My husband had a baby 13 years ago before we ever met. He had a verbal child support and visitation agreement. The mom didn't want him having visitation and my husband being a nice guy didn't want to upset her or his daughter. He has played by her rules all of these years. He only got to bring her home a handful of times. In 2005 right after the 2004 holidays he discussed having her start regular visitation at his home (they live 2 hrs away). Mom said talk later. Anyway, she put him off and he didn't get to see her for 4 months exept for 21/2 hours in Feb. They had an argument and then went a year without seeing his daughter. No return phone calls, nothing. We did get her back for one day last Thanksgiving and shortly after mom filed for court ordered support. Daughter doesn't want to share dad. We have three children of our own by the way. The papers came in last week and he is ordered to pay $700 a month. We will probably lose our house and our credit will be ruined. Daughter is 13 and doesn't want to be part of our family. It is just a mess. Is there anyway we can legally reduce the CS so we can provide for our children. I don't work by the way. Child care is too high. I know he had a child and I took that into consideration but we wanted a house and normal life for our kids. Now it's turning upside down. My husband works 55-70 hours a week (required). He has no time to get a second job and is on salary and his bosses are expecting the same work that he has always given him. I really don't want to work nights and miss being with my own kids and family to support his daugher. She lives in a home with an SUV and is in every extra activity she can be in. They take 2 ro 3 vacations a year and fly!!! We have never been able to do that. We have a nice home but we don't have time to let it sit on the market for a year to sell. Plus I'm afraid she will go after back support and he won't get credit for what he has already paid.
Any advice that would help?????

There had to have been a hearing. Did he not attend?

He did go to the hearing. It was just a 30 minute deal where he turned in all the paperwork they asked for on his income and we got the order in the mail 30 days later.

Our budget is tight anyway. He makes good money and we suspect she isn't claiming all of hers but there is nothing we can do about that. She had set it at $300 and we were used to paying that. Lately, things have gotten tighter with our son having surgery and I had a daycare in my home that I just got out of thinking that I was going to start school and prepare myself to go back to work when my children are in school fulltime. It is looking like that won't happen. But, besides that, we haven't bought our kids anything for school this year except shoes and we didn't really have the money for that. Some of this is bad decisions by my hubby and we want to support her in any way we can but our boys will end up with next to nothing. It seems like they don't matter. The daughter is getting (according to their figures) 3900 from mom and she also gets the federal exemption of 3300 from IRS and 8100 from her dad. My boys get 3300 each from IRS and nothing else. I know he pays the bills barely and maybe not at all now, but what about clothes and food and maybe some birthday and Christmas presents.

There is an appeals process. Did they credit him with any money he sent all these years? How much (if any) arrearage did they assign to him? Has the time frame for appeal elapsed. If so, then I doubt there is much your husband can do about this unless the visitation schedule is changed. For that he would have to file for a visitation agreement, if as you stated, it has only been verbal to this point.

This is an unfortunate situation. One that I am familiar with as my former husband was in a similar situation. They moved all the way to Maryland and he hasn't seen that child since Easter of 2000. The very unfortunate thing is that child support and visitation are two separate issues in the eyes of the law.

I know I haven't been much help, but you do have my sympathy.

She has not gone after back child support yet. I'm thinking she might after she gets a few payments and can afford an attorney. The agency she went through does not do that because their services are free. There is no visitation set yet. He did inquire about it but they told him he would have to file for that separately. He is torn whether he should or not because he feels his daughter will hate him for it because she is a little socialite and would miss her life at home. She has never been raised to set time aside for her dad but to fit him in when she had nothing else to do, especially if we were going to take her somewhere and spend money on her. He is truely her sugar daddy. She is a good kid but unfortunately takes after her mother. Her mom doesn't think she should have to share her dad because he doesn't live with her and my boys do so she wants him to visit up there where they live even if that means hanging out in their home all day. He did that for six years. When he said no more and seen that it was getting more and more demanding on him, that's when this all started to take a really bad turn for the worse.
My kids miss her so much and I think he should get the visitation and get to know her dad as real dad and build a relationship. She may hate him for now but she would hopefully realize, when she got older, that he really loves her and wants her around.
I can't help but think that if he does that and we lose the house and everything that I might feel a little resentment when I see her and her new clothes and material things while my kids live in much lower means than she.
The systems almost punishes the children in the new relationship and punishes the new marriage for becoming prosperous.
There is definitely an imbalance.
He found out she was pregnant after a 2 month fling and a 1 month separation. They were never really close and she didn't allow him to see their daughter much at all when she was little. It is all around a bad situation. I just hope there is some way to keep our finances in order and not ruin our credit and end up with a forclosure.

