I have been divorced for 10 years my divorce was final and I received sole custody of our 2 children in Colorado, I was granted permission to move back to California with my children..Child support has been lacking, once in awhile he will pay.. My ex moved from Colorado to Florida, I followed the rules and sent the children to see him, just in the last 2 years he has made more of an attempt to see them..He is sober now, and has good job, bought a house, horse. Lets just say he got his act together.. I work part time and my kids and I live in the house I was raised in..I will cut to the chase. My ex and I do not get along.. he only pays $300.00 and will not help with anything else like orthodontist...dr bills...etc.. I sent my children to visit their dad in July and they are 13 and 14. On August 20th, I was about to leave for the airport to pick the kids up and got the call from ex that they will not be on the airplane. and they want to stay.. He said he has papers.. I found out, with research he has not filed anything...I want to do what is best for my kids, they want to stay, he put them in school, I am very sad and disappointed with my kids for not caring about my feelings, they knew for a week that they were not coming home. Now I am flying this coming weekend.. and I'm scared, confused, lonely and don't know my rights..help

Neither party in the agreement can change the rules without a judge's ruling.

You have sole custody. Get a lawyer and take him to court.

And of course he didn't file anything... if he walks into a courtroom, he gets to cut a really large check for arrears.

I understand all that... but my children like it there, and right now he is an icon to them.. I know that I can say to the kids you are coming home with me but do I want them to resent me, NO.. I love them.. my ex can manipulate every situation.. He feels control right now.. I have talked to many lawyers out here.. $ is stopping me from hiring a lawyer, I have spoken to a Florida lawyer who told me he lied and never filed.. I want what is fair for my kids, and I understand the difference between country side and the city. I want my kids to know that their dad lied... and never filed and basically he told my daughter that if mom signs over custody she can decorate her room their any way she wants... I'm just babbling . I feel violated and children turned against me.. I don't know.. Just scared....

I make my kids do things they don't like all the time.

Bring your kids home. Right now, your ex is in violation of the court's order... and you are trusting him to take care of the kids when he hasn't for years... by denying them support.

I agree with you... Sure bring them home.. then they will resent me and hate me.. My son who is 14 almost 15, says he wants to get to know his dad, how can I just say NO... My son also wants me to move their... sure let me pack up and go.... My ex had plenty of time to move here near his kids, but that was ok that he didn't... Well we will see what happens... It's just sad to see their rooms the way they are. like still on vacation. I am a good mom, I couldn't buy the world for them.. but I tried.. thanks for listening and you have greatly helped... any more advice...you can think of please don't hesitate...

Isn't this kidnapping? He may be the father, but you have sole custody. You need to bring your kids home. Sure, they may say they hate you. Every kid tells their parents they hate them at least once. But you know you love them, and they know you do too. It's just anger speaking. Your job as a parent isn't to make friends and do everything you can to make your children like you. Sure the horse and freshly decorated rooms sounds good to teenagers, but mother knows best. If you want your kids to get to know their father again, that's great that you're willing to allow that to happen. However, there are other arrangments that can be made. Kids can go there during school breaks or for summer vacation. You're their mother, you've always been their mother and you will always be their mother. Their father left and had no interest in them for a period of time. How do you know that won't happen again. I think it's in the best interest of the children to come HOME.

I agree with all of what you say.. but Sure i make them come back and they will resent me.. I love them enough to let them go... My whole dilema is how to go about the legal part.. joint, trial I don't want to fully give up sole custody and since he is owing in back child support.. If things change.. will I have to pay him......>??????

I agree with all of what you say.. but Sure i make them come back and they will resent me.. I love them enough to let them go... My whole dilema is how to go about the legal part.. joint, trial I don't want to fully give up sole custody and since he is owing in back child support.. If things change.. will I have to pay him......>??????
You know, you really need to ball up here. They're KIDS!!! So, they resent you for a while. Guess what? If it is not over this, it will be something else, like...you won't let your daughter dye her hair 14 different colors and dress like Brittney. It's time for you to be an adult. They'll say, "it's not fair. I hate you!" Your response should be, "life ain't fair, buttercup. I'm doing what I need to do to raise you to be a responsible, capable adult in a safe environment. When you are an adult, you get to make the deisions. Until then, my rules. Now, go to your room and suck on a bar of soap for speaking to your mother in such a disrespectful manner."

Will it hurt your heart? Yep, but kids always disappoint and wound their parents. That's the nature of the relationship. You need to grow up so that you can help your kids grow up. You are allowing a man that has NOT taken any responsiblity or shown any normal concern for his kids to bribe them to stay. I don't know what's worse...the fact that their father is that weak and worthless or the fact that you are caving in to his "pressure". Go get your kids.

There is just one more thing... everyone who has written me are RIGHT!!

I live with my sister older, who is quite dysfunctional..and can make us all a little looney ourselves... That is why I feel it best that they stay with him, they don't want to to come back here because she makes them crazy....You see.. I want what is best .. My sister owns 3/4 of this house I own 1/4.. She will not buy me out ... Oh another long story.,... but my ex does have the power to say here are horses, 5 acres, country... I can give them love.......

The reason your ex is able to buy the horse and extra rooms is because he has not paid his share of child support. Bring your kids home. Your kids may resent you now and that is typical of teenagers regardless if a horse is in the picture. When your kids are adults they will realize the sacrifices you have made. The courts decided it was in the kids best interest to remain with you. Your ex has avoided his kids and responsibility for many years. Your ex could be sociopathic or at least narcissistic. What happens when the novelty of having the kids around wears off? Will your ex reabandon them? Imagine the pain and lack of self esteem your children will have. You have proven to be constant in their lives. So your sister is looney. At least your sister was there to help you support the kids. Give people credit where credit is due. You, your sister and the kids all made sacrifices because this man was selfish and didn't want to pay his share of support. Instead of rewarding his behavior you should be filing kidnapping charges. There is a federal parent locator to protect children in cases such as this. All the states work together to bring the children home to their home state. The kids home state is the state they have lived in for the past six months. You should file a police report ASAP. You then need to go to child support services with his new information. They can garnish his tax return and possibly put a lean against his property. The point is that this man is deciding he is above the law. What he is doing is criminal. If he has such little regard for the law or you then what makes you think he will put the kids needs first? Get your head together and go to the police station NOW.

There is just one more thing... everyone who has written me are RIGHT!!

I live with my sister older, who is quite dysfunctional..and can make us all a little looney ourselves... That is why I feel it best that they stay with him, they don't want to to come back here because she makes them crazy....You see.. I want what is best .. My sister owns 3/4 of this house I own 1/4.. She will not buy me out ... Oh another long story.,... but my ex does have the power to say here are horses, 5 acres, country... I can give them love.......
So, you are willing to sacrifice your children and the love you have for them for a stupid horse and 5 acres in a state on the other side of the country with a man that has not given a damn about them their entire lives? So your sister is a challenge. Find some way to neutralize that problem. If you have to, move into an apartment. Do SOMETHING. You obviously know where he lives and that he has financial resources. Your job (after you get your kids home) is to contact child support enforcement and get the back support that he owes your kids. After he pays his debt to his children off, then he can SHIP the damn horse to them if he wants them to have it so badly. Of course, if you are willing to give into his demands (yes his, not the kids'. After all, did they KNOW about any of the "perks" until he told them about it???) then neither one of you are behaving in a manner that suggest that either of you are behaving in the manner of a good, responsible parent.