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My fiancé is having a very hard time with his ex and custody. They split up just after their son was born. She filled for child support. Now my fiancé only gets one day a week with his son. She is getting 520 a month. He doesn't care to pay, but he just wants more time with his son. The thing about it is that he waited too long to attempt to appeal for more time. He was served the papers in September, and the lawyers that he talked to said there was nothing they could do. Is this true? Dose he have a chance? I hope and pray there is something we can do, because it kills him and myself to only get his son once a week.

He has not filed for visitation, the child support papers.

The child just turned 8 months old, he has bonded with the child, but he only gets him on Sundays from 10 to 6, no abuse history.

In the papers states that after the child turns a year old he can have him every other weekend. But he wants more time with his child. The first year of his life he only gets him 4 days a month. Regardless, he still wants more that every other weekend. He would like to have joint custody.

If he can not get joint custody, then he would like to have as much time possible.

His ex also put in the papers that my fiancé is to have no say so in any part of the child’s life. He can't make any decisions about schooling for sports. She doesn’t want him around their son at all; she has no reason for this besides the fact that she is immature.

I have one last question...Does he have to file for visitation in the county that she filed for child support? Because it would be much more conveant for us if he didn't have to. She lives a hour away from us. By the way thaks for your help.

Usually in the state of Tennessee, the parent file a Parenting Plan. THe other parent has a certain amount of time to dispute it. IF your boyfriend did not file a dispute in the correct amount of time then perhaps that is why the lawyer that your boyfriend consulted said that thier was nothing that could be done.
Your boyfriend can always file a new parenting plan and attempt to get it revised. He will need a lawyer. The process is very time consuming especially if the other party wants to fight it. Also every county has diffrent rules about how custody battles should be handled. Some call for a meeting between the parties, then mediation, and then if it is still not settled then they have to go before a judge.
The "standard plan" in Tennessee is One parent is the Custodial parent.. the other parent gets every other weekend 6pm friday to 6 pm sunday with 1/2 the holidays, spring break and a few weeks in the summer. It is not uncommon to visitation to gradually increase especially in cases where the parents have never lived together or the child is very young.
IF your boyfriend wanted to fight it.. it would likely take over a year to settle, make a lot of hard feelings, and the results would be simular to what he has now.
The best option may be for your boyfriend to discuss with his EX that he would like more time and that if she needs a babysitter or just some time to herself, to please call him first. HE should be nice and explain that he would enjoy spending more time with the child.

I think that the EX was not unreasonable and probably did more to benefit the Boyfriend than the OP realizes.
The Ex filed for child support....it was actually the boyfriend's job to file for visitation. Without filing for visitation the boyfriend (assuming the boyfriend and the Ex were never married) had ZERO rights to visit the child. In Tennessee an unwed mother has FULL Custody of the child unless a court order states otherwise.
The fact that the EX took it upon herself to file a visitation schedule and gave the boyfriend everyother weekend (once the child turns one) is not that unreasonable. The boyfriend didn't fight the parenting plan in the time frame alotted by the courts. The child is 8 months old...even if he filed a motion right now the chances of it getting changed in 4 months is unlikely. In 4 months when the child is one, the father will get everyother weekend anyway. They have over 4 years to worry about what role the father will have when the child enters school. Fighting over if an 8 month old may or may not play sports and if the father will have a role in his sports activies would probably not be very constructive at this point.
So my advise...personal not legal... is let things calm down. Let all parties try to "work it out" between individuals before you go to court and spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on a court battle that will likely not change very much at the current moment.

I have to agree with Stuck on this one. If the father was so concerned about his time, he should have shown that by being proactive. He didn't and the mother gave him more than he is entitled to without any action on his part.

The father and the gf need to take a step back and realize that the mother was actually being better than decent. If they don't think so, they need to read some of the other threads to see what child custody hell truly is. In 4 months, the overnights will be a moot point, so why waste the time and the money? (not to mention REALLY tick the mother off). Please keep in mind that this is a very delicate situation at this point. She has an 8 month old baby and the father has already moved on. The OP also needs to keep in mind that at no time will she ever have any rights other than what the father allows her to have with this child. I am not being mean and attacking her or doubting her intentions. She just needs to be prepared to take a BIG step back.

