My daughter moved in with her father last fall at which time he enrolled her in a private school. Unfortunately she did not do well and failed the seventh grade. He then enrolled her back in public school because it was a "waste of money if she is not going to do the work". This year my daughters grades have slipped as well. i just received a letter from school stating that she did not turn in her last project and now has a D in English. I also received a letter stating she is failing two of the three required classes in order to be promoted to the 8th grade. I am afraid that she will fail again, however due to our current court order I cannot intervene. What do I do? I don't want her to fail but because of suicide attempt in Sept I am afraid that the judge will not allow me to regain visitation and our current order states that visitation will not change until the child chooses to resume the relationship which simply is not going to happen any time soon. Will a judge reconsider due to her educational needs?

My daughter moved in with her father last fall at which time he enrolled her in a private school. Unfortunately she did not do well and failed the seventh grade. He then enrolled her back in public school because it was a "waste of money if she is not going to do the work". This year my daughters grades have slipped as well. i just received a letter from school stating that she did not turn in her last project and now has a D in English. I also received a letter stating she is failing two of the three required classes in order to be promoted to the 8th grade. I am afraid that she will fail again, however due to our current court order I cannot intervene. What do I do? I don't want her to fail but because of suicide attempt in Sept I am afraid that the judge will not allow me to regain visitation and our current order states that visitation will not change until the child chooses to resume the relationship which simply is not going to happen any time soon. Will a judge reconsider due to her educational needs?

I don't know if that would be something that a Judge would consider or not. However, as you were advised on your other thread, when you finally do file for visitation, it's something you should bring up in court.

In the mean time, call the teachers and set up a conference and ask what can be done to assist your daughter in the way of tutoring or anything other way. They can bring all of this to dad's attention and hopefully he'll take action to help her.

thanks for your advice. I have been trying to contact my daughter via cell phone, unfortunately she hasn't returned my calls. I would hate to see her fail again. I know there are underlying issues. If I were to file for visitation I don't believe I would get it at this time, it has only been a little over 2 months since the new order, I wonder if I could file for the sole purpose of having her see a counselor?

i would talk to her school counselor first. Ask that they speak with the child. If they recommend outside help, that would go a long way towards getting your request.

Thanks a bunch, sounds like a great idea! I called the counselor at the beginning of the year and got blasted by my ex that I was interfering. He said it would cause Social Services to be involved if I make them think things were not going well at home.

who cares if social services is called. If he has nothing to hide, then all will be fine for him

who cares if social services is called. If he has nothing to hide, then all will be fine for him

while I totally agree with that statement the OP here should be advised that her home too could eventually be evaluated and she's stated somethings here that may not put her own home in a good light and risk the wellbeing of her other children. She does have the right to these things but she needs to tow a line that she hasn't found.

i would welcome social services into my home. I have no issues what so
ever. The only issue I am concerned about is my suicide attempt in Sept. I am currently stable on my meds and actually doing quite well. I have obtained a second job and am very productive in both my careers and family life. I do feel I can prove that my risky behaviour is no longer an issue as I have come to realize that no matter what I did a good job with my daughter and unfortunalty do not have total control of the outcome of my rearing when there are others involved who make a great impression on her views. I have come to realize that my life and my husband and children are very important and this one episode is only a challenge and test by God. A test I failed originally but have begun to redeem myself. Grant me the serenity to understand what I can change and the will to change what I can, or something like that the exact quote has slipped me.

Having been stable since September does not prove that you are stable enough to care for your daughter. It is going to be a very long and hard process to regain her trust and don't expect it to happen overnight. Try writing a letter to her with no entreaties and no whining how you miss her, just simple musing about your days and that you love her. Stop calling her on her cell phone because it gives her the vindictive rush of being able to ignore you that no teenager can resist.

Her grades would not neccesarily improve if she were moved to your care, either. She's in 7th grade which is amazing enough if kids make it through but it also sounds as if you and her father don't make it any easier for her to deal with her life. If you have depression, perhaps the same is beginning to manifest in her in adolescence and she truly needs professional help rather than being torn apart between two people who are only thinking of themselves.