I'm a little puzzled. Was the hearing at the court house or some private child support collection agency? The CSEA is who it should have gone through.

I hate to ask this but was there a DNA test ever done?

He did have a DNA test done when she was around a year old. They still had that on file. She was going to go for support back then but decided she didn't want him having visitation. He didn't do the right thing. He should have done it himself but he was young and dumb. She was a lot older than him. It was with CSEA. For the longest time he wasn't allowed to say he was Dad because she didn't tell her who he was. He did [everything she said just to see her. He thought he needed lawyers and all of that and he worked as a painter and barely made it by. When he met me I told him and argued with him to do it all legally and she found out I was looking for legal advice and she flipped and said she'd fight to keep him out of her life blahblahblah. He caved and did what she wanted again!!!!
The mom thought that once she turned 12 she could refuse visitation and that is the only reason she went for child support. She doesn't want what's best for her she just wants money. We were told by an attorney that he probably won't get credit for paying her anything all these years if she goes for arrears.

If he has proof of payments such as canceled checks or money order stubs (harder to prove what it was for) he could have proof of his payments.

He definitely sounds as if he was afraid of her and young and dumb (that excuse only lasts so long lol) but hind sight being 20/20 I'm sure he sees that now.

Usually they would only go back so far for CS. If she had ever been on public assistance, they would have come after him sooner.

Check this site for the Ohio Revised Code to see if there is anything that you may have more questions about. http://onlinedocs.andersonpublishing.com/oh/lpExt.dll?f=templates&fn=main-h.htm&cp=PORC

Again, good luck.

She was on assistance and I don't know why they didn't go after him. He may not be on the birth certificate. She didn't give the baby his last name. She was well aware that she wouldn't get any money from him while on assistance. She was using the system to go to school while living with her parents. Thanks for the link.

Come on you got to be kidding me, so he paid her $300 month for what 15 years.. You need to read out loud what you writing.. so what if he has to pay $700 mth now. Dont you think he owe that to his child.. It sounds like it's his fault for not having any comunication with his child, if he really wanted to do you think he would have years ago.. too bad so sad..

As a mother you know how much it cost to raise children, right?? clothes, daycare, food, rent ect... you think $300 covered (what??), least $700. would at least cover some of it. and he's only has a few more years to go..

I think your insane!! and he should leave you and run away with his daughter that he never spends time with!! lol

If you read it correctly he did see her every other weekend in her hometown. The mother did not want him bringing her here to our home. The mother and daughter did not think she should have to share him with the boys. I think they should take into consideration that there are other children and divide his income fairly not just give the majority to one child.
I do know how much it costs to raise children because I have 3! It costs a whole lot of money to raise these boys also. I didn't say he wasn't at fault. I argued with him many times to get everything done legally. I called him dumb in the earlier threads.
I think he should take care of his daughter but not at the cost of losing our home and not being able to put food on the table and buy clothes for them. His daughter wants for nothing. She never did. He may have only paid $300 a month before but he also doted on her whatever she wanted.
I thought people that responded to these threads tried to be mature and productive. I guess you get all types.

Just to give a little more info. She has never paid for childcare. She lived with her mother and father (grandparents) till she was nine years old. After that she went to their home till mom got off work. So there has never been childcare to pay for. And for the majority of her life there has never been rent or utilities the mother was paying either. Yes, there has been changes and she is in a home now and there are utilites but we have them too and his income can only go so far. I just don't think it is right that he has to lose the home that he has been paying for for 5 years to make sure she lives above what we will be living. The whole point of childsupport is to make sure the child is not living below the noncustodial parents means. I just don't think they should make it such a hardship on the other parent that he can't afford his bills and his credit is ruined, etc. He works so much as it is he can't get a second job. His bosses expect him to be there always as needed. That's what he's paid for. The only way to make the money is if I work fulltime in the evenings because we can't afford childcare for three. My kids will essentially be losing their mom. My kids are paying an awfully high price. I don't think I'm insane like kim1366 thinks I am. She doesn't know me and shouldn't try to pretend she does. I have never been against him being with his daughter. I just think he should have done things differently. And I would like to keep our home since there aren't apartments designed for the size of our family. We will do what we have to do. I was just looking for advice not insults.

When the child support agency asked for your husband's income, did he also have to provide them with proof of his monthly expenses?

No just his insurance, local taxes, and the socials of the boys. He did get the Federal exemption for the boys. His daughter gets that too but he doesn't get to claim her. I think he should try to get to claim her since he pays twice as much in support as the mother.

Does anyone know how he would go about trying to get approved to claim her on his taxes?

I'm a little confused. You KNEW he had this child prior to having yours, and you want him to pay less for that kid so your kids can have more? If anything he's got MORE of an obligation to that child than yours. And you got into this situation because you bought a house and you don't work even though, had ne been paying decent child support all along, you wouldn't have been able to do these things?

