:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

immediately file for paternity/visitation/and to set up child support. Since you aren't married, she doesn't have to allow you any access to the child- at all. You need to prove you are the legal father- either by both of you signing an affidavit of paternity at the hospital or by DNA. A judge will order DNA if she refuses. You will need to ask the judge to change her name to your last name, since she will still be a baby, shouldn't be a problem. You then send the court orders into the state and they reissue a new bc with your info on it and her new last name. Feb 1 is not that far. Just start educating yourself. You will want to file for visitation pronto (as soon as paternity is established). You can go ahead and contact Child support enforcement agency too and open a case to pay CS (they will help you file for paternity) and it looks really good to the judge that you asked to pay and weren't ordered. hang in there, start saving your money. Anything you give her now is just seen as a gift without a CS order. Put money back so that you can pay as soon as it's ordered and so you can buy stuff for oyur baby! CONGRATULATIONS!

Don't get too upset about not being allowed in the delivery. I know you feel left out, but there are plenty of women who are uncomfortable having the baby's father in the delivery room. There are even lots of women who have denied that access to their own husbands. It is extremely personal and stressful, and really, you wouldn't have been able to do a thing. The hospital staff will always side with the expecting mother and let her choose who comes in the room, because she is the one going through the trauma of childbirth. What matters is that you want to be there for your daughter from this point on!

Don't worry too much about the last name for now. You when you go to court to establish your rights, that is when you will request the change. I cannot guarantee that you will get the change, but it is highly likely.

What do you mean that you left all your information with her at the hospital? Do you mean for the BC? Is she willing to sign the voluntary acknowledgement of paternity with you? Because you will have to fill that out yourself, I believe.

I know this is hard... but I am going to play devil's advocate for just a moment. She is a teenager who just had a baby. In addition to the physical trauma and the insanity of the hormones, she is probably being pressured from her parents to just forget about you for now. It's probably not hostility that makes her not look at you. It's proably complete and utter fear. She is exhausted and terrified. When you talk to her, try very hard not to be confrontational at all (and I am not suggesting that you are, just a word of caution). Don't think of it as her hurting you and the baby, because in her mind, she honestly believes she is PROTECTING her baby, and telling her that will cause her to put up an even bigger wall. Instead, talk about how lucky the baby will be to have BOTH of her parents, and how you two can work together to parent this child. Approach it as her partner, not her adversary. It will be much easier to work through probelms when she feels you want to work with her and not against her.

Now, her parents providing health insurance is not the same as her parents taking custody. It is actually just a sensible move for now. This is something else you can bring up when you are working out your agreement.

For now, if she will not allow you to sign the BC, then you just have to file for determination of paternity, then establish visitation and support. You are going to give yourself an ulcer if you don't stop thinking about every possible bad situation that can arise. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. In the end, raising this child is the job of you and her mother, not her grandparents. Things will fall into place.

As far as school -- report the threats to the principal.

her parents cannot take custody without either BOTH parents signing the child over or rights being terminated by a judge. I know you are anxious and worried, but calm down- u have a minimum of 18 years to worry about her. Continue to go to the nursery and look at your baby. Ask to speak to the mom of your child in private. Tell her that you understand she just had a baby, but that you want to go ahead and sign the paternity acknowledgement to protect the child. You will have to sign. you leaving the info won't do anything. If she files without you- don't panic. A judge can and will most likely order the BC to be changed to reflect paternity and a change of the baby's last name to yours. She cannot keep your daughter from you. How do your parents feel?

My daughter was born yesterday and I was denied to be in the labor area, I was also told I could not see my daughter be born, instead she had the mothers mom and her 14 year old friend in the room. First, the hospital has a note on the doors saying that no one 14 and under can be in there, next I was allowed to hold her for maybe 5 minutes. I am trying to get my name on the birth certificate so that I can insure her and I have to show the birth certificate and also a social but thats not required up front. She and her family are avoiding it. She also will not give the baby my last name, I asked her to hypenate it and she still wont. All she keeps saying is that I have to pay for my baby. She refused our help with money to help her with her doctors bill, what do I do force her to take it.

