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View Full Version : What age can a child decide to stop visiting Non-Cust. Parent


robin99_02
10-25-2006, 06:41 AM
I was told that the age was 13, Is this true??

My son is 12 and will be 13 in March. He doesn't really want to go to his dad's house anymore, because he feels left out with his dad's new family. My son was his 1st child and now he has a new daughter with his new wife (she also has a son from someone else).

I personaly don't think it's right to make a child feel like a 3rd wheel.

mommyof4
10-25-2006, 07:56 AM
The child can decide to discontinue visitation when he is 18. The only way he can stop earlier is if the court order is modified.

xena
10-25-2006, 06:23 PM
I was told that the age was 13, Is this true??

My son is 12 and will be 13 in March. He doesn't really want to go to his dad's house anymore, because he feels left out with his dad's new family. My son was his 1st child and now he has a new daughter with his new wife (she also has a son from someone else).

I personaly don't think it's right to make a child feel like a 3rd wheel.

Children cannot choose if or when they visit the NCP. What your son is experiencing is very normal in this situation. Older children feel "left out" even in intact families.

It will probably help your son alot to see a counselor for awhile to help him through this adjustment period. Unles YOU have personally WITNESSED ex telling son that he's not wanted, you really can't say for sure that ex is doing anything wrong. Just get him some couseling and keep your eyes open for any evidence that ex is leaving son out.

demartian
10-25-2006, 06:46 PM
I was told that the age was 13, Is this true??

My son is 12 and will be 13 in March. He doesn't really want to go to his dad's house anymore, because he feels left out with his dad's new family. My son was his 1st child and now he has a new daughter with his new wife (she also has a son from someone else).

I personaly don't think it's right to make a child feel like a 3rd wheel.

Just like I tell my son... When he is 18, he can choose not to go to school anymore, for now, he will be going every schoolday.

xena
10-25-2006, 06:59 PM
Just like I tell my son... When he is 18, he can choose not to go to school anymore, for now, he will be going every schoolday.

Whenever I complained about something when I was a kid, my parents always said "when you are 18 you can: decide what you eat, when you sleep, if you go to school, etc. " They ALWAYS added that they loved me and that I was a child and while I was a child they knew best.

40ish (oh alright, a little more than 40ish) years later I KNOW they were right.
Xena:)

demartian
10-25-2006, 07:02 PM
Whenever I complained about something when I was a kid, my parents always said "when you are 18 you can: decide what you eat, when you sleep, if you go to school, etc. " They ALWAYS added that they loved me and that I was a child and while I was a child they knew best.

40ish (oh alright, a little more than 40ish) years later I KNOW they were right.
Xena:)

40ish and my mom STILL tells me what to EAT!

xena
10-25-2006, 07:05 PM
40ish and my mom STILL tells me what to EAT!

Do you obey her, or do you try to hide food you don't like under the plate?

As a kid my Mom used to brag that I was so helpful clearing the table without being asked, she learned yeras later that it was because I had hidden the cooked carrots under my plate.;)

robin99_02
10-26-2006, 09:54 AM
My son's father and I were never married.

Well, my sisters husband is going through the same thing with his daughter, when she turned 13, she decided that she didn't want to see her father anymore and he hasn't seen her since, she is now 17.

mommyof4
10-26-2006, 09:56 AM
If there was a court order for visitation, the father was well within his rights to file for contempt to force the mother and the daughter to abide by the court order. It is only because, either there was not a court order OR the father did not use to legal system to force them to abide by the order.

BTW, being married or not makes no difference in getting and enforcing a court order for visitation and custody. The only difference is that the father will have to legally establish paternity. When a child is born during a marriage, the husband is automatically the legal father of the child (whether the child is biologically his, or not).

demartian
10-26-2006, 09:58 AM
My son's father and I were never married.

Well, my sisters husband is going through the same thing with his daughter, when she turned 13, she decided that she didn't want to see her father anymore and he hasn't seen her since, she is now 17.

It all depends upon the custody/visitation orders and the other parent's wishes to enforce them.

If the person HAS court ordered visitation and that visitation is denied for ANY reason, then they can file against you for contempt of court or seek a modification of custody.

demartian
10-26-2006, 10:00 AM
If there was a court order for visitation, the father was well within his rights to file for contempt to force the mother and the daughter to abide by the court order. It is only because, either there was not a court order OR the father did not use to legal system to force them to abide by the order.

This is like the gazillionth (ok, maybe 5th) time that I respond and yet you slip a response in there first... You are quick!

mommyof4
10-26-2006, 10:03 AM
Well, you can actually have me disqualified on that one. If you notice, I had to go back and add information about the marriage, paternity and court orders.

You win.

candyb
11-01-2006, 12:31 PM
Children cannot choose if or when they visit the NCP. What your son is experiencing is very normal in this situation. Older children feel "left out" even in intact families.

It will probably help your son alot to see a counselor for awhile to help him through this adjustment period. Unles YOU have personally WITNESSED ex telling son that he's not wanted, you really can't say for sure that ex is doing anything wrong. Just get him some couseling and keep your eyes open for any evidence that ex is leaving son out.

we have a court order, but my son is 16 now and hasnt been to see his dad for 2 years, because he doesn t want to, so his father is fine with it. I d like to know the legal age in Pa. when I dont have to worry about my ex just showing up at my door and saying you re going with me, like it or not.

mommyof4
11-01-2006, 12:40 PM
18. His dad may be fine with it now, but if he ever changes his mind, there is nothing you or your son can do to stop it.

candyb
11-01-2006, 12:44 PM
18. His dad may be fine with it now, but if he ever changes his mind, there is nothing you or your son can do to stop it.
I wont force him to go, so I guess that will mean court. His father does nothing but belittle him, this is why he doesnt want to go, but he doesnt tell his dad this, its always he has plans or something else. His father cancels also.

mommyof4
11-01-2006, 12:46 PM
If it has been 2 years, why don't you go ahead and try to modify the order now? That way, if this does become an issue in the future, you will not be facing charges of contempt.

(Just a thought.)

candyb
11-01-2006, 12:54 PM
how can he file contempt on me when I am not keeping our son from visiting?

mommyof4
11-01-2006, 12:58 PM
If, in the future, he decides, "hey, I want to spend some time with Junior" and your son does not spend that time with him (as awarded to the father in the custody order) YOU can be charged with contempt for not making your son abide by the order.

I know...at this point, your son probably towers over you and has at least 50 pounds on you, so physically forcing him to do anything would be difficult, at best. However, you still have means and ways to get him to obey you and the order (or so the court assumes). Therefore, you are legally responsible for ensuring that your son abides by the order, even if dear ol' dad took a sabbatical for 2 years.

candyb
11-03-2006, 06:48 AM
ok.fixed my prob. went to the children and youth and found out in Pa. there uis NO age limit......and as long as im not keeping him from visiting his father.......he cannot get me for contempt.;)

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