This is my first post here. I have researched various websites and just can't find this information.
My question is this.
I need to divorce my husband of 8 years. I know this will be a long dragged out process because out of spite, he refuses to let me take my own children so right off the bat there will be custody issues. I tried to work out an arrangement with him where he can have my youngest son, inexchange for my 5 year old daughter but with himit is all or nothing. The reason I want my daughter is because this man was an abuser and is controlling. He refuses to let me or my daughter wear certain clothing, have friends, work in any establishment where there is a man present and I am trying to save my daughter from him.
She is only 5 and already tells me daily that she hates him and wants to leave. I alwys tell her soon we will.
And I have been trying to but since he will not let me walk out the door with her withou a physical fight (which I will lose), I was thinking of leaving without either of the kids (to another state) and then later filing for divorce. PROBLEM is I was informed if I leave the state it will be considered ABANDONMENT and I will NEVER get my daughter.

Isn't there a way I can put an order for custody without the divorce? I have police reports from the domestic violenc but I really need info.
If I have to wait until the divorce is final it may take YEARS! I don't have much money because my husband intercepts all my work $$$. He doesn't work and he takes all of mine so even trying to get my stuff and take off would be a challenege as he is always around watching me.

Any help will be very VERY appreciated.
Thank you and God Bless
Maria

I tried to work out an arrangement with him where he can have my youngest son, inexchange for my 5 year old daughter but with himit is all or nothing. The reason I want my daughter is because this man was an abuser and is controlling.

Are you really and truly trying to split up your children? Worse, are you comfortable with leaving one child in the hands of an abuser?

My God. So it is okay for the boy but not the girl? How can you even THINK about leaving a child behind?

On to your legal question. Custody is established by the court, and right now you guys are still married... which means you have equal custody of the children. Until you are divorced, the custody decision probably won't be made... in case you change your mind.

Please reconsider the breakup of the kids. And please don't ever tell the boy that you were willing to negotiate him away to keep his sister.

Sorry, I was so shocked at the first part of your post I didn't get to the rest.

Call the police... right now. Tell them you are being held in your home against your will by your husband. Tell them that you are being threatened with physical violence if you leave.

You live in the United States. You are allowed to leave a home, divorce a spouse, and live where you want.

Abandonment takes months or years without contact of any kind. Don't listen to your husband tell you reasons why your current situation is best. Just get out. Take both kids and get out now.

He shows favoritism with the boys. He treats my 2 sons great it is me and my daughter that got the short end of the stick.

It was the only thing I could think of to get away before this man hurts me again. Its not an easy decision but my options are limited. I was however planning on getting custopdy of all the kids once the divorce was final but in the meantime I needed to put some kind of temporary order.

Again, call the police. Now.

Tell them your situation. And then get your kids out of there.

I have tried that and the police here say that since there is no custody order they can not legally let me walk away with any of my children. They will let ME leave but not with them. Not sure why. This is why I am trying to get a custody issue in place first.

Call the police as Cyjeff stated. Once you are out with ALL of the children, file for a order of protection (restraining order) and file for temporary custody until the divorce is final. The permanent custody order will be decided at the time of the divorce.

This is my first post here. I have researched various websites and just can't find this information.
My question is this.
I need to divorce my husband of 8 years. I know this will be a long dragged out process because out of spite, he refuses to let me take my own children so right off the bat there will be custody issues. I tried to work out an arrangement with him where he can have my youngest son, inexchange for my 5 year old daughter but with himit is all or nothing. The reason I want my daughter is because this man was an abuser and is controlling. He refuses to let me or my daughter wear certain clothing, have friends, work in any establishment where there is a man present and I am trying to save my daughter from him.
She is only 5 and already tells me daily that she hates him and wants to leave. I alwys tell her soon we will.
And I have been trying to but since he will not let me walk out the door with her withou a physical fight (which I will lose), I was thinking of leaving without either of the kids (to another state) and then later filing for divorce. PROBLEM is I was informed if I leave the state it will be considered ABANDONMENT and I will NEVER get my daughter.

Isn't there a way I can put an order for custody without the divorce? I have police reports from the domestic violenc but I really need info.
If I have to wait until the divorce is final it may take YEARS! I don't have much money because my husband intercepts all my work $$$. He doesn't work and he takes all of mine so even trying to get my stuff and take off would be a challenege as he is always around watching me.

Any help will be very VERY appreciated.
Thank you and God Bless
Maria
Does your husband work at home where is at home 100% of the time, never leaving you alone?

As soon as your husband leaves the house, take your kids , leave the house and call the police, they will help you get to a DV shelter.

The divorce doesn't have to be final before custody can be determined. No matter what- DO NOT leave without your kids. If you do, the court will almost certainly give your husband temp custody in order to keep the kids in thier home. If you take them with you, even if you are staying in a shelter, it is very unlikely that your husband would win temp custody.

The main thing is this- at the very first chance, get youself and your kids out of the home.

Yes he works at home. I ave been to a DV shelter and they did me wrong also. They baker acted me when we were in a group talking about feelings. They misunderstood me as I would never harm my kids.

If I take the kids I would leave the state which I can go to jail for for kidnapping. This is why I am trying to find a way around it. I want to take the kids, but I am all alone in this.

Maria, I understand your logic ...in the spanish culture, often boys are treated like little princes and the girls are worthless cinderellas...but you have to think about this from the long term prospective.. IF you leave your boys with this man--one day they will become just like him. Your son's will treat you and thier sister like you are worthless. Your future daughter-in-laws and future Granddaughter's too. The cycle MUST be broken.
Contact legal aid in your area. Ask them about how an order of protection works and if you could get temp. custody of all your children!!! They will help you since thier is a history of domestic violence.
Contact another domestic violence shelter and sit down one on one with one of thier counselors about your situation.
Your situation is hard one but if thier is NO legal custody agreement you can not be charged with kidnapping if you take your own children out of state. However you could eventually lose custody of them if you don't do this with legal procedures. That is why I think you need to contact legal aid.

Maria, I understand your logic ...in the spanish culture, often boys are treated like little princes and the girls are worthless cinderellas...but you have to think about this from the long term prospective.. IF you leave your boys with this man--one day they will become just like him. Your son's will treat you and thier sister like you are worthless. Your future daughter-in-laws and future Granddaughter's too. The cycle MUST be broken.
Contact legal aid in your area. Ask them about how an order of protection works and if you could get temp. custody of all your children!!! They will help you since thier is a history of domestic violence.
Contact another domestic violence shelter and sit down one on one with one of thier counselors about your situation.
Your situation is hard one but if thier is NO legal custody agreement you can not be charged with kidnapping if you take your own children out of state. However you could eventually lose custody of them if you don't do this with legal procedures. That is why I think you need to contact legal aid.


I contacted Legal aid and they said since I still live with them they will not help. Its like everywhere I turn I keep hitting dead ends. No wonder they say its cheaper to kill them then to divorce.