I am the married 30 year old sister of a 13 year old. My husband and I have cared for my sister since the death of our father one year ago. Before that, I was the caretaker for my father, who had terminal illness for two years, and my sister. I also was caretaker for my now 19 year old step sister, 18 year old sister and 18 year old brother. However, this issue revolves around the 13 year old as she is about to enter high school and there is a strong fear that the mother will try to exercise her rights as sole custodial parent.

The mother, my ex-step-mother, moved to Minnesota fleeing jail time four years ago. Three years ago she came back to Florida to serve her time. The charges she served to completion were two DUI's, check fraud and possesion of narcotics. In the past, she has lived with abusive partners, and has driven with the children while under the influence. She has been Baker acted twice and at one point had a restraining order from my father since she had put the children in danger. She has never paid any of the child support which she was supposed to pay my father, nor has provided financially for her children since the divorce. She gives no support to me but has paid for her daughter to visit twice in Minnesota over the past three years.

Last fall, the mother appeared in FL and attempted to have 13 year old removed at school. Upon seeing the absolute terror of child, police mediated a deal which I have upheld but has not been by the mother. I accompanied the child to MN once after, and then child went to see mother alone over winter holidays. Twice mother became inebriated which caused an enormous altercation, since child is actually terrified of her mother. I called the sherrif's office afterward to let them know of the trouble but at that time focused only on comforting the child over the phone.

The child is supposed to visit again this summer, and the mother is making ominous threats that she intends to keep the child.

Let is be said that child does have a large trust fund, none of which I have ever accessed, and is the recipient of SS funds. The 19 year old other daughter of mother has also not lived with her mother or had support for more than 4 years, yet mother has not attempted contact.

The mother does have sole custody from the divorce agreement (which also stipulates child support that was never paid). I understand that I have no legal grounds yet. Is there anything I can do though?

I am the married 30 year old sister of a 13 year old. My husband and I have cared for my sister since the death of our father one year ago. Before that, I was the caretaker for my father, who had terminal illness for two years, and my sister. I also was caretaker for my now 19 year old step sister, 18 year old sister and 18 year old brother. However, this issue revolves around the 13 year old as she is about to enter high school and there is a strong fear that the mother will try to exercise her rights as sole custodial parent.

The mother, my ex-step-mother, moved to Minnesota fleeing jail time four years ago. Three years ago she came back to Florida to serve her time. The charges she served to completion were two DUI's, check fraud and possesion of narcotics. In the past, she has lived with abusive partners, and has driven with the children while under the influence. She has been Baker acted twice and at one point had a restraining order from my father since she had put the children in danger. She has never paid any of the child support which she was supposed to pay my father, nor has provided financially for her children since the divorce. She gives no support to me but has paid for her daughter to visit twice in Minnesota over the past three years.

Last fall, the mother appeared in FL and attempted to have 13 year old removed at school. Upon seeing the absolute terror of child, police mediated a deal which I have upheld but has not been by the mother. I accompanied the child to MN once after, and then child went to see mother alone over winter holidays. Twice mother became inebriated which caused an enormous altercation, since child is actually terrified of her mother. I called the sherrif's office afterward to let them know of the trouble but at that time focused only on comforting the child over the phone.

The child is supposed to visit again this summer, and the mother is making ominous threats that she intends to keep the child.

Let is be said that child does have a large trust fund, none of which I have ever accessed, and is the recipient of SS funds. The 19 year old other daughter of mother has also not lived with her mother or had support for more than 4 years, yet mother has not attempted contact.

The mother does have sole custody from the divorce agreement (which also stipulates child support that was never paid). I understand that I have no legal grounds yet. Is there anything I can do though?

The situation is complicated enough that you really need to at least consult with a family law attorney. You can get a 30 minute consult for $25 by calling the Florida Bar Lawyer Referral Service at 1-800-342-8011. Before you go to your appointment, make a list of the questions you want to ask, it makes it much easier.

The situation is complicated enough that you really need to at least consult with a family law attorney. You can get a 30 minute consult for $25 by calling the Florida Bar Lawyer Referral Service at 1-800-342-8011. Before you go to your appointment, make a list of the questions you want to ask, it makes it much easier.

Thanks Xena- I do actually have a lawyer, but I am looking for some free advice!! :o

I was concerned with the advice that others gave a father who was not notified of his ex-wife's death by the grandparents. We did not tell the mother that our father had died. Why? Everyone was telling me not to (including lawyers), I was scared, I knew I'd have to sooner or later, I didn't want to have to deal with that at the same time as taking care of my brothers and sisters, etc.,, so is that going to be a huge issue?

Perhaps this is a better question (one at a time!) - does anyone know how likely the judge is to listen to her testimony ??? I know they will ask it, and she will be pretty damn outspoken on the subject, but how much will her testimony count?

Thanks Xena- I do actually have a lawyer, but I am looking for some free advice!! :o

I was concerned with the advice that others gave a father who was not notified of his ex-wife's death by the grandparents. We did not tell the mother that our father had died. Why? Everyone was telling me not to (including lawyers), I was scared, I knew I'd have to sooner or later, I didn't want to have to deal with that at the same time as taking care of my brothers and sisters, etc.,, so is that going to be a huge issue?

Perhaps this is a better question (one at a time!) - does anyone know how likely the judge is to listen to her testimony ??? I know they will ask it, and she will be pretty damn outspoken on the subject, but how much will her testimony count?

The mother has been in contact so it's very feasable that a court could give her custody if she files. This is why it's so important to have an attorney. Does she know now that the father is deceased?
A Judge might allow the girl to testify, but ultimately the Judge will base a decision on what is best for the child.

Yes, she has known about our father's death since he died. At that very time, however, we did not call her and tell her, as I said, becuase we'd been given advice not to.

I am still hoping that people might be able to tangle some parts of this issue and help me- every day I get more afraid that the mother will take my sister away. I don't have a problem with her living with her mother if the environment is stable and healthy, but it's not. I only want to help her get through this.

I've just read over some old posts (bridgetandstew's original posting about her 14 year old daughter) and have realized that if my sister's mother were to write on this board that this is PRECISELY what she would sound like, many of the her ranting details are mirror images of our own, and she writes exactly how my ex-stepmother speaks,....(although key details are entirely different so I know it's not her, don't worry)

However, what it makes me realize is that judges really do listen to the child- and it makes me feel somewhat better.

I've been posting on another board as well and someone advised that I try to get legal guardianship, but my concern is that the mother always, always wins. At least that is what I've been told. Anybody?

I've just read over some old posts (bridgetandstew's original posting about her 14 year old daughter) and have realized that if my sister's mother were to write on this board that this is PRECISELY what she would sound like, many of the her ranting details are mirror images of our own, and she writes exactly how my ex-stepmother speaks,....(although key details are entirely different so I know it's not her, don't worry)

However, what it makes me realize is that judges really do listen to the child- and it makes me feel somewhat better.

I've been posting on another board as well and someone advised that I try to get legal guardianship, but my concern is that the mother always, always wins. At least that is what I've been told. Anybody?

Ask your attorney if guardianship is a possibilty in your case. Your attorney will be familiar with the Judges and their normal decisions on this kind of thing.