Okay I posted a thread in TN state specific law previously in case anyone wants more background... Sorry this is a book...
I've been allowing very short (4 hrs) supervised visitations for my husband (I would type soon-to-be EX but I doubt it will be anytime soon as we have yet to start mediation or have any trial dates set...) Labor Day Weekend I allowed his Mom & him to pick up my son at a park 1/2 way (for 5 hours)and take him to thier house because it was a holiday and I was being nice...(I know I need to be more mean....)
My son comes home and he tells me his Dad is yelling at him .. He doesn't want to go to grannys...daddy makes him sad... (he's 3 1/2) etc We had set up the new visit this weekend to be the same as last time. So "dad" calls two nights ago to set up this visit times then and I tell him that he upset the child...
He complains to me that my son is "way out of line". His grandma was flipping through the TV and my son saw Tyra Banks on TV... So my son said " It's Tyra my pretty girl" and kissed the TV. I should make a note at this point that I am of mixed race -black/native amer./white and my ex is white. He says he doesn't want his son kissing N****Rs. I told him well why not you did. Then he sgot mad and yelled "My son is White and I don't want you filling his head with all kinds of ideas like it's okay to marry N****rs" . So I was very calm and said "Your son is mixed just like I am". He said "He's got my blood type and I'm going to tell him that you are nothing but a worthless N****r and that you're not his mom. Nobody believes he's yours -look at the two of you. IF you were a good mom, you'd start wearing sunscreen and ".... At which point I told him I was going to hang up and did.
Please keep in mind that I've been majorly screwed by the the small county in TN where previous stuff was filed and the divorce is filed...I'm actually afraid to bring up the fact that I am of a mixed race because I think it would be a huge disadvantage (as there is alot of racism -almost the whole county is white and there are NO interracial couples-to this day porches would burn -Seriously! ) My son has a very fair complexion,colored eyes, Lt brown hair. I just look like a very tanned Hispanic.
This is very upsetting to me. I never encountered any racism till I moved here! I just really hate being forced to live here and having some stupid irrational man tell me that he's going to pollute my child's mind with racist ideals(making my child racist against me and himself!). What the hell does it matter to anyone if a 3 yr old thinks Tyra Banks is PRETTY- She's a Super Model! I swear he wasn't a racist before... He knew my mother(mixed) & knew I was of mixed race. Does anyone have any recommendations? I have a huge list of reasons why I don't want this man around my child and they are much more serious. My problem is that I know for a fact ex's Mother is a racist so she would not stop him from saying this to the child if she were to supervised a visit.
This is such an emotional issue for me that I know my judgement is clouded. My family already wants to take him on a cement block fishing trip (they are mostly joking and the fact that they all live 2000 miles away...so I have not discussed with anyone yet because I wanted to have a few days to calm down. I'm still very angry.
I live in a bigger city(about 60 miles away from ex), my son attends daycare with children of all races, I live in a nice neighborhood of all races. (I did all that on purpose so that I and my son would not be uncomfortable). My lawyer has recently really been on the ball-going out of his way to help(a huge change) and he told me to try to focus on only what is documented and we have evidence of. I've called CPS previously and was told to call back when my child has bruises or broken bones-till then he is in no danger because DAD is not the custodial parent!
I want to call back the dad and refuse the visit or rearrange it so that I supervise it at the park. Should I ignore his racist comments ?

can't remember- are there any orders regarding visitation? Personally I would not want my kid around someone spewing that crap...in your shoes I would say supervise the visit as you have been doing- but then is he going to sit there and verbally abuse you for the duration or even a portion of the visit?.....

The only "custody order" we ever had was in an order of protection that ran out when the child was 8 months old. The dad had sup. visits at my house for 8 hours a day. He currently does not know where I live only that it is within the 100 mile radius. The only thing disputed in the divorce is custody /visitation. So currently there is nothing till the divorce is finalized ( filed in nov 05).
So far he's been well behaved at the visits to me. He has tried to pick fights but I usually ignore it, redirect it, or start recording on my cell phone. (my phone will say "start recording at the tone" and he shuts up!) I never know if he'll try something. He had been refusing to take any meds (prozac, wellbutrin, etc.) But I can tell he's been popping his pain pills like candy(He looks high - glassy eyes and drowsy).
Our visits are very akward. He usually doesn't play with the child, he'll just sit on the bench and watch him play or me play with the child. I have to encourage Dad to push the child on the swing or I'll send my son to him with a juice box to open.
It's just hard to deal with someone who is irrational, paranoid, and popping pills. If I told him the sky was blue- he'd try to argue it was cloudy and I was trying to trick him somehow.
I have refused a few visits. I just keep waiting for the straw that breaks the camel's back so to speak.

I think you should keep doing the supervised visits just in case he tries to use it against you. He sounds awful I know you have probably heard this before but why on earth were you married to him. Anyway good thing you are away from that your child does not need that kind of racism. He will pay for the things he does and says trust me things always come back and bite. I see that you are from TN just wandering where I am in church hill near kingsport. Anyway I hope things go smoother for you and your child he is just a child and does not need to be yelled at shoot my son loves every woman he sees she could be purple and he would like her but if he is happy then that is all that matters I try to always make sure my kids understand that no matter what race you are we are made the same God made us all the same way. Do not let this man upset you ignore him and eventually he might just go away.The bad news is you have to let him see the child he is the father but sometimes don't ya just wish they would go away?