Hello,

First I would like to introduce myself and my family, but if you wish to skip straight to my question look down at the writing in red :) .

I will try to make this as short as possible! My husband was married to a woman for 8 years who constantly lied, refused to work and after she had a third baby to get out of working my husband finally left. Yes he is at fault to, but she lied about birth control. I am a divorced mother myself and I am ashamed at what this woman represents for us. While they were married she had a maid, had the children in day care, never cooked a single meal and blundered all their money on junk.

I met my husband while they were seperated and lived thru his 2 years of hell divorce trial. In this time we kept a journal that we were told to keep and the judge did not read. She had over 15 police reports from us on her attacking our cars, and our house. She would disappear for days at a time w/out caring who had her kids. She was caught trying to drive intoxiated with the kids, we called the police and stopped her from taking them that night and the judge merely said "dont do it again". She stole money from my husband AND his mother. She lied and had my husband put in jail over night saying he hit her, even after the police told her she was lying and to leave our house.. she went around the police to the judge. She admitted in court to 5 one night stands in a 3 month period.. the list goes on and on with not one thing negative against my husband except that he was dating me.

She recieved the house which is constantly 2-5 months in default against his credit. The car which she totaled 3 months later thank god, and less than a year later she totaled her next car. $2000 a month in child support, $1000 a month rehabilitative alimony 3.5 yrs to finish college and 6mo to get a job.. its been 2 years and shes done NOTHING rehabilitative. She kept all his possesions he had in his home even though she was ordered to give him his things listed. All in all her lawyer was friends with this cookeville, good ole boy judge and that is all that mattered.

Its been 2 years and she still lies, still abandons the kids for days at a time, and people have said why not get back in court? We have exhausted over $10,000 and 2 lawyers who did nothing becuase of an unseen good ole boy alliance.. we wrote newpapers, t.v news shows, and after being beat down for so long we dont know what else to do.

Our eldest is failing poorly in school, even after flunking a grade. The teachers are concerned he doesnt recieve the apporopriate attention at home, which he does not. The children are always SMELLY, in rags for clothes and look like paupers.. the youngest had severe diaper rash and dandruff from lack of bathing untl he was 4.


She takes the children (all boys) maybe once every 6 months for haircuts. Their hair is always in their eyes and horrid looking. So we finally said enuf and have been getting their hair cut.

Also, the children have not seen a dentist in over 1.5 years (thats as far as I could check insurance. Their teeth are turning a disgusting yellow.

My Question;
She claims that since she is the custodial parent we are NOT allowed to get their hair cut or take them to a dentist. Is this true? I have checked every law I could find and did not find anything on this matter.



Her thing is to pretend she is an abandoned mother who does all she can for her kids. She constantly tells my husband she wants him gone and tells other people he abandoned her and his kids... She abuses my husband with "You never do anything for the kids." and when we do she tells us "YOU CANT DO THAT." She never lets us help unless its to give her money directly. Which she doesnt spend on the kids..

The kids get no presents from her on their birthdays, wear under shirts as clothes and clothes to small. While she vacations every 3 months and wears new designer clothes.

Im so frustrated and pray every day she will eventually do whats right for the kids, but it seems to get worse and the kids suffer. They want to love with us, but the oldest is 10 and no one will help us. I never realized how corrupted our legal system was until I met my husband.

-Frustrated in TN

does he have joint legal custody????? it would be in the papers.

If conditions are so bad, why hasn't your husband petitioned for custody? If teachers feel the children are being neglected, they are mandated to report it to the Department of Children's Services. Even if such a "good ole boy" system exists, it shouldn't effect the teacher's ability to perform their mandated duty to report neglect.

I am not understanding how someone who has a history of violence, theft, drunk driving, leaving the children alone and filing false police reports got custody, alimony and exclusive use of the home.

Thats what I am saying! We spent over 2 yrs and 10k fighting for custody, NONE of our witnesses or journals or evidence was EVER reviewed by the judge.. he completely ignored it all. It was sickening.

Any lawyer we talk to here in Nashville says they cant believe she got what she did, but unless she hurts the kids we cant get custody over turned. Weve attempted 3 times to get in court over things she is doing and custody .. EVERY TIME her lawyer gets it tossed from court and we get a $700 court processing bil even though it never made it into court. We will be trying for a 4th time with a 3rd lawyer next year to get custody, but the census is "Your screwed, its a small town and no one will listen to a man who wants custody."

