I have a somewhat horrible case, looking for insight/advice. My husband and I have separated after 2 years of me asking him to get help for his alcohol abuse, drug use and depression (he does have MS). We have been separated emotionally for quite some time, although he is now blind to this. After he moved out, we had an agreement for support, which he went back on after removing nearly all items of value from our home (we have 4 children, 3 of them mine from a former marriage, who he adopted 7 years ago), he then cut the amount we agreed upon almost in half. I was forced to have my boyfriend (no other way to put it so that it sounds descent) move in, this a person we have both known for some time and unfortunately someone my husband works with. I have no other source of income and am only now able to complete my education so that I can get a job. My soon-to-be-ex is planning on having my boyfriend (and only source of support right now for myself AND the children since the STBE stopped paying at all) removed from my home. He offered to drop that if I agree for him to give up his rights to my girls, but he'll never give up his rights to our son, because "he's blood". My youngest daughter has known no other father except him, and would be devasted if she knew! He expects he could take my kids away from me... but he has drug and alcohol problems as well as severe depression, he even once talked about killing himself while our son sat about 3 feet from him. Any words of wisdom??

Yes, but you're not going to like them.

Get a job, any job. Stop relying on this man to support you and your family.

File for legal seperation/divorce, if you have not already.

Your STBX has no legal responsibility to support you or the children until there is a court order.

He has just as much right to the home and things in the home until there is a court order dividing assets.

He will not be able to un-adopt the children. It's just not going to happen. That said, why does your daughter NOT know that she is adopted? It's not shameful. Tell your children the truth about their parentage. It will come back and bite you in the behind if you don't.

In order to limit any custodial rights or visitation, you need to have legitimate documentation about his issues. Prepare for the fact that even if you do, the court will NOT completely cut him out of the children's lives.

Get the boyfriend out of the house. It will look less than respectable to a court and it is horrible for your children to see Daddy moving out and another man immediately moving in.

Your education will have to wait until you can afford it. If that means you work to support your family until they are grown and then treat yourelf 20 years down the line by going back to college, then that's what you do.

Actually, I was hoping to get advice from someone who knows something about the law! I can get a job working at McDonald's but that still won't support me and my children, without a formal education I'm screwed and so are my children. I think after having the STBE pilfering money for drugs and alcohol every week, we're all entitled to something better!

As far as my children knowing who they're father is, they do know. He has not been a part of their lives (his choice), until recently.

I was taking care of this man for 6 years! Making appointments, taking him to the appointments, making sure he had all of his medications, administering his shots, dealing with his depression, and the responsibility of having 4 children! With NO outside help (ie. family offering to babysit so I could work!!) The STBE stated point blank he could not care for the children on his own and that I would not be able to work (his words). By the way, he is in NO WAY physically disabled! He can function quite normally and would function completely if he could stop drinking (advice from his drs) and smoking pot.

This man who is helping me to care for my children, is not just some guy. We have known him for over 4 years and was living (as a guest) in our home 4 years ago.

No one should be expected to live by someone else's moral codes just because of how it looks. I know how it looks, I also know my children have not been this relaxed and stress free for quite sometime!

Actually, I was hoping to get advice from someone who knows something about the law! I can get a job working at McDonald's but that still won't support me and my children, without a formal education I'm screwed and so are my children. I think after having the STBE pilfering money for drugs and alcohol every week, we're all entitled to something better!

As far as my children knowing who they're father is, they do know. He has not been a part of their lives (his choice), until recently.

I was taking care of this man for 6 years! Making appointments, taking him to the appointments, making sure he had all of his medications, administering his shots, dealing with his depression, and the responsibility of having 4 children! With NO outside help (ie. family offering to babysit so I could work!!) The STBE stated point blank he could not care for the children on his own and that I would not be able to work (his words). By the way, he is in NO WAY physically disabled! He can function quite normally and would function completely if he could stop drinking (advice from his drs) and smoking pot.

