i am planning on leaving my boyfriend. he is the father of my daughter. we have the lease for the apartment in both names and the loan for the car is in both names but is is only registered in my name. i am the one physically paying for the car.
the problem is i am afraid he will take my daughter away out of state and try something crazy if i tell him i am leaving.
what ways can i assure our safety legally ?
can i take the car ?
i want to file for sole custody , how quickly can that be done in an emergency situation?
any help is appreciated.

You two are both responsable for the lease and the car reguardless who is paying the payments.. Is there visitation order in place? If not then you would have to go down and file ASAP for sole custody if you wish to do that. Is he harm to the child?

so if he takes t he car how do i get it back? since it is my car also.

if i plan on taking my daughter somewhere else to stay with me until i figure everything out can he demand to see her? how does that unfold? are police involved and do they make me just hand her over to him or......? i am soo confused!! i have called for free legal consultations but i have not found anyone who can see me promtly.

btw right now my daughter is not in danger but i am 99% sure he will try to take her out of state if i tell him i am leaving him. then who knows.........

so if he takes t he car how do i get it back? since it is my car also.

if i plan on taking my daughter somewhere else to stay with me until i figure everything out can he demand to see her? how does that unfold? are police involved and do they make me just hand her over to him or......? i am soo confused!! i have called for free legal consultations but i have not found anyone who can see me promtly.

btw right now my daughter is not in danger but i am 99% sure he will try to take her out of state if i tell him i am leaving him. then who knows.........

Has he been legally established as the father? Is there a custody/visitation in place? If he is not legally established the father, then you already have sole custody and he can not take her from you.

If he is legally the father and no regular visitation schedule is in place, then he could possibly take her, so I suggest filing for sole custody before telling him.

The can't break the lease and are still liable for 1/2 if he took you to small claims court. You would also need to take him to court over the car if he did not allow you to take it when you paid for it. You would need to transfer the car loan and title to just your name if that is at all possible.

he is on the birth certificate. we live together and i work and he stays home with the baby. we never got any custody figured out because well we were living together and happy. so in that situation is custody assumed somehow?????

he is flat broke without me. he has no way of hiring a lawyer or paying rent at all if i leave.
so legally he is responsible for only 1/2 of the rent? so if l eave and he stays there he isn't responsible for the whole thing?
can't i break the lease (and pay whatever fines) with the landlord and have her deal with him separately????

my most important question is does he need a lawyer to see her after i leave?

if he is on the birth certificate, then you will need to go down and file for sole custody and child support. At that point, he will need to file for visitation. Once you are granted sole custody (you can request an emergency hearing), if he were to take her, it would be parental kidnapping.
I would do this before anything else. Your child is more important that the apt, car, etc and you need to get that handled before you plan on letting him know you are leaving. Once you have filed for those papers, take your daughter in the car and leave. Go stay with relatives, friends, etc. Tell them under no circumstances are they to allow him to take her out of their possession (if they are watching her) After this, have the locks on the car changed and call your landlord to work somthing out. The car is both of your legal responsibility and if he pushes the issue in court, agree to sell the car and get a new one in our name only or as someone else suggested, try to refinance the car in your name first.
Take time off work and go to your local clerk's office and have them point you in the right direction on what forms you need to fill out.

thank yo u so much. lastly i am wondering when i file for child support will that turn into a court hearing of some kind?

i was told by a friend that if i file for child support the court will provide me with an attorney to process the custody matters. is this true? i can't really afford an attorney if i need one.

clarification please. when you say he will have to file for custody does that mean he will have to hire an attorney?

this gives me much peace of mind because i know he can not afford one.

once you are granted sole custody, he will have to file for visitation. This can be done without an attorney. He could also fight the sole custody filing that you make. Again, he could do this without a lawyer. There are forms a the court house that would allow him to do it himself. and father's rights groups that will help. When you file for custody, you will also ask for child support. that will then go thru the CSE office. You so not have to have an atty and they do not assign you one. Most CSE offices have an atty that works for the benefit of the state, but not for you in any way.
Keep in mind that since it sounds like he has been her primary care giver, he has a good case for custody himself.

Cooloonka, is the same baby that you were pregnant with when you were asking questions before? If so, how would he leave the state with the baby? Where's his wife?

