I've been married twice.. The second ex-husband adopted both of my daughters from my first marriage. (the first child was out of wed lock and I was never married to her father.. paternity was established).
After a domestic violence issue happened.. my oldest went with her bio father until I was able to get on my feet again. With my divorce, the judge granted me full custody of both kids which to this day I still have. However, the step mom of the bio dad says they are legal custodial parents according to Washington laws but do acknowldge me being custodial mother. They do not allow me to talk to my daughter and do not allow me to visit with her.

What kind of rights do they really have? This bio Dad signed off legal parental rights so my second ex-husband could adopt her.. Yes, she has been living in Washington for over three (3) years now.

I've been married twice.. The second ex-husband adopted both of my daughters from my first marriage. (the first child was out of wed lock and I was never married to her father.. paternity was established).
After a domestic violence issue happened.. my oldest went with her bio father until I was able to get on my feet again. With my divorce, the judge granted me full custody of both kids which to this day I still have. However, the step mom of the bio dad says they are legal custodial parents according to Washington laws but do acknowldge me being custodial mother. They do not allow me to talk to my daughter and do not allow me to visit with her.

What kind of rights do they really have? This bio Dad signed off legal parental rights so my second ex-husband could adopt her.. Yes, she has been living in Washington for over three (3) years now.

Whoa- your child's bio father's rights were terminated, your second husband adopted- basically that means that legally your child's ONLY legal parents are you and your second husband. You allowed your daughter to go live with a legal stranger 3 yrs ago and NOW you want to know how to get your daughter away from a legal stranger??

Well, considering that you have allowed the situation to exist for 3 years you won't be able to just waltz in and reclaim your daughter. The only thing you can do is to consult with a family law attorney who can tell you what your realistic options are.

are you sure taking her away from her life that she has been used to for 3 years is in her best interest? how old is the child? i wonder what she would say. Legally I would have to assume if these ppl have NO legal papers granting them anything, you should be able to get her with no problem

I wasn't talking about taking her away from her home she has now, I just am wondering of the legal leverage the ppl she is currently residing with have over her right now. I do not want to do anything to dirupt her life anymore than it already has been but it also doesn't seem right or fair that they do not grant me any kind of communication with her and I have only been allowed to see her for half ( 1/2 ) and hour in the three (3) years she has been gone. I miss her terribly...

do they have ANY legal papers granting them anything??????

No, I gave them a power of attorney that lasted 9months starting 6/03, when that lapsed nothing else was done. She turned 15 October 6 of this last year and occording to the email which was written, she wants to stay there. I do not know if it came from her or not and as I said before, I am not allowed to speak to her...

ok- if they have no legal papers, then they have no rights to keep her. As of right now, you still are her legal custodial parent???? if so, you need to contact an atty about getting her back from them. they are interfering with custody, enticing a minor, etc. go to the local prosecuting atty in their county. Your goal here I assume is to give them custody but get yourself liberal visitation. They may be willing to agree to this if they see the option is losing the child. It is your legal right to have her with you. You never terminated your rights or had them involuntarily terminated, so they cannot keep her from you. You are going to have to be strong and tell them they are going to allow you to see her and set a schedule and make it legal or you will be pressing charges to get her back. what does her adopted dad say about all of this?

I wasn't talking about taking her away from her home she has now, I just am wondering of the legal leverage the ppl she is currently residing with have over her right now. I do not want to do anything to dirupt her life anymore than it already has been but it also doesn't seem right or fair that they do not grant me any kind of communication with her and I have only been allowed to see her for half ( 1/2 ) and hour in the three (3) years she has been gone. I miss her terribly...

First, I'm a mother. I am also a mother who allowed my son to live with his father at age 10. So, I do know what it's like to not be a custodial parent.
But what I do NOT understand is WHY you ALLOWED this situation to continue for 3 years??? If my ex had even attempted to keep my son from me I would have hauled his a$$ into court so fast it would've made the tazmanian devil cartoon character look like he was spinning in slow motion.

Even though you have legal papers stating that you are the custodial parent, the very sad LEGAL FACT is that you legally abandoned your child to legal strangers. This fact will prevent you from simply going to get your daughter.

