My fiance and I seem to be arguing alot more lately. We are facing an eviction and have a court hearing on tuesday. My question is this... When we argue we always say that we are going to leave each other, but if I leave, then I cant take our 4 1/2 month old son. He tells me that the court wont grant me full custody cus I dont have a job. And that im not smart enough to raise our son and that he doesnt want me to raise our son.. We are not married, but I did make the mistake of giving our son his last name. =/ ( I thought it was only fair) I read on a website for WA (cant find the site now)that since we were never married that the judge will take it in favor to the mother and however his caretaker was.. I have been with and by my sons side since birth. The baby daddy however hasnt. He was always at work and when he wasnt at work he was playing his rpg pc game hours on end.. doesnt change dirty diapers and hasnt once given him a bath. I practically have to ask him to watch our son so i can take a shower. He even went as far as waking me up frm my sleep to change our sons poppy diaper! And he tells me that I wont get custody of our son if we break up and that has me scared. One cus I am not from WA and would move back to overseas on to the midwest. I personally dont think he will get full custody cus hes been in 2 different marriages and has a kid with each, a 15 yr old son who he has never seen and didnt want to see cus he didnt like the mother and a 12 yr old daughter who he hasnt seen in 2 yrs and hes $25,000 behind in child support. My family wants me to leave but im scared cus if i do get on the plane, what if he calls the cops saying that i kidnapped our son? I will have no where to stay in WA if we had to go to court, I have absolutely no family or friends here, no car, no job, no money. Im basically screwed.
So I guess my question is.... who do you think will get granted the child support? This is my 1st child and i have never been married, nor do i have a criminal background. My dad was mentioning that he could file for custody?
Someone pls offer me some advise!!

What?

Yes, you can take your son.

However, your bf can file to have you return your son to the state and file for custody/visitation. Any proceedings will take place in WA, no matter where you live.

You would take your son overseas to the midwest? What does that mean? Last time I checked, you didn't have to go over seas to go to Iowa (or the surrounding states).

Your father would NOT get custody, even if he had standing to sue for it (which he does not). The baby's parents have dibs on custody of the child. Trying to do an end run around the legal system will not work.

Whomever is granted custody would recieve child support. If he is already $25,000 in arrears, you probably shouldn't count on ever recieving a cent, whether he is ordered to pay or not.

Move out, get a job, file for custody. Do not think that the court will care to hear every minute detail about your lives together and how the father is too busy working to care for the baby. Please.....my husband works his tail off so that I CAN stay home and care for our children. That's not exactly a negative point.

"You would take your son overseas to the midwest? What does that mean? Last time I checked, you didn't have to go over seas to go to Iowa (or the surrounding states)."




Sorry!! Typo.. I meant either to Overseas or TO the midwest. I also forgot to mention that he quit his job 2 weeks and has been sitting around the house and barely pays attention to our son. I get about as much attention as my son does from him.

I get about as much attention as my son does from him.

Completely irrlevant as it pertains to custody.

I'm sure you are upset at the direction your relationship is heading, but you need to accept the fact that he IS the father of this child. He has every right to have a relationship with that child, even if you don't like how he conducts that relationship. The odds are that you will retain primary custody (provided for the fact that you can provide the child a home and proper care) and you will share legal custody with the father having visitation. Moving so far away with the child is going to be very, very difficult. You need to find a job and start supporting yourself and your child WHERE YOU ARE LIVING. A court is not going to be too thrilled with your plan to move overseas or multiple states and hours away.

I notice that you mention Full Custody. Your boyfriend may just be trying to confuse you. First of all, is he the legal father? Did he sign an afidavit of paternity?

Sole custody is when someone has custody of the child and the ability to make all decisions for the child. The other parent may still have very liberal visitation and that visitation can not be regulated by the custodial parent.

Joint custody is when both parents have equal say in the upbringing of the child.

You will most likely get sole custody because you were never married. He will be required to pay child support and most likely get regular visitations.