The teachers refuse to participate in any legal matters, we are trying to work with them but they dont want to be dragged into drama, its a small town. People will tell you all the bad but no one will help.

Child Services were called on her 3 times but her charming lies befriended the social worker. The social worker was filed against for acting un professionally by not remaining bias, TN went thru a HUGE child services bust because of several like cases. They only care if the children are homeless or near beaten by a drug induced parent.

He technically has joint custody but it is not stated in the papers

I did not wish to upset you, hon. You never said you had fought for custody in your original post, so it was an honest question.

Yes, unless you can prove that she is unfit, meaning she mentally or physically abuses the children or neglects them, then she will retain custody. But I have to say, I live in a small town, and I'm not understanding what you are saying. Unless you live in Hazzard County, a small town judge doesn't have some sort of high power. You should be going through the county and state.

Again, your husband must have some liability in her receiving alimony, custody and exclusive use of the home, especially if her behavior is in fact so outrageous, including false allegations to the police about your husband. Why wasn't the marital home sold? Your husband would have had to AGREE to her keeping the home while he foots the bill. Divorce laws just don't work like that anymore, unless she has been a stay at home mom for a significant amount of time. The teachers won't help? I'm sorry, that just seems so hard to believe. If the teachers won't help, then they aren't seeing signs of abuse. I know you are fighting hard here, but something is not right.

Your husband does not "technically" have joint custody if it is not stated in the divorce papers. If it's not stated, he does not have it.

I did not wish to upset you, hon. You never said you had fought for custody in your original post, so it was an honest question.

Yes, unless you can prove that she is unfit, meaning she mentally or physically abuses the children or neglects them, then she will retain custody. But I have to say, I live in a small town, and I'm not understanding what you are saying. Unless you live in Hazzard County, a small town judge doesn't have some sort of high power. You should be going through the county and state.

Again, your husband must have some liability in her receiving alimony, custody and exclusive use of the home, especially if her behavior is in fact so outrageous, including false allegations to the police about your husband. Why wasn't the marital home sold? Your husband would have had to AGREE to her keeping the home while he foots the bill. Divorce laws just don't work like that anymore, unless she has been a stay at home mom for a significant amount of time. The teachers won't help? I'm sorry, that just seems so hard to believe. If the teachers won't help, then they aren't seeing signs of abuse. I know you are fighting hard here, but something is not right.

Your husband does not "technically" have joint custody if it is not stated in the divorce papers. If it's not stated, he does not have it.

The teachers don't have a choice. If there are signs of abuse or neglect, they are required, by law, to report those suspicions. With the potential consequences to them if it is ever found that they did NOT report, it is very hard for me to believe they are willfully ignoring any situation that warrants action. (Maybe one or two, but not an entire school...principal, office secretary, teachers, teacher aids, school nurse, school counselor, etc.) Even in Hazzard County.

(I watched that movie last night. They ruined the Dukes:( )

i'm in the nashville area too and I defintitely wouldn't consider it small time and I know plenty of men who have custody. I agree with the above- there is something else going on. Take pics, talk to teachers, document everything and try again.
as for haricuts- i doubt he could get in trouble for getting their haircut- i don't think a judge will hold him in contempt for that.
a dentist will require proof that he is legally allowed to make medical decisions for the kids- that would require joint LEGAL custody.

Nashville area is alot more caught up with the times.. I wish his divorce took place here.

The kids failing school isnt abuse and is not something the teachers are required to report. They agree the children deffinately are not getting the eductaional attention at home and that something is lacking with their mothers focus on them, but unless the children are beaten or severly neglected there is nothing they will do.

Nashville area is alot more caught up with the times.. I wish his divorce took place here.

The kids failing school isnt abuse and is not something the teachers are required to report. They agree the children deffinately are not getting the eductaional attention at home and that something is lacking with their mothers focus on them, but unless the children are beaten or severly neglected there is nothing they will do.

So, where do these children live? How far away do they live from you and your husband? And how did this woman get sole custody?

You said that she leaves the children alone for days at a time. How are you aware of this? And if it is true, CALL THE POLICE each and every time it is done!

