I broke up with my girlfriend in Nov/Dec of '06, and have not seen her, and not really communicated with her since then. I have received some anonymous communications in the last couple months (most recently yesterday) that she was pregnant - implying that the child was mine.

I tried to call her yesterday to ask if this was the case, and she hung up on me, and was rather upset. Now she won't take my calls or see me, telling me 'why do I care' about anything in her life when I inquired.

I'm more than a little anxious in this matter, and was wondering a couple things:

What are my rights to find out whether or not she is pregnant? If she won't consent to see me or take my calls, how can I find out?

If she is, and the baby is mine, is it possible for me to gain full custody? I would not want this woman to raise my child, but doubt that I could prove she was an unfit mother - is that necessary, or do I just have to prove I'm a more fit father?

If I cannot find out if she's pregnant, is there anything stopping her from putting my name on the birth certificate, not telling me about the child, and seeking support some months/years down the road?

Any help would be appreciated.

I don't know that you have the "right" to know if she is pregnant, but you have the right to understand that having sex leads to pregnancy. When the baby is born, you have no rights until you are determined to be the legal father. You can sue for visitation, and a DNA test will be ordered. She can then sue for child support. You will have a hard time getting full custody, especially if it is solely to avoid paying child support, but, you can get liberal visitation.

I'm certainly not looking for sole custody to avoid child support - I didn't want it to come off that way.

My concern is not wanting my child to grow up with her. If it's mine, I want to raise it, as I have my doubts about her mental state - but I'm unsure if I can prove that in court, she has a very good public mask.

So basically I don't have any right to know she's pregnant with my child until (if) it's born and I have a DNA test?

I'm certainly not looking for sole custody to avoid child support - I didn't want it to come off that way.

My concern is not wanting my child to grow up with her. If it's mine, I want to raise it, as I have my doubts about her mental state - but I'm unsure if I can prove that in court, she has a very good public mask.

So basically I don't have any right to know she's pregnant with my child until (if) it's born and I have a DNA test?

The problem is this: If you didn't want her to get pregnant because you don't trust her mental state, then you don't have sex with her. Condoms fail, birth control is forgotten, etc.

The problem is this: If you didn't want her to get pregnant because you don't trust her mental state, then you don't have sex with her. Condoms fail, birth control is forgotten, etc.

Yes, and when I realized she was bunk in the head we broke up - it wasn't totally obvious at first. Unfortunately we had sex before that, and I can't take that part back - so rather than point out something I can't do anything about, how about some help with what I can do?

Yes, and when I realized she was bunk in the head we broke up - it wasn't totally obvious at first. Unfortunately we had sex before that, and I can't take that part back - so rather than point out something I can't do anything about, how about some help with what I can do?

I'm not pointing out the obvious. I'm telling you that we don't always get to go back and correct things. I've told you what you can do, already. There is really nothing more that you can do until its time to petition the court for visitation, at which time she will petition for child support.

You cannot do anything until the child is born. Once it is born, you may petition the court for paternity.

You will have to pay for the DNA test and the legal fees involved.

You will probably not get full custody without proving that mom is a sociopath. Really... I have seen meth addicts retain custody.

On a personal note, you may want to start forming a better relationship with the mother and start looking for her good points. You will be seeing a great deal of each other for the next two decades... and it isn't fair to the kid to have parents that openly hate each other.

You may even want to offer couple's counseling... not to get back together, but to better understand and work with each other.

Just going by threads here and on another board, there sure are alot of insane people (who were perfectly sane at the time of conception) having babies.:rolleyes:

Just going by threads here and on another board, there sure are alot of insane people (who were perfectly sane at the time of conception) having babies.:rolleyes:

It's amazing, isn't it. Why don't people need licenses for these types of things?

I don't know... if you had to pass a test to conceive, how many of us would be here today?

I don't know about y'all... but my parents were nutters.

You forgot to add, "bless their hearts" to your statement. C'mon Jeff...you're in the South. You know the rules...no unkind or unflattering statement without the qualifier.:D

Besides, if your parents were from GA, too....they were 'goobers', bless their heart. (see how that works?)

Actually, I have always wondered about that policy.

"They were shooting at each other like total fricking psycopaths and were cutting a swath of destruction second only to Sherman's. God Bless Em." As if that makes what you said less painful.

