Hi,
I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't
be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I
found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to
do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums,
the potty training.

DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's
great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things
are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful.
Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great.

However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids
and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends
when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and
get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type.

I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children,
does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20
years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I
really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get
to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.

Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my
DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in
my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?

All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my
friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they
wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been
there and done that???

"Sue" <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2lhpt4Fc4t25U1@uni-berlin.de... Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?

No. You don't have to make friends in the literal sense that you *make* friends
LOL. Other people have happy satisfying friendships too. What a slow, painful,
way to make friends.

I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right? All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???

Sue wrote: Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never
wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I
did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every
second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is
quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown
up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think
giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have
adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret
having your kids..is she right?

No, I don't think so. I know some people DO regret having children.
I don't and it sounds like you and your friend don't, but there are
some kids that are just hell on wheels and some parents that just
weren't cut out for parenting, but didn't realize that until it was
too late.
All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT
some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do
it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of
you who have been there and done that???

IMO, wanting to produce friends when you're older is a very bad
reason to have children. Particularly since there is no guarantee
that you're kids will want to be friends with you, and no guarantee
that your children will stay near enough to you to make the kind of
relationship I think you're talking about feasible.

Also note that even though your first child was a handful at the
toddler age, there's no guarantee that a different child might be
more placid at that age, but make you want to tear your hair out at
say, five or six.

There *is* nearly a 100% guarantee that you'll want to tear your
hair out at fifteen though so you're not out of the woods with that
8 year old just yet :)

How do you see having another child would affect the family and your
marriage? What does your DH think about it?

Would a better idea possibly be getting a job, if you're finding you
have too much free time on your hands, particularly since you
mention a few money issues.. If you really would like more
children, but don't want to go through the toddler age, from what I
understand, older children needing adoption abound. Perhaps you
could go that route.

Cal~

"Sue" <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2lhpt4Fc4t25U1@uni-berlin.de... Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have
to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things.
Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are
great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult
children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?
I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to
get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?

Some people do. I suspect you wouldn't be one of them because if you have
another it will be your choice *and* you already know what you'd be getting
yourself into.

All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???

I think that if you are having to ask other people because you are so
ambivalent about the benefits then it probably isn't the right thing for you
to do. I really, really, really believe children should be 100% planned and
wanted.

We have a 9 year gap between our second and third children and my husband
and I thought very carefully about all the pros and cons before we planned
our bonus baby. The only other person I asked advice of was my OB and that
was just for the medical aspects of the decision. Some things that you are
enjoying now because you have an 8 year old, we enjoyed too. We are also
aware that our older children are having a slightly different life then if
we hadn't had their brother but they don't really know what they are missing
or what steps we go to minimise the drawbacks for them. Also, they love him
to exhausted giggly shreds and vice versa.

On balance the positives have far exceeded our expectations and hopes and
we're glad we threw ourselves back into the baby years. They've been going
faster this time around, too.

Tai

On Tue, 13 Jul 2004 10:55:47 +0100, Sue
<sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote:

<Snip>
I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.

You can adopt children who are past the toddler stage :)

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

In article <2lhpt4Fc4t25U1@uni-berlin.de>, Sue wrote: Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training.

I am the opposite, I like toddler years (my son is 3), but I am
concerned that 10-15 would not be fun.
DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money)

I have enough money.
However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.

I don't think that it is worth it if you do not enjoy the process.
Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?

I don't regret having one, but at this point I also do not want
another.

I want to have some measure of life, go boating, etc.

One is enough for me, at this point.
All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???


I am in your shoes, more or less.

i

In article <2lhpt4Fc4t25U1@uni-berlin.de>, "Sue" <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote:
However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kidsand thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friendswhen I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking andget jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type.I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children,does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? Ireally hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to getto 50 and regret not having more adult kids.

I'll send you some then. :-)

Although both my own are grown (18 & 21) and moved away (and i do miss them),
i work with a lot of young people in their 20's. One young man the age of my
oldest sees me as "mom" now (his mother passed away years ago). Another young
woman comes to me for "mom" type of advice regarding her baby. I have a 23 yr
old stepson who still lives with us, and the house is plenty full of
20-somethings and all the noise, expense and mess that goes along with that.