My original advice remains the same- get a consult with an attorney to find out what legal steps you can take. My educated guess is that an attorney will advise you to file a petition to regain custody or a court order for visitation.

xena excellent point on the abandonment, but since no one has filed abandonment charges on her, I think she has a leg to stand on. A quivering leg though. A good family atty needs to be consulted and fast

ok- if they have no legal papers, then they have no rights to keep her. As of right now, you still are her legal custodial parent???? if so, you need to contact an atty about getting her back from them. they are interfering with custody, enticing a minor, etc. go to the local prosecuting atty in their county. Your goal here I assume is to give them custody but get yourself liberal visitation. They may be willing to agree to this if they see the option is losing the child. It is your legal right to have her with you. You never terminated your rights or had them involuntarily terminated, so they cannot keep her from you. You are going to have to be strong and tell them they are going to allow you to see her and set a schedule and make it legal or you will be pressing charges to get her back. what does her adopted dad say about all of this?

mil, unfortunately the OP abandoned her daughter simply by not enforcing her rights a heck of a long time ago. I can easily see in this situation where a court would refuse to give her custody- sadly, the court can actually remove the girl from the home and place her in foster care due to mom's abandonment and neglect.

xena excellent point on the abandonment, but since no one has filed abandonment charges on her, I think she has a leg to stand on. A quivering leg though. A good family atty needs to be consulted and fast

I was posting at the same time. I agree, an attorney is a must for the OP.

xena- yea, my ex tried to deny me 1 weekend and i was on the courthouse steps the next morning fighting mad. I don't know why she abandoned her. I am interested in what dad says?

xena- yea, my ex tried to deny me 1 weekend and i was on the courthouse steps the next morning fighting mad. I don't know why she abandoned her. I am interested in what dad says?

Interesting point, I wonder what the legal father thinks- the second ex who adopted the girl. Oops, 1 vs 100 is on- gotta go enter on line to try to win $10,000.00. (If I do win, you'll know because you'll hear me yelling yes, yes, yes, for thousands of miles.:) ).

The adoptive Dad is the whole reason this happened. He created the worst DV case in Lane County in `03.He is very violent and my girls and I are very lucky to be alive.
As for the abandonment issuse. I have not!!!! I have tried to keep in touch. They will not let me. I have phone records and email records to prove it. They will not let me talk to my daughter. I do have full legal custody of her and will NOT give it up to anyone for anything.....

The adoptive Dad is the whole reason this happened. He created the worst DV case in Lane County in `03.He is very violent and my girls and I are very lucky to be alive.
As for the abandonment issuse. I have not!!!! I have tried to keep in touch. They will not let me. I have phone records and email records to prove it. They will not let me talk to my daughter. I do have full legal custody of her and will NOT give it up to anyone for anything.....

Unfortunately, the fact is that you DID give your daughter up, you DID abandon her, and the sooner you recongnize those 2 simple facts, the easier it will be for you to begin to make up for your mistakes.
It does NOT legally matter that you tried to contact her- what a court will see is that you had every legal right and opportunity to go get her, you had every legal right and opportunity to take those legal strangers to court, you had every legal right and opportunity to take your daughter's KIDNAPPING to the police- and the court will question why you did NOT do any of those things for 3 years.

I feel very sorry for you, you made some HUGE mistakes but I truly believe that you were trying to protect your daughter, but the law does not see it the same way. The law says that you abandoned your child and a parent who abandons a child cannot get thier child back by simply asking. You'll be required to prove to the court that you are a fit parent and that you are capable of taking care of your child.

One of the ways that might help is if you have PROOF of all CS (voluntary or court ordered) paid by you to the people who've raised your child for the last 3 yrs. Which, brings up a question I hadn't thought of- was your second ex (the legal father) court ordered to pay YOU CS? If so, did he pay it, and more importantly, if he did, did you turn it over to your child's caretakers? (in addition to paying them your portion of CS)?

Problem is both are working against me. What is CS? I have the feeling that I will have to wait til she is 18 to have any commuication with her again. I have made some huge mistakes, mistakes that I cannot believe I have made and I thought they were all in the best interest of my daughters well being. I thought at the time that I could trust the ppl she was going to stay with and that I would not be denied communication and visistiation.
I FEEL LIKE THE STUPIDEST PERSON ALIVE! They promised me they would NEVER ever deny me communication or visitation....
WOW.... I WAS BLIND!!!!!

Problem is both are working against me. What is CS? I have the feeling that I will have to wait til she is 18 to have any commuication with her again. I have made some huge mistakes, mistakes that I cannot believe I have made and I thought they were all in the best interest of my daughters well being. I thought at the time that I could trust the ppl she was going to stay with and that I would not be denied communication and visistiation.
I FEEL LIKE THE STUPIDEST PERSON ALIVE! They promised me they would NEVER ever deny me communication or visitation....
WOW.... I WAS BLIND!!!!!

