We have been going back and forth with my husband's custody case since December '05. We came to an agreement in July '06, but we have recently begun a contempt hearing and some other stuff. Our GAL said we would have a 6 month review, but that has yet to happen. My husband tries calling and emailing, and she never returns an email or call. But, anytime we get a bill, it seems as if my husband's ex has an easy time getting a hold of her. The last time we were able to talk to her was in January, and she promised to do a surprise visit to my husband's daughter's school. She has less than 2 weeks left and no visit. When is it a good idea to ask for a change in the GAL? Thanks.

I do know it is extrememely hard to get a GAL changed, even with good reason the court can see it as the party requesting the change fears the GAL will be recommending against them....

document all of your attempts to contact the GAL, and when/if she responds

We are in a similar situation. My ex had not seen my children for 7 years. My daughter did not even know him and out of nowhere, he decides he wants visitation. So we are fighting to keep the visits supervied as he is a drug addict and his current wife has threatened my children because she generally foes not like them.
Our GAL when meeting with my 8 year old daughter told her she needs to be more lady like, because she is generally unresponsive or defensive to the biodad. She has a wonderful step dad that she calls dad. She is very opinioated child and does not like this situation. When the GAL met with them she had only met the bio dad 2 months before. Clearly not long enough to establish a meaningful relationship. Our GAL said that she was being a baby and needed to act ladylike towards the biodad.. How crazy is that. She is going to have to come around in her own time. We can't force her to accept him...
We'd love to her a new GAL but don't think we will have much luck.
If you find anything out about having your case reassigned to a new GAl, please post.

Thanks!

We are in a similar situation. My ex had not seen my children for 7 years. My daughter did not even know him and out of nowhere, he decides he wants visitation. So we are fighting to keep the visits supervied as he is a drug addict and his current wife has threatened my children because she generally foes not like them.
Our GAL when meeting with my 8 year old daughter told her she needs to be more lady like, because she is generally unresponsive or defensive to the biodad. She has a wonderful step dad that she calls dad. She is very opinioated child and does not like this situation. When the GAL met with them she had only met the bio dad 2 months before. Clearly not long enough to establish a meaningful relationship. Our GAL said that she was being a baby and needed to act ladylike towards the biodad.. How crazy is that. She is going to have to come around in her own time. We can't force her to accept him...
We'd love to her a new GAL but don't think we will have much luck.
If you find anything out about having your case reassigned to a new GAl, please post.

Thanks!

Please believe me when I say that I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to help.

I understand that things are difficult for your daughter right now, but you can do alot to help her through this. First, do not refer to her dad as "biodad". Even though he may be a lousy father, he is her Dad, and to refer to him as Biodad only reinforces your daughter's fears and anger. Second, her step dad is not her actual dad and she should be discouraged from calling him dad. Third, if she is not already in counseling, please get her into a counselor, she'll benefit alot from it.
Sit down with her and have a talk, explain to her that although her actual dad hasn't been around, he has changed and now wants to get to know her. Tell her that you understand her fears and anger and that you'll do everything you can for her. You can also explain that she should really try hard to at least give her father a chance, because she might end up liking him after all. You can also explain that you are going to ask the court for supervised visits so that they can get to know one another.

The bottom line is this- unless you have very good proof that dad will physically harm her, it's very likely that he will get some form of vistation. The best thing to do now is to accept that and help your daughter to accept it also. I wish you the best.

Please believe me when I say that I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to help.

I understand that things are difficult for your daughter right now, but you can do alot to help her through this. First, do not refer to her dad as "biodad". Even though he may be a lousy father, he is her Dad, and to refer to him as Biodad only reinforces your daughter's fears and anger. Second, her step dad is not her actual dad and she should be discouraged from calling him dad. Third, if she is not already in counseling, please get her into a counselor, she'll benefit alot from it.
Sit down with her and have a talk, explain to her that although her actual dad hasn't been around, he has changed and now wants to get to know her. Tell her that you understand her fears and anger and that you'll do everything you can for her. You can also explain that she should really try hard to at least give her father a chance, because she might end up liking him after all. You can also explain that you are going to ask the court for supervised visits so that they can get to know one another.

The bottom line is this- unless you have very good proof that dad will physically harm her, it's very likely that he will get some form of vistation. The best thing to do now is to accept that and help your daughter to accept it also. I wish you the best.

I would agree with everything except that she should discourage the child from calling the stepdad "Dad." I think that should really be a case by case basis, and not a general rule.

For example, my son calls my husband "Dad," and hasn't even seen his biological father in more than a year and a half. If his biological father makes positive changes in his life and chooses to return and ask for visits, I would not DISCOURAGE my son from calling him (bio-dad) "Dad," but I wouldn't also insist that he START referring the the only person who has ever ACTED as a father to him by his first name or by "Stepfather." My husband has been the only Dad my son has ever had. I think it would do more harm than good to suddenly tell him, "Oh yeah, start calling that guy Bob. He's not your real Dad." Especially after a period of several years.

A lot of kids call more than one parent Mom or Dad. I think it can be done in a healthy way.

Also, I do talk to my son about his bio-Dad from time to time, and when I do, I do NOT say "bio-dad." I usually refer to him as his other "Dad." But for the purposes of discussion on this board or with my friends or husband, I always call him bio-dad. That's all he is currently. I don't know what else to call him, honestly. He's not a father to my son, so why should I call him such?

I would agree with everything except that she should discourage the child from calling the stepdad "Dad." I think that should really be a case by case basis, and not a general rule.

For example, my son calls my husband "Dad," and hasn't even seen his biological father in more than a year and a half. If his biological father makes positive changes in his life and chooses to return and ask for visits, I would not DISCOURAGE my son from calling him (bio-dad) "Dad," but I wouldn't also insist that he START referring the the only person who has ever ACTED as a father to him by his first name or by "Stepfather." My husband has been the only Dad my son has ever had. I think it would do more harm than good to suddenly tell him, "Oh yeah, start calling that guy Bob. He's not your real Dad." Especially after a period of several years.

A lot of kids call more than one parent Mom or Dad. I think it can be done in a healthy way.

Also, I do talk to my son about his bio-Dad from time to time, and when I do, I do NOT say "bio-dad." I usually refer to him as his other "Dad." But for the purposes of discussion on this board or with my friends or husband, I always call him bio-dad. That's all he is currently. I don't know what else to call him, honestly. He's not a father to my son, so why should I call him such?

You're right. Children can call 2 people Dad (or Mom) and not have a problem, usually the problem is with the adults involved. My late fiance's kids called him "Daddy Sarge" and called their step dad "Dad". My fiance didn't have a problem with it because he knew the step dad was with them every day. Years ago when I allowed my oldest son to live with his dad, he ended up calling his step mom "Mommy Ruth", I didn't have a problem with it either. Unfortunately, not all parents can be so supportive of their kids and I've seen court orders that actually state that the child cannot call a step parent mom or dad. I just get the impression that the OP's ex is going to make huge waves about it.

OP: I apoligize for giving bad advice concerning that part.:o With the father not being around for years, I doubt that a court would order her to not call step dad "dad", but you never know just what a Judge might do. The best thing to do would be to speak to a counselor about the best way to handle it to minimize the affect on your daughter.