But it's too late to file for a NEW order... He would have to file for a modifiction of the current visitation order put in place by the EX... HE would have to present some change in circumstances that warrented a modification to the parenting plan. His feelings or the ex being "immature" are not going to be enough. Enough time has not passed to even show that he is sticking to the current order (after all how old can the order be if the child is just 8 months old?).

I totally agree that the Boyfriend would have had a good chance of getting more time if he had went to court to dispute the Original order before it was signed by the Judge. But it's just too late to fight it and too soon to modify it.

I understand what you are saying. However, in this case there is a parenting plan and he agreed to it. If he didn't like it, he should have done something about it at the time. As it is, it is too soon for any modification of the order and by the time he actually had this heard in court, he would get what he is asking for to begin with. He would (barring any reasons a judge would limit visitation) EOW and Wednesday evenings. (Plus holiday scheduling).

I am saying that at this point, it is strategically better to let this lie to avoid instigating any hostilities with the mother. If, at any time in the future, visitation is being denied per the order, then he has grounds (and he SHOULD) take this back to court.

This is why it is important for all parents and parents-to-be to educate themselves on what rights, and responsibilities to secure those rights, they do have. It's the old saying that, "ignorance of the law is not a defense."

Stuck, you beat me.

Ok people I want to clear some things up...SHE left him BEFORE the child was born!!! And as for him already moving on...she had someone else when she left the father. So don’t even try to put all the blame on him. SHE is not being decent; she tries every way possible to hurt the father. Like I stated at the beginning, we are ENGAGED, not just simply boyfriend and girlfriend.

He will fight for more time with his son, because he WILL NOT be an every other weekend father. As for them working it out, they have tried and it is impossible. She fusses all the time. That is why they aren't together. They have tried being friends, but it just can’t happen. AND yes he is always on time to get the child, and he has not missed one day. So he has been practicing his time with the child. He doesn’t care if he does tick the mother off. And when she went to court to file for child support they talked about the father getting time with the son, so he did ask for time with the child in the beginning.

AND yes I know that I will only get the time that the father will let me have with the child...considering we are to be married in a few months, I will have time with the child.

One last thing...if he wants say so in where HIS CHILD goes to school then he should be able to have it to. Sometimes I think the mother is all that matters...but have we forgotten people, without the father there would be no child.

And just because you chose to be with a man that has alot of baggage and you don't like the answers, that is no reason to get snippy with us.

You want the bottom line? Okay. He should have screwed up his courage and filed for visitation when it was being set up. He didn't and now it is too late (or too early, depending on your perspective) to change the outcome. The mother is so horrible that she set up visitation WHEN SHE WAS UNDER NO LEGAL OBLIGATION TO DO SO. If he didn't like it, he should have gotten his head out of his behind and done something about it. But he didn't. That is nobody's fault but his own. If he wants to be more than a weekend father, he needs to realize that actions speak much louder than words. Nobody said he was wrong for wanting more time. We SAID that at this point, it's not worth the fight, money and time as nothing will change before he has more visitaiton.

He doesn't care if he upsets the mother? Let me tell you, that is a very bad attitude to start with. If the parents can't find a way to get along (fairly...and he is 50% responsible for any animosity) that creates a horrible environment for his and her child.

I dont want your BOTTOM LINE, who do you think you are anyway? No at this point he doesn't care if he upsets her. What matters is that he WILL NOT fuss with her infront of the child, although she does try to (oh but she is such a nice decent mother). He wont do it. And just so you know...he does not have his head up his hindend...he works all the time to support his child. As for the rest of your comments...I dont have anymore reason to talk with you. I posted my question on this web site for someone to help me out...and let me know what can be done. I DID NOT post on this web site to arrgue with people that have nothing better to do, except sit on their computer and leave smart comments. The first person that I talked with was a DECENT person as you like to say, that gave me some answers; unlike you. So like I said before, I have no reason to talk to you.

