i have two children ( 7, 10) Their bio father has never met my youngest and hasn't seen my son since he just turned three. He has paid his support the last year. He has a long history of drug use. He married last month and now after all these years wasnt visitatin. We had our hearing yesterday. I thought my attorney was working for me, but I guess not. We could not agree on a place for the supervised visits. I wanted them at our county "Parenting Place" He refused. His new Mother in law works for Children Services. She attended in support of her daughter and son in law. They wanted the visits at her house with her as the "supervisor". I told my attorney no, and she told me that is I didn't agree that they would let it happen anyway if we let the jusge decide. I feel that it should be in a mutual place, with a mutual party as "supervisor". I suggested the local childrens park, city mall etc...But my attorney told me that they would get their way and it would look better if I just agreed to it, since they were refusing all the locations I suggested.
This is only a temporary order, and I will continue to fight this. My biggest problem is that neither one of my children want anything to do with him. I know they can't speak for themselves, they are"to young". But they truely don't want to see him at all. My son remembers some things about him. My daughter has never net him.
I just want to know if his Mother in law being the "supervisor" is a conflict of interest. It doesn't seem fair to my children.

well the idea of this type of supervision is so the kids can get to know dad and feel comfortable with him- doesn't make much sense to me for them to be supervised by another complete stranger as well....could your mom do it? or are you in control of yourself enough to do it yourself for say, the first 3 or 4 than hand it over to new mil- once the kids are a bit more reacquainted?

I would think that if your exMIL works for the same county as the custody hearing is being held in, it could be a conflict of interest. I would also think that she would not want the visitation at the children's center because then her coworkers would know what a loser her son is.

I would try to exclude her from future hearings but your attorney must request this seperate from and prior to any other future hearings. Otherwise, the judge or magistrate would have to set another hearing for that issue and reschedule the hearing you are at, for a future date after the hearing to exclude. (if that made any sense)

I would, if the supervision is going to have to be by the exMIL, (which, if you allow, would show the court that you are willing to cooperate which is very important when the court decides how much visitation he will get) then it should not be in her home at least for the first couple of times, and you should be allowed to attend the first few visitations until the children were comfortable. If you go to court and allow yourself to become hysterically distraught, the judge may not listen to anything you have to say, and would not likely grant the request that you be allowed to attend the first few visitations.

I would also request random drug screenings for their father as well as a home study to be conducted for the father's home, including background checks for whoever lives with the father.

I would also request psychological evaluation as well as a drug and alcohol assessment.

I wish good luck to you and hope that your children will be okay.

It's not my Ex Mother in Law. It's his wife's mother. He and I were never married(thank God). My attorney I think just threw me to the wolves. When we went for our hearing, we never made it front of the judge. It was during the mediatin that she said I f I cound't come up with a better meeting place then the judge would give them what they want. I suggested my mother's and without even going to the "other side" she said, no, they will say that is a hostile environment for the father. My feelings are that his MIL's house is a hostile environment for my children and I. His wife truly believes that I have always kept him away. He hasn't tried in the last 7 years to see either child. But her family thinks I am a huge B**CH for keeping him away. I can image what they have to say around my kids about me when my son askes why he wants to see them after all these years. He's been asking me and I don't have an answer for him.
I had advise from a friend to file for misrepresentation on my attorney and then we would have to set up the temp order again. Is this right?

Just an added note. I am fighting this so much because Neither of my children want anything to do with him. My son has agreed to meet him. I think just to ease his curiosity, but doesn't want to pursue a relationship with him.
I talked to my ex two weeks ago about the kids feelings and he said so, I can force them to. It's not up to them. Which REALLY sucks that it's not. Why force something on them if they are totally against it?

If the kids were in high school, like over age 14, they might have a choice but at their ages, since the man seems to ahve reformed and married, the court is going to give him a chance. I suggest that you document everything and also be a "perfect parent" because I would not be surprised if he tried to go for custody at some point to avoid paying support to you for the children. You are a single parent it sounds like and he would have a husband-wife structure. I suggest that you be very careful. Also, may not be a bad time to get transferred to another state or get a better job in the near future.

Update:
When we had our first "visit" from the MIL at our house yesterday, the kids did talk to her. At one point, while being questioned on who helps him with his woodworking projects for 4-H my son began to stammer. I interjected with "his dad does". I am not married, but engaged. Their "step-dad" is who they call dad. We have been living together for 5 years. My son told me that he was afraid she would get angry or yell at him if he refered to my fiance as dad. I told him that was his choice and I would never let anyone take that right away from him. If that is what he chose. I also let him know that if he was not comfortable calling his bio father "dad" when they do meet, then to call him by his name. Am I wrong? They can't force him to refer to his father as "dad" can they?

