I am on bedrest because I am pregnant and got hurt at work 4 weeks ago. My ex has his visistation coming up and wants me still to meet him half way even though I am not supposed to drive. He said I am interfering with his visitation. I said I am not you can come and pick them up but he has to drive the whole way. I had car problems about 4 months ago and my car was in the shop getting worked on which is the only other time I could not meet him for his visitation. He brought this up saying that I am refusing to stand by the visitation agreement. The thing is I got married recently and he says it is now my new husbands responsibility to drive them and I said that unless he wants to let my new husband adopt the kids it is actually his and my responsibility to uphold the visitation order. Do I need to go to court to ask the judge for a temporary order until I get off bedrest? Or is it my new husbands responsibilty to drive the kids?

Does the visitation decision state that the travel will be split?

Well, even if it doesn't, it is not unreasonable to ask your new husband to drive the kids.

Oh, and I wouldn't withhold reasonable visitation as a way of blackmailing your ex into letting your new husband adopt the kids. That could be in violation of the court's order.

You cannot use your EX's court ordered visitation (or lack thereof) as a tool to get him to do what you want. Even if he hasn't paid CS in a year, he still gets to see the kids until a judge says no.

Finally, in most jurisdictions, you and your new hubby would have to be married a year before adoption could be considered.

I am not withholding visitation. I told my exhusband that technically it is not my new husbands responsibility to meet him half way because I can't. And that the only way my new husband would be responsible is if he adopted the kids. All I want to know is will a judge feel that it is my new husbands duty to meet my ex half way because I cant. The Visitation does state I meet him half way.

If the visitation says meet him half way, your husband should meet him half way.

To do anything else would seem to be denying visitation.

And to say you would have your husband drive halfway only if your ex gives up his parental rights doesn't make sense.

If I was your ex, why would I think it is a good deal to give up my rights to my kids so that you would do what the court has told you to do already? I give up my rights to my kids so that I can see them?

Nope, doesn't work. It would also be a poor excuse to tell a judge that you are pregnant but haven't planned on getting your kids with your ex to your ex for their scheduled visitation. I would imagine that a judge would see that you are using your pregnancy as an excuse to stop the visitation.

Besides, why take a chance on hacking off your ex if you need his signature to adopt?

my daughter was in the exact situation last Dec. after consulting her attorney . Found it was not in violation of family access.Her ex also requested someone else(new hubby or us,(grandparents) drive kids. It is not our responsiblity. The court states that under emergency situations the ncp should pick up and return children. You could possibily offer to travel both ways another time. After her ex stomped his feet her got over it. He said he would never travel all the way .(they live 700 miles apart) He has yet to travel to visit the children and they have lived here( texas) for over three years. You are not violating any order. He cannot put your health in danger.

my daughter was in the exact situation last Dec. after consulting her attorney . Found it was not in violation of family access.Her ex also requested someone else(new hubby or us,(grandparents) drive kids. It is not our responsiblity. The court states that under emergency situations the ncp should pick up and return children. You could possibily offer to travel both ways another time. After her ex stomped his feet her got over it. He said he would never travel all the way .(they live 700 miles apart) He has yet to travel to visit the children and they have lived here( texas) for over three years. You are not violating any order. He cannot put your health in danger.

Wait... your daughter was in the same situation last Dec, you went to court, got a judgement that says you can use illness as a legal excuse to impede visitation when there is an easily acquired solution, told the ex, he got mad, said he said he wouldn't drive, and hasn't seen the kids in 3 years.

I haven't lived in Texas in a while, but how can events from 7 months ago cause a 3 year absence of a father?

I am not withholding visitation. I told my exhusband that technically it is not my new husbands responsibility to meet him half way because I can't. And that the only way my new husband would be responsible is if he adopted the kids. All I want to know is will a judge feel that it is my new husbands duty to meet my ex half way because I cant. The Visitation does state I meet him half way.
Okay, technically you are correct. Now, let's all act like grown ups and stop hoarding our toys. Just have your husband (or if he can't bring himself to be civil to your ex, a friend or SOMEBODY) take your place in meeting with your ex. This is NOT worth a court battle.

