do NOT, I repeat, do NOT want a relationship with the child. My child has that kind of Father. He isn't even an awful person either. It just is what it is.

OP contact the courts. You will pay until the age of 18. You would have been notified of death or adoption. Those are sort of far fetched questions although I know you are not nor do you desire to be in the loop other than it appears regarding financial responsibilities. So you are just curious (it seems) the court will help.

Brad,

To answer your other question, mommyof4 is correct. If you are paying your child support, then the court would know how to contact you, and before another person can adopt your child, you would have to give up your parental rights. But also, you can not give up those rights unless the mother has someone willing and able to adopt the child. If you think the child is over 18 and is legally emancipated by the grounds set up in the support order, you would need to petition the court to terminate the support. They will not necessarily do that automatically.

I agree with idea that the system should notify a party if circumstances change regarding a dependent. However, when dealing with a paternity suit that has not now nor ever been the case. In my experience the court has played a passie aggressive role.

Passive aggressive meaning that action is not initiated by the state until a party seeks damages. The party can be a govermental welfare department , an individual or some complainant. I believe this same passive aggresive approach would apply to my question.

However on the flip side, I do not expect either state to be obliging considering that child support is a paternity suit, seeking monetary recompense, benefiting both states. I assume that one or both would redirect me in the manner many of you have, to reach out - contact the the other party regardless of my choice.

thanks so much,
BradInCalifornia

Thank each of you, I believe I have what information needed to make a decision. Ill just let it remain a sleeping dog.

I agree with idea that the system should notify a party if circumstances change regarding a dependent. However, when dealing with a paternity suit that has not now nor ever been the case. In my experience the court has played a passie aggressive role.

Passive aggressive role means that action is not initiated by the state until the party seeks damages. The party can be the welfare branch of the goverment, an indivual or some complainant. I believe this same approach applies to my question.

However considering that child support is a paternity suit, seeking monetary recompense, I do not expect either state to be obliging. I would assume that would redirect in the manner many of you have, to reach out - contact the the other party regardless of my choice.

thanks so much,
BradInCalifornia

Child support is just that: child support. It is NOT a paternity suit. You are paying child support because paternity was already legally established. The paternity suit is settled. You are dealing with a child support order. They are different things.

Do you not know how old the child is? That is very strange, even without contact. You certainly must have a court order that says you pay support, with the child's name and age on it.

You can contact the court where the order was established and ask questions. But if you are just looking to get some information on a minor child, yes, you have to call his/her mother.

Yes, 33% is a lot. But there are guidelines in order for it to be that much. If you feel it is incorrect, file to modify.

Now, you said:

I have 0% visitation rights and it has been years without communication between parties, bigger ouch.

This one is on you. If you want to see or contact the child, it is up to YOU to initiate a visitation petition. The other parent holds no fault there. The fact that you said it was a "bigger ouch" is confusing, since you also sound like you really don't care about the child.

Do you have reason to think the child is deceased or emancipated?

I never indicated age? I did not provide details as such since these types of details were not necassary to receive answers.

Yes, and I apololize again for injecting the ouches.
33% of net is an ouch, going back will only cause the figure to increase

0% court awarded visitation is also an ouch. This % is what the court and the primary care giver awarded.

As far as caring, I hope the money received today is put to good use.

Thanks Again,
BIC

But the age of the child can help us understand the situation and help provide an answer. I also agree that the 33% seems high, but if this is an older child and part of what you are paying is for back child support, then it makes a difference in the answers we give you. If part of what you are paying is for past support, you will still owe that money even if the child has passed away or been emancipated.

We only ask question to try and better understand the situation.

I never indicated age? I did not provide details as such since these types of details were not necassary to receive answers.

I think this is part of your problem. You are assuming that details are not important, and they are.

You specifically asked how to find out if the child had been emancipated. You can be emancipated by applying for it or by turning 18 (and in Texas, 18 AND a high school graduate). Therefore, had you included the child's age, we could have told you if it was a possibility. But you decided it was not important and not needed to receive answers. You were wrong.

Yes, and I apololize again for injecting the ouches.
33% of net is an ouch, going back will only cause the figure to increase

I do not have a problem with the "ouches." You assume others think that's bad, probably because on some level you mght think it is. Whatever, though. There's nothing wrong with wishing you had more income if that's how you feel.

The problem here is saying that the number would increase if you went to modify. The only way you would know this for sure is because you are making more money than you were when the order was put in place. If that is the case, you SHOULD be paying more, because that is how it works. But it seems pretty obvious that this is just another assumption on your part.

0% court awarded visitation is also an ouch. This % is what the court and the primary care giver awarded.

You are very ignorant of court procedures based on the things you are writing here. The primary care giver has no power to award visitations, only the court does. If you received none, it was because the court deemed it was in the child's best interests that you not see him/her. Maybe she gave her opinion, but she did NOT decide. This is still your fault. If you want to see your child, file for visitation.

As far as caring, I hope the money received today is put to good use.

Thanks Again,
BIC

You are not required to care. But be realistic. When you are this cold about your own child -- showing such little concern that you really don't even care if s/he is even ALIVE -- people are going to assume you are just a big jerk. And since you are fairly defensive about it, you seem to know that they might be right.

Even if you did have contact, however, you would absolutley not be entitled to find out HOW the money was being spent.

And, just to reitterate from earlier, this is NOT a paternity suit. You got that part wrong, too.

Once again thank you, this enough.
Goodbye,
BIC

I realize the Mothers (and some Fathers) on this site tend to not realize that their truly are those absent parents that do NOT, I repeat, do NOT want a relationship with the child. My child has that kind of Father. He isn't even an awful person either. It just is what it is.



Does the mother know how to contact you if she did want the child to be adopted? If my ex would stop dodging every attempt at serving, I would be able to finally get his rights removed.