And you recieved your answers. I'm sorry you don't like them, but that's life. If, at any time, she violated the order, he needs to file for contempt. If there is a significant change in the CHILD'S life, he can file for modifcation of the order. Otherwise, the order will stand as written. If you disagree with the answers, feel free to go pay an atty. But, as I recall from your original post, you already did...and they told you the same thing.

And you recieved your answers. I'm sorry you don't like them, but that's life. If, at any time, she violated the order, he needs to file for contempt. If there is a significant change in the CHILD'S life, he can file for modifcation of the order. Otherwise, the order will stand as written. If you disagree with the answers, feel free to go pay an atty. But, as I recall from your original post, you already did...and they told you the same thing.

Nope...we didnt pay for one. We just talked to one.

So, go pay one. Maybe you'll find one that will take your case.

Yeah thats what we are going to do. I just wander if we got one from a different county then the child lives in...would that work? Or would we have to get one from they county the child lives in?

As long as the atty is is certified (brain went blank and I can't think of the word that I need, but certified works) to practice law in the state where he will be filing suit, it doesn't matter what county. Now, any suit for visitation will have to be filed in the county the child resides in. So, be sure to look at the extra expense of hiring an atty that will have to travel for court dates. Attorneys charge by the hour. If he (or she) is spending 2 hours in a car to get to court, that's two hours you will be paying for no work, just travel.

Okie doike...Thanks!

I was talking to a guy about this atty and he told me that you can have it brought to the county that we live in, instead of the county that the mother and the child lives in. He said that his atty did for him. Is that a good idea? Or will it just makes things more confusing?

I have a question...stuck talked about modifying the child support order. I looked at his papers that he has. Turns out he has two, one was filed in June and another in September. The first one, was from June. It says that it is a New Plan. In these papers she has all the decisions for the child to be made jointly by the mother and father. The second one says that it is also a new plan...shouldn't it have been a modification of the already existing plan? The reason I wandered is because she has changed everything, making herself responsible for all the decisions in the child’s life. Both of the plans have been filed. I don’t know...it may not even matter, I just thought I would ask. I’m new to all of this stuff.

Look in the first order to see if there is a date that the order would be reviewed and modified if needed. (Temporary order). That's is actually pretty common. (I had the same thing...my ex was left with much less than was originally ordered).

My atty has said that in TN, it doesn't matter where you live, it will be filed in the county where the child has resided for 6 months.

Hello,

I cant offer you any leagal advice because I got on here for information my self. (BUT) Being a single mother who has a almost 6mo son, I can tell you I would have a hard time having my infant away from me at such a young age too. When my sister left her young infant with the father for a long period of time I thought that she was nuts! There is nothing wrong with the father being a part of his life. It is the fact that your young child is being taken to another home with no idea how the baby is doing. (She may also be jealous of you thinking that you may try to play Mom, and that is also a threat to her.)
I am not trying say that the father is wrong I am just explaining why the mother may seem hostile towards the two of you. Maybe he should offer to babysit at her place without you for a start. Then adventually move it towards him watching the baby at his place. Although I know you have good intentions, and you being with the father automatically ties you into the situation. I suggest you stay outta it as much as possible and just be there for moral support. Also going through the courts and battling it out not only exhasts your money, but puts alot of stress on the child.
The best advice I can tell you is to try and have the father work it out with the mother as much as possible. The better they are able to get along the better it is for the child, and all of you all of you all together. He needs to sit down just with the mother just the two of them and talk. He needs to try even if its difficult and he is bound to fail a few times before she may give in a little, so he should give up on the first or secound try. (Have him write her a letter with how he feels and what he wants she is more likely to read it then listen in person)
Like I said as a single mother with an young infant son also I can understand how the mother feels. On the other hand if the father wanted a part in the son's life I wouldnt want to deprive my son of haveing a father. As a infant and young toddler I would want alot of say (maybe I am selfish, but that is how I feel), but I would be willing to make some compromises.
Just another question is the mother breastfeeding? I am and I hate my son having to have a bottle, it drives me nuts when my sitter has to give him a bottle. Is that an issue?
Mommy4 is right if she brought it about herself to share her time with the father although she was under no obligaion to do so then she can't be that bad.
If she is still not cooporating after the father tries a peaceful negotionation (meaning not being resentful, mean, demanding or threating towards the mother) and she still wont allow him anytime with the son. I would suggest getting a Lawer and try and get it court ordered like the others also said. (BUT) I would do it as a last resort