As far as your original question, since she has sole custody, she has the right to make decisions without asking your husband. She can convert them all to Scientology while sending them to military school if she wants. I doubt there will be any ramifications for taking them to the barber, but without joint custody, he cannot take them to the doctor OR dentist (unless there is an emergency, of course, but she will have to be notified to make decisions).

Your husband should really petition for joint-custody. I know you're having a hard time, but it is just so far fetched that some good ole boy network is stopping that from happening.

She doesnt leave them at her house alone (aside from trips to the store). She drops them off with family, friends and then wont return for the kids. On average she has them 1 maybe 2 days out of a week period. No one will call the police because we have in the past and because the children were left with adults its not considered abandonment. She then threatens everyone that they will never see the kids again if they **** with her and so out of fear of never seeing their grandkids/nephews they dont call the police. On average every 3 months she with holds the kids from us or my husbands family if we dont do what she wants.

Recently she stole over $600 from my husbands mother, she told her she needed to pay for the day care. When my mother in law decided to check for herself and discovered the day care was FREE.

The problem is were paying her to be custodial parent and everyone else is raising the kids. No one who knows us, or our case, can believe this happened. We have all resolved to be bullied by her and pray the legal system will eventually do their job, before they are seriously injured or so far behind in school. There was a court order 2 yrs ago for the eldest to be evaluated by a therapist, both times my husband showed up and his ex with the child did not. NOthing was done to her, no one cared, and NO ONE answered our questions as to why she was allowed to defy a court order yet again.

Like I said, pple keep saying "why dont you do this or that?" there is not one thing anyone can say, that we havent allready tried.

My husband was relocated 70 miles for his job from his kids.. the law states when 1 parent moves more than 50 miles visitation times are to be changed. Her lawyer knocked us out of court twice on this and 2 yrs later its never been to court, and again we were billed for filing. We also drive the full 2 hrs to her house, EVERY time for the kids, thankfully she lets us have them almost every weekend know because they hinder her weekend activities and she has exhausted all her weekend baby sitters. My husband drives every monday morning 2hrs to take them to school before his 8 hr work day.

If anyone has any suggestions or any lawyer worth a dang Id love to hear about it.

Based on this post, the mom is not legally doing anything wrong.

She doesnt leave them at her house alone (aside from trips to the store). She drops them off with family, friends and then wont return for the kids. On average she has them 1 maybe 2 days out of a week period. No one will call the police because we have in the past and because the children were left with adults its not considered abandonment.
It's not abandonment. She has sole custody, and she is allowed to ask others to care for her children. But you specifically said in your original post that she "abandons the kids for days at a time." That statement suggests that she actually leaves them alone for days at a time, which is not true.
She then threatens everyone that they will never see the kids again if they **** with her and so out of fear of never seeing their grandkids/nephews they dont call the police.
And they shouldn't call the police. She sounds mean and bitter, but that's not illegal.

On average every 3 months she with holds the kids from us or my husbands family if we dont do what she wants.
Does your husband have a visitation order? If he does, and she refuses visitation, file for contmept.
Recently she stole over $600 from my husbands mother, she told her she needed to pay for the day care. When my mother in law decided to check for herself and discovered the day care was FREE.
OK, this is like the "abandons the kids" statement. You are using emotionally charged language, and if that is the kind of thing you or your husband use in court, you are hurting your case. She didn't steal anything. She lied, but she didn't steal. Why in the world would your mother-in-law hand over $600 to this unstable woman without checking it out FIRST. Again, she sounds like a real piece of work, but legally, she's doing nothing wrong.
My husband was relocated 70 miles for his job from his kids.. the law states when 1 parent moves more than 50 miles visitation times are to be changed. Her lawyer knocked us out of court twice on this and 2 yrs later its never been to court, and again we were billed for filing. We also drive the full 2 hrs to her house, EVERY time for the kids, thankfully she lets us have them almost every weekend know because they hinder her weekend activities and she has exhausted all her weekend baby sitters. My husband drives every monday morning 2hrs to take them to school before his 8 hr work day.
After all he had been through, your husband made a decision to move, knowing full well that a state law would mean a change in his visitation. If you were fighting to keep visitation the same, then the reason you lost is because you were wrong. She will never be liable to take the children to your husband for visitation or even half way because he CHOSE to move.

