ok so about 6 years ago we split up. He was paying $30/week if he was mad at me $35 if he wasn't.

I had to file for benefits from the state to help me get by, so it was mandatory that I file for the child support. Of corse he got mad and called me 20 times a day. They began to garnish his wages for a while, so he quit that job and has been working off the books or not working at all.

The department of revenue wasn't really doing much to make him help support our child, so I tried joint custody for about a year (but not through the legal system completely). I stopped child support enforcement and tried to stop it in talahasse (yes can't spell it) but there was fees involved of corse, that he wouldn't pay or help me pay. So it never went through.

I was doing fine supporting her until me and my husband seperated and I had to go back to the state for help. They again made me reopen the case on my ex. Which I'm not complaining about either, I was going to do it anyway. The joint custody only lasted about a year and then he admitted he had become an addict and I had quickly stopped it.

So since he was released from jail for another charge, now child support enforcement has setup a court date, he has yelled and screamed at me over it, threatened me and my husband, etc. Yesterday he got a letter saying he owes $10,000 since it's been adding up.

Everytime he gets something from them he calls to harass me. So what should I do? The only evidence I have that he is harassing me is an answering machine message, and the court is filing for contempt against him, so if he's going to jail anyway should I get a police report that he is harassing me?? Would that help me in the long run?

He thinks I set up the court date, he thinks the state has been paying me and now he owes them, I tried to explain but he won't listen. Either way I'm afraid one day he's going to freak out on our daughter the way he does me and his other ex (that he also has a child with now and also not supporting). She has an injunction b/c of domestic violence against him. But the only proof I have is the answering machine message and I don't know if it would even do me any good or just make him more mad.

I didn't let my daughter go visit him last weekend either b/c he's acting like he's going into a downward spiral again. He got into an arguement with his sister, his neighbor and me in the same day. And his other older sister is trying to get him in to see a doctor about the way he freaks out. She thinks he's bipolar. I just don't know what I can do or what I should do.

Every year he harasses me around tax time too. He wants to see his daughter when it's good for him, not pay any child support and then claim her at the end of the year. *sigh* Any suggestions would be helpful!! :confused:

Tell him to go to court and file for visitation.... And enforce his support.

Like him going in and saying I'm denying vistitation when from what I've heard Florida likes to put the child with the parent who wants the other parent to visit kinda thing.

If they gave him custody of our child I'd be terrified at the way she might grow up, the environment, the people, etc. We were actually getting along for a few months and hanging out and I used it as a way to see what was actually going on when my daughter did visit and it scared me.

On one hand I hate letting her go over there at all, and they won't agree to a supervised visit at his sister's who I know looks out for the children involved. But on the other if I can't prove everything I've seen, then I'm made out to look like the bad parent.

Any idea if his previous charges/police reports filed against him could come into play for some type of evidence of his past and present?? To somewhat prove his lifestyle??

Like him going in and saying I'm denying vistitation when from what I've heard Florida likes to put the child with the parent who wants the other parent to visit kinda thing.

If they gave him custody of our child I'd be terrified at the way she might grow up, the environment, the people, etc. We were actually getting along for a few months and hanging out and I used it as a way to see what was actually going on when my daughter did visit and it scared me.

On one hand I hate letting her go over there at all, and they won't agree to a supervised visit at his sister's who I know looks out for the children involved. But on the other if I can't prove everything I've seen, then I'm made out to look like the bad parent.

Any idea if his previous charges/police reports filed against him could come into play for some type of evidence of his past and present?? To somewhat prove his lifestyle??

Is there a court order for visitation?
If not, you have nothing to worry about, you can legally deny visits until a court order is issued.

On the other hand though, if there is a court order and you deny visits you can be held in contempt. At first the court will order make up visits, but when a CP still denies court ordered visits, in some cases it can result in the court changing custody.

As far as the harrasment, there's not much you can do except to speak to ex only about your child. As soon as he begins threatening, anger, etc just tell him that you are hanging up until he is ready to only discuss your child. A friend recently said something to me that makes alot of sense- it can take one person to be angry, but it takes 2 people to have an argument. Just refuse to argue with him and soon he'll realize that you are in control of the converstaions.

There is no visitation order. I talked to his other ex last night and she said the same thing, that if there's no order he can't do anything about it.

She confirmed a lot of things I was worried about and even had pictures of how bad he had beat her up when all I was told was "she did it for no reason" about the restraining order she had gotten.

So now I really don't want my daughter going there unless it's supervised.

And the last time he called screaming I refused to argue and he finally gave up and hasn't bothered me in a few days thankfully. So I guess I just won't worry about him, and just let the court handle him for now.

Then if he wants to see her that bad have him get the vistitation order and I'll make sure it's court ordered to be supervised.

Thanks so much for all your help!!

There is no visitation order. I talked to his other ex last night and she said the same thing, that if there's no order he can't do anything about it.

She confirmed a lot of things I was worried about and even had pictures of how bad he had beat her up when all I was told was "she did it for no reason" about the restraining order she had gotten.

So now I really don't want my daughter going there unless it's supervised.

And the last time he called screaming I refused to argue and he finally gave up and hasn't bothered me in a few days thankfully. So I guess I just won't worry about him, and just let the court handle him for now.

Then if he wants to see her that bad have him get the vistitation order and I'll make sure it's court ordered to be supervised.

Thanks so much for all your help!!

That's good. For now, gather all the evidence you can get for when he does file for vistation. You can set the limits and rules for now, and as you said, if he doesn't like what you say, he can file through the court.

That's good. For now, gather all the evidence you can get for when he does file for vistation.

How can I gather evidence? What counts as evidence???