Wait... your daughter was in the same situation last Dec, you went to court, got a judgement that says you can use illness as a legal excuse to impede visitation when there is an easily acquired solution, told the ex, he got mad, said he said he wouldn't drive, and hasn't seen the kids in 3 years.

I haven't lived in Texas in a while, but how can events from 7 months ago cause a 3 year absence of a father?
No, the father has seen the kids in the three years her daughter has lived in TX. The kids went to Missouri. He never came down here to see the kids. But, since she cannot physically take them to Missouri, the father has not made any effort to come here to see the kids. She had another thread with the backstory.

Okay, technically you are correct. Now, let's all act like grown ups and stop hoarding our toys. Just have your husband (or if he can't bring himself to be civil to your ex, a friend or SOMEBODY) take your place in meeting with your ex. This is NOT worth a court battle.

I would hazard that if we took this in front of a judge, that the term "reasonable accomodation" would be thrown around a lot.

Besides, I am sure I wouldn't want to be the judge that said, "if you are sick, you don't have to abide by court ordered visitation protocol." You just KNOW someone will abuse it... and will have a cold every time they are supposed to drive the kids to the ex.

I am not a judge, and I am not saying that anyone on this thread that says they are sick are faking the severity of their illness. I am just saying that once that door is open, it opens big.

I am a step mom. I feel as though it is my responsibility to help my husband meet his obligations. You keep saying that it is not your new husband's responsibility. When he married you, you had kids from a previous relationship. If the kids were sick and needed to go to the doctor, how would you feel if your husband said that it was not his responsibility to take them?

It really sounds like you are trying to make this harder on your ex. What if he drives all the way to get the kids, but when it is time to return them, he is sick and unable to? Since you are unable to drive, whose responsibility will it be then?

I just wanted to know if Legally I have to have someone else bring my kids half way. All the other circumstances do not matter.

Then I vote yes.

Unless there is a compelling reason why your husband wouldn't or shouldn't be driving the children, I would send him to meet your ex.

I agree with Cyjeff. It goes both ways. Turn this around and ask yourself if you would be so accepting if he wouldn't allow the children to come back if your husband went to pick them up in your place. Of course not. Legally, he would have to allow them to go with your husband to be returned home. Same situation, just reversed.

boy did i open a can of worms. since my daughter was due with her child at the same time as visitation was scheduled. , her husband did not want to leave her. it was a high risk pregnancy. On many occasions she and her husband drove the children all the way to missouri and also picked them up, because her ex and his new wife had "prior commitments" ???. as for "hoarding her toys" that simply is not the case. the ncp has been asked repeatedly to come and be a part of the childrens lives here and he refuses. The move from missouri to texas was his idea in the first place. he told my daughter it would be better for her and the children to leave the town where he and his new wife lived because his new spouse was "uncomfortable" with two Mrs. w----'s living in the same town. also the oldest child(girl 17 ) wanted to be in the room when her new brother was born. It was a special time and she wanted to be there. the ncp was offered a rescheduled time and he refused. If this post upsets so many of you......oh well.

boy did i open a can of worms. since my daughter was due with her child at the same time as visitation was scheduled. , her husband did not want to leave her. it was a high risk pregnancy. On many occasions she and her husband drove the children all the way to missouri and also picked them up, because her ex and his new wife had "prior commitments" ???. as for "hoarding her toys" that simply is not the case. the ncp has been asked repeatedly to come and be a part of the childrens lives here and he refuses. The move from missouri to texas was his idea in the first place. he told my daughter it would be better for her and the children to leave the town where he and his new wife lived because his new spouse was "uncomfortable" with two Mrs. w----'s living in the same town. also the oldest child(girl 17 ) wanted to be in the room when her new brother was born. It was a special time and she wanted to be there. the ncp was offered a rescheduled time and he refused. If this post upsets so many of you......oh well.

Okay, you win.

Your situation is so unique that nothing we have said applies. Happy?

Just remember that your daughter's attorney does not dictate the visitation parameters. A judge does. Just because an attorney says something will happen doesn't mean that he is right or that it will happen.

It's funny but as a stepparent do you also feel it is your obligation to pay child support if your spouse is not? I mean where does the line get drawn. As parents we each have an obligation to our kids and some of us exceed those expectations on a regular basis others do not. My ex has not met any of his and I continue to cater to his needs so the kids can see him and have a relationship with him and his family. I am unable to drive because Of an injury I think that my ex should stop being so selfish and help me out for once.