Maybe you'd be happier if you got a part-time job while your child is in
school, where you'd be working around other people of various ages? Just a
thought.

"Sue" <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> writes:
snip
I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?

Absolutely not. First of all, there is no guarantee your adult
children will be your friends. Especially if you don't have enough
friends of your own and are relying on them!

Secondly, it is too much work to be doing it for some risky future
reward. One shouldn't have kids unless one likes having kids!

What you should do instead is lead a life that involves having enough
interests and friends so that you aren't dependent on your kids (who
will have their own lives) when they are adults.

"Sue" <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2lhpt4Fc4t25U1@uni-berlin.de... Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have
to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things.
Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are
great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult
children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?
I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to
get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right? All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???


I have 3 sons, 15, 11, and 6. If I had to do it over again I would have
started a little younger (I am 40) so they'd be closer together in age, but
this has worked well...I did NOT relish the thought of two kids in diapers!
As it is now, they get along well, (mostly!) both with each other and us ,
though OS has some head-butting with DH, since they are so much alike in
personality. I love children of all ages, each age has it's own pluses and
minuses, but I must say that they are so much more interesting as they get
older!
I have close relationships with my own three brothers (who also have
numerous children), and it was very important to me that my children have
siblings, and that their children have cousins, etc. etc, and I get lots of
grandchildren! I know there's no guarantee of this, but building and
fostering a strong family is one of my goals .
To the OP: from what I've seen of my family and friends with girls, as they
move into adolescence, they make huge efforts to distance themselves from
their mothers.
She won't want to be your little girl forever! Another child might not be
the best remedy for this, maybe a puppy? Or a volunteer or paid job. If
you're in any way ambivalent, don't! What does your spouse feel, as well?

"Sue" <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2lhpt4Fc4t25U1@uni-berlin.de...snip

Wait a tick...doesn't this story sound kind of familiar, in another
guise...the man whose wife wanted a job... they had a school age child, he
worked shiftd, she didn't work....of several months ago?

Sue <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote:
I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense???

No. Just make younger friends when you are that age.

"Ignoramus7328" <ignoramus7328@NOSPAM.7328.invalid> wrote in message
news:cd0p73$9h$0@pita.alt.net... In article <2lhpt4Fc4t25U1@uni-berlin.de>, Sue wrote: Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I
wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as
I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to
have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the
tantrums, the potty training. I am the opposite, I like toddler years (my son is 3), but I am concerned that 10-15 would not be fun.

10-15 is fairly fun, IMO, because the kids are old enough to do more things.
OTOH, 16 is really stressful - because they are starting to drive, but don't
have enough experience yet to be very good at it.

Sue wrote:
Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right? All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???

Yes, you have to be considered, but what about your daughter? I was the eldest
of 3, but my wife was an only child. She suffered. Now she is in Victoria
with me, and her closest relative is her cousin (another only child) on the
other side of Australia, south of Perth. Her parents are both dead, and
she has no other rellies. She wishes that she could have had at least a
sister. Having had a brother would have been a help when she started going
out with boys. Although her parents were careful not to pamper her, she
still missed valuable life experience. You should have either none or
several. Eight years is a bit of a gap. We had 3 girls, separated by 3,3
and 6 years. Another couple we know had a child "by accident" when all her
brothers and sisters were teenagers or older. And remember, that as you
get older, the chances of having a child with Downs' syndrome or other
problems, increases. Our eldest had her first at 30. The straight
possibilities of her child having Downs' were alarmingly high, but other
factors reduced them to insignificance.

Doug.
--
ICQ Number 178748389. Registered Linux User No. 277548.
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
remembering how to fly.
- Anonymous.

Sue" wrote:
<snip> However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type.

There are NO guarantees that you will have that, even with the one daughter
you already have and even then you´ll have to go through the hate phase
first. (You know, that cute period in your life where she´ll hate you and
everything you represent and can take anywhere from 5-10 years.)
I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult
children, does that made sense???