This man who is helping me to care for my children, is not just some guy. We have known him for over 4 years and was living (as a guest) in our home 4 years ago.

No one should be expected to live by someone else's moral codes just because of how it looks. I know how it looks, I also know my children have not been this relaxed and stress free for quite sometime!

*sigh* How did I predict that you wouldn't like the answer? :rolleyes:

I know quite a bit about the law. If you think an atty will give you a different answer, then go ahead and pay for one. I guarantee you that the answer will be the same. I just put it in plain English.:)

I can get a job working at McDonald's but that still won't support me and my children, without a formal education I'm screwed and so are my children.


Then do so. As far as your assertation that without a college education you cannot support your family, that's not quite accurate. You may not be able to afford to provide the things you WANT to provide them on a limited budget, but that doesn't mean you cannot support them w/o college. Millions do it every single day.

Your STBX will be required to pay child support (and possible spousal support) once an order is in place. However, even if an order is in place, are you really thinking that he WILL comply? After all, he's an addict, right? You need to stand on your own two feet and stop relying on others to take care of you and your kids.

You made the choice to stay with him and enable his drug habit. You made the choice to have this man adopt your 3 children. You made the choice to have no means of support. He didn't 'force' you to do anything. You could have walked away 6 YEARS ago, but you chose to stay. You made the choice to move another man into your home while living with 4 impressionable children. I don't car how good of a friend he is. It will be strongly frowned upon by a judge. You made the choice to put your voluntary education ahead of actually supporting your children. You are the one that stated that your youngest daughter would be:


My youngest daughter has known no other father except him, and would be devasted if she knew!


Good luck. How are you going to afford an atty? You will need one.

Actually, I was hoping to get advice from someone who knows something about the law!

Everyone here is a volunteer! Very few who reply to threads do not know something about which they speak. Mommy is one of our most knowledgable in family matters on this board! Its also "free" advice you get what you pay for. We arent going to tell you what you want to hear we are going to tell you the truth!! Last the advice given here is not to replace actual legal advice from a qualified Attorney in your area! (Read the discliamer at bottom of page) We use our knowledge of law, experinces and simple search (google, yahoo etc) to find your answers. You came here for answers you got one just because you dont like you don't need to shoot the messenger!

... end rant

I do have an atty. I was actually hoping for advice on how to handle his mental instability, legally in regards to my children. I don't want to cut him out of their lives, but his actions have proved he may not be able to handle parenting them. (He took my oldest daughter for a ride to the store 2 blocks away and had to take a beer with him. Had I known I would have taken her myself.) He's also living with his brother (and his family), who is an admitted crack addict.

I can readily agree that I made these choices, however, expecting quite a different outcome. We had agreed that once our son was old enough, I would go to work. The MS has been a huge factor in how things have become what they are. He is not the same person I married. As anyone can expect his MS has taken quite a toll on him in many ways. As well as, not having the support he needed from family and friends. I always did my best to be there for him, but you can only do for others what they will allow you to do.

What I meant when I said my youngest daughter would be devastated was that if she knew that he wanted to give her up. She was once Daddy's Little Girl. I don't want her to know what he probably said out of pure anger, if I can help it!

Again:

In order to limit any custodial rights or visitation, you need to have legitimate documentation about his issues. Prepare for the fact that even if you do, the court will NOT completely cut him out of the children's lives.

That means police reports, convictions, medical documentation, etc.

Then get your advice from your Attorney who is better quaoified to advise. Discuss optins like supervised visits etc. Supervised visits allow children to see other parent but if there is concern for child's safety the supervisor will ensure childs well being

I have to agree that the boyfriend needs to move out. It doesn't matter right now how well the children knew him or know him. The situation is different now and you're asking too much from your children to understand and cope what is exactly going on. You're going to do more damage by having this new man in the house than if you would just have him leave and manage on your own.

There are a lot of single mothers out there that manage children on their own and you need to step up and do that not rely on someone else to do it for you.