My husband and myself are in a custody battle for his daughter, in October of 2005 the mother placed an order of protection, this was vacated because she never showed for court regarding the matter. This past August DCFS was called and he was investigated for sexual abuse, while the investigation was still in process the mother sent a letter to the child’s rep. stating that the three year old put her finger inside herself, than smelt her finger, the mother also stated that she had taken the child to the doctor for a check up, they did not do anything. In September a letter was sent from DCFS as UNFOUNDED.
Yesterday October 19th the mother states again that my husband is sexually abusing the child and another DCFS report is filed.
We just got over night visits and now have had them taken away. Now until DCFS is complete again we are on supervised visits.

Can anyone give information if she can sued and get custody of the now 4yr old.
This DCFS report will come back unfounded, and some one is showing the child this stuff if she is indeed doing it. PLEASE HELP FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD!

Something similar happened to my sister about 2 years ago. Her ex boyfriend called DCFS, they came out and investigated. It also was unfounded. DCFS said that if the same person continues to call them with the same charge they would prosecute him. He never called again, Thank God. I hope all ends well in your situation.

NO I Think You Are Wrong...and I Believe Every Stepmother Would Feel The Same.. As Long As I Am Married To My Husband It Will Always Be Us Not His Or Mine But Ours..... It Is Sad That People Feel The Way You Do...and Do Not Stand WITH The One Another...

Besides The Point That My Husband Wants Me With Him Every Step Of The Way Would Mean Nothing To You Or People Like You That Would Only Think About Them Selves And Not Others....

I Was Not Asking For Any One's Personal Opinion On The Subject...i Was Asking For Advice ....and This Is Definitely Your Opinion..i Think You Should Keep Them To Your Self......

Can you not capitalize every word, please? It makes your post impossible to read.

I am a stepfather. Up until that sentence, I have referred to myself as stepfather only twice before.

I have, right now, no legal standing in ANY part of my daughter's (sorry, step daughter's) life. Though you didn't ask, I have not fully adopted my daughter because I gave her that decision and she hasn't yet told me yes.

It was not opinion that the other posted said... it was fact. You do not have a horse in this race, and your involvement can be seen as a ploy to replace the mother's influence in your step-daughter's life.

You are a legal (not emotional) stranger to the child and have no say in this matter.

NO I Think You Are Wrong...and I Believe Every Stepmother Would Feel The Same.. As Long As I Am Married To My Husband It Will Always Be Us Not His Or Mine But Ours..... It Is Sad That People Feel The Way You Do...and Do Not Stand WITH The One Another...

Besides The Point That My Husband Wants Me With Him Every Step Of The Way Would Mean Nothing To You Or People Like You That Would Only Think About Them Selves And Not Others....

I Was Not Asking For Any One's Personal Opinion On The Subject...i Was Asking For Advice ....and This Is Definitely Your Opinion..i Think You Should Keep Them To Your Self......

You are confusing emotional/moral issues with legal issues.

Emotionally and morally, you should be right there with your hubby, offering help (behind the scenes), and offering emotional support. There is nothing at all wrong or illegal about doing that.

However, when your husband is filing papers, or going to court, he (and you if you testify) should never use the word "we". It might actually hurt your husband's case if you do.

I know it seems unfair, but from only the legal end of things- you do not have any LEGAL rights- only moral/emotional ones.

You are confusing emotional/moral issues with legal issues.

Emotionally and morally, you should be right there with your hubby, offering help (behind the scenes), and offering emotional support. There is nothing at all wrong or illegal about doing that.

However, when your husband is filing papers, or going to court, he (and you if you testify) should never use the word "we". It might actually hurt your husband's case if you do.

I know it seems unfair, but from only the legal end of things- you do not have any LEGAL rights- only moral/emotional ones.