At school I have people coming up to me telling me that I am going to be jumped and to watch my back. I go back to the hospital today and left all my information with her to put on it. I cant see a lawyer until Feb 1st and I dont know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestion? I'm tired and all I want is to know that when she leaves the hospital she is insured in case she gets sick and she has at least part of my name. Her mom isnt thinking that one day shes gonna get married and that our daughter will no longer have her last name.

As you already know, you need to file for paternity/CS/visitation ASAP. You do NOT have to wait until Feb 1st. Tommorrow morning go to your CSE agency and give them all the info so that they can file. It will be alot quicker than waiting until the 1st.

if she will sign an acknowledgment of paternity, you don't have to do the test. If she will not, you will have to get the test, but 1200. seems really high. I was thinking it was closer to 750. my husbands was 600 back in 98. Her publically naming you or pictures mean nothing if she won't sign the acknowledgment. CSE is child support enforcement agency. they will get the paternity test court ordered if she refuses to sign or allow the test. they will either give you the name of a lab or let you choose from a couple diff. ones.

My daughter was born yesterday and I was denied to be in the labor area, I was also told I could not see my daughter be born, instead she had the mothers mom and her 14 year old friend in the room. First, the hospital has a note on the doors saying that no one 14 and under can be in there, next I was allowed to hold her for maybe 5 minutes. I am trying to get my name on the birth certificate so that I can insure her and I have to show the birth certificate and also a social but thats not required up front. She and her family are avoiding it. She also will not give the baby my last name, I asked her to hypenate it and she still wont. All she keeps saying is that I have to pay for my baby. She refused our help with money to help her with her doctors bill, what do I do force her to take it.

At school I have people coming up to me telling me that I am going to be jumped and to watch my back. I go back to the hospital today and left all my information with her to put on it. I cant see a lawyer until Feb 1st and I dont know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestion? I'm tired and all I want is to know that when she leaves the hospital she is insured in case she gets sick and she has at least part of my name. Her mom isnt thinking that one day shes gonna get married and that our daughter will no longer have her last name.


I HATE TO HIJACK YOUR THREAD....

however, I just need to commend you for doing all you can do to step up to the plate as a young man. your baby's mother is being silly mostly because she is young and is has just had a baby. i have been in her position myself.

I can't help you with legalities in this but the people in here have helped me tremendously. I juss wanted to commend you for all you are enduring to do the right thing. good luck to you and congrats on your new addition. :)

Actually, I just paid for a paternity test in March of 2005 through DNA Diagnostics (yea, the same ones Maury uses but I PROMISE we were not "guests") near Cincinnati. The price was only $395 for testing father and child (the mother was not tested as she wasn't allowed to have contact with the child at the time).

Actually, I just paid for a paternity test in March of 2005 through DNA Diagnostics (yea, the same ones Maury uses but I PROMISE we were not "guests") near Cincinnati. The price was only $395 for testing father and child (the mother was not tested as she wasn't allowed to have contact with the child at the time).

Ohhh, right. I think I saw you on there!!! That mean, screaming cursing little bitty thing, right? (I think you asked about shrinking sheep, Days of Thunder, and nukes:D )

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Dev, don't worry. I know, easier said than done. Just accept that if she is not willing to sign the affidavit of paternity, then it's just going to take a little bit longer to get the exact same results. It WILL work out. Neither she nor her nutty family (and yes, I remember the details about this family from your mom's posts) will be able to keep you away from this precious baby. You have been told the only things you can do at this point. Just focus on that for now.

OK, I am not completely understanding here.

Did you and the baby's mother sign the voluntary acknowledgement of paternity? If you signed it, but didn't see the hospital rep actually take it, you shuold probably assume it won't be handed in.

There is nothing you can do at this point to force her to put your name on the BC, to take your insurance coverage or to give the child your last name. You are worring way too much about things that will all be hammered out once your petition to establish paternity is filed.

I am not sure what state you are in -- this thread says Texas, but your last one said Louisiana.