You need an attorney, he could very well be the one to win CP status on the grounds that he has been the one staying at home BONDING with HIS daughter. He could also win support from you especially if you make considerably more than him. More than 0? He could claim that you chose your carrer over your daughter, and that this is what is causing the seperation, and so on.

oh no not the same baby. that was actually a friend of mine. theres been 3 of us asking questions under cooloonka. sorry for the confusion.

oh no not the same baby. that was actually a friend of mine. theres been 3 of us asking questions under cooloonka. sorry for the confusion.
Ooooh, okay. I was wondering what happened to everything else. Sorry.:o That makes me feel better. I couldn't imagine how you were getting yourself into so many situations.

my question was does he need an attorney to file for custody?

i am pretty positive he will not be awarded anything. i have firm evidence that he did not put forth our daughters best interests. the only reason i work and he doesn't is be cause he refused to work. if i didn't work there would be no food on the table.


being that he doesn't have a penny to his name (literally) i need to know if he needs an attorney to file for visitation..or is it something like small claims court wehre you represent yourself (usually)

????????????????????????????????

yeah crazy mixed up world we live in huh?

no- he does not have to have an atty. he can represent himself. there are also fathers rights groups that he could contact to get low or no cost legal representation.

You need to prove him UNFIT as a father, just proving he made descisions where his daughter wasn't his primary concern is not enough.

You seem to be putting alot of hope into him not being able to afford an attorney. Those are actually false hopes. He can file for anything without an attorney, and unless you can PROVE that he is a danger to his child, he'll be able to get visitation at the very least.

Rather than take any chances, you need to be proactive- go ahead and file for custody and CS now. That way everything will be in a nice neat enforceable court order- it will save you many heartaches later.

oh woops i missed that reply up there.. it answered my question i guess..

the likeliness of him getting custody are slim to none. especially since he will be homeless and unemployed when i leave him .

If he DID gain custody and you gained visitation, he still would not be allowed to flee the state with your child, so either way, you still need to file for the sole custody and through with that.

oh woops i missed that reply up there.. it answered my question i guess..

the likeliness of him getting custody are slim to none. especially since he will be homeless and unemployed when i leave him .

Don't depend on that... Women who are abused and leave, end up with full custody every day and MOST of them are homeless and underemployed due to caring for their children when they make that choice.

oh woops i missed that reply up there.. it answered my question i guess..

the likeliness of him getting custody are slim to none. especially since he will be homeless and unemployed when i leave him .

If you leave, he'll just go get a job. And since you are planning to leave, he'll still be in your apartment, and as long as he pays the rent with his money from his new job, or even if he moves in with friends, he is not homeless.

You are making assumptions without either contacting an attorney or researching the law yourself, and that is your number one mistake. Right now, you are not in a position to say firmly that the chances of him getting custody are slim to none. He is her legal father and primary caregiver. He has a shot (and a fairly good one).

Go file for custody TODAY. And remember that doing so is no guarantee that you will become the custodial parent.

My question is why more people are not saying what you are about to do is wrong. If a man were on here saying he was planning on leaving his girlfriend who was a stay at hom mom and without his income, she would be homeless and couldn't afford an attorney to fight him for custody or visitation, everyone would be jumping down his back.

He is the father of your child and perhaps some thought should be made as to what your child's best interests are. Seeing both his/her parents is better for her/him. Especially if the father wants to be involved. He was good enough to live with and buy a car with and make a child with. You walking out on him and knowingly leaving him high and dry makes you no better than him.

He doesn't need an attorney to fight for either sole custody or visitation, as other people have told you. And he is not going to be homeless because his name is on the lease, so he has a minimum of 60 days to get a job and earn enough money to secure another apartment. You also run into the problem with the car. You most likely have a joint checking or savings account, so there is no way to prove only you pay for the car. It is a mutual possession and he has just as much right to it as you do. You might think leving is going to be a peice of cake, but it is much more difficult than you think, especially if he fights you on it, and with fathers rights advocates help, he has just as good a chance at custody as you do, from what you have mentioned so far.

If you want to leave, you can, but do it the right way. As mentioned by someone else, if the fear is he is going to take the child away and you have no proof to validate your claim, he will get visitation and he can take her away then, if that is his plan. You should see if you can work something out prior to your leaving. At least work out the car and the apartment and see if you can agree on a visitation schedule and then get it documented with the courts.

"My question is why more people are not saying what you are about to do is wrong. If a man were on here saying he was planning on leaving his girlfriend who was a stay at hom mom and without his income, she would be homeless and couldn't afford an attorney to fight him for custody or visitation, everyone would be jumping down his back."