I am sorry if this upsets you, I am not intending on doing so. Just giving you some info on how the mother may feel. When you become a mother you will feel the same way about your own child it comes naturally and there is nothing you can do about it.~

He has tried to work things out with the mother. And yes he did go to the house to see his son for a while, but she would not leave him alone. She did not leave, her and her family wouldn't let him spend time with his son alone. She is always fussing at him and saying hurtful things. He has tried to be nice to her...he still is nice to her. Although she is hateful with him. She tries to fuss in front of their son, and the father doesn’t want his son to hear it. So the only time he goes to her house is to pick him up and drop him off. Also when he has his son, she calls him at least twice to check on their son. Which is fine...he answers and tells her how he is doing. So he is very easy going...and tries to make things a peaceful as he can. Although she will not do the same for him. She has told him that she will not do anything that will be easy for him. Their son is not breastfeed...she has always feed him a bottle. The only thing the father can do now is go to court. As for me...she may be jealous of me, I don’t know for sure. I do not go around her, the father and I are adults about it, so he does not flash me in her face. As for her thinking I play mother...she tells the father that their son calls her boyfriend dad. What kind of nice mother would do that? He never says anything about his son being attached to me or anything along those lines. So she is out of line when it comes to that.

As for her thinking I play mother...she tells the father that their son calls her boyfriend dad.

I thought this child is 8 months old? The dadaddadda babble that comes out of their mouths at that time is not calling someone dad.

I thought this child is 8 months old? The dadaddadda babble that comes out of their mouths at that time is not calling someone dad.

He is babbling little words...like dadda and things like that. You know how it is when they start to babble...you think they are talking. But regardless...that is a very immature thing to say. Even if their son does say it...if not now, when he gets older...it should not be rubbed in the fathers face.

He is babbling little words...like dadda and things like that. You know how it is when they start to babble...you think they are talking. But regardless...that is a very immature thing to say. Even if their son does say it...if not now, when he gets older...it should not be rubbed in the fathers face.

No, it shouldn't and when you do file to change the custody/visitation orders, put in the rules to make the environment best for the child by not talking ill about the other parent in front of them or confusing the child by allowing him to think that the boyfriend is a dad.

Well, then its sounds like you guys are in for a big and long mess for the future! I am sorry to hear that especially how rude she is about everything! Dont worry though kids are smart and the baby will end up resenting what she is putting him through.
My sister is going through the same thing with her daughter, the father is not willing to work with my sister and bad mouths her fiance and my sister to their daughter. I am trying to help her get full custody of her again but it will be hard. My niece hates being with her dad already.

No, it shouldn't and when you do file to change the custody/visitation orders, put in the rules to make the environment best for the child by not talking ill about the other parent in front of them or confusing the child by allowing him to think that the boyfriend is a dad.


We will be sure to do that. See when we have him; we talk good about her; which can be hard at times. If we are around the fathers family and someone starts to talk bad about the mother he tells them not to. I think that is a good thing to practice now; while his son is young, that way when he gets older he wont hear his father’s family talking bad about his mother. He really is looking out for him now and in the long run. Because even though the mother is treating the father badly, he still does his best to keep his son from being around the drama.

Well, then its sounds like you guys are in for a big and long mess for the future! I am sorry to hear that especially how rude she is about everything! Dont worry though kids are smart and the baby will end up resenting what she is putting him through.
My sister is going through the same thing with her daughter, the father is not willing to work with my sister and bad mouths her fiance and my sister to their daughter. I am trying to help her get full custody of her again but it will be hard. My niece hates being with her dad already.