Here is CSE information for Texas:
http://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/NCP_handbook/intro.shtml

Here is CSE information for Louisiana:
http://www.dss.state.la.us/departments/ofs/Support_Enforcement_Services.html

Dev, you have to understand that at this point, you are lucky they are allowing you to see the baby's mother or the baby, AT ALL. Right now, you have no legal right to see your baby and her parents have complete control over whether you see THEIR daughter until she is 18 years old.

You have made the right decision to have no more contact with them. Just do what you need to do and let them figure out how to react to a court order. That's the only way this is going to be resolved. You knew what these people were like months ago. They haven't changed. There is no reason to beat your head against a brick wall.

(Oh, and just FYI...it is unlikely that even if you have the baby doubled covered by insurance that the secondary insurance will pick up any extra costs. The first insurance will kick in and pay what it covers, then what is left over, the second insurance MIGHT cover it, but ONLY if the secondary insurance allows for higher fees for procedures (check ups, immunizations, etc.) than the first. Most insurance has a pretty standard rate of coverage, so any left over being covered is slim. )

Actually, I just paid for a paternity test in March of 2005 through DNA Diagnostics (yea, the same ones Maury uses but I PROMISE we were not "guests") near Cincinnati. The price was only $395 for testing father and child (the mother was not tested as she wasn't allowed to have contact with the child at the time).

That's what we used too. The test was complete in August 2006 (6 months ago) and the total cost was $550 to test Mom, Dad and baby. I really wanted Maury to knock on his door and yell, "You ARE the father!" But apparently, he does not do that sort of thing! :D

I did not have to pay for that, but my attorney told me that when she has a client who needs to pay for a paternity test, she usually goes through the American Red Cross. She said it usually costs betwen $300-$600.

But I do not know what the process is for choosing a lab (if you get to choose or if the court chooses for you) where Dev lives.

have you considered filing for custody? you seem to have a good support system and you obviosly love your baby. If you are concerned that the mom is not going to take care of her, you can file for custody. You just need a plan- show where you will live (with ur parents is fine as long as she has a room so when she is older she will not share a room with a man), how you will take care of her, who will watch her while you work, if you've looked at preschools (i know, it's early), a Dr you would take her too, kind of discipline you would use, all that stuff. If you go into a court room with a plan, it is possible- my husband did it.
also, you do not have to have a bc to go to child support.
stop worrying about the bc- it is a piece of paper- my husbands daughter was 11 before we finally got hers completely correct. the last name issue will be settled by a judge- as long as she's a baby and not used to any name, a judge will likely change it.
i can promise with these ppl you are going to need a hammered out court order for everything. sit down and make a list of everything you would like. put in there that she cannot move more than x miles without petitioning the court- look thru some of these posts and see the problems other ppl have after time and figure out how you would want it in the future. a judge will be super impressed that you are being mature and responsible and thinking ahead.

DNA testing uses a swabbing of the inside cheek. Kind of seems like your attorney is padding his bill by trying to tell you it's going to cost $1200.

I could not find anything in the LA statutes that said the court would require a specific lab to be used for DNA testing. And if you google it, there are so many testing facilities that offer what they refer to "court admissible" dna tests for the state of Louisiana, I would assume you are allowed to choose. But you will need to ask your attorney. $1200 does seem extremely high, though. It should just be a swab from your cheek.

Not sure if this helps, but:

Louisiana

§441.1: Evidence of DNA profiles, genetic markers of the blood, and secretor status of saliva offered to establish the identity of the offender of any crime is relevant as proof in conformity with the Louisiana Code of Evidence.

http://www.ncsl.org/programs/health/genetics/DNAadmiss.htm

At this point, your best bet is to ignore her parents and procede with your paternity, visitation and CS petitions. They cannot stand in the way of you having a relationship with your daughter, and once court orders are in place, if your child's mother does not comply, you can file for contempt.

What are you waiting for? Go to the Child Support Enforcement Office now and file for support for the child. They will order a DNA test and establish paternity for you, end of story, no waiting on any lawyers.

good- now start writing down your plan for taking care of your baby if you do get custody. Parental alienation is what it sounds like they are talking about. She cannot give the baby up for adoption without your consent (or the legal father). she would have to name potential legal fathers and have them tested before she could give the child up. don't worry about that. do a search on fathers rights groups in your area. they may have meetings and can give you an outlet and maybe a "big brother" type of person to help you.