The only way you would be able to move overseas, is if you have a passport for your child. In order to get a passport, both parents would have to sign the forms. So he would have to either willingly sign the papers, or you would have to trick him into signing the papers. My suggestion to you would to either sign up for assistance, and get a job, or tell your boyfriend that you are taking your son to see family, and then stay there. If the dad where to file papers on you, then you would have to return though. My cousin did this, she moved out of state with her boyfriend, when she was 6 mo pregnant. After her baby was born her and her bf started fighting, and he was starting to get physical with her. Her mom bought her a plane ticket, she told Bf she was taking the baby to see her family, asked if he wanted to come since he didn't like our family he stayed. She said she was going to be gone for three weeks. Then she never went back, he never did anything about it, and actually hasn't fought her for custody. Her daughter is now 9, and she has seen her dad maybe 5 times in her life. ( by his choice ) I know if I was in a situation like yours, I would want to move back to my family too. If he has nothing to do with his other two kids, I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope that he would have much to do with your child. I wouldn't expect much Child Support if he is already behind on it. A lot of guys use the tactic that they will get full custody of the children into scaring the mother into staying in an abusive relationship.

The only way you would be able to move overseas, is if you have a passport for your child. In order to get a passport, both parents would have to sign the forms. So he would have to either willingly sign the papers, or you would have to trick him into signing the papers


That's not entirely correct in all situations. In most, it is...but not all.

That's not entirely correct in all situations. In most, it is...but not all.
I just got a passport for my son, and although I am the only one on my son's Birth Certificate they wanted dad's signiture too.
She stated that dad was on the Birthcertificate so, I just figured that she would need to have both signatures.

I just got a passport for my son, and although I am the only one on my son's Birth Certificate they wanted dad's signiture too.
She stated that dad was on the Birthcertificate so, I just figured that she would need to have both signatures.

So did I.

As I said, in most situations, you are correct. However, that is NOT the case is ALL situations. I just obtained a passport without the other parent's signature or consent.

The wording of the custody order is crucial.


5. Present Parental Application Permission Documentation(for minors under age 14)
1. Both parents must appear together and sign or
2. One parent appears, signs, and submits second parent's notarized statement of consent authorizing passport issuance for the child (a notarized Form DS-3053, Statement of Consent: Issuance of a Passport to a Minor Under Age 14 (http://travel.state.gov/passport/forms/ds3053/ds3053_846.html) , or a notarized written statement with the same information on a sheet of paper from the non-appearing parent) or
3. One parents appears, signs, and submits primary evidence of sole authority to apply (such as one of the following):
Child's certified U.S. or foreign birth certificate (with translation, if necessary) listing only applying parent; or

Consular Report of Birth Abroad (Form FS-240) or Certification of Birth Abroad (Form DS-1350) listing only applying parent; or
Court order granting sole custody to the applying parent (unless child's travel is restricted by that order); or
Adoption decree (if applying parents is sole adopting parent); or
Court order specifically permitting applying parent's or guardian's travel with the child; or
Judicial declaration of incompetence of non-applying parent; or
Death certificate of non-applying parent.If none of the above documentation is available, the applying parent/guardian should submit a Form DS-3053: Statement of Consent: Issuance of a Passport to a Minor Under Age 14 (http://travel.state.gov/passport/forms/ds3053/ds3053_846.html) .
NOTE:
A third-party in loco parentis applying on behalf of a minor under the age of 14 must submit a notarized written statement or affidavit from both parents or guardians authorizing a third-party to apply for a passport. When the statement or affidavit is from only one parent/guardian, the third-party must present evidence of sole custody of the authorizing parent/guardian.

**hijack!!**

WAY off topic, but what if the biological father was no where to be found? For example, he is dead, or has moved overseas, or never knew about the child, or perhaps the child is the result of artificial means, or a one-night stand.... blah blah you get my picture.

If there is no father listed on the BC, how can it be demanded that he show up and sign for the passport. Especially if he is dead. I mean, any old guy could show up. How would they know? There certainly are circumstances where a child has a mother and the father simply is not known. Are those kids just never allowed to leave the counrty until they turn 18?

I am seriously just wondering. I am not trying to get a secret passport for my child or anything.

**releases the hijack!!**

Re-reading what you wrote kind of answered my question, except that mickeymouse said she needed the father's signature despite being the only one on the BC....

more confused and continuing to hijack. sorry.

Re-reading what you wrote kind of answered my question, except that mickeymouse said she needed the father's signature despite being the only one on the BC....

more confused and continuing to hijack. sorry.

I suspect that the person handling the passport application for MM was confused. If she was the ONLY parent listed on the BC, she should have been able to get the PP without the other parent's signature.

All I know is that I stood in line for 3 hours to get the PP. It was a pain in the behind. Now, I will be going (with hubby, of course) to get teh PPs for the other 3. I'll just go and get it done.