I want to know if anyone has information or input on what I can do to help my chances of getting my child for the new school year. 2007-2008. I have contiuously been trying to be envovlved in my daughters life she is now 10 and her mother and I divorced when she was 2. Her mother has continously tried to keep me from making major decisions in my daughers life, not once have I been informed of school activites or even been given the chance to get school pictures because her mother lack complete consideration when it comes to me or my side of my family. I took her to court to get more time on weakend and I won, she claimed that it would not be a fair split. (even though she has her all of the time) She continuously makes plans on my weakends. my child is now suffering because of high cholestorol and is over wieght. Her grades have always been good up until this last semester now she is getting C's but I want to change this before she starts getting D's and F's. My X argues with me in front of my daugher so I hang up the phone so she does not hear all of it. I try to talk to my X when I have my daugher so she is not exposed but I know she ends up talking to my daughter about it. My X will make a verbal agreement with me then after she benefits from it she breaks it. I don't know what my chance are of getting my daugher for the new school year, letting her mother have the visitaiton schedule that I have. Am I being rediculous to think that I should have equal rights to raise my child since the mother has been able to for the past 10 years, I would like to be given the chance to show my daughter that I can provide more for her than what her mother can.

I want to know if anyone has information or input on what I can do to help my chances of getting my child for the new school year. 2007-2008. I have contiuously been trying to be envovlved in my daughters life she is now 10 and her mother and I divorced when she was 2. Her mother has continously tried to keep me from making major decisions in my daughers life, not once have I been informed of school activites or even been given the chance to get school pictures because her mother lack complete consideration when it comes to me or my side of my family. I took her to court to get more time on weakend and I won, she claimed that it would not be a fair split. (even though she has her all of the time) She continuously makes plans on my weakends. my child is now suffering because of high cholestorol and is over wieght. Her grades have always been good up until this last semester now she is getting C's but I want to change this before she starts getting D's and F's. My X argues with me in front of my daugher so I hang up the phone so she does not hear all of it. I try to talk to my X when I have my daugher so she is not exposed but I know she ends up talking to my daughter about it. My X will make a verbal agreement with me then after she benefits from it she breaks it. I don't know what my chance are of getting my daugher for the new school year, letting her mother have the visitaiton schedule that I have. Am I being rediculous to think that I should have equal rights to raise my child since the mother has been able to for the past 10 years, I would like to be given the chance to show my daughter that I can provide more for her than what her mother can.

Well, here goes the best that I can offer.
1. If she breaks the courts order again, reguarding your weekend, take her to court!
2. You can't really say that it is the moms fault that the child is getting bad grades, just the same as it is not your fault. It may be the stress of all of this, or something going on at school, that have nothing do with you two! Please speak to her schools counselor, so he/she can check on this.
3. NO MORE VERBAL AGREEMENTS! She has shown that she is not a woman of her word, so every change must be made through the courts!
4. You can take her to court for modification of visitation, but if there is no proof that you can offer the courts, that say she is a very bad mom, chances are, a judge will not allow such a change like you are wanting, but you can get more, like holidays, having her for longer than a weekend when school is out, etc. Would she go to the same school if she were to stay with you?? The judge would not want to pull her out of school, when all of her friends are there, it would just make things a little bit harder on her, than it is allready.
5. When you are in court, you can ask that it be put in the records, that neither one of you are to speak negatively about the other, in the presence of the child, that is not good for either one of you to do this. I am glad you hang up, but before you do, you should remind mom, that hearing this can have a negative impact on the child!
6. When you have your child, you can take her to the doctors, and whatever the doc says must be done to battle the high cholestorol, and extreme weight gain, you two must act like adults and work together to make sure this is done. It is hard, when negative feelings are involved, so sorry!

I wish you the very best of luck, and I am so glad to hear that you want to be a part of your childs life!! You do deserve to have her more, and to be able to take her for a trip longer than a weekend!! Please be patient, there are many senior members that know alot about child custody, etc here!!!

The simple answer is that unless you can show that your daughter's living environment has taken a change for the worse, custody will not be changed. You are just as involved in the discussions in front of the child. As you KNOW that you two cannot carry on a civil conversation, verbal communication should stop. E-mail and letters are acceptable and IF the mother is the only one that is putting this in front of your daughter, it gives you some documentation to bolster your case for court.


