I have a wonderful step-daughter who I have been raising since she was 8 months old. Her mother went to jail and upon getting out in november 05 has had no contact. She recently got arrested again and was in jail from oct of 06 until Jan 07. She has not made any effort to contact my daughter at all. In fact, when she got out of jail in 05', she took off to Florida and I assume is still living there. I really want to adopt her, since I am the only mommy she has ever known. I just don't know what to do to start the process or what we will have to do to try and have her rights terminated. Will they terminate her rights if there's been no contact for this long? There is also a history of mental illness and drug abuse. I feel bad that she can't get it straight, but my step-daughters safety is my main concern. My husband has sole physical and legal custody of her, with visitation on his approval. She called to have visitation twice and never showed either time. That was a couple of months after she got out of jail the first time and we haven't heard from her since. Any help is greatly appreciated!

does she pay any support? that could be considered contact. is it possible she will voluntarily relinquish her rights? you will need to file to terminate her parental rights and to stepparent adopt. Have you been married at least a year? You will want to get an atty cause any misstep could cause it to be voided later. good luck. we are preparing to go thru the same thing. it will be long and possibly expensive, but so worth it

No, she pays no support. We haven't been married for a year yet, however we have been together for 2 years and have known each other for 15. Is that a requirement? i don't know if she will relinquish them, but with the mental health issues I don't know if it would be legal even if she did. I guess we'd have to prove she was on her medications first. I just don't want her to be able to come back and challenge the adoption and disrupt my step-daughters life any more. Is there a time frame of no contact that shows a lack of desire to maintain a relationship that would permit us to file for termination?

Statutes:

Websites for Statutes:
http://legis.state.va.us
http://legis.state.va.us/Laws/CodeofVa.htm
Citations:
Adoption: Title 63.2, Chapters 12 through 14
Child Protection: Title 63.2, Chapter 15
Child Welfare: Title 63.2, Chapter 9 through 11; Title 16.1, Chapter 11, §§ 16.1-281 through 16.1-283


Regulation/Policy
Website for Administrative Code:
http://leg1.state.va.us/000/reg/TOC.HTM
Note: See Title 22, Agency 40




Circumstances That Are Grounds for Termination of Parental Rights
§ 16.1-283


The parent has abandoned the child.
The parent is unable to discharge his or her parental duties due to:

Emotional illness, mental illness, or mental deficiency
Habitual abuse or addiction to intoxicating liquors, narcotics, or other dangerous drugs
The parent has subjected the child to aggravated circumstances, including, but not limited to, torture, chronic or severe abuse, or chronic or severe sexual abuse. It includes the failure to protect the child from such conduct.

Reasonable efforts to rehabilitate the parent have failed.
The parent has been convicted of:

Murder or voluntary manslaughter of a child of the parent, a child with whom the parent resided, or the other parent of the child
Felony attempt, conspiracy, or solicitation to commit any such offense
A felony assault that results in serious bodily injury, felony bodily wounding, or felony sexual assault, and the victim was a child of the parent or a child residing with the parent

The parent has failed to maintain continuing contact with the child for 6 months after the child has been placed in foster care.
Parental rights to another child of the parent have been involuntarily terminated.



Circumstances That Are Exceptions to Termination of Parental Rights
§ 16.1-283


Notwithstanding any other provisions of this section, residual parental rights shall not be terminated if it is established that the child, if he or she is 14 years of age or older or otherwise of an age of discretion as determined by the court, objects to such termination.
Residual parental rights of a child 14 years of age or older may be terminated over the objection of the child if the court finds that any disability of the child reduces the child's developmental age and that the child is not otherwise of an age of discretion.



Who Must Consent to an Adoption
Citation: § 63.2-1202


The mother
The husband of the mother
The birth father if the parents are unwed, unless the birth father cannot be determined or fails to respond to notice
The agency or department having custody
A minor parent shall have power to consent



Age When Consent of Adoptee is Considered or Required
Citation: § 63.2-1202

A child 14 years of age or older must consent to the adoption unless the court finds that the child's best interest would not be served.