CS is short for child support.

Was the legal father (your second ex) court ordered to pay CS to you?

If yes, did he pay you CS. If yes, did you turn around and send that CS to your daughter's caretakers?

Have you been paying any CS to your daughters caretakers? ( above any CS the legal father paid)

No you don't have to wait until she is 18- you can do something now, but you have to know what you can do- which is why the answers to those questions are important.

I did recieve a couple of checks which were garnished from his employer, when I tried to send the half that would have gone for my oldest daughter, her bio father refused it.. he would not accept the money and would not give me an address to send the money to. His words were "I do not want any of the other guys money". So the little amount that I did get I used on my youngest daughter and her needs... clothes, food....

I did recieve a couple of checks which were garnished from his employer, when I tried to send the half that would have gone for my oldest daughter, her bio father refused it.. he would not accept the money and would not give me an address to send the money to. His words were "I do not want any of the other guys money". So the little amount that I did get I used on my youngest daughter and her needs... clothes, food....


You really need to consult with an attorney about how to regain custody. Be prepared tho, it's almost certain that the issue of YOUR non support will play a part in everything.

I have however finally got an address to send a Wal-Mart gift card to their home address for her birthday and another for a Christmas gift. However, at that time when I was allowed to speak to my daughter... she told me that the money was spent on the other kids that were in the family and not on her and the "step mom" comfirmed this...
I do not have any money to seek an attorny. I am currently appealing a denial for disability, I hurt my ankle almost two years ago and have not been able to work since... I am also fighting the insurance for proper care of my ankle. I have had a tremendous amount of things that have been against me since my 2nd ex-husband did what he did and even after 3 years I am still not on my feet. I am living with a friend right now due to my situation.
I really dont know what to do. I really thought that her living with them was the right thing for her.... now I know it was the absolute oposite of right a I regret it MAJOR!!!!! Yes... If I could change the past I would in a heart beat!!!!
The last time I tried getting help from Legal Aid they just put their noses up to me and almost pushed me out the door! They are the only avenue I know. Do you know something else I can try???

I have however finally got an address to send a Wal-Mart gift card to their home address for her birthday and another for a Christmas gift. However, at that time when I was allowed to speak to my daughter... she told me that the money was spent on the other kids that were in the family and not on her and the "step mom" comfirmed this...
I do not have any money to seek an attorny. I am currently appealing a denial for disability, I hurt my ankle almost two years ago and have not been able to work since... I am also fighting the insurance for proper care of my ankle. I have had a tremendous amount of things that have been against me since my 2nd ex-husband did what he did and even after 3 years I am still not on my feet. I am living with a friend right now due to my situation.
I really dont know what to do. I really thought that her living with them was the right thing for her.... now I know it was the absolute oposite of right a I regret it MAJOR!!!!! Yes... If I could change the past I would in a heart beat!!!!
The last time I tried getting help from Legal Aid they just put their noses up to me and almost pushed me out the door! They are the only avenue I know. Do you know something else I can try???

I'm sorry, but each time you post it becomes more and more apparent that you are a classic "dead beat parent" where your oldest daughter is concerned.

I can understand why you keep getting turned down for disablilty, an injured ankle alone (you only stated it's due to your ankle) does NOT TOTALLY disable anyone. There are all kinds of jobs you could get, but you CHOOSE to let everyone else support you.

You are very correct, you cannot change the past- none of us can. However, you certainly have the abilty to change yourself and the future IF YOU REALLY WANT TO.

Begin by admitting to yourself that YOU need to change YOUR attitude. Then go get some counseling, get a job that you are capable of doing (there are plenty available), then go see an attorney about getting back into your daughter's life.

I know I'm being hard on you, but being a victim of DV is NOT an excuse to be a lazy neglectful parent/person. You need to put the past behind you and STOP letting your past abuser win. Yes, that's exactly what you are doing, as long as you continue to wallow in your self pity, poor me, nothings gone right for me, attitude- you are letting your abuser win.

I truly hope and pray that you take my advice and get help, you are in my prayers, but until then I'm through trying to help you. It's up to you now to make the first move, once you've done that and need help, I'll be more than happy to assist you further if I can. Good luck to you.
Xena

DV induced depression comes to mind here, the person litterally thinks that they can not do anything even though they are a fully capable intelligent adult. I hope you are seeking help in a support group or with a counsellor.