Am I being rediculous to think that I should have equal rights to raise my child since the mother has been able to for the past 10 years, I would like to be given the chance to show my daughter that I can provide more for her than what her mother can.


It depends on what your custody/visitation order states in regard to your level of involvement to make decisions for the child. Usually, yes, you will at least have the right to have imput. If your order states that you and the mother are to make major decisions together (and she is not doing that) then you have grounds for contempt. If she is purposely, continuously scheduling activities for the child during your time, file for contempt.

This is not about whether or not you can "provide more for her than her mother can". If that is the case, perhaps the mother has a case for an upward modifcation of child support. It's not a "one up" contest.

From what you have posted, your chances of getting custody are slim to nil. Slipping grades for a child who is entering higher grade levels with parents who verbally assault eachother in her presence is not uncommon. In fact, my grades started to slip around the 4th grade, because that was when school got harder for me, and my parents were happily married. Every child is different. And unfortunatley, in the present society, obesity is common for children. They are in fact being diagnosed with juvenile diabetes in record numbers these days. These two things alone do not equate into her mother being unfit.

What does your custody agreement say? Do you have joint legal custody? If so, then you are entitled to access to her medical and school records. You can call her doctors and teachers yourself and set up appointments to discuss her situations. But if not, then no, you are not entitled to the equal rights you seek in these areas. You would have to petition for joint LEGAL custody.

Please stop arguing with your ex in front of the child. Let her know in no uncertain terms that you won't participate in this anymore. If she is interfering with your court-ordered visitation time, file for contempt. But this is not a case where you can provide more. You really have no idea what the mother is like when you are not around. She may be very loving and caring, she just has a juvenile streak in her when it comes to dealing with you. It happens a lot. But it's not generally grounds for a complete modification of custody.

As I stated before, I do not argue with my X on the phone, I hang up then I will continue the conversation by email, in which she never replies to. But at least I have the proof. I have already accessed doctors records since she refuses to keep me up to date on what is going on. I asked her last summer for insurance information so that I could take my daughter to the dentist and she stated that she would get it to me, after numerous attempts and I still have not been able to take my daughter to one. I told her that my daughter had been lying to me and my new wife and that something needed to be done, it was about brushing her teeth and washing her hair, my X's reply was that was not her problem and that just wants to stick to bigger issues like school. Even though she does not invovle me like I have asked. I live out of the area so that putting her in the same school would not work. I have checked in to schools in my area and they have ranked higher than the one she is currently in. As of friends go, my daughter complains of not having any friends, I know that this is because of how she was raised by her mother, she is allowed to lie and treat others with such disrespect so I thought I would be able to work with her on this and trying a different school would be good for her.

I understand your concerns here, but you have to understand that waShing her hair as often as you want her to and brusHing her teeth as often as you want her to are not "important" enough to a court. Those are ticky tack issues that you should be able to deal with when your daughter is spendig time with you.

It doesn't matter if the school you want her to go to is the best in the nation (and unless you are in Dallas, it's not....sorry, had to get in the plug for a Dallas school). It's not about what YOU can do better and what YOU can offer her. It's about the fact that your daughter's living environment has not taken a detrimental change since custody was decided.

You have the right to her school records and medical records. Really, if you live far away, while legally you may have the right to have imput on major decisions, it's pretty impractical for Mom to consult with you when your daughter needs to go to the doctor for every day issues (such as the flu, strep, check ups, etc.) You should be kept in the loop and if Mom is defying the orders of the court, then you have a case for contempt of the court order. However, nothing you have posted remotely suggests a change of custody is warranted.

Again, as far as the right to make decisions, that is dependant upon the fact as to whether or not your court order dictates that you have that right.

I always hear about how parents share the school year one week at dads the next at moms, I live about 30 minutes from my daughter so that would not be practical and that is why giving me a chance to do school things with her would be beneficial besides the other benifits like the diet issue. I am and have considered moving to where she is, if that will increase my chances of getting her more. I have always wanted 50/50 but she has done everything in her power not to let me, that is why I stand by my decision to take her back and try to overall improve the quality of my daughters life. The courts seem to be open to the ideas of fathers spending more time with their children. I hope that will be the case for mine.