I was involved in the early 90's with a co-worker and the relationship ended. After it ended, she lost her job and was on the verge of being evicted as well as her vehicle being reposessed. I seemed to always be coming to her rescue against my better judgement. One day she came to see me and informed me that she may be leaving the state and wanted to be with me one last time because I was so supportive of her in her time of need. I repeatedly asked if she was on birth control because I did not want her to become pregnant. She convinced me and we slept together. Weeks later I received a call notifying me she was pregnant. I was in a panic and wanting to kill myself for trusting her birth control. I wanted her to give the child up for adoption or abort. I was not at all prepared for parenthood mentally or financially. She insisted she wanted absolutely NOTHING from me and never would. I did not believe her. When the baby was born she called me and told me that if I did not sign the birth certificate by 4:00 that afternoon, I would never see the baby ever again. I did not want that to happen, so I signed. If having and keeping the child was the final decision, I wanted to be a part of their life.

I went to her apartment repeatedly after the birth to see the baby and bring her food etc to help out.

Without notice she took the baby and left with no warning and no forwarding address. I received a letter from her stating that they were in good hands and she wanted nothing from me. She just wanted a baby that would love her and that was all. I had no way of finding her until about a year or so later when she finally sent a letter with pictures. This went on for a while with no return address ever. Then she finally let me know where she was. I was told again she needed nothing from me and just wanted me to be a part of his life. I sent gifts at Christmas and birthdays and repeatedly asked her to send him to see me, or have me fly there and get him and bring him to stay with me occasionally and each time she said no. I was in no financial position to afford child support or an attorney and chose not to fight her as long as we had an agreement that I would not have to pay support. I never fought her and never crossed her for fear of ending up in court. We tried and failed to have a father son relationship several times. It just did not work. This was a stranger to me because she removed him from my life.

Fast forward to 2004 and she marries a man with one or two kids and they have one together. Because of the financial burden and the prodding by the new husband, she chose to file a petition for support. I immedately contacted her and asked if we coul somehow keep this out of the courts because of the expense. She agreed and told me what amount she felt was appropriate to pay. This was in 2004 or early 2005. I sent a check every month, but not always on the first since my payday fluctuates. After all ths time, I get served with papers and she is suing me for support. I begged and pleaded to let me hire a lawyer and keep it out of the AG's office because the guidelines for payment would financially destroy me. Fearing jail for non-payment, I was willing to do anything to keep it between us and file our own order for support. She would not give. Now I am about to be slammed. Everything I have read indicates I will be responsible for all retroactive support back 4 years from the filing of the petition which is dated 2004. The total due will well exceed the $100,000.00 mark and future payments could be as high as $1500.00/month. The cost of living in her area is a FRACTION of mine and I will be paying her nearly DOUBLE her income. Funny thing is, shortly afetr I sent the fourth payment or so, I received a change of address notice. She indicated that they had to move so they had space for the horses. WHAT? I don't have horses? I resented supllementing her income, BUT continued without complaint and HOPED that my son was getting at least SOME of what I was sending. Our system is so tilted in favor of the custodial parent and what the graph says I can afford is without any regard for MY debt. I am a recent newlywed and together we purchased a home and I am afraid I will lose it now. Any advice? Please don't bother slamming me with lecture about responsibility. I have heard it ALL. I am looking for constructive advice on minimizing the financial damage and still provide my child with school clothes and spending money. He turns 17 in Feb 2008.

I get that you think your story is relevant, but the fact is that it is not.

Has legal paternity been established? If not, that will have to be done. Do not sign ANYTHING without first having a DNA test with confirmation that you ARE the father.

After that, you can expect to pay child support based on the state's guidelines.

You should also file for custody/visitation. (please note, that physical custody will most likely be out of the question.)

The story is VERY relevant in LIFE, but not with the legal system. The system is broken. The purpose of sharing the history is to eliminate responses that are not in line with the history and eliminate more questions than answers.