I can't speak for her defying a court order, but with the exception of that, it seems that your husband has apparenly bowed to every whim of this woman. It's not because of some good ole boy network, it's because he has allowed this woman to call the shots, and then made it worse on himself by moving 70 miles away. If you represent the case as "she steals, she lies, she abandons the kids," to the court, and she's not actually doing those things (which she is not), then you are making false accusations, and she will be able to use that against your husband in court.

We have not been to court since the divorce, so there has been no emotionally charged statements to sway the courts or make bad decisions. You obviously have not read most of my posts above..

In total she has kept the kids from us 58 days of our court ordered visitation in 06 alone. Every year we file atleast once for contempt, the first 2 years we filed 2-3 times for contempt. WITH police witness statements, stating she refused to give the kids on X days. The police would try to help us byt could not force her to give us the kids, she would dump them on one of her friends to spite us.

My husband did the 2.5 hr a day journey to and from work on top of his 8-10hr days for over 2 years. His option was relocate to Nashville or lose your job, thats unfair to say it was his choice. We wanted the visitation hours CHANGED, not to stay the same. The law states that when one of the parents move more than 50 miles the visitation MUST be changed.

I dont know what your definition of abandonment and stealing is but when someone drops the kids off on someone and then DISAPPEARS for days to weeks at a time , no one knowing where she is and her own kids saying "Maybe mommy died this time." When she told those pple"I will be back tonight" . Is abandonment in my books.

And it IS illegal for someone to lie and decieve in order to swindle money from someone. Call it fraud or stealing, it is still wrong. She doesnt get money like that from us any more but she has in the past with stories of the kids being ill or needing something desperately. She took $600 from a 75 yr old woman who has a hard enuf time getting around and doing things, let alone chking to make sure the money she lies about needing is real.

Sure everything she does isnt Illegal, because she knows her way around the sytem. But if these were your kids and you wanted them to have a stable life it would tear a hole in your heart.

Pls Stop saying my husband hasnt tried or caved in. I went thru our last 4 years of court papers and bills (not including lawyer fee's.


Nov 27/02 (4 months after divorce file) Contempt Filed - She had yet to let my husband see her kids. Even though a temp order awarded him every other weekend.
Result = Didnt go to court, bill mailed to us for $659 court processing fee's


Jan 7, 03 Slander and Wrongful accusation filed - After she called the police at our house saying my husband hit her, the police are technically supposed to arrest my husband. 2 Neighbor witnesses and police knowing their prior visits to us when she attacked our house knew she was lying and told her to leave. Kids were present in her car as they normally were..
She went to the State Sheriffs office and filed there.. my husband was arrested the next day and took to jail. He had NEVER been in trouble in his life before and was humiliated.
Result = Our filing was tossed out of court, but atleast we didnt get billed.

April 5, 03 Contempt of court filed (Did not take child to Therapist, and 27 missed visitation days)- The eldest child is going thru ALOT of emotional issues, with his mother telling him his daddy left him and does not love them. My husband showed up at the court ordered days for the therapist and his ex with child did not.
Result = NOTHING done and no one would answer why.. recived a $659 court processing bill.




I could type the other 11 filings from contempt, custody, to change of visitations but it will take forever. Not to mention all the times she took us to court and they wouldnt allow anything other than her side/topic to be heard Our non lawyer bills for the past 4 years where we werent heard in court, not even once was $8,567 .. Our lawyer bills so far have been $10,000 and the bill we had to pay HER lawyer was $12,386
= $30, 953 over 4 years and still trying so I wish you would stop saying we arent trying or that were allowing her.


PLEASE PLEASE tell me, how we get around her lawyer canoodling the judge and getting our cases tossed out? If thats not good ole boy then what is? Every time we file, no matter how wrong she was or how sound our witnesses we get a reply from our lawyer that "Craig convinced the judge to toss it again."

We have since dropped our last lawyer and in March when we get a tax return, because this is breaking us, we are seeking a Nashville lawyer who will hopefully be out of that small town network. The one who we will be going with is flabberghasted at all our court papers and didnt believe it at first, we have a shot in hell of custody but as long as there is a shot we will never give up.

