I am seeing a man with three children who live with their mother. They have never had an official custody agreement drawn up. She has been making threatening phones calls at his place of work. Saying that he can't see his kids anymore because he brings them to see me. I know and he knows that this is just because I treat them better than she does. He pays his child support on time, plus he buys them their clothes, shoes, and food sometimes. She lives off of the child support and SSI that she receives for the boys. She takes this money and buys booze and drugs for her 18 year old boyfriend. SHe is 35. Neither one of them works. The boys have come to my house several times and they are always amazed at the amount of food in the house and the fact that I've cooked for them. At the present time his house is not big enough for them all. So I guess what we need to know is what can he do to ensure that she can't keep his kids from him until he can get a bigger place and file for custody. Ending our relationship is not an option, besides she would just find another reason anyway.

And how do you KNOW that the mother is using her money to buy drugs for her boyfriend?

I honestly don't think that the boys who are 14,10 and 8 would lie about this.

I honestly don't think that the boys who are 14,10 and 8 would lie about this.

Really? And why on earth are YOU discussing this with them?

UNLESS the FATHER has PROOF ...And by proof I mean police reports and arrest records...Then this can't even be brought up in court. DAD should file for custody/visitation if he wants to insure that he is not denied visitation.

For your information the boys came to me with the problem before they went to their dad. They wanted someone with them when they told him. And the only answer I really wanted was what he should do, not your opinion on why or how I know this.

Great.

What he should do...

File for custody/visitation. If he doesn't have enough room in his home for the children to live with him, you can help him MAKE room. Move out.

Just think of it as sacrificing yourself for the welfare of the children.

Stop talking to the kids about any of this. You are completely out of line, whether they came to you or not. When they said anything, your response should have been that this is none of your business and it is wrong for you to comment on anything involving their parents. Period.

I don't live with him. They come and visit me in my own home. And I didn't discuss anything with them. They told me what was going on and I told them to talk to their Dad.

I guess everyone isn't as lucky as I was. My ex got a girlfriend and at first I was worried b/c I knew the things he was into. But she was great! They dated for 5 years before she got the nerve to leave him also.

But my whole point is it's great when everyone can get along.

I can see everyone's point here, most people don't like other people in their business and when me and my ex would get into it, his g/f completely stayed out of it except for a couple times when she still thought I was evil b/c she only heard his side of it. But after a while when I saw how good she was with our daughter and she realized he was in the wrong half the time, we got along really well.

So maybe if you can prove to her you're not an enemy things will get a lot easier. Just by staying away from all the drama mainly. Not trying to be mean it sounds like you are trying to help the kids in the situation, so just let him deal with all of the court associated stuff, his ex, etc. Don't try to help him. It'll only cause you all more frustration.

Have your boyfriend go down and file for custody before she does.