Yes. In my case it´s the otherway around. You know all of those worries you
have about job security, money, your marriage working out, etc. Now multiply
that with X amount of children. (As in will my child be healthy, finish
school, find a good job, a good partner...) While this is very rewarding for
others and they can cope with that beautifully, it could mean an early heart
attack for a worry-wart like me.
My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?

NO.
I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to
get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.

There are many reasons to have children, and 99.9 % of them are the wrong
reasons. The only good reason to have children is because you really really
want them (all of them, potty-training, teen angst et all.) Because you're
going to resent every sacrifice, bit of work, effort, expenditure, and
requirement of having kids - if you do not want them. There is no "joy" in
raising children - unless you want to do it.

What I hear you saying is, you´d like to have a child in order to reap some
uncertain reward in the very far future. A very shaky reason and if I may
dare say so, a little selfish.
Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?

No. Some people mean it, others say that because they would feel too guilty
saying otherwise.
All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???

I had a child for selfish reasons and have lived to regret it.

S

"Doug Laidlaw"wrote: Yes, you have to be considered, but what about your daughter? I was the
eldest of 3, but my wife was an only child. She suffered. Now she is in
Victoria with me, and her closest relative is her cousin (another only child) on
the other side of Australia, south of Perth. Her parents are both dead, and she has no other rellies. She wishes that she could have had at least a sister.

I can just see it now, me having a conversation with a second child:

It: "So why did you have me if you find it stressful to raise kids."

Me: "So that your older brother won´t be alone in the world."

It: "Huh?!"

By the way, having a brother/sister is no guarantee that they will help each
other out and cherish each other´s company later on. I know several people
who can´t stand their adult siblings and would be perfectly content never to
see them again.

"Sally" <none@here.com> writes:
Sue" wrote: <snip> However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. There are NO guarantees that you will have that, even with the one daughter you already have and even then you´ll have to go through the hate phase first. (You know, that cute period in your life where she´ll hate you and everything you represent and can take anywhere from 5-10 years.)

Good point. Though I think you misspelled 5-60 years.

Sally wrote:
"Doug Laidlaw"wrote: Yes, you have to be considered, but what about your daughter? I was the eldest of 3, but my wife was an only child. She suffered. Now she is in Victoria with me, and her closest relative is her cousin (another only child) on the other side of Australia, south of Perth. Her parents are both dead, and she has no other rellies. She wishes that she could have had at least a sister. I can just see it now, me having a conversation with a second child: It: "So why did you have me if you find it stressful to raise kids." Me: "So that your older brother won´t be alone in the world." It: "Huh?!" By the way, having a brother/sister is no guarantee that they will help each other out and cherish each other´s company later on. I know several people who can´t stand their adult siblings and would be perfectly content never to see them again.

Perhaps not, but if they don't exist, they definitely won't be helping. But
what my wife missed was growing up with siblings. She had a very lonely
childhood. Having loving parents isn't the same thing as having siblings.

Doug.
--
ICQ Number 178748389. Registered Linux User No. 277548.
I always suspect an artist who is successful before he is dead.
- John Murray Gibbon.

If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

Ronin wrote: If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

People?

Ronin wrote: If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

People?

"Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

A yappy little dog that pees on the rug?

"Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

A yappy little dog that pees on the rug?

"Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

Inane newsgroup posters?

"Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from?

Inane newsgroup posters?

On Mon, 02 Aug 2004 15:36:33 GMT, Everyboysmomma
<noway@maine.rr.com> wrote: "Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from? Inane newsgroup posters?

LOL!!!

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

On Mon, 02 Aug 2004 15:36:33 GMT, Everyboysmomma
<noway@maine.rr.com> wrote: "Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from? Inane newsgroup posters?

LOL!!!

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

My day is made!

"Everyboysmomma" <noway@maine.rr.com> wrote in news:5ctPc.95277$bp1.83535
@twister.nyroc.rr.com:
"Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from? Inane newsgroup posters?