I am a mother myself of 1and my ex ran off over 5 years ago w/out a word. It breaks my heart to see my husband cry for his boys, and every time she uses the children against us for her own gain. The boys cry to live with us but cant because the law thinks a woman should raise them in Cookeville. I spent over 3k this year trying to get my ex to pay child support and see his kid but because he is deadbeat and doesnt care he gets away, he moved so now we cant find him again.

If you understood what hell we have been thru and seen you would be emotionally charged too. Im the most mellow person and level headed, I keep a good reltionship with his ex for the kids and no one can understand how I can even deal with her.

Besides my question was ??

Can she tell us we cant get their hair cut and that we cant take them to the dentist?

They had not been to the dentist in atleast 1.5 yrs , their teeth are turning yellow (she doesnt make them brush), and their hair had not been cut in atleast 4 months it was in all their eyes and over their ears.

My husband told her we were taking them to the dentist and she said "NO, only Im allowed to do that. If you do I will have you put in jail."

After we got their hair cut Sat, I drove them home Monday (no school). I told her 3 times on Fri that I would drop the kids off on Mon at 3:30 and she promised she would be home. I work at 4:30 and start out of Cookeville where she lives and had planned 1 hr time frame in case she didnt show.. Our lives are based on guessing what she does.

Low and behold SHE WASNT THERE .. I waited at her house until 4.. she wouldnt answer her cell and never showed. What person doesnt care whether their kids make it home or dont get to school?? Seriously ..

Thankfully my husbands mother was home and I took the boys there and still made it to work. She NEVER showed up for the kids or called anyone to make sure where they were or that someone was getting them to school. This is the daily routine for the kids, being jostled around.

She did pick them up after school Tues and promptly called myself and my husband to cuss us out and say "If you ever cut their hair again I will have you in court and in jail".

We are in between lawyers and I couldnt find the answer in TN laws. Were constantly under attack from her, weve learned to just ignore her, but I wanted to make sure she couldnt have my husband put in jail for us getting the balls to do things for the kids.

I have read all your posts, now twice to see of I was missing anything. I am a complete outsider, so I am not emotionally invested as you are. I am telling you what is legal, not what is moral. They are two completely different issues.

We have not been to court since the divorce, so there has been no emotionally charged statements to sway the courts or make bad decisions. You obviously have not read most of my posts above..

You were very clear that you had been fighting for custody, but what you just said above is that your husband has NEVER filed for a modification of custody or visitation. I suggested that making those emotionally charegd statements in court would hurt your case, not that you had already done such a thing. The number one problem here is that you MUST file for the modification of custody BEFORE you can wonder why nothing is being done.

In total she has kept the kids from us 58 days of our court ordered visitation in 06 alone. Every year we file atleast once for contempt, the first 2 years we filed 2-3 times for contempt. WITH police witness statements, stating she refused to give the kids on X days. The police would try to help us byt could not force her to give us the kids, she would dump them on one of her friends to spite us.

Your only option is to keep filing for contempt. I know it is frustrating and expensive, but that is all that can be done.

His option was relocate to Nashville or lose your job, thats unfair to say it was his choice. We wanted the visitation hours CHANGED, not to stay the same. The law states that when one of the parents move more than 50 miles the visitation MUST be changed.

It's not about fair. Your husband could not say to a judge that it's "unfair" that changing jobs was his choice. It was. That is how the court will see it. The unfair part is that his employer would put him in such a position. But if he made no effort to secure employment without moving, the court will see it as his choice, no matter how unfair it sounds. That's unfair is NOT a legal argument!

I dont know what your definition of abandonment and stealing is but when someone drops the kids off on someone and then DISAPPEARS for days to weeks at a time , no one knowing where she is and her own kids saying "Maybe mommy died this time." When she told those pple"I will be back tonight" . Is abandonment in my books.

It's abandonment in my books, too. But we are not talking about how either of us view abandonment. We are talking about the legal definition of abandonment. I didn't offer you my own personal view that she wasn't abandoning her children, I offered you the law. Not the same.

And it IS illegal for someone to lie and decieve in order to swindle money from someone. Call it fraud or stealing, it is still wrong. She doesnt get money like that from us any more but she has in the past with stories of the kids being ill or needing something desperately. She took $600 from a 75 yr old woman who has a hard enuf time getting around and doing things, let alone chking to make sure the money she lies about needing is real.

