My ex-husband called and told me that he was finished and wanted to terminate all of his parental rights. I had my lawyer draw up the papers and he was served, but now he has gotten a lawyer to stop the termination and adoption. He also had his lawyer draw up custody papers were he gets my child every holiday and 8 weeks out of the summer. My son has no idea that this man is his father. He hasn't seen him since June and he was scared to death of his father and told my husband that he never wanted to see him again. His father left after about 10 minutes. That was the first time he had asked to see my son since his 20 minute visit on Christmas Eve of 2005. He is a manipulative man that both physically and mentally abused me during our marriage. If my son had to see his father he would be scared to death. We live in different states and he is planning on taking him out of Tennessee and to his home in Georgia. My lawyer isn't being much help, he told me to just wait and see what was happening, but my ex-husband's lawyer told him that we were going to drop the case, which I haven't decided on. I'm so confused. I don't know if I should find a new lawyer, I don't know if he has a chance with the custody hearing, and I don't know if I should drop the termination and adoption case. Can someone please give me some advice?

My ex-husband called and told me that he was finished and wanted to terminate all of his parental rights. I had my lawyer draw up the papers and he was served, but now he has gotten a lawyer to stop the termination and adoption. He also had his lawyer draw up custody papers were he gets my child every holiday and 8 weeks out of the summer. My son has no idea that this man is his father. He hasn't seen him since June and he was scared to death of his father and told my husband that he never wanted to see him again. His father left after about 10 minutes. That was the first time he had asked to see my son since his 20 minute visit on Christmas Eve of 2005. He is a manipulative man that both physically and mentally abused me during our marriage. If my son had to see his father he would be scared to death. We live in different states and he is planning on taking him out of Tennessee and to his home in Georgia. My lawyer isn't being much help, he told me to just wait and see what was happening, but my ex-husband's lawyer told him that we were going to drop the case, which I haven't decided on. I'm so confused. I don't know if I should find a new lawyer, I don't know if he has a chance with the custody hearing, and I don't know if I should drop the termination and adoption case. Can someone please give me some advice?

Do not drop the termination and adoption case, that process takes a long time and you don't want to start all over again.

The ex can file for whatever he wants, but the courts will look at the best interrest of the child. He would get visitation at best to begin with and not every holiday and 8 weeks to start with. But there are several things that may factor here...

1) Do you have any police records of abuse while you were married?
2) How old is the child and how old was he when you left your ex?
3) How many years has your new husband known your child?
4) How often did your ex visit with your child and how did those visits go? Keep a journal of the visits such as his last ones you describe so that the courts will have details.

Just for filing, he will get at least supervised visitation. They will monitor how the visits go and may give him more time from there if it is ok or they may stop visitation altogether.

If you have no police reports of abuse, he may get regular visitation to start.

Have you filed for more child support? This is a separate issue, but for abusive ex-husbands, it seems to help in having them agree to sign over their rights.

1) No, I never reported him for any abuse.
2) My child is 5 and was 2 when I left him.
3) My husband has known him for 2 1/2 years.
4) He has never really had a visit with him and has only been left alone with him once since my son was born. He has seen my son maybe 7 times since February of 2004. The last time my son seen him he screamed and cried and told him to leave the room.
5) I haven't filed for more support, he is over $8,000 behind and he is suppose to pay for his medical insurance and doesn't. He hasn't recieved any child support except for his income tax that intercepted since July 2005.

He has never shown any interest in my child and he asked to have his rights terminated, but he lied to his lawyer and said that he was shocked to receive the termination papers and he didn't want my husband to adopt him. Could I still have a chance with the termination?

1) No, I never reported him for any abuse.
2) My child is 5 and was 2 when I left him.
3) My husband has known him for 2 1/2 years.
4) He has never really had a visit with him and has only been left alone with him once since my son was born. He has seen my son maybe 7 times since February of 2004. The last time my son seen him he screamed and cried and told him to leave the room.
5) I haven't filed for more support, he is over $8,000 behind and he is suppose to pay for his medical insurance and doesn't. He hasn't recieved any child support except for his income tax that intercepted since July 2005.