That's what I keep telling my fiancé, but you know that it really hurts his feeling when she says things like that to him. No father wants to hear that their one and only son is calling some stranger daddy. I swear he is so compassionate about son, and he loves him so much. I just hope and pray when his son gets older that he wants to live with us. Because I really think he will want to be a daddy's boy when he gets to be around him more.

He tries so hard to see him...he calls to see if she wants him to watch him on Friday or Saturday night, so she can go out on a date...but she won’t let him. Instead she takes her son with her...and has him around her boyfriend all the time. It’s just sad that she does the father and the son like she does.

Believe me, that will change. Since he's 8 months old, he's immobile and asleep a large amount of time, so you can take him everywhere.

When mom wants to spend quality time with her new bf, and sweet little junior is around 1+, walking everywhere, touching everything, I promise, she'll be happy if the baby's dad wants to sit. Have him continue to make the offer. She WILL take him up on it unless she has free and easily accessible babysitters already lined up.

Believe me, that will change. Since he's 8 months old, he's immobile and asleep a large amount of time, so you can take him everywhere.

When mom wants to spend quality time with her new bf, and sweet little junior is around 1+, walking everywhere, touching everything, I promise, she'll be happy if the baby's dad wants to sit. Have him continue to make the offer. She WILL take him up on it unless she has free and easily accessible babysitters already lined up.

Ah, another thing to add to the orders. The right of first refusal. So, if she needs a babysitter, then she needs to ask the real daddy if he wants to babysit first.

Believe me, that will change. Since he's 8 months old, he's immobile and asleep a large amount of time, so you can take him everywhere.

When mom wants to spend quality time with her new bf, and sweet little junior is around 1+, walking everywhere, touching everything, I promise, she'll be happy if the baby's dad wants to sit. Have him continue to make the offer. She WILL take him up on it unless she has free and easily accessible babysitters already lined up.

She lives with her parents, so they watch him for her. I think she already pawns him off on them...but she wouldn't let us know that. I hope it will change because he needs time with his dad. I think when their son gets older and starts looking just like his dad, she won't be able to stand it. I think she will let us have him all the time then!!! :D

Yeah, that is too bad that she is being like that. I take my son with me everywhere I go too, unless I can't but that is because I have a hard time being away from him though.
Who every posted that he should be first to babysit if the mother goes out is right. If my sister needs a sitter for more then and hour and a half she has to ask the father first. If he cant watch her then she can have who ever else watch the baby. The father had this put in during the mediation, because he doesnt want anyone but him or his mom watching her. He even told my niece that she couldnt talk to or like my sisters fiance.
I hope the best for you, its really tough I know my sister and I are dealing with the same thing. Its already been going on about 4 yrs now though. I am hoping that the next time she ends up in court she is able to get full custody, because the dad is just using the baby to get to my sister and have power over her. I know its a pain we are suposed to go to Disneyland this weekend and he apporved her to leave the state and now he is telling us that we can't take her. I dont know what we are going to do we have already paid for her to go. Its sad when these parents hurt their own kids in order to hurt the other parent.

I know it is sad, but in the long run the other parent will hurt their self...because the child will start to understand what the parent is doing and then resent it. That is what I hope happens with my soon to be step son. I truly think when he gets a little older, and starts to get more time with his father he will want to be with him instead of his mother. I think that is why she doesn't want his father to have more time with him. You can just tell that he is going to a daddy's boy.

I’m very sorry about you situation...I wish you the best of luck, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
;)

Yes your very right! Kids are smart and understand whats going on. My niece is only three and it doesnt matter if its my sister or me dropping her off to her dad. She makes up a hundred excuses as to why she can't go to his house everything from he isnt home to he is too far away. Then she begs us not to take her then the whole time going into the house she is screaming and crying and holding on for dear life. She has left finger nail marks and scraches on me from it before.
Yes that is a sign that something is wrong and my sister brought this up in court but it didnt make a difference.
Thanx I will also keep you in my prayers