Then your mother in law should file charges. But you know what? They will get thrown out. Not because of some good ole boy network, but because lying to someone is not a crime. Unless your mother-in-law had a contract drawn up and can prove some sort of deception, then legally, that money was a gift. It was her responsibility to see where the money was going to. You cannot hold Mom responsible because Mom-in-Law didn't check it out first.

Sure everything she does isnt Illegal, because she knows her way around the sytem. But if these were your kids and you wanted them to have a stable life it would tear a hole in your heart.

It does make me feel awful. Children deserve everything their parents can give, not to be pawns in some nasty post-divorce dispute. You are confusing my posts about the law with my feelings as a mother and a human being. You didn't ask us to feel for you, just what could be done LEGALLY about yuor situation. I only answered what you asked.

Pls Stop saying my husband hasnt tried or caved in.

I did not suggest that he hasn't tried. But by your own admission on this thread, he hasn't been in court since the divorce to try and modify anything. There is a reason she got exclusive use of the home, custody and alimony. Even though you met him during his divorce, you were not there during the marriage, and you are only privy to what he tells you. In your first post, you said, "My husband was married to a woman for 8 years who constantly lied, refused to work and after she had a third baby to get out of working my husband finally left. Yes he is at fault to, but she lied about birth control. I am a divorced mother myself and I am ashamed at what this woman represents for us. While they were married she had a maid, had the children in day care, never cooked a single meal and blundered all their money on junk." He admitted to you that he left, and gave these reasons, but you have NO WAY of knowing how true they are. You have fiercely taken his side, which is fine, but you must know she has a story too. He was married to her for 8 years. Do you really believe she was such a monster, or could she just be someone so bitter that her husband left her that she's unable to control her rage. I AM NOT SAYING SHE IS RIGHT. But you need some perspective.

As far as the money... court fees and attorneys are expensive. That's just a fact.


PLEASE PLEASE tell me, how we get around her lawyer canoodling the judge and getting our cases tossed out? If thats not good ole boy then what is? Every time we file, no matter how wrong she was or how sound our witnesses we get a reply from our lawyer that "Craig convinced the judge to toss it again."

Then get a new lawyer -- as you said you are planning to. Why would you waste so much time and effort on a lawyer who could not produce results. Your lawyer was either painfully lazy, or your case has never been rock solid. And again, you say you haven't been in court since the divorce.

The boys cry to live with us but cant because the law thinks a woman should raise them in Cookeville.

Again, you have stated that you haven't been in court since the divorce. You have to apply for the modification of custody, not just assume that "the law" won't allow it. You are contradicting yourself.


If you understood what hell we have been thru and seen you would be emotionally charged too.

I certainly understand emotionally charged situations. My son's father has disappeared without making any effort to care for his son. Again, I was giving you facts as they pertain to the law, not putting myself in your place.

Can she tell us we cant get their hair cut and that we cant take them to the dentist?

As I answered before, yes. Despite your assertion that he "technically" has joint custody, if it is not in his divorce decree, he doesn't have it. Sole custody means that she gets to make all the decisions about their welfare and all medical decisons. I highly doubt a judge will throw your husband in jail for getting them a haircut, but he may entertain the idea of contmept if he insists on going against the wishes of the parent with sole custody. Apply for joint custody! If he gets it, the point will be moot.

There is nothing she can do about the haircut, aside from rant and rave. She can generally be unpleasant and b*****, but there will be NO legal recourse (unless, of course, it is stated in the order that your husband cannot get the children's hair cut, which is highly doubtful:rolleyes:)

If your husband does not have joint legal custody (read your papers...it will say joint legal custody, secondary legal custody, or something to that effect) he cannot consent to medical treatment of any kind UNLESS it is an emergency. For example, for a cleaning or check up...no. For a tooth knocked out that needs immediate attention and no one can get in touch with her, yes.

If he does have joint legal custody, neither parent can make a unilateral decision without at leat consulting the other. In the case of joint or secondary legal custody, the residential cutodial parent usually has the right to make the final decision in the case that the parents disagree. But, if he does have any form of legal custody, there are no legal consequences for exercising that right.

Does that help?