He has never shown any interest in my child and he asked to have his rights terminated, but he lied to his lawyer and said that he was shocked to receive the termination papers and he didn't want my husband to adopt him. Could I still have a chance with the termination?

Point #1 makes things difficult. I know how hard things can be, but saying he was abusive now, will only make you look bad in the eyes of the court.

If he files for visitation, he will get it. At least every other weekend and every other holiday and maybe half of the summer. That is just a guess from what people usually get. Since your child is still young and does not know him, they will do a gradual visitation where he sees him once a month say and then the schedule goes up to the full schedule.

My suggestion, start going after that back child support agressively, he may change his tune.

Offer to forgive his arrearages and if he refuses ...go after the child support like a bandit... attempt to "tack on" as much as you can.
For example if you pay for the childs health insurance: ask for 1/2 to be paid by him.
Day care...1/2
Extra activities at school 1/2
Old medical co-pays, bills, prescription meds... 1/2
Also ask for a modification to raise the amount and start bugging Child support to enforce the order..
Tell them where he works, lives, his phone number , etc... Where his parents live etc.
Then after you get the amount really high ... offer again to "forgive all the arearages if he signs the paperwork..."

In Tennessee it is almost impossible to get the parental rights terminated if the father fights it. The ONLY way is for child protective services to go to court and ask for the rights of the parent to be terminated after the parent has abused the child. (Bruises are not enough. You need broken bones and hospital stays!)
I live in Tennessee and "parental rights" are more important to the courts than what is in the best interest of the child! It is SAD!
Good luck !

Thanks so much for the advice. I called the Child Support office in Georgia that the case was turned over to in June and gave them the name of his employer, but I still haven't recieved anything. I have recorded phone calls, per my lawyers request, he admitted to me that his current wife would not let him be alone with his 9 month old daughter because he hit and cussed at her in his sleep. He hit her so hard that everyone in the house woke up, so now he isn't allowed to watch his own daughter when his wife is at work. I know I can't use this in court, but could this help me in any way? I think I read that you can use phone recordings as proof of perjury, he said that we didn't have any problems with the parenting plan, but it was his wife wanting to be mean to me that was behind all of this. I'm planning on telling him about the tapes and I've already told him the amount he owes for medical insurance, but if he doesn't drop it, will the recordings help at all?

It is legal to tape any phone calls in Tennessee as long as you have the consent of one of the parties that is talking on the phone...so if you are talking on the phone to him, you can record it. I would advise not telling him you are recording because that will make him less willing to talk and be honest. Plus, You want him to do something stupid like lie so that the tapes will be evidence. So don't ever give the "other side" any information. It's like a game of Cat and Mouse...but you're never really sure if your the Cat or not.

I failed to mention that if his parental rights to another child were terminated by a Child Protective Services ...then that is grounds to terminate his rights to your child in Tennessee. However, I doubt his current wife notified Child Services about what occured.

Many lawyers like to take the "wait and see" approach because often the other party will get their feathers ruffled and say they want to fight and then later will cave. Legal processes in Tennessee take FOREVER... Just stay calm..focused... Don't give up. You can always ask the lawyer to draft a nice letter stating that all arrearages in child support will be forgiven and any future obligation to child support would end if he consented to the step-parent adoption.

I really think that going after the child support may help. But it is not enough to just inform your ex you want the insurance money...You have to send all the paperwork into whatever child support agency is handling the case. You need to send in as much documentation as you can. I recommend writing letters (phone calls are great if you actually get to talk with your caseworker ....I have yet to ever call and actually be able to speak with my caseworker!). Letters and documentation are put with your file and phone calls can be forgotten about.
Tennessee is actually really good about collecting child support and being active. I'm not sure how they are in cases involving other states. However, My case with child support was just opened in June 06 and my soon-to-be-ex's driver's license was suspended in October 06 for non-payment! He still hasn't paid a cent so in a few months the State might just throw him in jail. (I'm attempting to play the "I'll forgive all the money if you just don't visit the child route" also but he hasn't agreed to it yet. :mad: At least if he is in Jail, he won't be visiting my son-That sounds really mean but honestly it's not.)

Thanks so much for all of your replys. You have no idea how much reading this has calmed my nerves, I actually feel like I have a chance now.