So, I guess you didn't think my question to you was worth considering. Here is a thread that turns it around, and my response. Just THINK about it. How pissed would you be if the father refused to allow the children to come home because you were not there, IN PERSON, to pick the kids up? That is your answer for YOUR side of this situation. If you think that you would be fine with him keeping your kids, then go ahead and refuse to abide by the court order.
www.laborlawtalk.com/showthread.php?t=154160 (http://www.laborlawtalk.com/showthread.php?t=154160)

So, when did your withholding visitation (and you seem quite pleased that you may have found a way to do so) become akin to a spouse picking up the slack by paying or helping pay a legal financial obligation? I mean, if your ex was not paying his support, you wouldn't be a bit miffed that his new spouse wouldn't help out? I think you do whatever you can to get little digs in at the father because as you said, he constantly skates by.

Is a little inconvenience for you husband (not you, because you won't be going anywhere) really too much to bear compared to attempting to destroy the children's relationship with their father? I mean, I feel your frustration with the father, I really do. But, your kids have a right to have the best relationship with their father as can be. YOUR responsibility is to do whatever you can to foster that relationship, not just when it is convenient, but even when you want to bash him over the head and drop him into a river. To do this right now, you need a little help from your husband or a friend. Yes, in an ideal world, your ex would support, accomodate and help you. Of course, if he did that, you would probably still be married. Hmmmm.....

boy did i open a can of worms. since my daughter was due with her child at the same time as visitation was scheduled. , her husband did not want to leave her. it was a high risk pregnancy. On many occasions she and her husband drove the children all the way to missouri and also picked them up, because her ex and his new wife had "prior commitments" ???. as for "hoarding her toys" that simply is not the case. the ncp has been asked repeatedly to come and be a part of the childrens lives here and he refuses. The move from missouri to texas was his idea in the first place. he told my daughter it would be better for her and the children to leave the town where he and his new wife lived because his new spouse was "uncomfortable" with two Mrs. w----'s living in the same town. also the oldest child(girl 17 ) wanted to be in the room when her new brother was born. It was a special time and she wanted to be there. the ncp was offered a rescheduled time and he refused. If this post upsets so many of you......oh well.
I was not referring to you when I responded to this thread. I know your daughter's situation from your threads. Please stop interjecting your story onto this other poster's. It gets confusing.

It's funny but as a stepparent do you also feel it is your obligation to pay child support if your spouse is not? I mean where does the line get drawn. As parents we each have an obligation to our kids and some of us exceed those expectations on a regular basis others do not. My ex has not met any of his and I continue to cater to his needs so the kids can see him and have a relationship with him and his family. I am unable to drive because Of an injury I think that my ex should stop being so selfish and help me out for once.

This is gonna get me some heat, but... you are pregnant. Unlike most other diseases, you knowingly contracted it. Now true, the bed rest adds to your woes, but you had to have some idea that the pregnancy was going to effect your ability to drive at some point.

The fact that you didn't plan for what would happen when this very foreseeable circumstance came along is tempering my ability to "feel your pain". Especially if you have had difficult births before. Basically, you are pregnant and didn't plan and now want the whole world to change to accomodate you.

I agree with Mommyof4... if his new wife was having a baby and he asked you to bring the kids to him because he didn't want to leave her, would you?

Don't get me wrong... I got a couple of kids and know that when Mommy's happy everyone's happy.... but the court isn't me and isn't known for emotion.

I guess that the point that I am not hurt because I am pregnant is not getting through . I got hurt at work and because I am pregnant it is a longer injury because of rehab. The other thing is is that i am giving the ex notice not waiting until he is supposed to meet me at the location to let him know I wont be there. As parents ( not friends or new spouses)we are both supposed to foster a healthy relationship for our kids , at this point I am the only one making a consistent effort in that department. I am only asking that he drives one-2 visits. But I guess that would be way too much to ask the poor father as he will not be coming to collect his kids and foster that healthy relationship himself because the expense of driving to see them overpowers the idea that his kids would like to see him. If the roles were reversed I would never of moved out of state to be with another woman instead of my kids and I would see them( both ways if need be) every other weekend because it is not that long of a drive. The dad seems to always be the victim give me a break. And his new wife is not expected to pay for him it is not her job just because she married him.