When Parental Consent is not Needed
Citation: § 63.2-1202


The father has been convicted of rape, which resulted the conception of the child.
The parent's parental rights have been terminated.
The putative father cannot be identified, or if known, fails to respond to notice.
The parents fail to appear at the adoption hearing.
Consent is withheld contrary to the best interests of the child.



Jurisdiction
Citation: § 63.2-1201

The circuit court


Venue
Citation: § 63.2-1201

The county or city where:

The petitioner resides
The child-placing agency is located



Who May Adopt
Citation: Ann. Code § 63.2-1201
The following persons may adopt:

Any resident
A husband and wife jointly
A stepparent


Who May Be Adopted
Citation: Ann. Code §§ 63.2-1200; 63.2-1243
The following persons may be adopted:

A minor child
A person age 18 or older under the following circumstances:
The adopted person is a stepchild to whom the petitioner has stood in loco parentis for a period of at least 3 months.
The adopted person is a niece or nephew who has no living parents and who has lived in the home of the petitioner for at least 3 months.
The adopted person is the birth child of the petitioner or had resided in the home of the petitioner for a period of at least 3 months prior to reaching age 18.
The adopted person is at least 15 years younger than the petitioner, and the petitioner and the adopted person have known each other for at least 5 years prior to the filing of the petition for adoption.



Who May Place a Child for Adoption
Citation: Ann. Code § 63.2-1200

A child may be placed for adoption by:
A licensed child-placing agency
A local board of social services
The child's parent or legal guardian if the placement is a parental placement
An out-of-State agency that is licensed by that State, but any entrustment agreement must comply with Virginia law to be valid




In reference to abandonment in VA;

§ 20-81. Presumptions as to desertion and abandonment.

Proof of desertion or of neglect of spouse, child or children by any person shall be prima facie evidence that such desertion or neglect is willful; and proof that a person has left his or her spouse, or his or her child or children in destitute or necessitous circumstances, or has contributed nothing to their support for a period of thirty days prior or subsequent either or both to his or her departure, shall constitute prima facie evidence of an intention to abandon such family.

i believe you have the grounds for abandonment, however,, you need to check with an atty on the amt of time you have to be married. that is a big sticking point in some states

Kelly, exactly WHERE did you read in the post that she was blocking contact? She has whatever parental rights her husband allows her to have.


Oh, and just one little bitty, teensy tiny side note.... If you bother to actually read the statutes that Ohio Step Mom so thoughtfully posted for our viewing pleasure, you will note that nowhere does it state that the step parent must be married to the bio parent for one year. Your one size fits all answer does not fit this particular poster.

Now, either apologize or shut up.

i thought that had the stench of a kelly post. Poster- please ignore her, she is a troll who intentionally posts to upset people,.

Why in the world does Kelly hate stepmoms so much? Because her posts are often just rants at a stepmom that she's not a "real" mother. Does she feel she was somehow screwed by a stepmom?

Why in the world does Kelly hate stepmoms so much? Because her posts are often just rants at a stepmom that she's not a "real" mother. Does she feel she was somehow screwed by a stepmom?
She lost custody of her chidren when she tried to "prove" that her husband should not have custody because he was abusive to her and the children. That woked out well for her. Added to that, she is just an all around froot loop.

you must be married at least a year. untill you legally adopt her, she is not YOUR daughter, and you have no say wether or not MOM has contact or visitation with HER child.

Read Kelly...READ! You need to read posts before you respond! Period!:mad: :mad:

No problem with the negativity. She has obviously had some issue with someone being a step parent. But for her knowledge, the mother has never tried to contact my step-daughter. I have been her "mommy" since she was 8 months old. She is my daughter in every way except by birth and your anger can't change that fact. We tried to get her to call me by my first name and SHE refused, stating no...my mommy. Good enough for me. As far as her mother, quite frankly, I would be pleased if her mother had some sort of contact with her. How sad is it that her own flesh and blood won't have anything to do with her. And as for how much say I have, the court decided visitation was up to her father and her father does nothing without consulting me so therefore I have all the say.

