Guest
06-02-2004, 10:19 AM
On Sat, 29 May 2004 19:44:28 GMT, Paula <luvnmom627@NOBS_hotmail.com>
wrote:
<snip>
2 years ago a man that worked for a contractor for my (then) employerbegan striking up conversations with me. <snip>together; we slept in the same bed that night, and that's how thewhole mess began.You see, he is married and has been for almost 17 years now. <snip>Immediately following that weekend, I asked him if he was married. Hetold me that he was, implied that he wasn't fully satisfied but gaveno details, and said that he would "never leave his children".I know that I should have broken it off with him then, but I didn't.<snip>Two weeks later, two things happened. Our daughter was conceived andwe each told the other that we were falling in love.<snip>But every decision that I've made since then has been at leastpartially based on what I feel is best for my child, and me removingher father from her life is not, at this point in time IMHO, what isbest for her.She is now 16 months old. He has seen her fairly regularly since herbirth and says that he loves her and wants what's best for her.
If his name is not on your daughter's birth certificate, you need to
put it there. I'd also recommend a dna test to establish paternity.
Then, you need a good family law attorney to help you set up a child
support/parenting plan. Obviously, you cannot do this yourself no
matter how much advice you get from the internet. You need to let that
attorney do your talking because you need an advocate, because your
daughter deserves the best she can get.
The most important thing for your daughter is to live with at least
one loving parent. That would be you. The second most important thing
for your daughter is to have as good and constant a relationship --
beyond financial -- with the other parent as is possible. That would
be him.
The third most important thing for your daughter is to have her
biological and legal status on the public record and UNDENIABLE by a
dishonest parent who is in trouble with his first wife and might cut
and run if she puts enough pressure on him. This man has already
proven that he is not honorable, but so far most of it's still going
his way. WATCH OUT when it doesn't.
You need to understand what codependency is all about and why yours is
controlling you to the point that you feel helpless to take the
necessary steps to protect yourself and your daughter. You NEED to
take those steps. Someday, you'll see this situation clearly and his
culpability in it and you'll kick yourself a thousand times over if
you don't force yourself to take protective measures now.
Good luck.
wrote:
<snip>
2 years ago a man that worked for a contractor for my (then) employerbegan striking up conversations with me. <snip>together; we slept in the same bed that night, and that's how thewhole mess began.You see, he is married and has been for almost 17 years now. <snip>Immediately following that weekend, I asked him if he was married. Hetold me that he was, implied that he wasn't fully satisfied but gaveno details, and said that he would "never leave his children".I know that I should have broken it off with him then, but I didn't.<snip>Two weeks later, two things happened. Our daughter was conceived andwe each told the other that we were falling in love.<snip>But every decision that I've made since then has been at leastpartially based on what I feel is best for my child, and me removingher father from her life is not, at this point in time IMHO, what isbest for her.She is now 16 months old. He has seen her fairly regularly since herbirth and says that he loves her and wants what's best for her.
If his name is not on your daughter's birth certificate, you need to
put it there. I'd also recommend a dna test to establish paternity.
Then, you need a good family law attorney to help you set up a child
support/parenting plan. Obviously, you cannot do this yourself no
matter how much advice you get from the internet. You need to let that
attorney do your talking because you need an advocate, because your
daughter deserves the best she can get.
The most important thing for your daughter is to live with at least
one loving parent. That would be you. The second most important thing
for your daughter is to have as good and constant a relationship --
beyond financial -- with the other parent as is possible. That would
be him.
The third most important thing for your daughter is to have her
biological and legal status on the public record and UNDENIABLE by a
dishonest parent who is in trouble with his first wife and might cut
and run if she puts enough pressure on him. This man has already
proven that he is not honorable, but so far most of it's still going
his way. WATCH OUT when it doesn't.
You need to understand what codependency is all about and why yours is
controlling you to the point that you feel helpless to take the
necessary steps to protect yourself and your daughter. You NEED to
take those steps. Someday, you'll see this situation clearly and his
culpability in it and you'll kick yourself a thousand times over if
you don't force yourself to take protective measures now.
Good luck.
