Hi,

I'm a mom of a seven year old. My "ex" and I were never married. We lived together to share resources, and it just never worked out.

I have filed my own custody papers, here in Oregon. He is moving here from California to be closer to his daughter. All fine and well, except I've had over an years peace from this man. Let me explain.

We are both come from California. A year ago he gave me permssion to bring our daughter to Oregon with my new husband. My new husband supports two children and myself. Neither children are his, both are mine.

My ex and I have never had a custody order. Having him moving so close by I've decided I need one. The man is on SSI, and was born with a neruolgoical disorder that really affects his day to day life. HIs own family doesn't see him as competent, and I'll tell ya, after living with him, I know he's not. He's never been completely independent, SSI pays for a housekeepr for him now! He's on HUD Section 8 housing.

One of the reasons I could not live with him is because he assaulted my (now) 15 year old son over and over again. When the boy was 8, 9, and 10 years old. One time he knocked the kid to the ground, pinned him under a knee and slapped him so hard that he left a hand print. I called the police who informed me he was whtin his parental rights. which I just considered BULL! That is just a start. My son has since been diagnosed bi polar, and it is under control, but I used to tell this ex, that my son had something wrong and to go easy on him, he always said I was wrong and was determined to have the boy "grow up to not be like him" My son was called names, belitttled, hit, etc. I just hate this guy at this point. his disablity, I'm afraid in the long run will cause him to treat our daughter the same, in that once she is old enough to express herself in a disrespectful manner (as all children will do) he's gonna fly off the handle!

I caught the man snorting his ritalin in 2002, and threw him out. He got himslef 5150'd immediately (he said so he'd have a place to stay). He's put me and my kids through hell.... after that incident, he black mailed me to get back into the house..... I was so ashamed and afraid, (he threated to tell the system that I took money under the table from side jobs, I was supporting three children!), that let him back in, but the relastionship wasn't a relationship anymore.... my trust had been broken and I wanted out.

He also stole 2 child support checks (from my ex husband), cashed them wihtout my signature, and blew them on TOYS for the kids. I shut down that bank account, and started having the checks sent to a p.o. box....

So, I've been free of him... and had a peaceful life, and want it to stay that way. I've filed for 100% physical and legal giving him visitation 2 hours daily on week days, and every other weekend. He's fighting for 50% physical and legal.

I'm looking for any advice at all, a cheap attorney, or one I can trade work for services? (I'm a computer tech, can do websites, graphic arts, research, etc.).

Thanks, Peggy
pegrowe62@gmail.com

P.S. naturally this is my side, and he'd claim I'm a total 100% liar! LOL

Hi,

I'm a mom of a seven year old. My "ex" and I were never married. We lived together to share resources, and it just never worked out.

I have filed my own custody papers, here in Oregon. He is moving here from California to be closer to his daughter. All fine and well, except I've had over an years peace from this man. Let me explain.

We are both come from California. A year ago he gave me permssion to bring our daughter to Oregon with my new husband. My new husband supports two children and myself. Neither children are his, both are mine.

My ex and I have never had a custody order. Having him moving so close by I've decided I need one. The man is on SSI, and was born with a neruolgoical disorder that really affects his day to day life. HIs own family doesn't see him as competent, and I'll tell ya, after living with him, I know he's not. He's never been completely independent, SSI pays for a housekeepr for him now! He's on HUD Section 8 housing.

One of the reasons I could not live with him is because he assaulted my (now) 15 year old son over and over again. When the boy was 8, 9, and 10 years old. One time he knocked the kid to the ground, pinned him under a knee and slapped him so hard that he left a hand print. I called the police who informed me he was whtin his parental rights. which I just considered BULL! That is just a start. My son has since been diagnosed bi polar, and it is under control, but I used to tell this ex, that my son had something wrong and to go easy on him, he always said I was wrong and was determined to have the boy "grow up to not be like him" My son was called names, belitttled, hit, etc. I just hate this guy at this point. his disablity, I'm afraid in the long run will cause him to treat our daughter the same, in that once she is old enough to express herself in a disrespectful manner (as all children will do) he's gonna fly off the handle!

I caught the man snorting his ritalin in 2002, and threw him out. He got himslef 5150'd immediately (he said so he'd have a place to stay). He's put me and my kids through hell.... after that incident, he black mailed me to get back into the house..... I was so ashamed and afraid, (he threated to tell the system that I took money under the table from side jobs, I was supporting three children!), that let him back in, but the relastionship wasn't a relationship anymore.... my trust had been broken and I wanted out.