I'm so sorry you are negative about step-mom's because if I hadn't stepped up, she would have missed out on that relationship in her life, and that's really sad for her. Trust me, I have a step dad who adopted me and I know my real dad....best thing that ever happened to me was my step-dad.

By the way she just turned 3 on Friday. My girls gettin' big!!!

Ahhh, happy birthday to the little princess. (ALL 3 year old girls are princesses, even if it is under the layer of dirt from playing tackle football:D )


Of course you are her "Mommy". My husband is "Daddy" to my oldest. He has raised, loved, supported, disciplined, comforted and tickled her since she was 9 months old. As I said, ignore "carriesguy" (aka: Kelly Abernathy). She will be kicked off again, soon. Unfortunately, she will come back with a new name. *sigh*

No problem with the negativity. She has obviously had some issue with someone being a step parent. But for her knowledge, the mother has never tried to contact my step-daughter. I have been her "mommy" since she was 8 months old. She is my daughter in every way except by birth and your anger can't change that fact. We tried to get her to call me by my first name and SHE refused, stating no...my mommy. Good enough for me. As far as her mother, quite frankly, I would be pleased if her mother had some sort of contact with her. How sad is it that her own flesh and blood won't have anything to do with her. And as for how much say I have, the court decided visitation was up to her father and her father does nothing without consulting me so therefore I have all the say.

I'm so sorry you are negative about step-mom's because if I hadn't stepped up, she would have missed out on that relationship in her life, and that's really sad for her. Trust me, I have a step dad who adopted me and I know my real dad....best thing that ever happened to me was my step-dad.

By the way she just turned 3 on Friday. My girls gettin' big!!!


Don't mind Kelly...(carriesguy)...She/He/It haunts many different forums and rants the same mindless drivel. It is the poster child for mental illness...;)

My son also refused to call my husband by his first name. He was Dada, then just plain Dad. His bio-father was always "Daddy," but since he has made no contact in more than a year, my son has pretty much forgotten him. And I never bring up his Daddy because I don't want to get his hopes up about seeing him when the man has gone with the wind.

I find it so sad that biological parents want nothing to do with their chidren, but luckily for us, and to the dismay of Kelly, there are plenty of "steps" out there who take their roles very seriously and love the children as their own. I don't understand why in the world she would want to piss on that!

Princess status is not just for 3 year olds! I turned 33 last month, and I am a princess too!!

You're the Princess of the Frozen Tundra.;) Happy, now?

You mean the Pretty Pretty Princess of the Frozen Tundra, don't you?:p

Frozen Tundra is right. I think the actual air temperature is 1.:eek:

And here I am complaining because the temp was in the 40's today. (for the past 3 days, we have been in the 70's). I feel for you. If you need to thaw, feel free to come visit!

Please check on the status of radiation prior to your departure. (Red headed sister of mommyof4 has nukes!!:eek: :D )

We had a heat wave today and it was 4!!!!!!!!!

Maybe the nukes keep us warm. Just train yourself to ignore any "oddities".:D

Oh, and here's another scary thought....her husband was just accepted to the FBI. They will be in MoB's neck of the woods. Enjoy!!! I have been waiting for the opportunity to unleash my sister on the rest of the world! Bwah ha ha ha ha!

So my stepdaughters egg donor is back in jail...I think that took a month to happen. :rolleyes: This time however, it looks like she may not get out for 5 years. My question is whether they will let us proceed with an adoption while she is incarcerated or will they make us wait until she gets out? (The plus to her being in jail is that she will be lucid because she will be on her medications, something she doesn't seem to be able to do when she's out on her own.)