OK, I see where I was reading this incorrectly:

We wanted the visitation hours CHANGED, not to stay the same. The law states that when one of the parents move more than 50 miles the visitation MUST be changed.

The reason behind this is that it is your husband's responsibility to apply for the modification in visitation due to the change. As you said, he hasn't been in court since the divorce, so he hasn't done this. This can be done without an attorney.

Even though it is the law, the order has to be changed for her to abide by it. Unitl he modifies, Mom is under no obligation to change. She is only obligated to the original terms, which is why he has to do so much traveling. He must modify. Again, it has nothing to do with fairness. It is his responsibility since he made the change, not hers.

I am very sorry that I misread that (several times).

There is nothing she can do about the haircut, aside from rant and rave. She can generally be unpleasant and b*****, but there will be NO legal recourse (unless, of course, it is stated in the order that your husband cannot get the children's hair cut, which is highly doubtful:rolleyes:)

If your husband does not have joint legal custody (read your papers...it will say joint legal custody, secondary legal custody, or something to that effect) he cannot consent to medical treatment of any kind UNLESS it is an emergency. For example, for a cleaning or check up...no. For a tooth knocked out that needs immediate attention and no one can get in touch with her, yes.

If he does have joint legal custody, neither parent can make a unilateral decision without at leat consulting the other. In the case of joint or secondary legal custody, the residential cutodial parent usually has the right to make the final decision in the case that the parents disagree. But, if he does have any form of legal custody, there are no legal consequences for exercising that right.

Does that help?

Mommy, when asked if her husband has joint-custody, the reply was "He technically has joint custody but it is not stated in the papers." I take that to mean that he doesn't have it.

I agree that there is little that can be done about the haircuts, but if this Mom is as bitter as she claims and this "good ole boy" network really exists (which I doubt), then that is quite a chance to take over hair. Have you seen Kate Hudson's son? Someone needs to take garden shears to that boy's head. I don't prefer long hair on boys, but I wouldn't chance a comtempt filing, even if it just gets thrown out. That is totally my personal opinion, not any sort of legal advice.

I don't think he has joint custody, either...but sometimes, people don't realize that it may not be actually listed as "joint legal custody". I don't know how anyone would assume he has joint custody, but...

And ooooh, yeah. Every time I see that kid, I want to take my clippers to him. I don't like little boys (or any boy, for that matter, whether he is 2 or 92) in long hair. I have to fix 3 girls' hair every morning...I'm not about to "style" my 2 year old boy's. I'm great with the clippers. But I especially can't stand it when the hair is in his eyes! (of course, that goes for everybody...PEOPLE!!!! GET YOUR HAIR OUT OF YOUR EYES!!! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR FACE WITHOUT HAVING TO RESIST THE URGE TO PUSH IT BACK FOR YOU!!! ok, there was my own personal rant that has absolutely nothig to do with anything:o )

The more I look at this thread, the more apparent it becomes that this poster and her husband are not the victims of his evil-genius ex-wife or a "good ole boy" network, but rather, just a bad lawyer who cannot seem to get anything done for them (but always managing to bill the hours!).

My mother in law owns her own beauty shop... haircuts for everyone!:)

I don't like little boys (or any boy, for that matter, whether he is 2 or 92) in long hair.

Really? What about Fabio? He's so dreamy, I really CAN'T believe it's not butter!:D

I live near you, so I agree, the good ole boys are out there, but they certainly don't have the reach that you think they do.

My husband was married to a woman for 8 years who constantly lied, refused to work and after she had a third baby to get out of working my husband finally left. Yes he is at fault to, but she lied about birth control.

How do you know she lied about birth control? Women can get pregnant while on it, just ask my doctor! I have a 15 month old as a result.

I am a divorced mother myself and I am ashamed at what this woman represents for us. While they were married she had a maid, had the children in day care, never cooked a single meal and blundered all their money on junk.

That's really not her fault alone, I could easily stop my spouse from spending money on something I didn't agree on.