OMG! This is just getting worse... So her mom calls me at 11am and tells me that the birth certificate lady is coming to do the paperwork and me and my mom go up there about 12:20 because she hasnt called back, we go down to the maternity floor and the lady goes in and comes out and tells me that the mama DENIED me... She looks at us and asks us what is going on because something isnt right. We tell her from the begining what is going on and we think that she is now planning to either give the baby to her parents or to someone else. She takes us up to the admin office and says tells me that i need to contact people immediatly. so i go home and i call the paternity number she gave me and they give me the child support number, i filled out the paperwork and now i am going to add EVERYSINGLE persons testimony to it that can confirm she named me and also all the people that were at the hospital that were my family and friends. they said that a case worker will be assigned and a paternity test will be done. i am ready to step up and be a father and if this is the first step them so be it.. now from what i also understand and if i can find the right kind of lawyer, then theres something about her underminding my relationship with the baby (this lady in the elevator told me to ask about it) and that i may be able to get full custody of the baby. I want her.. she is mine too, i have had bad feelings from the begining and after all this drama, my heart and my head are telling me that my baby is not in a stable inironment. Does any one know of any help groups that i can turn to? For now i am asking God to watch over my baby & keep her safe from any harm.

You have filed for the CS order thru CSE (child support enforcement agency), correct? Good, you've gotten things started, now all you can do is wait, and as another poster suggested start writing up your plans for having custody. And it won't hurt to write a contingency plan in case you don't get full custody- write out what you will ask the court to order for custody and visitation.

Now that you've gotten the process started, the mother won't be able to give the baby to anyone without you being able to object.

Hang in there and try not to stress about things too much- it is obvious that you'll be a great father and your daughter is a very lucky baby.

Please come back and update us all as to how things are going, ok?

Good luck!

It will work out. You have done what you need to do, now let the others do their jobs. Congratulations on your precious baby girl.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_11_58.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk869DUUS)

This is a newborn baby.... Things take time... A child's mother does not have to put the father's name on the birth certificate. (This is not a moral issue but a "legal" one)
Go through your state's child support agency... Show up for every appointment.. every court date ,etc (no lawyer needed!) The courts will either establish you as the father or require a DNA.
You need to get a parenting plan in place this will not be done by child support. You can find the forms on-line. Wait till you have been established as the father and it will be much cheaper than if you try to file right now.

The baby isn't even out of the hospital and people are talking about Parental Alienation ??? Hello?
If you want to see the child...If you want to be in the child's life the best thing you can do right now is try to get along with the MOM and her parents. Call before you show up at thier house... Ask if you can drop off some diapers and see the baby for 30 minutes. Ask if they need anything like Formula, bottles, etc... Keep a log of when you call and who you spoke to.. Facts only a log is not a journal of you suspisions, emotions or other peoples motives. (Any thing you give diapers, money, etc is NOT considered child support. So don't go crazy. Set up an account.. put some money aside because you may end up having to pay for the months between when the child support order is filed and when it actually goes into effect)
As for insurance... that will be ordered by the child support agency.
As for the last name... That can be handled when you get a parenting plan in place AFTER you are established to be the legal father. (Stop trying to guess other peoples evil intentions... The mom is going to give the child HER last name right now... It's NORMAL for unwed mom's to give their kids thier last name. It has NOTHING to do with trying to hurt you some day in the future by changing the name to some future-husband-who-she-hasn't-even-met-yet's last name!)
PS- Some women don't put the dad's name on the Birth Cert.because they are afraid that doing so will give the Dad the power to take away their baby.
They are young and scared. Your interest and good intentions may have fueled her fears. You and your family may need to make it very clear that you are not trying to "take away" the baby but rather want to have a part in the child's life and to help HER and the Child in anyway possible. The best way to do that may be by calming sitting down and writting a letter to her and her family. (with lots and lots of proof reading)

Dev, you are doing the right thing. Just keep documenting and saving and studying hard in school. A judge will look on all that very good. We are keeping you and your precious daughters in our hearts. Please keep us updated