Anyway.....back to the OP...

Just wait it out. Don't send any gifts. Don't send any money. Just put some into an account every month against future judgement and you will be fine.

Actually, I have always wondered about that policy.

"They were shooting at each other like total fricking psycopaths and were cutting a swath of destruction second only to Sherman's. God Bless Em." As if that makes what you said less painful.



It's all in the accent.

So no help as far as finding out if in fact she is with child?

And I understand her perfectly well, she fell completely in love with the first non-abusive man in her life (me) and would do anything to keep me around. This included lying about herself, her family, her home, and her husband - who might have been an ex-husband, but she told me she never married the guy, yay for public records.

None of this is directly relevant, but it's all reasons why I had to break up with her. Maybe I'm not the hero in this story, but I don't yet know if she's with child, and for the last 5 months I haven't seen her. I thought I had gotten out of a bad relationship only to be accosted months later anonymously with accusations of parenthood - so please don't judge me too harshly. This is all very disconcerting.

Edit*
And for the record - I'd be all for permits on breeding.

Other than buttering her up and hoping she will tell you whether she is pregnant or not, no.

Is there a mutual "friend" or anybody that will be willing to keep you informed if and/or when she has a baby?

Agreed.

You have no more right to knowing her pregnancy status as knowing any other medical condition she has. In other words, unless she infected you with something terminal, you don't get to know.

Just be careful of anything you write. You do NOT know she is pregnant and, if she is, you do NOT know it is yours. Therefore, anything you write to her that says "I am the daddy and want to take care of our unborn child" could come back to bite you hard... if the real father runs away.

"What are my rights to find out whether or not she is pregnant? If she won't consent to see me or take my calls, how can I find out?"

Basically you have none. The fact that a girl friend might be pregnant does not give you access to her private sealed medical records. There are LAWS about medical privacy rights that a condition of pregnancy does not nullify. Unless she is willing to release this information to you volintarily you have zero right to it.....just like a stranger off the street has no right to your medical records.



"If she is, and the baby is mine, is it possible for me to gain full custody?"

Umm....in a word no. It is possible for you to gain liberal visitation but the courts NEVER seperate a child from it's mother if that mother is able to parent......and by able to parent I don't mean YOUR personal definition of what makes a good parent....I am talking about anything short of abuse or neglect. In short if the child's immediate life isin't in danger then a mother is considered fit to parent.


"I would not want this woman to raise my child, but doubt that I could prove she was an unfit mother - is that necessary, or do I just have to prove I'm a more fit father?"

We'll....you forget that this baby isin't just YOUR child. This woman will be doing ALL the work to gestate, birth, and care for the immediate needs of the infant (which may consider breastfeeding)....it is this woman's body who will endure pain, suffering, trauma, and perminant change to bring YOUR child into the world. A child is not a thing or a peice of property that belongs to you because you want it and you feel that you deserve it "more" for what ever reason. A child needs both parents, so do the right thing, put your man pants on, and try to reconcile with the mother so that you can have a good relationship with your daughter's custodial parent.

"If I cannot find out if she's pregnant, is there anything stopping her from putting my name on the birth certificate, not telling me about the child, and seeking support some months/years down the road?"

In a word no. Unless you take action....when the child is 18 there would be nothing stopping her from filing for 18 years of back child support. If I were you however I would file your name on your (or her) state's Putitive father's registry....which will help with custody issues after birth (will show your intrest and intent to support the child) and prevent her from transfering custody (via adoption) to a third party with our your knowledge.

"What are my rights to find out whether or not she is pregnant? If she won't consent to see me or take my calls, how can I find out?"

Basically you have none. The fact that a girl friend might be pregnant does not give you access to her private sealed medical records. There are LAWS about medical privacy rights that a condition of pregnancy does not nullify. Unless she is willing to release this information to you volintarily you have zero right to it.....just like a stranger off the street has no right to your medical records.



"If she is, and the baby is mine, is it possible for me to gain full custody?"

Umm....in a word no. It is possible for you to gain liberal visitation but the courts NEVER seperate a child from it's mother if that mother is able to parent......and by able to parent I don't mean YOUR personal definition of what makes a good parent....I am talking about anything short of abuse or neglect. In short if the child's immediate life isin't in danger then a mother is considered fit to parent.


