Five years ago when my daughter was 12, she was visiting her dad in Wyoming (I am in California) for the summer and asked if she could "stay for a year". I thought about it and finally said yes. Her father told me he would not seek support from me. A month later he sent custody papers and I called his lawyer since support was outlined in them. The lawyer told me that it had to be part of the agreement "or the judge will throw it out" and assured me they would not pursue this. I had not intended to turn over custody, but they also told me my ex had to have it to get her health insurance. I was assured she would return in a year.

From that point forward, he would never let her return. She is now 17, turning 18 in January 2008. She will be here for summer vacation again and wants to stay. She asked to stay in December and he went ballistic, and he told my daughter if she didn't come back this summer he would take me to court for all the back support. He never said this to me, but I am sure the threat is there.

She is a brilliant girl with a 3.8 GPA, taking 7 honors classes. She is not on drugs, not drinking, nothing. BUT, she wants to come live with her mom. The stepmother beats the two young boys, grandchildren 5 and 7 (another story of taking kids from their mom, my ex's daughter, on the pretense of a temporary situation) and my daughter cannot stand the fighting and chaos in the home. I would like to add here that there is nothing wrong with me or my life, I have had the same job for 7 years, don't drink, take drugs, etc. My ex simply hates California and obviously, has some control issues.

My questions:
1. If I let her stay this summer, can they have me arrested for kidnapping if she is 17-1/2?
2. Is a verbal no support agreement valid, or will the courts go by the paper?
3. The Dept. of Family Services will be informed of the situation with the two boys (their mother has secured a lawyer to begin custody proceedings). When they come into the home to investigate, will my daughter be questioned about her situation?

My questions:
1. If I let her stay this summer, can they have me arrested for kidnapping if she is 17-1/2?
maybe not kidnapping, but interference of custody, etc

2. Is a verbal no support agreement valid, or will the courts go by the paper?
papers- and you could be looking at jail time for that too

3. The Dept. of Family Services will be informed of the situation with the two boys (their mother has secured a lawyer to begin custody proceedings). When they come into the home to investigate, will my daughter be questioned about her situation?
your daughter will be questioned about what she sees in the house. If they feel she is in danger, they will remove her.

Seeing as how she will be 18 soon, I would be very careful. Also , even after she is 18 he can come back for the support. You need court papers from him forgiving all arrearages on CS before he can not press it

Posting Rules

Thank you. This is far more serious than I realized. I thought with five months until she is 18, he would let it go, but I needed to know worst case scenario. Really appreciate the reply.

Thank you. This is far more serious than I realized. I thought with five months until she is 18, he would let it go, but I needed to know worst case scenario. Really appreciate the reply.

Tell her to wait until she is 18, then move out and live elsewhere like most teenagers do, and then when the threat of past child support is not there, then she can live with you , even if she is over 18. Mine does, and she is 19.

Tell her to wait until she is 18, then move out and live elsewhere like most teenagers do, and then when the threat of past child support is not there, then she can live with you , even if she is over 18. Mine does, and she is 19.

The threat of CS arrearages won't ever go away until OP's ex officially forgives the arrears.

OP, you really need to get an attorney for this, since there is a court order for CS you legally owe all arrears plus interest so it's better to make sure everything is done correctly to prevent future problems. I do agree with turbo that it's better to wait the 6 months, then daughter can choose as an adult.

The threat of CS arrearages won't ever go away until OP's ex officially forgives the arrears.

OP, you really need to get an attorney for this, since there is a court order for CS you legally owe all arrears plus interest so it's better to make sure everything is done correctly to prevent future problems. I do agree with turbo that it's better to wait the 6 months, then daughter can choose as an adult.

I may have been right about that, but I should have known about the CS arrearages never going away until the ex forgives the arrears. If it has never been court ordered, is there a statute of limitations on when a person can get child support for a child that is now an adult??

Someone told me that after she turns 18 CS cannot be collected, but I don't know if that is true. I tried calling his lawyer to ask if he would really lie in court but he didn't return my call. As you said, I really need a lawyer if we go forward with this. I don't think it is worth it to gain 5 months; my daughter should wait until she is 18. My ex has of course made other threats to her; ie, go to college here or you are out of my life type of things, but she doesn't care. Sad when a parent won't take into account the child's wishes. My most sincere thanks to all of you who took the time to post.

You all are talking about "current" support, not arrearages. Just because a child becomes of legal age, doesn't mean that past support is wiped out. If that was the case, NCPs all over the country would just stall/hideout, whatever, until their children turned 18. Child support is a debt that never goes away, like taxes.

Well, I have learned a lesson here. I was tricked left and right, and again, anytime one signs a document they should run it past their own lawyer. One more question, is it true that the judge "won't even look at" the change of custody if there are no CS provisions?

Well, I have learned a lesson here. I was tricked left and right, and again, anytime one signs a document they should run it past their own lawyer. One more question, is it true that the judge "won't even look at" the change of custody if there are no CS provisions?

It could very well be true. However, it is true that a judge would have accepted custody information which put child support at $50 or $1/month. He may have questioned it, but he also may have signed off on it.