Dev- congrats! I assume you are going for custody? You still have a long way to go, but just keep doing what you are doing. keep documenting, putting money away, and concentrating on getting yourself prepared to take care of your baby. You will have plenty of time to bond with your daughter. My husband got his daughter at about age 3 and she is almost 12 now. Her daddy is her world and momma is no where to be seen. He has had to struggle since momma wouldn't pay support, but with the help of his family- all is good. We are working on a stepparent adoption so don't think that no woman will ever want you with a child (my hubby's atty actually told him that). good luck and keep us posted

And I wouldn't worry too much about her trying the old switch-a-roo when it's time for the DNA test. When I took my son, we were BOTH fingerprinted and photographed, and the father was entitled to see those pictures and fingerprints, and I had to sign several papers saying that he was the child listed in the order. I believe it is a chain of evidence issue.

I believe if she tries to use another baby, it is a felony.

I think all babies get their footprints at the hospital now, so they can just go by those records, no?

Way to go DEV!!!!!!!!!

I'm so glad that everything is working out for you. Your attorney really seems to care about this and there is nothing better (legally) than an attorney who really cares about their client.

Keep up the good work and keep us posted!!

ok heres a update on my situation. First I never called the guy back that wanted over $4000 becuase he couldnt answer any question with out grabbing his book, then I found another attorney who is a woman, and she was awesome. She went over everything with me and at first it looked like she was going to go for just regular rights and visitation, and look at me as just another guy but when she heard my story and saw all my eveidence ( have it in a 1 1/2 in binder and its about half full.) she was floored, and even at one point it looked like she was going to cry.. really... she HEARD what i was saying and i admitted to her that i wasnt perfect, but she saw that i am not trying to hurt the mama and instead i am trying to protect my baby. She even notorized my papers for free and told me i was doing everything that she would have recommended..

so THANKS to all of you that helped me get down the right road! if i had not had that information i would have been clueless.

This is going to be a long road and I know that. anyway she never picked a book up and told me all my options, half way thru she told me that i have a very good chance of getting what I want and they still enclude the mama. Theres alot of deception and her parents supporting it isnt good so we are going forward, she is letting me pay her half now and even if it goes to trial as long as i am paying her she will continue. she told me that the reason they always refused help from me was it would have tied the baby to me. BUT I showed her the email where the mama says i am the father and thats good for me, beacuse it was in October and when my mom & dad asked them face to face in November they said yes too. She also said that if the mama has signed rights to the parents that they wont matter and it would actually be better for me if she did since it shows how devious they are. Oh and she is going to ask for a mental health interview with all of us i am cool with that because i think i am pretty normal and so is my family and i think it will be better, she said that they can tell if someone is trying to be too perfect and just be myself. Also when I showed her the pictures of the baby she said that the baby was identical to me and she saw nothing of the mother. Before I filed the CS I asked the state about the DNA test and they do it at the police crime lab sooooo if she thinks about bringing another baby she might want to think again.

I feel so much better and for the first time I feel like someone is seeing me for what i am and not judgeing me for what i did (sex) i walked out of there after she grabbed me and hugged me and i know i found the right person to help me protect my baby. Its so awesome because people are coming to us with information and the attorney is going to interview and see whats good to use and whats not. She told me to just concentrate on graduating and she will protect my rights..whew!!!

That's wonderful, congrats. Finding an attorney who actually listens and believes is a miracle in and of itself. So, there's every reason to believe that more good things are in store for you and your new daughter. Please keep us updated on how things are going.