"I would not want this woman to raise my child, but doubt that I could prove she was an unfit mother - is that necessary, or do I just have to prove I'm a more fit father?"

We'll....you forget that this baby isin't just YOUR child. This woman will be doing ALL the work to gestate, birth, and care for the immediate needs of the infant (which may consider breastfeeding)....it is this woman's body who will endure pain, suffering, trauma, and perminant change to bring YOUR child into the world. A child is not a thing or a peice of property that belongs to you because you want it and you feel that you deserve it "more" for what ever reason. A child needs both parents, so do the right thing, put your man pants on, and try to reconcile with the mother so that you can have a good relationship with your daughter's custodial parent.

"If I cannot find out if she's pregnant, is there anything stopping her from putting my name on the birth certificate, not telling me about the child, and seeking support some months/years down the road?"

In a word no. Unless you take action....when the child is 18 there would be nothing stopping her from filing for 18 years of back child support. If I were you however I would file your name on your (or her) state's Putitive father's registry....which will help with custody issues after birth (will show your intrest and intent to support the child) and prevent her from transfering custody (via adoption) to a third party with our your knowledge.

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c72/Yardy1/dope.gifOY, VEY!

"If she is, and the baby is mine, is it possible for me to gain full custody?"

Umm....in a word no. It is possible for you to gain liberal visitation but the courts NEVER seperate a child from it's mother if that mother is able to parent......and by able to parent I don't mean YOUR personal definition of what makes a good parent....I am talking about anything short of abuse or neglect. In short if the child's immediate life isin't in danger then a mother is considered fit to parent.




HAHAHAHAHA- tell that to my hubby who has had custody for 9 years. There are lots of dads on here who will tell you it is completely possible. Please do not give out bad advice that is completely not true

"What are my rights to find out whether or not she is pregnant? If she won't consent to see me or take my calls, how can I find out?"

Basically you have none. The fact that a girl friend might be pregnant does not give you access to her private sealed medical records. There are LAWS about medical privacy rights that a condition of pregnancy does not nullify. Unless she is willing to release this information to you volintarily you have zero right to it.....just like a stranger off the street has no right to your medical records.



"If she is, and the baby is mine, is it possible for me to gain full custody?"

Umm....in a word no. It is possible for you to gain liberal visitation but the courts NEVER seperate a child from it's mother if that mother is able to parent......and by able to parent I don't mean YOUR personal definition of what makes a good parent....I am talking about anything short of abuse or neglect. In short if the child's immediate life isin't in danger then a mother is considered fit to parent.


"I would not want this woman to raise my child, but doubt that I could prove she was an unfit mother - is that necessary, or do I just have to prove I'm a more fit father?"

We'll....you forget that this baby isin't just YOUR child. This woman will be doing ALL the work to gestate, birth, and care for the immediate needs of the infant (which may consider breastfeeding)....it is this woman's body who will endure pain, suffering, trauma, and perminant change to bring YOUR child into the world. A child is not a thing or a peice of property that belongs to you because you want it and you feel that you deserve it "more" for what ever reason. A child needs both parents, so do the right thing, put your man pants on, and try to reconcile with the mother so that you can have a good relationship with your daughter's custodial parent.

"If I cannot find out if she's pregnant, is there anything stopping her from putting my name on the birth certificate, not telling me about the child, and seeking support some months/years down the road?"

In a word no. Unless you take action....when the child is 18 there would be nothing stopping her from filing for 18 years of back child support. If I were you however I would file your name on your (or her) state's Putitive father's registry....which will help with custody issues after birth (will show your intrest and intent to support the child) and prevent her from transfering custody (via adoption) to a third party with our your knowledge.


Where did you get this crap? How dare you post this nonsense??!...JHC! You are an idiot!

Heck, I'm just surprised that Megan managed to put together a reply that didn't include berating anyone for considering adoption!:rolleyes:

Heck, I'm just surprised that Megan managed to put together a reply that didn't include berating anyone for considering adoption!:rolleyes:

One of those, huh??

Also to piggy back onto a prior comment...
Prior to determinatin of paternity ANY money you give her or the baby will be considered a "gift" and will not count toward child support payments. Thats why the other posters suggestion about starting to put some money in a savings account for later...