My ex-husband and I are both in the military. Well, I will deploying for 4 months and while I'm away he wants to have our children come live with him. We have joint legal custody and I have sole physical custody. My children do not want to change schools and leave their friends as this would happen because my ex lives three hours away. I have already arranged for my parents to come up and care for my kids while I'm away. My question is do I have to by law give my ex the kids while I'm gone. With him being in the military as well he can be deployed at anytime and I would like things to be stable for our kids without having to worry about that.

If he does take them he also said I have to give him all of the child support for the time that I'm away. I don't believe this to be true. I really don't want to get the courts involved so I'm seeking advice from anyone who would like to give it.

My ex-husband and I are both in the military. Well, I will deploying for 4 months and while I'm away he wants to have our children come live with him. We have joint legal custody and I have sole physical custody. My children do not want to change schools and leave their friends as this would happen because my ex lives three hours away. I have already arranged for my parents to come up and care for my kids while I'm away. My question is do I have to by law give my ex the kids while I'm gone. With him being in the military as well he can be deployed at anytime and I would like things to be stable for our kids without having to worry about that.

If he does take them he also said I have to give him all of the child support for the time that I'm away. I don't believe this to be true. I really don't want to get the courts involved so I'm seeking advice from anyone who would like to give it.
Since you have joint legal custody Dad will have the legal right to have kids at ANYTIME that you are unable to care for them. In order to have your parents' take them you'll need to file a petition for a Temp. custody change. Although Dad is also military and MAY be deployed, he still has the legal right to have kids up to his definate deployment.

If you are going to be away for a period of 4 months, why would you not want your children to be with their FATHER?

Consider if the circumstances were different and he had custody and he was going TDY. Would you be uneasy if he attempted to deny you the time with your kids? OF COURSE YOU WOULD BE.

As for the grands, gotta love the grands (grandparents). I feel pretty safe in saying that they are not coming out there to sit with the kids and watch the house for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Even if its for the sake of having a change of scenery for a short period. In some way they will benefit.

If the underlying issue is having to pay him or give up child support payments for a very short time, then shame on you. This is wrong. I am not just concluding that this is of any significance in your position, but you did mention it. LET THE MAN HAVE HIS KIDS. IM SURE IT WILL DO THE KIDS, YOU, AND OF COURSE HIM A WORLD OF GOOD. IF NOT IMMEDIATELY OBVIOUS, OVER TIME YOU WILL SEE.

You also mentioned that the kids dont want to leave friends. This is quite understandable and typical of most kids. Key word being KIDS. I assure you that no sooner than your flight leaves your exes home town, your kids will be well on their way to making a whole new group of friends. DONT USE YOUR KIDS TO CAMOUFLAGE UNDERLYING ISSUES OR MOTIVES THAT YOU MAY HAVE. After all they are just kids. Sometimes parents have to be parents and do what is BEST for the KIDS even if the results are not immediate.

Good Luck On Your TDY and Be Safe

Since you have joint legal custody Dad will have the legal right to have kids at ANYTIME that you are unable to care for them. In order to have your parents' take them you'll need to file a petition for a Temp. custody change. Although Dad is also military and MAY be deployed, he still has the legal right to have kids up to his definate deployment.


I would agree normally with this- but I think with mom having sole physical custody, and dad living that distance away, and the fact that the children would have to change schools to go to dad's and then change schools to go back to mom- I think it is likely for a judge to award mom's request.

If the father has joint legal custody, and he has not recieved orders to deploy, the children will go to him. The only way the kids could stay with the gp is if the father gave his consent to allow them to stay or if Mom had sole physical and sole legal custody AND her guardianship papers (which all military personel are required to have prepared when they have children, whether the parents are married or not) designating her parents as the legal guardians for the duration of her TDY. (My sister was a paralegal in the military and is divorced with a son. Most of her time was spent preparing the wills and guardianship papers for other servicemembers.)

The kids go to the dad unless he decides differently, in this case.