She recieved the house which is constantly 2-5 months in default against his credit. The car which she totaled 3 months later thank god, and less than a year later she totaled her next car. $2000 a month in child support, $1000 a month rehabilitative alimony 3.5 yrs to finish college and 6mo to get a job.. its been 2 years and shes done NOTHING rehabilitative. She kept all his possesions he had in his home even though she was ordered to give him his things listed. All in all her lawyer was friends with this cookeville, good ole boy judge and that is all that mattered.
-Frustrated in TN

File for contempt without a lawyer, have the father do it himself. File for a change in custody. Keep filing contempt each and every time she does something against the order.

I agree, his lawyer may have been really bad or your husband may have agreed to things that he should not have to speed the process along. Either way, your husband has the ability to fix things if he wants to.

We filed twice to have visitation changed ;/ .. we are seeking a new lawyer so I hope that will get some thing done.

Really? What about Fabio? He's so dreamy, I really CAN'T believe it's not butter!:D

Greasius Bohunkus
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_60.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk869DUUS)

We filed twice to have visitation changed ;/ .. we are seeking a new lawyer so I hope that will get some thing done.

I wish you luck, I really do. Children need love and stability, not bitterness. You sound like someone who really wants to give that to them, and I hope you are succesful.

Once you file for a modification, you should have gotten a hearing date. What happened? And how in the world did it happen twice? What did your lawyer actually tell you?

I am sorry that your lawyer couldn't get this done for you. It just shouldn't be this way.

Best of Luck!!

Janabors.... I can so understand what you are going through. My husband and I went through something similar about a year and a half ago. To keep it short, my husband had a four year old son and the mother had custody and my husband had visitation every weekend and one overnight a week. One random day his son asked him, "Are you my real dad?" My husband responded very confused and said "of course" The child said, "Mommy said I didn't have a real dad." So, after my husband spoke to the ex, it came to light he might not be my husbands child. Seven months and a paternity test later, he wasn't the father. It took so much to even get the court to issue a paternity test because the child was four, but we were not giving up. We were going to make her tell the truth, even if she wasn't the person talking.

During this very awkward horrible seven months, this little boy was treated the same as the child(ren) in your situation. He was incredibly overweight, 105 lbs at four years old, gaining 39 lbs in one year. Had seven cavities and was left with anyone she could find to watch him. I classify that as abandonment as well. Yes, there was an adult figure there, but his mother abandoned him for days at a time.

Finally we decided we were no longer going to put up with it while waiting for the paternity test. We brought him to the dentist and got a letter saying his teeth were horrible condition and it was the result of "lack of care." We took him to our infant daughters doctor and he wrote a letter saying he was classified as morbidly obese and borderline juvenile diabetes. We went to the courthouse every single week. Finally, the legal aid that was there one day listening to us, said let me see what I can do. Three weeks later the paternity tests results were read in court and when it seemed as though we had finally gotten to a point where she would be held accountable for her actions, he was proven not the father, we lost all legal ground to stand on. Now we haven't seen him in a year and half but meet with DSS 4 times a year and get an update. It was so hard. We are still waiting for our child support reimbursemnt money which we were awarded as result of a civil lawsuit we filed. We have been repaid a portion so far and opened a savings bond in his name so hopefully he will go to college and not need a loan. But it hurts we cannot see him and wonder how he is doing every day.

This obviously differs from your case because you spouse if the father, but my advice, try and try and keep trying. Take him to the dentist, document it and take him for a hair cut and document it. No judge in their right mind will penalize a father and step parent for doing what is in the child's best interests, in this case maintaining personal needs. It is sad to say, but even with father rights coming a long way since 5 or even 3 years ago, it is still deemed a "mothers world" The legal system will give them every shot to keep full custody. If you stay devoted to it, you will get results. Do not allow this woman to continue having control over you and you spouse's life and happiness. The saddest part is the child is the one who suffers. Hopefully he will not start acting out because he craves attention.

When you take him to the dentist, do not consent for any "procedures" to be done. We were told to get the check up and have the office put in writing what procedures if any need to be completed. In our case, he needed to get a tooth pulled and a root canal because of the decay. If we did consented for those procedures to be completed without "her" permission, you could face ramifications. Bring that paper to the courthouse and like I said, keep trying. Let me know how it goes or if you have any other questions.

I am a regional sales coordinator at a distributing company and far from a lawyer but my husband and I did so much researrch and spent so much time speaking with lawyers, and people from the courthouse, and in the law library at Boston College, that we have some knowledge and experience that may help you. Good luck!!