I got a call today from the DA's office and they said they got my request for opening a child support (for me to pay) case, they said I cant open it unless I show the birth certificate, I tell them what happened and that she denied me and the hospital refered me to them to open a case and they had said that this deparment could help me, she tells me not without a bc or hospital birth letter and that I have to get a attorney, she tells me that the case is there but cant be processed, I told her i had an attorney, she tell me to call them. so i call the attorney and she doesnt understand either but we are now filing a paternity request. She tells me straight up that child support divisions are there for the mothers or the parents that WANT childsupport, they arent there for the unspoken voice of the child that needs both parents support. I dont understand something though. The DA has the emails where she tells me I am the father, so if when this paternity test comes back and it proves she lied and the baby is mine, then what? Do they go after her for fraud? Do I give them the copy of the test results and demand charges for her lieiing and signing a state document? Oh and to make it worse, my dad got transfered to Texas and we have to move at the end of March. The attorney says that the courts wont hold it against me becuase I live withthem and they (dad & mom) have to think of bettering my and my brothers and sisters lives, plus the schools are way better for them, and my sister is really really smart and these schools dont challenge her. My dad had to turn it down last june because of my situation but couldnt this time, if he keeps turning them down they will stop offereing, its more money for him and my mom can get back into her job field that doesnt exsist here. so im getting kida stresses. Anyway I cant wait to take the test, I gues I have about 2 weeks, she said it was usually a 2 weeks turnaround from the time thay they are served. I miss my daughter so much it hurts. I am missing out on alot and trying to stay positve :)


I'm not sure what she lied about, here. You mean leaving you OFF the birth certificate? I'm not sure that would be a crime that they could prosecute. PLUS, you may not want to go that route... is it really necessary to charge the child's mother with a crime? I know this sucks, but you and her need to work together for this child. I would say you need to pick your battles with her, and this should not be one of them.

Besides, she could always just say that she thought you were the father, but upon thinking about it further, she decided that you perhaps were not the father. If she does that, you cannot really DISPROVE her intent.

Your attorney should have filed the paternity request before this... I am a little confused why that wasn't done immediately.

Will you be moving with your family?

I understand, but I don't think there is a whole lot you can do about the fact that she didn't sign the acknowledgement of paternity. The courts will side with the "better safe than sorry" theroy that it's better for you to get the paternity test and be sure than to just sign away and hope the child is in fact yours.

Just as a man cannot be forced to sign the paperwork even if he feels certain he's the father, same for a woman. She cannot be FORCED to name you as the father. You have to petition for those rights. See what I'm saying?

The same thing happened to me -- my son's bio-father was there the whole time I was pregnant, professing what a peachy Dad he was going to be. He sought out a promotion at work to help pay for expenses. He said he was putting money aside for the baby. He bought a carseat and some other toys and accessories. He wanted to know when all of my doctor's appointments were, and when the baby was born he called his parents to come to the hospital and his friends had a big "IT'S A BOY" party for him. Then out of nowhere, he refused to sign the BC and said, "I'm not sure it's mine." Right there in the hospital. Who knows why stuff like that happens. But there's nothing "criminal" about it. :mad:

Don't work yourself into an ulcer!:D

The paternity test really does not take that long. Have you taken the test yet? If not, when are you scheduled for it?

Once it comes back, visitation should pretty much be worked out immeidately. I don't know about her attorney, but mine advised me that as SOON as we got the results of the DNA test, I should start letting bio-Dad have visitations while the court decision on visitation was pending. She said the judge would look down on me if I denied visitation knowing he is the father, and it would be something like a "good will" gesture. After all, you are legally REQUIRED to get along, at least as it pertains to parenting the child. I hope she goes that route.

You will get the chance to put her to bed with her new blanket, don't worry. She'll be woo-ing the boys before you know it.:rolleyes:

Also -- for my story -- I never had to worry about visitation, because even though he got his paternity test, I have not heard from my son's bio-Dad in more than a year. I am VERY happy that you, a teenager, take your role as a father much more seriously than the 32 year old biological father of my son. Keep it up!:)

I feel pretty confident saying she cannot give the child up without consent from the father, even if she travels to another state. Even if you were not registered as a putative father, the child is still too young. Any state would want permission from the biological father.

Please wait for a few more responses, but yes, you can request an emergency hearing, I believe based on the fact that she's left the jurisdiction. Is there any way you can literally go see if she is at home or send a friend/relative to check or call?

My heart goes out to you! I hope all goes well for you.
My fiance is going though a similar situation with his x. In his case the mother is coopritvie but the other possible father is doing everything he can to get in the way. We are going through the LA courts and they are a pain! So best of luck to you.