Is that how you would want your kids treated if he left you and married someone else and had kids? "Well, your honor, I don't think I should have to pay much for that child because I've moved on and created a new family and now I don't care as much for my older kids." The child has a right to be supported regardless of what the father has done later to create new expenses.

It is not about paying for support. He is not paying anything towards back child support. They are saying that's what he is to pay due to their incomes. They were never married by the way and he was too dumb to go after visitation so for the first 3 years he paid 200 a month without seeing his daughter. He did not have a steady job the first year of her life because he didn't have a car and when I met him he was only making 9 and hour. He didn't work out visitation with the ex until his daughter was 5 years old. The ex didn't want him in their lives but he paid whatever he could. So he is supposed to be unhappy and not get married and have children because he had one from a sexual relationship. He never left them. The mom left and moved 2 hours away while she was pregnant. He has always tried to do what was best. He jumped through his ex's hoops just to see her. I have always thought he should get everything done the right way so he could at least have a real relationship with his daughter, but now that is destroyed because he wanted her to visit here instead of him going there every other weekend. I'm just trying to figure out what his rights are as far as taxes and so on. I don't work, you honor, because I strongly believe in raising my own children and not working to pay someone else to take care of them and my husband doesn't get home till 8 or 9 pm every night. Do you know anyone that can watch kids 24/7. What is done is done and I am seeking employment by the way. I have run a daycare business out of my home for the last 6 years and I am a Sunday School teacher and I head up a couple different departments at my church. I have never and will never treat his daughter like she is not mine. This is something apparently bitter divorced moms don't understand that my husband tried to abide by his ex's wishes to keep communication open and things running as smoothly as possible. He didn't want his daughter growing up between two arguing parents like we both did. I could understand where he was coming from but have never agreed with it. We love each other very much and I am very happy we have the children we have. I won't let anyone tell me I'm at fault or make me feel bad for trying to find out his rights and make sure my children are taken care of. His ex makes 40,000 a year and has a house and new car and his daughter has everything she needs and more. She is very spoiled as so are our boys. She has never been mistreated or gone without. If he ever heard she needed anything my husband would do whatever to get it for her. He spoiled her just like the boys. He may have only spent 300 in child support but he did a lot more than that in presents. He has gotten her a computer, stereos, trampoline, school clothes, the list goes on and on. He never tried to skate by by not contributing and only giving 300 a month. The ex set that amount to keep him from going after visitation. He had several talks about getting visitation because he would go months without seeing her because of the ex not setting time aside for him and she would always break down and cry and say she couldn't handle having her daughter away and things like that and he always fell for it.
I just want him to be smart and find out his rights and get visitation and make sure that he is not paying too much. If he pay less to help pay for more here than he should find out what he can. I did see that there was sime kind of law or something where he could ask for a reduction to help pay for a second family. Does anyone know anything about that?
The problem is, if I get a job I will be paying most of it out for childcare and it won't be enough to pay all the bills.
Why is it that no one cares about the other children. They have the same thoughts and feelings as the first child. Where are their rights and why aren't they considered. I feel that they should be considered when deciding how much has to be paid. The fact is they are already born and living and need to be taken care of period.

www.supportguidelines.com (http://www.supportguidelines.com/)


Okay, let me see if I can just get to the heart of this. You want to know what his rights are as far as visitation, the amount of CS he pays, and if he can claim her on his taxes, correct?


He needs to stop worrying about the mother's actions and reactions so much and file for visitation in court. The mother is under no legal obligation to allow visitation, or any contact for that matter, until and unless there is a court order granting him visitation. If he wants a relationship with HIS (not just her) daughter, he needs to make that happen. He will be awarded visitation, and the mother will have to abide by the court order.
The amount of child support calculated in Ohio is based on both parents' incomes. Ohio does take into account other children that are adopted or born, but the deviation is not going substantially lower his cs payment. It will be lower, but if you are expecting it to be cut in half, that is unrealistic. Click on the link I provided and go to Ohio's statutes.
As far as the taxes, if he does not have her at least 50% of the year and does not contribute at least 50% of her financial support OR if it is not in a court order that he may claim her on his taxes, no, he cannot claim her. That is not a child support rule, that is an IRS rule.
Did that help answer any of your questions?

If CSEA ordered him to pay $8100 a year and figured she payed $3900 wouldn't he be paying twice as much as her in the expenses?
Thanks for the link.
I know he should have gotten the court order and I told him that what he got was a blessing. She had also told him that her parents were prepared to fight with as much money as possible to keep him from taking her to his house and say whatever they could about him to drag it out and he didn't have any money to fight that. I have an uncle that went through the same thing and the lawyers told him that his ex could say whatever she wanted and didn't have to prove it but he had to disprove their allegations to win. He lost the first round but my grandparents got involved financially to fight and he won. Knowing about my uncle's case my husband knew he didn't have that kind of means to fight her so he decided to keep the peace.