In the past my husband went on the visits him self and the mother put an OP on him... she not once showed up for the court dates... the OP was quashed.....
She than called DCFS .... That was unfounded with in 2 mo's she filed another (right after HE was allowed over night's)... while most of this was going on I did stand back and watch the show...now I am going to all the court dates... although I have never been in the court room I am with him every step of the way.. I know the whole LEGAL thing is none of concern but I will be with him from here on out...to say I am getting the LEGAL and emotional issues crossed you may be right... all I was asking for was advice on the subject so I could talk to my husband about it...

look when i maried my wife almost 4 years ago, i had a 10 year old stepson, although i loved him very much, i DID NOT get involved in any legal matters concerning him, becuse it was not my place to. it is NOT your place to get involved with this, she is NOT your daughter. and, as i said in my last post, your involvement will cause your husband to lose. not to mention really annoy the judge. its ok to support your husband emotionally, but legally, you are not a party to this, and cannot be involved. you understand now?


No need to be quite this nasty. So very sorry for your wrong-ness but, though not a party, don't think for a second that step's are not scrutinized with a mega-powered microscope when custody issues and Children's Services are involved.

In fact if I hadn't been in the picture, my "step daughter" would have stayed in foster-care and on to adoption by strangers. I am the mother of the only biological sibling that she had a chance to grow up with. All of her other siblings by her mother and father are scattered, with their fathers / mothers, or now being adopted. In fact, as Children's Services pointed out at the end of our case, because of my ex-husbands trouble with legal and drug issues, he could NOT / would NOT have been considered for custody, if I hadn't been willing to have her here with me and her half brother.

To the OP: Don't think for a minute that DCFS and ultimately the judge who will decide your case, will not see a connection between and open custody case and repeated false reportings. This is so common and 90 percent of the time, it ends up biting the "reporter" (or rather the other side) in the bottom. It is a hassle and it is humiliating, however, if they continue with the false reports, your husband may end up with sole custody. Give them enough rope honey.......they will swing from it in the end.

No need to be quite this nasty. So very sorry for your wrong-ness but, though not a party, don't think for a second that step's are not scrutinized with a mega-powered microscope when custody issues and Children's Services are involved.

In fact if I hadn't been in the picture, my "step daughter" would have stayed in foster-care and on to adoption by strangers. I am the mother of the only biological sibling that she had a chance to grow up with. All of her other siblings by her mother and father are scattered, with their fathers / mothers, or now being adopted. In fact, as Children's Services pointed out at the end of our case, because of my ex-husbands trouble with legal and drug issues, he could NOT / would NOT have been considered for custody, if I hadn't been willing to have her here with me and her half brother.

To the OP: Don't think for a minute that DCFS and ultimately the judge who will decide your case, will not see a connection between and open custody case and repeated false reportings. This is so common and 90 percent of the time, it ends up biting the "reporter" (or rather the other side) in the bottom. It is a hassle and it is humiliating, however, if they continue with the false reports, your husband may end up with sole custody. Give them enough rope honey.......they will swing from it in the end.


Ohio “Step” Mom,
Thank you for some words of encouragement, I had been down the past few days...just trying to make sure I was doing the right thing...and not screwing things up.. That is the last thing I would want to do.

The next court date is next week, DCFS has not gotten in touch with my husband and now he is told by his attorney via the mothers attorney that he (my husband) is being un-co-operative with DCFS...he (my husband) nor his attorney has never been contacted by DCFS....this is now day 43 science the allegations were brought up...I feel so lost, but still trying to stay positive for my husbands sake, no need to bring him down...he has to keep a level head to get through all this....

I know that if the mother is given enough rope she will hang herself.. It is just hard right now to see my husband hitting his head against the same wall over and over again...and no one has seen through the mothers tactics yet...It will all come out in the wash....


Thank You again for the encouraging words...
God Bless

I see both sides of this "step" issue. My ex's ex wife (confusing, no???) inappropriately involved herself in alot of the proceedings. Combine her tactics and his blatant stupidity..."they" lost more in court than what he had before we ever went to court. They were going for sole custody...he got supervised, very limited and restricted visitation per my consent and approval. Even if I die, he does not get custody of A. (for those that want to know how to do that...it's very, very rare and unless you have extraordinary circumstances, you can't do it.)

On the flip side, my husband (who has been A's 'daddy' since she was 9 months old, fully supported me, both emotionally and financially all through the 4 years of hell. He was very involved, he just worked behind the scenes.

It is not wrong to be involved and helpful to your husband. I think that your original post was misinterpreted that you were actually legally involved.

Eventually, everything she is doing will come to light. Just hang in there.