On June 28th, 2006 I was awarded Primary Care custody of my 3 children. I since then, trying to be the good guy, Allowed my children to go with their mother for a weekend visit as well as talk to her on the phone. The first one was 2 weeks ago and she refused to bring them home so I went and picked them up. The second time was this weekend and this time she simply refused to let me have them back. When I showed up at her mobile home she called the cops and they wouldn't help me as a matter of fact they told me I had to leave. I do not have a visitation order set yet by the court but I was allowing her ample contact with the kids. She is plenty upset that she lost her welfare check now that I have primary care custody. Now she is lashing out by keeping the kids and saying she will never return them. I need to know what legal recoarse I have.

If you have the court document stating you have sole custody then I would call the sheriffs office to have it enforced. If the sheriff will not get involved then you need to go back to court and ask the judge to have the Custody document enforced by the sheriff. Also have a visitation schedule drawn up to give to the judge and ex so it is on file.

Am I correct in assuming that your custody was awarded through the courts? If so, you can file contempt of court charges against your ex.

My question to you is: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET CUSTODY OF YOUR KIDS.

Im guessing you are posting to this site from somewhere else other than the USA ?????

If you did somehow manage to recieve PHYSICAL CUSTODY of your kids, I will assume that there must have been some very strong and/or incriminating underlying factors as to why they are not with the mother.

If this is the case (trust me your ex is aware of this) any court would question why you as a guardian would allow them to visit unsupervised.

If your ex was not awarded custody because of some type of illegal or criminal activity or habits (drugs, alcohol, child abuse, etc.) then by allowing them back into that enviroment you may have *NICE GUYED YOURSELF OUT OF CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILDREN*. (trust me your ex is aware of this)

Unfortunately, many of our children are used as a gateway to security (usually financial security) for many custodial parents. As you mentioned that her ADC was discontinued as a result of you obtaining custody. This unfortunately is quite typical.

My advice would be to go to the local sherrif as others mentioned. Have court order in hand. DEMAND THAT THEY AID IN RETURNING YOUR KIDS TO YOU IMMEDIATELY. Contact the local company that manages child support issues and obtain a very specific visitation schedule. ONCE THIS SCHEDULE IS OBTAINED, DO NOT DEVIATE FROM IT OR YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF "IN CONTEMPT OF A COURT ORDER"

Prepare yourself, you are more than likely in for a custody battle that will change your life forever.

Good Luck with this one

I would agree to a certain degree. Mothers usually get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to custody. Usually an average mother will win over a good dad. If she doesn't have custody there is a damned good reason behind it. You should stop all visits with her based not only on the fact that something is wrong there, but also because how she has handled the first 2 visits. Take your custody order to the sheriff and get your kids. I wouldn't allow them back until you have a specific visitation order in place. Haven't you ever heard that nice guys finish last? That is where nice will get you in this situation. Good luck..........

My question to you is: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET CUSTODY OF YOUR KIDS.

Im guessing you are posting to this site from somewhere else other than the USA ?????

If you did somehow manage to recieve PHYSICAL CUSTODY of your kids, I will assume that there must have been some very strong and/or incriminating underlying factors as to why they are not with the mother.

If this is the case (trust me your ex is aware of this) any court would question why you as a guardian would allow them to visit unsupervised.

If your ex was not awarded custody because of some type of illegal or criminal activity or habits (drugs, alcohol, child abuse, etc.) then by allowing them back into that enviroment you may have *NICE GUYED YOURSELF OUT OF CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILDREN*. (trust me your ex is aware of this)

Unfortunately, many of our children are used as a gateway to security (usually financial security) for many custodial parents. As you mentioned that her ADC was discontinued as a result of you obtaining custody. This unfortunately is quite typical.

My advice would be to go to the local sherrif as others mentioned. Have court order in hand. DEMAND THAT THEY AID IN RETURNING YOUR KIDS TO YOU IMMEDIATELY. Contact the local company that manages child support issues and obtain a very specific visitation schedule. ONCE THIS SCHEDULE IS OBTAINED, DO NOT DEVIATE FROM IT OR YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF "IN CONTEMPT OF A COURT ORDER"

Prepare yourself, you are more than likely in for a custody battle that will change your life forever.

Good Luck with this one

FYI, child support and custody/visitation are two seperate issues. The CSE will not set a visitation schedule. He knows this, as he already has a court order dictating custody.

The sherriff will not help me untill I have a visitation order.... and to whom ever asked.. I am posting this from Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
She is not a bad mother. She is, however, irresponsible, unstable and immature. Having never taken care of herself and still cannot. I proved in court that I took care of all the children's needs and most of there wants. While my ex sat on her duff sucking off the state for 4 years. The Judge was not very happy to that fact especially when she has had good jobs and quit them to keep me paying back her ADC. The judge actually stated in his ruling that she was in good health and there was no reason she couldn't work full time. She was supposed to be abiding by the 50/50 jont order that was previous to my newly aquired primary care custody. She actually lost them all on her own by not abiding to her original agreement.

