:mad: My son is 15 years old and wants to come and live with me. His mother over the years has been very neglectful and we were divorced due to adultry on numerous occassions over 10 years. She leaves both of my children alone until 3am sometimes 4am to go out and comes home drunk. My oldest son says that she constantly has different men over all the time to spend the night. She has brainwashed my youngest son to hate me as well as my current wife. She bad mouths my current wife and her children around my kids. We hired an attorney and she was willing to let my oldest son come and live with me but then she found out that she would not receive any child support and now she is backing out on the agreement. All this has ever been about is money with her. She took me back to court for a modification of child support back in March of 2007 due to my oldest son was in a private school. Due to the cost of the school the child support amount went up. Well, she took him out of that school in June and put him back in regular school. I am still stuck paying the modified amount as if he is still in this private school. Can she not be held in contempt for this? It specifically states in the modification that he be enrolled in this private school.

Also, over the past 6 years I have constantly paid over the amount that I owed for child support. I have all documentation to show this from my bank since I transferred it directly to her. I have paid ahead in child support by five months just in case I ever had a financial hardship. My current wife is out on disability due to complications with our pregnancy. I skipped two months because of this factor. I have since been served with papers for contempt and failure to pay child support. Since I have always paid directly to her the court does not see that I have actually paid ahead. Is this going to help or hurt me when we go back to court?

And the attorney that we had was worthless so we quit using him because she said we would just do everything out of court and it wouldnt be necessary. Yes, I was stupid enough to trust her. So now I have no attorney and she has a friend of the family attorney that doesnt even specialize in family law. He is working for her pro-bono and they are trying to get me to pay attorney fees for her attorney when she is not paying him anything.

I have requested information from my sons school and they said that "the mother" has said not to provide me with that information. I paid for my sons braces in full and I have called and requested that information be sent to me but again I received the same response. What right do I have as his father. We have joint custody but she also hardly ever lets me see my children. She puts them in lots of activities so that way she has an excuse as to why they can't come.

My family has also given her tons of money over the years. They have bank records to show it as well.

Sorry for the long post but it is just aggravating!

Have you filed to modify the custody order? That is probably the best way to go.

I have gotten the paperwork the file for the modification and I am in the process of filling that out.

You need to realize that child support and custody are two seperate issues.

When was the CS order originally put into place?

Right. I understand that they are different. It is the two main issues that I have going on right now. We currently have joint custody and the original order was put into place in July of 2001. The child support modification was this past March.

Hi. I'm in North Carolina too.

If you have joint custody, then you have a right to your children's school paperwork. They do not need anything from Mom saying to send it to you.

Go to the school in person. Take a copy of your custody agreement/court order and give them a copy to put in your child's file (both children). Then request to see his official file (they should put you in a conference room or something, so you can read this file privately).

Schedule a conference with teachers to discuss things one-on-one and ask the teachers to keep you informed. Give them your email address, etc.

First of all, if the dad stays in touch with the school, and makes the effort to do this on his own, IT LOOKS GOOD IN COURT. Most Dad's don't bother.

When we fought for custody of my step-daughter (Marion, NC) we went to all three of the elementary schools she had attended, got copies of all her records and met with the teachers. As her father, with joint custody, my husband had the legal right to all her records.

So do you.

God Bless!
Amy

Thanks. That helps out a lot. The lady at the school said that I would have to have a court order from the judge stating that I can see his records. I am currently in the military but I will definately take a day of leave to visit NC to get his records.

Your joint custody papers are a court order. Usually, the schools require the custodial parent to provide proof that records can be withheld from the other parent rather than the other way around.

If you have joint custody, then you have a right to your children's school paperwork. They do not need anything from Mom saying to send it to you.
If you are the legal parent of the child and there is not an order barring you from having access to your child's records, then you have a right to those records, regardless of whether or not there is a joint custody order in place or not.


Is your child support garnished from your paycheck? Legally, it should be. So, I'm trying to figure out why there would be no record of the extra child support you have paid.

As far as the motion to modify custody, you need to have evidence of neglect, abuse, or detriment to the child. As your son is 15, there is a pretty good chance of the judge giving his wishes serious weight when making the decision for modification.

The child support is not going to be a factor when you go to court for modification. I know that it is frustrating to you and a big issue, but it needs to be addresses on its own merits.

I do not pay the child support through the court system. It is transferred from my bank account straight to hers. That is the way that we have always had it set up. I do have all of the bank documentation though showing everything transferred to her account.
Today she sent a certified letter to my employer that I am not paying my child support. Is this not deprivatio of character. This lady is crazy. What rights do I have?

My hubby went through this also --- when his daughter was young (he was Army) his ex took him to court saying he did not pay child support. He didn't say anything until he got to court, whereupon his attorney provided all the records showing that he had, in fact, paid child support - some through his Army allotment to her, and additional funds directly to her (he provided copies of the checks showing she signed them). The impact in court was good... showing her tendency to lie.

I recommend that you speak to the military legal counsel that is offered to you, about having your child support sent to the state rather than to her (you have an allotment for her from military pay I assume?) They should be able to help you.

I don't know a lot about what it takes to get custody of your son because our case was based on severe neglect & abuse when we finally gained custody of my husbands daughter --- so, I am less familiar with a situation like your own...

But, I believe that for any custody case, you - as dad, need to do your homework. Don't just get his school records, get his medical records, shot records & everything else. You, as his concerned father, should have all these things in your possession when you go to a lawyer, and to court. You can get these things yourself to help your case (especially if you feel your lawyer is "less" prepared than you would like as you have indicated).

Run his mothers criminal history, and the history of any boyfriends you can get the names of... that homework can help you.

God Bless!
Amy

Thanks, that really helps. In reading the letter further that was sent to my command today she also catches herself in lies. The modification, which was enclosed, specifically states that it is to be paid to her on the 1st and 15th of the month and then she is stating that it is to be paid to her on the 1st. She is also requesting that it come directly out of my pay, which I don't have a problem with, but it specifically states that my son has to be enrolled in the private school in order for her to received the modified amount.

She has now been putting a guilt trip on my son and telling him that if he comes to live with me she will lose her house because she needs that child support money. I dont think that should be a burden upon a child.

You are right, it shouldn't... and it speaks volumes about her parenting methods...

My step-daughters mother told her she shouldn't tell anyone about the boyfriend who abused her because "if you do, social services will take you and your brother and sister, and split you up, and we'll never see each other again...."

Desperate people say desperate things. No child should ever be told to keep ANYTHING secret, whether horrific as in my daughters case or be made to feel guilty about losing a home as in your sons case... Unfortunately, you won't be able to prove that in court, no matter how much it hurts. Focus on what you can prove... get the records, and if you can, make sure your sons - both of them - are getting counseling! ASAP!

God Bless!
Amy