Update:
When we had our first "visit" from the MIL at our house yesterday, the kids did talk to her. At one point, while being questioned on who helps him with his woodworking projects for 4-H my son began to stammer. I interjected with "his dad does". I am not married, but engaged. Their "step-dad" is who they call dad. We have been living together for 5 years. My son told me that he was afraid she would get angry or yell at him if he refered to my fiance as dad. I told him that was his choice and I would never let anyone take that right away from him. If that is what he chose. I also let him know that if he was not comfortable calling his bio father "dad" when they do meet, then to call him by his name. Am I wrong? They can't force him to refer to his father as "dad" can they?
No, legally they cannot "force" a child to call anyone Dad. However, even tho I understand your son's feelings you did make a mistake by YOU referring to your BF as "Dad". This is something that is sure to be used by your ex against you. Next time something like that comes up you should say- "my BF, who son calls Dad helps him", or "his step-dad helps him". There is nothing wrong with son calling your BF Dad, but since you are in a custody/visitation situation you need to remeber that from a strictly legal standpoint your BF is NOT Dad, nor is he even a step-dad at this point. Basically it's one thing for your son to call BF Dad, but if YOU do it it can cause all kinds of problems.

I was just trying to let my son know it's ok to say that in front of her. he was afraid. If I start refering to my BF as "step dad" in front of them won't that give them the impression that it's wrong for them to call him dad? I understand your point though. It's amazing how this makes you feel. I the good parent that has always taken care of my children have somehow moved to the position that I have to explain everything I do and "watch my back" from the drug dealer, who it seems has nothing to prove..It's so infurating!!

You know, I was in a similar situation while our case was still active with Children's Services. My step daughter would call me Momma as that was what she heard my children call me. When the case workers would do their monthly visits, or the Guardian Ad Litem would visit, she would call me this. (BTW, she was 2 1/2 at the time) At first this was a little awkward during these visits. It wasn't a problem with me and I did not encourage her to do it. I was afraid they would have a problem with it. I finally spoke to them about it and the jist of what they said was this: As long as I did not force her to do it and did not ask her to do it, it was okay.

Children need to have a sense of belonging. It gives them security to be able to refer to the persons with whom they live, as family. (mom, dad, brother, sister, etc...) If the father has a problem with it, as long as you do not force the kids to do this (and I doubt you do), there isn't much he can do except complain. If he is angry about it, it is likely based in his own recognition of his failure as a parent. If his mother does work with Children's Services, she should know this. If she has had any experience at all, she may not like it but, she should understand.

That's how I feel about it...Both kids have made that choice themselves. My fiance has been their "dad" for years now with no contact from their real father. He loves it...and thinks of the kids as his...
I don't want to offend the other parties, but I want my children to feel comfortable doing what they want.

That's how I feel about it...Both kids have made that choice themselves. My fiance has been their "dad" for years now with no contact from their real father. He loves it...and thinks of the kids as his...
I don't want to offend the other parties, but I want my children to feel comfortable doing what they want.

First of all I do hope that everything works out for the best. I went through something simular about 4 years ago. I have 3 children (they are 8, 7, and 5 now). They all have different "sperm donars" (as I like to call them). For the first 4 years of my daughter's life he was in prison (she is the one that is 8). When he got out he decided that he wanted to be a part of her life and I refused because he never tried before why try now right? Anyway, he took me to court to get visitation. I went into court dressed appropriatley and speaking with manners. At that time I was unemployed, a full time student, and no vehicle (of my own). We go to court and I say what I have to say. When it is his turn he sat slouched over in a shirt with the sleeves ripped off, jeans hanging off his a** calling the judge (a female) "man" and "dude" and saying "ya know" and s*** like that. Wouldn't you know the SOB got everything he asked for. I have to drive my daughter an hour away (half way to his house), I get $188/mo child support. He got her every other weekend and every other holiday. She did not even want anything to do with him but the same situation...she was only 4. I took her to a counseler because I thought that it would help to have a professional's views on the situation. (if it would have been a different judge he never would have gotten anything). But somehow everything has worked out for the best. Her father and I are able to work everything out on our own and he actually turned out to be a decent person to be in her life. We agreed that every other weekend during school was too much so she spends half her summer vacation with him. If something comes up to where he can't take her or I want her at a particular time we work something out.

My advice to you
Let this visitation thing with his MIL run its course. He was once a bad man but it really is possible for people to change. Give him a chance to prove that he really is worth being a DAD instead of a FATHER--I say that because a DAD is someone who loves the child unconditionally and supports him/her. He could have the potental to be a dad. Children need to form their own opinion of their parents (whether it be a good one or a bad one), your children need to be able to do this with him. Please, for your sake, do not verbally bash their father in ear's shot of them because that forms your opinion in them. I am not saying that you do that just giving you a heads up. I did it once and paid the price. They also need to get to know the rest of that side of the family. If you feel the need to put them in counseling do so. I personnally had bad experiences with them when I was a child but my daughter was really helped with everything by hers. Also, don't let their father see that all of this is disturbing you...one never knows if that is the true intentions. If he sees that you are fine with the kids seeing him he may just give up and you win in the end. And if he is really there to be a part of their lives be the better person and just let everything run its course. If the children still do not want to see him when they turn 12 they have the right to speak for themselves. But keep the counseler in mind because if you see a change in their behavior for the worst take them to one so that you have a "professional" leg to stand on in court.