Then you need to go back to court and file a motion to include the visitation schedule in your custody document. It needs to be very specific in regard to times of drop off and pick-up and holidays. In mine for instance it states where kids are picked up and dropped off and what times and it divides the holiday schedules up by bi-annual. For instance in Odd numbered years you have them on christmas vacation from day school lets out to Xmas day at 12 pm and on even numbered years ex has them. I think you being the nice guy is how it should be unfortunately you now know who you are dealing with. Good Luck.

If the cops won't do anything I would go back to the courts. Do you have a lawyer? Do the kids have a law guardian? Go back to the courts and they could get you in front of a judge that day. The judge can make an order for her to return the kids immediately. If I were you I wouldn't let her take the kids again until you go for visitation. Has she even filed for visitation yet? Good luck.

So, you do have a valid custody order, correct? And it clearly states that you are the custodial parent? Okay, you need a prosecutor (take the order with you to the prosecutor's office) to issue an order to the police to go get the children and return them to you.

www.legis.state.ia.us/IowaLaw.html (http://www.legis.state.ia.us/IowaLaw.html)

Iowa code 710.6 violating custodial order

A relative of a child who, acting in violation of an order of any court which fixes, permanently or temporarily, the custody or physical care of the child in another, takes and conceals the child, within or outside the state, from the person having lawful custody or physical care, commits a class D felony.

A parent of the child living apart from the other parent who conceals that child or causes that child's whereabouts to be unknown to a parent with visitation rights or parental time in violation of a cout order granting visitation rights or parental time and without the other parent's consent, commits a serious misdemeanor.

I understand the Iowa Code somewhat but now I need to ask to factor in that there has yet to be a visitation order signed by a judge. She does have joint with me being primary. This is where I am confused on why she is not in violation of the law by not allowing me to take them back after I allowed her a ample visit.

I understand the Iowa Code somewhat but now I need to ask to factor in that there has yet to be a visitation order signed by a judge. She does have joint with me being primary. This is where I am confused on why she is not in violation of the law by not allowing me to take them back after I allowed her a ample visit.

Okay, now I am confused. Did the judge give you physical custody? Is that in an order? If not, then you need to immediately file to modify the order to include exactly WHAT is allowed (dates, times, places, duration of visits) so that there is something with which the authorities can work. I was under the impression that you went back to court and she LOST custody, but was abiding by the visitation set out in the previous joint custody order as you allowed it.

She may be guilty of kidnapping if you have sole conservatory rights. She is a non- custodial parent with a court order showing the police that you are the custodial parent you should be able to get them back . it does sound like she's in contempt. As bad as it sounds bro have her locked up for a few days . trust me if it was the other way around she would lock you up. She has shown the way she plans to act , so stop being the nice guy it doesn't work unless both sides are rational. good luck. at least you know where your kids are.

She may be guilty of kidnapping if you have sole conservatory rights. She is a non- custodial parent with a court order showing the police that you are the custodial parent you should be able to get them back . it does sound like she's in contempt. As bad as it sounds bro have her locked up for a few days . trust me if it was the other way around she would lock you up. She has shown the way she plans to act , so stop being the nice guy it doesn't work unless both sides are rational. good luck. at least you know where your kids are.

Well, that's what I thought too, but I am still waiting to find out exactly what his most recent court order says. And it is not technically "kidnapping". It is violating a custodial order. In other states it is known as interference with custody.

Ok, There was a 50/50 order before I took her back to court. After we went to court I was given primary care joint custody. Which in turn voided the old order and visitation schedule. Now there is no visitation order but I still allowed her to have 2 weekend visits. The second visit she just decided that she was not going to return the kids to me. With no court ordered visitation the police will not help me. Although I have primary joint custody it seems that all that means right now is that I decide what school they go to or doctor they go to. :confused:

Ok, There was a 50/50 order before I took her back to court. After we went to court I was given primary care joint custody. Which in turn voided the old order and visitation schedule. Now there is no visitation order but I still allowed her to have 2 weekend visits. The second visit she just decided that she was not going to return the kids to me. With no court ordered visitation the police will not help me. Although I have primary joint custody it seems that all that means right now is that I decide what school they go to or doctor they go to. http://www.laborlawtalk.com/images/smilies/confused.gif
No, it means that you have primary physical custody. If there is no visitation order, she has no visitation rights. The visitation order has no bearing on whether or not you are the primary custodial parent. The joint legal custody means that she has an equal say in decisions affecting the children (school, medical, legal, etc.) So, take your court order to the prosceutor so that he may issue an order for the authorities to return your children. Short of that, you will have to file for contempt in court. I would also suggest you get a visitation order set in place so that this cannot happen in the future without you having immediate recourse. She cannot legally keep the kids.