She is at the age where her academic responsibility lies in her hands. Her motivation to do well also comes from within herself now. She is also at the age where failure will not harm her, unlike high school or college or later. If you want her to do better, focus on her self-esteem and letting her know you believe in her, not blaming her failures on each other.

Yes, I'm being harsh, but I have absolutely no sympathy for parents who are fighting and the child being in the middle.

Having been stable since September does not prove that you are stable enough to care for your daughter. It is going to be a very long and hard process to regain her trust and don't expect it to happen overnight. Try writing a letter to her with no entreaties and no whining how you miss her, just simple musing about your days and that you love her. Stop calling her on her cell phone because it gives her the vindictive rush of being able to ignore you that no teenager can resist.

Her grades would not necessarily improve if she were moved to your care, either. She's in 7th grade which is amazing enough if kids make it through but it also sounds as if you and her father don't make it any easier for her to deal with her life. If you have depression, perhaps the same is beginning to manifest in her in adolescence and she truly needs professional help rather than being torn apart between two people who are only thinking of themselves.

She is at the age where her academic responsibility lies in her hands. Her motivation to do well also comes from within herself now. She is also at the age where failure will not harm her, unlike high school or college or later. If you want her to do better, focus on her self-esteem and letting her know you believe in her, not blaming her failures on each other.

Yes, I'm being harsh, but I have absolutely no sympathy for parents who are fighting and the child being in the middle.

I truly agree with you and don't feel as if you are being harsh at all. I think it is very good advice, some of the best I have heard. I do not feel that it has been a long enough amount of time to say that I am ready for my daughter to move in and I have stated that she will not move in with me again without counseling first. I certainly feel there are underlying issues which is why I requested that she begin counseling. I was quite shocked when the judge looked at her and said she LOOKS like a normal healthy child, of course he only had 5 minutes with her. Her father and I have made this very difficult. I fought extremely hard to keep her with me without consideration of what the true issue at hand was, a huge mistake on my part. I just could not imagine her no longer living with me. Her father unfortunately taught her to lie to get what she wants and that as a 14 year old nit only did she have the right to choose but she also had the right to not listen if she did not like what I was saying, including asking her to remain respectfully to myself and her stepfather, not being dishonest and flat out rude. Now I know that being a teenager is hard and these things are normal in teens. I do not feel it is normal to alienate yourself from everyone who loves you including her siblings. It seems as if she feels she can only have one family at a time. I have seen this in her father as well. He has alienated himself from his family and friends and now only associates with his wife's family and friends. I feel her father should be more encouraging in regards to her relationship with me, I raised her for 12 plus years and actually did it well, she was a very happy child, who was very active socially, she played soccer and baseball and was amazing at it, Her first soccer game she scored 3 goals, she was drafted by her brothers baseball team when she volunteered to help with practice and they saw how well she played. Once the idea of her the idea of moving with her father came up she became a different child. She no longer wanted to play sports, she did not listen to her stepfather or myself and her father and her began recording their conversation's. She even faked 17 phone calls stating I was not allowing her to call her father which simply was not true. It was very disheartening and scary. I also agree that her academic responsibility does lie within her own hands but it upsets me that she failed the 7th grade last year and is doing the same this year when prior to this she has had honor roll. I know she has the ability. I do feel there are underlying issues. I have suggested many times that she begin counseling, her father responds "she says she doesn't want to and I ain't gonna make her" Which was also the response he gave when the original custody order was not being followed. She needs to be aware that there are rules in life and even though they are not always fun, they must be followed and there are consequences when they are not. In regards to my stability, again I don't think I am "cured". There will be lots of work in the next few years and I may even fall now and then. I am working on it and am determined to succeed am currently supported by my husband , family , and wonderful coworkers. My younger children live with me and are very healthy, happy children They are currently honor-roll student's and are wonderful children who miss their sister very much. Evey now and then we just talk about memories we have of Meghan and plan that one day we can do all those things again. They are not aware of my suicide attempt. They see that at times I am unhappy but I am learning new ways of dealing with my unhappiness, one of which is just laying around being lazy with my kids and watching movies cuddled up together or playing games with them. I am sorry that I rambled so long. Thanks a bunch for listening and giving honest advice.