State's guidelines are what I am having difficulty with. I cannot determine what that is. I understand the flat 20% going forward, BUT they are able to take MORE than 20%. I also do not know what amount will be retroactive. I have been told 4 years from the final judgement, but that is not how the law reads. I also read that all retroactive amounts are to be paid in two years time. How could I POSSIBLY pay over $100,00.00 in two years at 6% interest on the balance each month? It is not possible.

What is the value of your advice exactly? How does it help? I am curious. Perhaps I missed something critical in your response. I am not 100% certain I am the father, but the fact that I signed the birth certificate and have "believed" that I am, means that for all intent and purpose, I am whether it is biologically true or not. (told to me by an attorney)

The value of my advice is to get you to determine what is and is NOT relevant.

You spent an inordinate amount of time focusing on how the child came to be and how her husband has persuaded her to file for child support as opposed to what you have tried to do to be a part of your child's life.


That said, in TX, retroactive support can be ordered for 4 years before the filing of the petition. If you have copies (canceled cheques, money orders) showing that you have been paying support without a court order, that may help you.

If you can show that you could not possibly have any idea that this child was your (or even existed) or that the mother purposely hid the child from you, that may help you.

Either way, you WILL pay child support, regardless of the reasons the mother is filing.

You made the choice to stay out of your child's life for fear of having to pay child support. That's not going to be a very good point in your favor.

Having said that, I think you should know that she will also have to show the court any efforts she has made to collect child support in the past, as well. Retroactive child support is NOT automatic and is usually only ordered when a parent has actively and consistently attempted avoidance of service of a child support petition or order.

When you say that you are the father because you signed the birth certificate, did you sign an affidavit of paternity as well? Just being on the birth certificate does not establish legal paternity.

If you think the value of the advice recieved is somewhat less than you paid for it, I'll gladly refund your money.

The value of my advice is to get you to determine what is and is NOT relevant.

You spent an inordinate amount of time focusing on how the child came to be and how her husband has persuaded her to file for child support as opposed to what you have tried to do to be a part of your child's life.


That said, in TX, retroactive support can be ordered for 4 years before the filing of the petition. If you have copies (canceled cheques, money orders) showing that you have been paying support without a court order, that may help you.

If you can show that you could not possibly have any idea that this child was your (or even existed) or that the mother purposely hid the child from you, that may help you.

Either way, you WILL pay child support, regardless of the reasons the mother is filing.

You made the choice to stay out of your child's life for fear of having to pay child support. That's not going to be a very good point in your favor.

Having said that, I think you should know that she will also have to show the court any efforts she has made to collect child support in the past, as well. Retroactive child support is NOT automatic and is usually only ordered when a parent has actively and consistently attempted service of a child support petition or order.

When you say that you are the father because you signed the birth certificate, did you sign an affidavit of paternity as well? Just being on the birth certificate does not establish legal paternity.

If you think the value of the advice recieved is somewhat less than you paid for it, I'll gladly refund your money.

It took a couple of posts and some reading of your other posts to realize you are very "matter of fact" in your posts and I should not be quite so defensive as this appears to just be your cynical nature. As for the refund, I appreciate the humor. I stayed out of the child's life for more reasons than anyone could understand. I realize they are just rationalization on my part, but reasons are reasons. Good or bad. I appreciate the information you posted. If I have to pay only from my court date forward, I will do so without complaint. However, imagine loaning me your car and I keep it for 15 years and then send you a bill for all the maintenance and past payments due. Does that seem fair? You knew where the car was, but since you never called the police or came to get it you owe for all the gas I used, the oil changes, the tires, the repairs and any other expense for the time I had the car. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Before you respond, YES, I realize that people and cars are quite different, but the principle applies just the same. Some choices are made for us and we simply suffer the consequences. I am allowed to choose to have intercourse but no other choice is offered beyond that for the male. Whereas the mother has every choice and every advantage afforded her. I stand by my statement that the system is broken. Again, thank you for your posts.