You mean like go to the county prosceutor's office?

I did not have a lawyer and the judge was very helpful when I went in front of him and the court secretary told me what verbage was needed to file the motion correctly.

I live in Iowa as well, and am here to tell you that at least where I am, they don't play around. If you take your custody agreement to the county attorney and explain the situation, they will be on top of it. Linn County has a county attorney the same as Scott. That is where you need to go. There may not be a visitation agreement in place, but joint custody doesn't mean she takes the kids for a weekend visit, and never returns them. The county attorney should be able to tell you exactly which route you should go, as far as what to file, to get your kids back if they can't do it right then and there. I would suggest you file to establish a visitation scheduled immediately!!!!! Good luck!!!

I live in Iowa as well, and am here to tell you that at least where I am, they don't play around. If you take your custody agreement to the county attorney and explain the situation, they will be on top of it. Linn County has a county attorney the same as Scott. That is where you need to go. There may not be a visitation agreement in place, but joint custody doesn't mean she takes the kids for a weekend visit, and never returns them. The county attorney should be able to tell you exactly which route you should go, as far as what to file, to get your kids back if they can't do it right then and there. I would suggest you file to establish a visitation scheduled immediately!!!!! Good luck!!!
Thanx, Shopgirl. I was just telling him what the statutes listed as recourse in this situation. It's great that you know from experience to tell him exactly what to do.

The visitation schedule is a crucial piece of the puzzle. I have had it where my ex left my child in the care of his mother for a day and never came home from work on a couple occasions. My son (who was 5 at the time) was supposed to be dropped off at 7PM Monday and did not arrive home until 10PM. I was calling everyone trying to find out where my child was, just short of calling the cops or driving 40 miles to get him. I went to court (pro se) and had the visitation schedule changed - so don't think it can't be done on your own. Also, judges do not look favorably on parents that are not abiding by the "rules".

On the flip side though - you could be the NCP where the CP drops the kids off for days on end and picks them up when they decide to. Or when you go to drop them off the CP isn't home when they say they are. My boyfriend is currently dealing with this scenario. He is currently getting the visitation schedule amended because his ex is not abiding with the original one. So whether CP or NCP each has its good apples and bad ones.

FYI, child support and custody/visitation are two seperate issues. The CSE will not set a visitation schedule. He knows this, as he already has a court order dictating custody.
I feel so privy to be a part of a forum that has proofreaders. I certainly do appreciate your assistance but perhaps you should forward this info to the OP as this more relavent to him and I already know the breakdown of the CS companies. But thanks all the same

I feel so privy to be a part of a forum that has proofreaders. I certainly do appreciate your assistance but perhaps you should forward this info to the OP as this more relavent to him and I already know the breakdown of the CS companies. But thanks all the same
Well, then proof read your post before you submit it. Someone else may NOT know and think that your misinformation is correct.

Well, I have contacted the Linn Co atty. and they tell me there is nothing they will do for me either. Why do I have a feeling that there is a gender bias reason for my denial of assistance? I have seen time and time again where they will through a man in jail for the very same thing they are letting my ex get away with right now.

Do you have an attorney? Have you contacted him? If you don't have one, you had better get one immediately. I am truly at a loss. I can't believe that no one will do anything. I would think that an attorney could file something. Contempt charges, SOMETHING. There is a way to get your children back, it just needs to be found. That really surprises me. Iowa is very tough on child related cases. Again, contact an attorney immediately. If you don't have one, there are tons of lawyer referral services, someone should be willing to do a consulation for free. Keep us informed as I am curious now!!! Good Luck!!

If nobody is willing to help you, there has to be something else going on OR your custody order is not as you stated. I would contact your atty to get a very clear picture of what EXACTLY your revised order states (it was confusing to me) and go from there. If you do retain custody, and the authorities will not get involved, the only other thing you can do is file for contempt in court.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago where noone would help me.. I'd lost my job and my mother volunteered to keep my 8 month old daughter for a period of a few weeks while I got back on my feet. When I tried to take my daughter home 3 weeks later, my stepfather physically removed me from their home at which time I called the police who refused to let me take my daughter home. Granted, I didn't have any custody papers as I'd never been to court (I figured being the biological mother entitled me to custody above anyone else) to make it "legal". I spent a number of days sitting in the lobby of the local sheriff's office and calling various agencies to assist me before I finally got my daughter back.

What doesn't make sense about the OP's situation is; if he has papers stating that he has physical custody of the children - why won't anyone help him get his kids back? Have you been to the magistrate's office to see if you can file charges against the mother for kidnapping, or at the very least interfering with custody? Is there any "shady" way you can go about getting the kids back? Watch her house and scoop them out of the yard as they play, etc? This shouldn't be illegal considering you have custody, right?