Greetings all.

I'm in CA. Ex is in TX. 3 children. Shared custody with her having primary physical custody.

Our Order requires her to pay half of the transportation costs for them to fly out to see me. This hasn't happened in the last three years, despite letters, warnings, citing the Order, etc. This means that all my spare cash goes to plane tix.

Additionally, we are both required to allow the other at least 30 min a day of phone conversation during "reasonable hours" (8AM-8PM). Sadly, my calls are rarely answered and when they are, right at the 30 min mark the kids "have to go." I end up getting to speak with them maybe 3-4 times a month as a result. All of this I have figured is par for divorce, until today.

Today, when I tried to call, I found that the phone had been disconnected. A little deeper investigation revealed that it was because her account is waaaaay past due (about $2000). This makes me believe that I'm going to have a VERY difficult time getting in touch of my kids.

Does anyone have ideas on where to go from here. What are my chances of a successful bid to have her found in contempt? What would that mean? What would it take for me to seek physical custody with any chance of success?

My first question would be: to the best of your knowledge, is your EX just being unreasonable, or is she in deep financial trouble. The phone call thing sounds like an unfortunate but often common problem between exes who don't care for eachother. But as for the phone being disconnected and transportation, is it possible that she is completely strapped for cash?

What kind of CS arrangement do you have? Does she have a job? Did the letters/warnings/citing the order over the past three years come from you? Your attorney? The court?

You don't seem worried that she is somehow keeping the children from you, but rather that she is not paying her share (totally reasonable). Is there a way you can re-negotiate the finances? You could probably have her found in contempt, but how would doing that when you are in a different state effect your children? And unless she is abusing or neglecting the kids, I don't think you have much of a shot getting physical custody. Is there a way for you to get in touch with her or her attorney to find out how bad her situation is? And if so, can you get documentation of that?

Just a few suggestions...:o

My best bet is that she has dug herself into a financial hole (as she did when we were married), so, yes I think she is strapped for cash. The kids often say there are things they aren't allowed to talk about with me because it will "cause trouble" if they do. (this from all 3... 7, 10, and 13 year old).

CS is about 850 month/30% of net income. She receives it directly from my pay. I provide health insurance and would pay half of deductibles, etc. if I received copies of the bills (Sorry, big trust issue there!).

Neither she nor her new husband have jobs. He receives CS from his ex as well, though I don't know the amount.

The letters/warnings citing the order came from me via registered and e-mail with copies to my attorney (some of the registered letters have been returned). I have just gotten the order registered in TX since she moved from FL (without providing an address, etc.). Next step will be directly form my attorney, then the court/via contempt hearing I am guessing.

I am worried that she is keeping the kids from me, though somewhat passively. I have always been able to have physical visitation successfully, etc. as long as I bear the full costs. I feel like the only renegotiating of finances that could take place would be if I wanted to send more $$$ (pardon the sarcasm).

I am concerned for the kids well being as the last time she went down this path, things like power and water started getting turned off. Contempt would be a first step along the path to seeking primary physical custody (conservatorship?). I have concerns re: over the counter & Rx drug abuse, but can't prove it, so that would get me nowhere as of yet.

To my knowledge she has no legal representation in TX, though I'll ask mine what options are available to check on/ensure that food, shelter, etc. are in place. I suppose TX might have a social services department, but, I'll have to check on it. One of the big problems with the phone being cut off is the difficulty it presents in finding out f the kids are okay. I have talked with their schools and scheduled a phone conference with my oldest for Friday via his counselor.

Thanks much for posting and the perspectives.