If CSEA ordered him to pay $8100 a year and figured she payed $3900 wouldn't he be paying twice as much as her in the expenses?
Thanks for the link.
I know he should have gotten the court order and I told him that what he got was a blessing. She had also told him that her parents were prepared to fight with as much money as possible to keep him from taking her to his house and say whatever they could about him to drag it out and he didn't have any money to fight that. I have an uncle that went through the same thing and the lawyers told him that his ex could say whatever she wanted and didn't have to prove it but he had to disprove their allegations to win. He lost the first round but my grandparents got involved financially to fight and he won. Knowing about my uncle's case my husband knew he didn't have that kind of means to fight her so he decided to keep the peace.

No, the CHILD must not have contributed more than 50% of his or her own support for the year (sorry, I wasn't very clear) and the child must live with him for at least 50% of the year. Here is a link. Scroll down to table 3 on page 9. It will give you a quick and clear overview on how to a child qualifies.

www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p504.pdf (http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p504.pdf)

Now, if the mother agrees to allow him to claim the child, there is a form she can sign so that he can claim her.

Okay, thank you.

Come on you got to be kidding me, so he paid her $300 month for what 15 years.. You need to read out loud what you writing.. so what if he has to pay $700 mth now. Dont you think he owe that to his child.. It sounds like it's his fault for not having any comunication with his child, if he really wanted to do you think he would have years ago.. too bad so sad..

As a mother you know how much it cost to raise children, right?? clothes, daycare, food, rent ect... you think $300 covered (what??), least $700. would at least cover some of it. and he's only has a few more years to go..

I think your insane!! and he should leave you and run away with his daughter that he never spends time with!! lol


Hey he has other biological kids to care for too and she should be glad she even got that 300 a month without a co. And how is it his fault if the mother uses her daughter as a pawn u can see her, wait no u can't, o well maybe yes, HAHAHA I changed my mind . WHATEVER, What about all these mothers who deny their children of decent fathers, and use them as a paycheck because they are bitter about the new gf or wife or just plain Bitter.Child support is unfair all right. Unfair to the fathers who don't get to see their kids and who cant support the ones they can see bacause of paying the child support of one they never see or get to see when the mom "feels" like it.

I'm a little confused. You KNEW he had this child prior to having yours, and you want him to pay less for that kid so your kids can have more? If anything he's got MORE of an obligation to that child than yours. And you got into this situation because you bought a house and you don't work even though, had ne been paying decent child support all along, you wouldn't have been able to do these things?

Is that how you would want your kids treated if he left you and married someone else and had kids? "Well, your honor, I don't think I should have to pay much for that child because I've moved on and created a new family and now I don't care as much for my older kids." The child has a right to be supported regardless of what the father has done later to create new expenses.



Regardless of when concieved ALL THE FATHERS BIOLOGICAL children that he directly supports or there is an order for are entitled to equal support. Did they count his other dependants when they figured his support?

http://onlinedocs.andersonpublishing.com/oh/lpExt.dll/PORC/13307/13b33/13b7b?f=templates&fn=document-frame.htm&2.0#JD_311923 letter o

also
http://onlinedocs.andersonpublishing.com/oh_print/lpExt.dll/PORC/13307/13b33?f=templates&fn=document-frame-chapter.htm&2.0#JD_311902

3119.05. Verification of income and earnings; factors affecting income; separate order for certain expenses; calculation of support for prior period
letter C they do have to count them.

http://onlinedocs.andersonpublishing.com/oh/lpExt.dll?f=templates&fn=main-h.htm&cp=PORC

There is A LOT of good info in there if u just read through it but i gave u the exact revised code in our state 3119.05

Good luck
I'm in the EXACT same boat.
only I was 14 when she got pg and she was 19

Thank you for the advice and the understanding. I don't think the laws protect the fathers who get involved with vendictive bitter women. I think they should also take into account and find out why she never went after child support till their daughter was 13. They should ask all mother's why they've done that. It's a free service and there is no excuse except to be deceptive in some kind of way with the father.
He has the right to go for visitation but he probably won't because the daughter doesn't want to come to our house and she is old enough to make it very hard on him. He believed that because he didn't have a CS order that he couldn't be granted visitation all along. I think his ex kept telling him that and he believed her. He just isn't the kind of guy to fight and fuss over things. He should have though because this is his daughter and now he missed out on being her dad. Hopefully she will change her mind about wanting him in her life when she gets older.