He also stole 2 child support checks (from my ex husband), cashed them wihtout my signature, and blew them on TOYS for the kids. I shut down that bank account, and started having the checks sent to a p.o. box....

So, I've been free of him... and had a peaceful life, and want it to stay that way. I've filed for 100% physical and legal giving him visitation 2 hours daily on week days, and every other weekend. He's fighting for 50% physical and legal.

I'm looking for any advice at all, a cheap attorney, or one I can trade work for services? (I'm a computer tech, can do websites, graphic arts, research, etc.).

Thanks, Peggy
pegrowe62@gmail.com

P.S. naturally this is my side, and he'd claim I'm a total 100% liar! LOL
I can only offer two pieces of advice:

1. Try calling your local Bar Association to see if they have a list of attorney's doing pro-bono cases or ones who will take a case with lower fees.

2. Unless you can PROVE in court that Dad is an actual DANGER to his child, be prepared for the court to order more visiation than what you are hoping for. Most of the things you've listed are not going to be relevant at all. The only thing that MIGHT be is the alleged abuse of your eldest child, and then only if you have proof such as police reports, medical reports, etc. Be sure to ask for SUPERVISED visits though.

If most of it is not relevant then how in the world am I going to get supervised visits? He has a form of Autism, and must take medications to keep himself even half way sane...

As for proof, I have some doctor's reports, some letters he wrote to people telling of his conditions and behaviors, and emails where I tell people he's gotten out of the hosptial, in the case of the ritalin snorting, I took pictures of his straws and little white lines....

Him being on the ritalin, was living with someone who was abusing any other type of street drug. He put us all, including his daughter through hell, and he's never shown any remorse (and he may not be able to)...

Our legal system really frustrates me.... it's all relavant... to me.
thanks, Peg

If most of it is not relevant then how in the world am I going to get supervised visits? He has a form of Autism, and must take medications to keep himself even half way sane...

As for proof, I have some doctor's reports, some letters he wrote to people telling of his conditions and behaviors, and emails where I tell people he's gotten out of the hosptial, in the case of the ritalin snorting, I took pictures of his straws and little white lines....

Him being on the ritalin, was living with someone who was abusing any other type of street drug. He put us all, including his daughter through hell, and he's never shown any remorse (and he may not be able to)...

Our legal system really frustrates me.... it's all relavant... to me.
thanks, Peg
I don't mean to be condescending, but the fact is that you chose him to be the father of your child. You knew what kind of person he was beforehand. You can't decide that he is good enough to concieve a child with, but not good enough to be a parent. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying he is the epitomy of great fatherhood. I am saying that a court is going to look at this and see that it is not a new development. He was autistic before you had a child. You moved out and CHOSE to move back in. You allowed him to continue to hurt your son. (The first time he hurt your son, you should have been leaving a trail of dust). It is an upsetting story, but nothing that will be relevant in the legal system. He has a right to have a relationship with his child. He may get supervised visitation, but it will not last forever.

No, the autistic diagnosis came after the baby was born, and I cried and cried, cause I knew at that point that the problems we were having were not fixable...

no, I was not told, or given any warning... I knew things were different, when I took a child psychology class I came home and told him he had Autistic behaviors, that was our first clue.... that was before the baby was born.

After the baby was born, after his father died, this man just lost it.. He became compulsive, and implusive, and became violent. I think things got overwhelming for him. It was after this that the started really assaulting my son, and abusing his drugs, and showed that he had a porn addiction. No, when I had the baby, I thought I had a nice guy....

Sorry, but it doesn't always work the way the text books say they do. LOL
Thanks anyways.. Peg

Okay, let me try again. Whether you knew what the actual diagnosis was or not, you just clearly stated that you knew something was not right ("I knew something was different".... "that was before the baby was born"). And it doesn't matter what blue devil was riding his shoulder, you still stayed and ALLOWED him to hurt your older child. Good luck. I don't think you will get what you want, but stranger things have happened.

You know.. hope springs eternal in this household..

He let me have her for a year, making 100% legal and physical desicions... he's not been here. So, I believe, I hope I have a presedence here..

And I am hearing over and over again, that Oregon is a "mommy" state.. which actually sounds pretty derogatory the way it's stated most the time.

I've gotten the "status quo" order signed... it says that things can not change until the final order is in place.. and you know, if I loose okay, at least I have done my best at each step of the way...

Believe me I had NO clue, he was gonna turn out the way he did... You sound like an attorney to me... and not a very supporitve one at that.. and therefore, I shall look elsewehere for the assistance I need. thanks..