I think most ppl here are trying to tell her that her plan of action is not near as good as she seems to think it is. I could care less which gender was asking the questions. My answer would be the same- if you believe the other parent will take the child and leave, go file for custody. You may not be granted it, but it will open a case and place that child under the court's jurisdiction and provide some protection to BOTH parties.
I am not going to tell her to stay in a relationship that she doesn't want to be in and I'm not going to tell her to try to work something out before she protects herself and the child. Once that has happened, I think she should try to come to an agreement with him (good luck), but everyone on here knows that it doesn't matter how much you agree on, if it isn't in a court order, it's a waste of time. If she is trying to keep the child from the father, it won't work- he could very likely get custody as the primary caregiver. he will probably be granted very generous visitation at the least.

you need to realize that there is way more to the story than i am willingto put online. of course i would not do this unless it was absolutely necessary. of course he has done something vile and disgusting and evil that is causing me to have to resort to this plan of action. stop for a minute and realize this is where desperate people come for advice in desperate situations. pardon me if i didn't include every ugly detail about why i am leaving.

sometimes a parent must pick up and leave the other without sitting down and talking tings over nicely dr. phil style. i appreciate the advice i've been given but then again i feel like i got more than i asked for.

and again you have no right to say what i am doing is wrong. you have no clue what the basis of my actions is.

please understand that most of us truely care about the child. While we all agree that a mother and father in the child's life is best- we know it can't always be "happy" like that.
I think, collectively our advice has been to go and file for custody to protect EVERYONE involved. If you fear for yourself or the child, remove yourselves before he gets wind of what might happen.
Please also know, that unless he has done something vile, indecent, and evil TO THE child, he will get visitation if not custody as he has been the caregiver. If you feel and CAN PROVE that he is a flight risk, ask for supervised visitation and that he not be allowed to leave the court's jurisdiction with the child.
As for the possessions, worry about them later.

You came onto a public forum and asked for advice about your situation. All people can go on is the information you provide. Your are right that no on can say you are wrong or right for your actions because no one besides yourself is in your situation, however, people can express their disagreeement with your presentation of the facts.

You repeatedly said, "he will be homeless and have no money for an attorney." Your belief that leaving will be so easy and have no ramifications, when the two of you have a child together, is not accurate. Unless there is some type of evidence, which you have not mentioned, to prove he is unfit for visitation, no court will grant supervised visitation. I do not understand how people expect legal advice if all the facts are not presented. I used this website as a source for months. I never did start my own thread because I knew I didn't have the time nor patience to go through my entire situation. Now that my family has resolved our issue regarding child support and custody with it's mandates and laws, I feel I can accurately lead someone towards the correct information.

In your situation, I would get all the information you have proving he is unfit for visitation, file with court for full sole custody, and request supervised visitation based on your evidence. The court will decide whether or not that is warranted and order support based on either income if he has a job, or potential income calculated from past incomes.

You must also understand that different people find different things Vile and Disgusting which are fully legal. There are MANY things which are immoral but which are still Legal.
If he hasn't committed a crime for which he has at least been charged for, you will have NO EVIDENCE that he is doing things which will harm the child.
If he has done such things and has not been caught, then call the police and tell them what you know, that would solve all your concerns right there.
But since we are left to Guess at the details, it seems as if he had committed such an act, you would have already called the police, this is because you have stated you believe that without you his world will fall apart, and the worst which is likely to happen to him is to be out seeking employment and housing. I don't think you honestly believe he will be living on the street, sleeping on park benches and begging for food, do you?
If he has NOT committed any such CRIME, you need to go imediately and FILE with the COURT for LEGAL CUSTODY.
If for some reason you are unwilling to do either of these things, then we believe you are most likely to have a lot of problems that you do not want.
I have eleven bros and siss' and 25 bro and sis in laws, including divorces,
with a grand total of 58 nefews and neices, I have 1 child. I have seen some of the vilest child custody battles you can ever imagine. One sister did not see her kids for five years, her case was one responsible for having the laws changed to include parents who kidnap their own children from th Custodial Parent.
There are a lot of laws to protect you from that happening, but if you do it, you will be the one going to jail for kidnapping, it goes both ways. You MUST ACT IMEDIATELY to what ever the situation is, if it truely is as bad as you are making it sound (vaguely).

So, to recap....

File for custody. You leaving without the court's blessing will be seen as kidnapping - same as you are worried your boyfriend will do.

Prepare for a court battle. You will go to court. He will be probably awarded custody/visitiation... and may get full custody as the childs daily caregiver.

Lastly, be prepared to pay him child support if he does get full custody. Oh, and we haven't even begun to discuss alimony... as I don't know how Maryland feels about common law marriages.

Just taking your child and leaving is illegal. It may cost you custody if the court sees you as a flight risk.

MD does not have common law marriage, but it does recognize CL marriages that are valid in other states. :)

Just an eye opener.

Fathers can and do get awarded custody of their children. My husband had been the primary caregiver of his children. The ex took them for a visit and refused to return them. He took her to court and has been awarded temporary custody.