My day is made!

"Everyboysmomma" <noway@maine.rr.com> wrote in news:5ctPc.95277$bp1.83535
@twister.nyroc.rr.com:
"Ronin" <spamThis@idtso.com> wrote in message news:Xns9538A5594DEA3123abcd@204.127.204.17... If you didn't have kids, where would you get your aggravation from? Inane newsgroup posters?

Tony Miller <tony@cigardiary.com> wrote in message news:<slrncf7p9r.73u.tony@home.cigardiary.com>... On Tue, 13 Jul 2004 10:55:47 +0100, Sue <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote: <Snip> I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. You can adopt children who are past the toddler stage :) -Tony

Better yet, foster a sibling group of all ages up into the teen
years!!! If you like them, they can stay. Instant family :-)

Tony Miller <tony@cigardiary.com> wrote in message news:<slrncf7p9r.73u.tony@home.cigardiary.com>... On Tue, 13 Jul 2004 10:55:47 +0100, Sue <sue_kiln6758@hotmail.com> wrote: <Snip> I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. You can adopt children who are past the toddler stage :) -Tony

Better yet, foster a sibling group of all ages up into the teen
years!!! If you like them, they can stay. Instant family :-)

Doug Laidlaw <laidlaws@myaccess.com.au> wrote in message news:<dcefs1-8tc.ln1@dougshost.mydomain.org.au>... Sue wrote: Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right? All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that??? Yes, you have to be considered, but what about your daughter? I was the eldest of 3, but my wife was an only child. She suffered. Now she is in Victoria with me, and her closest relative is her cousin (another only child) on the other side of Australia, south of Perth. Her parents are both dead, and she has no other rellies. She wishes that she could have had at least a sister. Having had a brother would have been a help when she started going out with boys. Although her parents were careful not to pamper her, she still missed valuable life experience. You should have either none or several.
-------------
Now this is a crock! All or nothing?! Come on! She already has one
kid, (so much for the 'none'), and she has said that she has no desire
to have another baby. Yet your trying to guilt her into having more
by saying that an only child will somehow have a less valuable life
experience?! Since you are basing this on knowing just a couple of
only-childs then I can state that from my experience all the
only-childs I have known are generally more secure, more mature, more
intelligent and closer to their parents than other kids. They also
get to grow up with a lifestyle that having multiple kids doesn't
allow, (unless your quite rich).

But even having an only child doesn't guarantee anythig. You can do
your best and still end up alone in a county-run nursing home. I know,
I've seen it time and time again.

I think she should follow her first instincts on this and just be the
best mom she can be to the one. If this one grows up to be close to
her then she will have what she wanted. The only reason to have
another is for a spare and that's not a reason to have a kid.

AZ

Eight years is a bit of a gap. We had 3 girls, separated by 3,3 and 6 years. Another couple we know had a child "by accident" when all her brothers and sisters were teenagers or older. And remember, that as you get older, the chances of having a child with Downs' syndrome or other problems, increases. Our eldest had her first at 30. The straight possibilities of her child having Downs' were alarmingly high, but other factors reduced them to insignificance. Doug.

On 10 Aug 2004 00:55:37 -0700, azastrea
<azastrea@mailinator.com> wrote:

<Snip>
intelligent and closer to their parents than other kids. They also get to grow up with a lifestyle that having multiple kids doesn't allow, (unless your quite rich).

Don't you know they're cheaper by the dozen?

-Tony

--
"If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
to fertilize your lawn!"
Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

On Tue, 10 Aug 2004 13:40:04 GMT, Tony Miller babbled on about Re: Is having kids worth
it? proclaiming:
On 10 Aug 2004 00:55:37 -0700, azastrea <azastrea@mailinator.com> wrote: <Snip> intelligent and closer to their parents than other kids. They also get to grow up with a lifestyle that having multiple kids doesn't allow, (unless your quite rich). Don't you know they're cheaper by the dozen?

Yes, but getting to that point is the expensive part.
Fun, but expensive.

X-Signature: Vasectomy

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