I guess that the point that I am not hurt because I am pregnant is not getting through . I got hurt at work and because I am pregnant it is a longer injury because of rehab. The other thing is is that i am giving the ex notice not waiting until he is supposed to meet me at the location to let him know I wont be there. As parents ( not friends or new spouses)we are both supposed to foster a healthy relationship for our kids , at this point I am the only one making a consistent effort in that department. I am only asking that he drives one-2 visits. But I guess that would be way too much to ask the poor father as he will not be coming to collect his kids and foster that healthy relationship himself because the expense of driving to see them overpowers the idea that his kids would like to see him. If the roles were reversed I would never of moved out of state to be with another woman instead of my kids and I would see them( both ways if need be) every other weekend because it is not that long of a drive. The dad seems to always be the victim give me a break. And his new wife is not expected to pay for him it is not her job just because she married him.
Okay, back to kindergarten rules (since you seem to be missing the entire point). Just because HE is not doing what he should be doing does not give you a pass to act the same. You worry about you. I am not saying that it is fair. I am saying that if there is a reasonable accomodation, you are required, as long as the court order is in effect, to take advantage of it. Yep, it sucks. Nobody said it didn't. That doesn't change what you have to do. Now, if you can get into court for modification of the court order before the date of visitation and get a court to specify that he has to come get the kids, great. More power to you and I wouldn't think one thing about it. But what are the odds of that happening?

Just a question...did he move out of state before or after the court order went into effect? If it was after, you should have filed to have travel arrangements modified then.

I guess that the point that I am not hurt because I am pregnant is not getting through . I got hurt at work and because I am pregnant it is a longer injury because of rehab. The other thing is is that i am giving the ex notice not waiting until he is supposed to meet me at the location to let him know I wont be there. As parents ( not friends or new spouses)we are both supposed to foster a healthy relationship for our kids , at this point I am the only one making a consistent effort in that department. I am only asking that he drives one-2 visits. But I guess that would be way too much to ask the poor father as he will not be coming to collect his kids and foster that healthy relationship himself because the expense of driving to see them overpowers the idea that his kids would like to see him. If the roles were reversed I would never of moved out of state to be with another woman instead of my kids and I would see them( both ways if need be) every other weekend because it is not that long of a drive. The dad seems to always be the victim give me a break. And his new wife is not expected to pay for him it is not her job just because she married him.

Bottom line is, the court has ORDERED you to meet him for the exchange. It does NOT say, you have to meet him UNLESS you are hurt, ill or otherwise engaged. No, it's NOT your husband's responsibility to do this. It is YOUR responsibility to do whatever is necessary to comply with the COURT ORDER. If that means asking your husband to do it or a friend or another relative or putting the kids on a plane and flying them to the meeting point, that is what needs to be done.

You're right, his WIFE is not responsible for paying his child support. But, if he could not pay on his own for some reason, as his WIFE, I'd be willing to bet that she WOULD pay if she could afford it rather then see him end up in court or even in jail for violating the court order.

No one EXPECTS your husband or his wife to do a damn thing, just because they are married to you and your ex. You and your ex ARE expected to make sure that the court order is followed, even if it means asking a 3rd party for help.

I feel like a drama queen at this point and apologize that I have been so fired up but I have one last piece to ask .We originally agreed that his week for visitation would be July 21-28 and in our DD it stated that he give me dates by May which he did and then when his visitation came he never called to confirm because he was in a mental health facility.So he called last week about having them for his week vacation even though the time came and went. After reading this last post I called about flying the kids to see him with the intent he at least pay half and he said he couldn't so I finally arranged my new husband yesterday to agree to drive them on Friday but he would have to pick them up next Sat. instead of Friday because of work. So my ex tells me that in our DD it states it is a 7 day visitation not 8 days and we would have to pick them up next Fri. Not Sat So I told my ex that there is nothing else I can do to accomidate his visitation as he is unwilling to compromise at all.

Here, I agree with you 100%.

You tried to accomodate him... even when you didn't have to and he decided to get all pissy.

You tried to go more than halfway and he refused to come the rest.