Sunday he called wanting to get her just for a few hours so they could put up christmas stuff together, I figured it was the end of the weekend and a couple hours would be ok since his mom would be there, it's the holidays, etc.

My daughter came home, said her grandma told her to lie about who was over there, b/c I don't want her around a known drug dealer who is underage that they associate with. So I really can't prove that he is, but I know for a fact that he is because I've seen him make transactions so to speak, and they told me when I was pretending to be ok with everything so I could see what really happened when my daughter went over there.

Then my daughter said he offered her alcohol and told her it was juice, which she knew better b/c I've told her. He drinks sparks which is a combination of alcohol and an energy drink, neither a child should have.
He also gave it to his other daughter who is 2 and she actually drank it, so I called her mother and let her know what my daughter had told me.

And he bites her, playing with her. Once he left a mark that lasted a week. I've told him to stop, my daughter has told him to stop, but she said he did it again that day.

I video taped everything she said. Will that hold up as evidence??? And what else do I need?? I might be able to get copies of his ex's photos and police reports, but I'm not sure if she'd give them to me.

He BIT her and left marks? WTH didn't you call the police? :confused:

Wait....

He bites her. He gives her alcohol. He associates with drug offenders during his time with her. These are not one time issues, they are continuing issues. And he has no court ordered visitation.

STOP LETTING HIM SEE THE CHILD.

Let him file for visitation. And get a lawyer. If he bites the child and gives her alcohol, call the police. If you do nothing about it, legally, you are just as guilty of abuse as he is, as it is your duty (as you have sole custody of her) to protect her.

I know it's horrible. I thought talking to him would stop it. He denied it until my daughter stepped in. Then he said it was playing around. And he said he would stop, this was pretty long ago.

I never heard anything else about it. I also thought that if his mother was there my daughter would be ok. But I found out she's in complete denial and in her family's defense. I brought everything up to her and so then she just was in denial but then tells my daughter to lie to me.

I wanted to go to the police when she had the mark and once again my family talked me out of it.

They're afraid I'll tick him off and he'll come kill me. But at this point, I can't let it go on after I've tried to talk to him, tried to talk to his mother, his sister, etc. Tried everything to prevent this crap because I did want her to know her father. But if he hasn't grown up yet, (we had her pretty young and I figured he'd eventually grow up), then I am here to find out what I can do to protect her now and from now on.

So would they do a police report about the alcohol, I mean I can't prove it, I only have my daughter's word. And my question wasn't answered...if I have video of what she told me does that count as evidence when making my case?? I just don't know how to prove everything that's going on, so I don't just look like some evil ex trying to keep his child from him.

just so it's clear, I had no idea that there were drugs around the house, until right before he went to jail in august. I pretended to be his friend so I could find out what goes on when my child is there. Not what they want me to think.

When he was in jail (for driving on a suspended licence) he said he was really going to get himself together that he knew he was screwing up. I stupidly believed him. Then I was told after he had gotten out that the guy who I knew was bringing the drugs in the house wasn't around anymore. He's dating my ex's youngest sister who is 16. I had heard they broke up and had a big fight and wasn't around.

And then when my ex called to see if he could get my daughter I said as long as that guy wasn't there. So I guess that's why his mom told my daughter to lie. Because I made it clear and so did his other ex that we don't want our kids around that guy.

With what my daughter says the police want to believe it but w/o proof, there's nothing they can do. Which I understand, I mean kids have imaginations, so I might not believe someone elses kid either. But I know mine, and I know she's not lieing.

I talked to the other mother of his 2nd child, she said she called him b/c she knew the cops wouldn't do anything and he claimed his other daughter picked it up off the table and drank it and he took it away. So when I picked my daughter up from school I asked her again about it. Asked if her sister had picked it up or if her father had handed it to them. She said handed it to her sister and then tried to get her (my daughter) to drink it.

I left a message for a private investigator, I'm still waiting to hear back. I'm hoping then I could get some proof. But I've heard they're pretty expensive.

So does anyone have any ideas on how I can get evidence, I don't want to send her back there.

Since he has no visitation order, then you don't need to send her there. PERIOD. File for Child support and let him file for Visitation. Since you know there are problems, keep a journal of everything that happened.

Keep a journal of all future things that take place. If he calls to see her, tell him to file for visitation. If he threatens you, call the police and report the threats. Get a restraining order if the threats continue. Do NOT let him in your home and do NOT let your daughter see him or his family any longer without court ordered visitation in place.

Also, get a copy of the police reports that his ex filed since he has a history of abuse, that is evidence.

For your daughter's sake, please take everyone's advice and do NOT allow any more unsupervised visits until a court orders you to.

I realize that you are afraid of him, but, as a mother you need to put your daughter's safety first, as advised, file in court for CS and if he wants vists, let him file for that. Then, when it goes to court bring all your evidence and ask that the vists be supervised.

Thanks for all the help!!! I was afraid of him, but now like I said I just can't let that be in the way. So the fear is gone and if no one in his family is going to look out for her (as they have proven), there's no way she's going back.

I talked to his ex again and she isn't letting her little one over there anymore either. So me and her are going to take turns watching/spending time with the girls (half sisters...same dad, different moms) so they still get to see each other, we still get breaks here and there, without the bad influance and dangerous situations.

I was lucky he had gotten with this girl when our daughter was about 10 months old, so she's like my daughter's 2nd mom, always looked out for her, and we get along great. She worked at a daycare for years and was the only reason I let my daughter go over there for as long as she did. But now that they have broken up, things have just gone downhill and have gotten worse and worse and it's enough!!

Thanks again for everyone's help!!